In this week’s episode, we delve into a series of absurd stories that include a Florida man’s tumultuous day involving stolen meat, a fairground spat that leads to an arrest, and the Dow running afoul of Dolce & Gabbana. As we navigate these quirky tales, Dana adds a humorous spin on every revelation, highlighting the unexpected turn of events that make for headline-worthy pieces.
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Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast.
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It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
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All right. So a Florida man tossed $4,000 worth of stolen meat. when he found his girlfriend cooking with another man. What, girl, what you doing? Independent says the Florida man tossed $4,000 worth of stolen meat. He made off with an assortment, like tops, sirloin, brisket, beef, and lamb, said authorities. So what ended up happening, he’s a Cuban national. So is that a legal alien? He’s accused of stealing $4,000 from a number of different grocery stores of meat. Henaeus Renea. of Jacksonville. He was caught on surveillance footage stealing an assortment of meats and fiexins from two separate Publix stores, according to Flagler County Sheriff. Oh man, that’s a lot. Okay, over $1,500 of meat from one Publix. And then 20 minutes later, he stole over $2,000 worth of meat from another Publix. He was identified as the suspect. But then after, so he drove to his girlfriend’s house and he found she was cooking with another dude. So after, you know, he found that out, he was very upset. He tossed most of the stolen meat. And that was, yeah. So he was arrested for felony retail theft. And he’s in the, I don’t know what about the girlfriend. She moved on and was cooking with another man. So, you know, just saying that’s a lot of meat to get though for two people. Was he going to have a big old cookout? I’ve got questions. A man was arrested after groping a driver and causing a crash in Miami. Oh, for the love. This is in B.C. The victim lost control of the car and crashed. This was in Little Havana. That’s, yeah. Oscar Aguirre, 26. He’s accused of covering the victim’s mouth and groping her. She’s a driving service. She was driving him somewhere. And it made her lose control of the car and crash. and video shows it was caught on video like the crash and the aftermath um don’t know if anybody was injured he tried to flee later on football was caught in a parking lot so now he’s got battery culpable negligence exposure to personal injury uh he’s got his bond he also has a tro against the victim oh and he’s an illegal alien so he’s on a hold isn’t that interesting two stories Two stories back to back now involving involving a legal alien. A man was fired from his new job after he showed up in a bathrobe to collect his first paycheck after he was day drinking. Oh, I thought this was America. So it apparently was an office prank. He was still hung over and he drank heavily the night before his first payday, his first day off. Colleagues were like, sleep it off. But he showed up to work the next morning anyway, still hung over and wearing a bathrobe. And he ended up being promptly fired like days into his new job. Apparently, they didn’t like the spectacle of it. And yeah, so that’s yeah.
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Lisa got one paycheck.
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Well, yeah, he did. He got like the one paycheck. So there’s that. A Florida woman was arrested after alleged fair ride line dispute with a child. A Boca Raton. It was in Palm Beach County. They apparently got into a fight over a line at a ride at a fair. So a woman lost her temper. She thought an 11-year-old was cutting into the line. She grabbed and yelled at the kid. It’s a South Florida fair. Reyesa D’Souza was arrested, charged with battery and then resisting arrest without violence. So the girl stepped out of line to use the restroom with her parents and was trying to get back with her family. And that’s when apparently the woman grabbed her by the arm, pulled her backward, and the child ran back to the parents crying. And then the deputies arrived, found that woman still waiting in line for the ride, and they took her into custody. I would have whooped her. My gosh. Give me an excuse. I know. Like, what is wrong with people? It’s an 11-year-old kid. Their family’s there. They’re trying to get back with their family. There are some people out there that are very particular about the line, about the queuing. The folks who help make the program possible, it’s our friends over at Super Beats. You guys know the Super Beats Heart Chews for all-day energy and stamina. It’s a great product from a great Texas-based company. But they also have their turmeric chews, which I take every day, and I cannot recommend them enough. They taste great. There’s no additives. So there’s no added sugar. There’s no… It’s artificial anything. It’s just literally, you know, they have an orange citrus flavor. Everything is like from what it comes from, to put it in layman’s terms. But here’s the big thing. A lot of turmeric, I mean, really not a lot, but turmeric is difficult for the body to absorb and you have to take a ton of it to get it. you know, the serving that you would need to have that, to have an effect on your inflammatory response. So what they did is they developed this turmeric curcumin complex. It’s clinically studied and their particular complex helps to solve the issue of having the body, the body’s difficulty in utilizing it effectively because they made a more highly absorbable form. And that’s important, very important. So One of their turmeric chews, you’re going to get, it’s the equivalent antioxidant support of what you would find in large amounts of standard turmeric extract. So this is not just any turmeric, and it’s not just any kind of turmeric complex. It’s a clinically studied turmeric curcumin complex. And so you’re getting significantly higher absorption. You know the benefits that turmeric has on your body’s inflammatory response, supporting a healthy response, reducing those markers. It’s great tasting, easy to take. Like I said, I take it. My doctor loves that I take it. And you can try it for yourself at Sam’s Club. You can get the turmeric chews, clinically studied high absorption formula at Sam’s Club today. Grab your bag of human’s turmeric chews.
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Your reviews actually move us up in the charts. Yes, really. So tap follow, leave a rating and write a quick review if you have a moment. It helps the show reach a bigger audience and it means a lot. But I have to touch on this. I saw this last night and I’m looking at this and I was actually reading about a movie. It’s an Oscar contender because, you know, what is it that Timothée Chalamet has movie, Marty Supreme, that it’s about ping pong and I’m not going to say. I’m just not going to do it. You know how they do the whole campaigning to get a film, an Oscar? Normal people like us don’t care. But what I do think is interesting is that one of the women, one of the actresses in this film, they’re calling her like a legitimate rising star. And I think it was The Telegraph, which is a garbage publication, but still. And others were saying that it’s an overused phrase. But with her, for her specifically, it might not be because she really is a talented actress. Her name is Odessa Azion. And people are like, oh, her last name sounds like Zion. Now all of these anti-Semitic turds have been following her everywhere. She’s 25 years old. She’s Jewish. And people have been attacking her because of it. And it doesn’t matter, as you guys know, what you do. Like she’s come out and called for a ceasefire and she’s criticized Israel and she’s checked all the boxes that you’re supposed to check. But that doesn’t matter to Islamists because you are still existing as a Jewish person. And they will hate you as long as you continue to exist, no matter how many times you bend the knee. It doesn’t matter. And I just I was thinking, like, how insane is that? That this is so beyond this is why it goes so beyond just like disagreement. It is it is identity politics. And then as I was looking at this, I came across this story that’s over at I think it’s the New York Post. And it has to do now. Bear with me, because some of you guys out there are going to be like, wait, is she talking about women’s wear? Hold up. It’s not about women’s wear, though. So Dolce and Gabbana, they are two Italian dudes who run a fashion house. And it’s you know, they’re considered quintessentially Italian, like Valentino, who’s passed away just over the weekend. And Like Ferragamo and Gucci and things like that. Quintessentially Italian based in Portofino. They had a fashion show in Milan just recently. And they’ve had these like fashion shows, you know, in different places around the world in Milan. They were hiring because that’s where they were. Italian models from again it’s an Italian fashion house and they were hiring Italian models to walk the runway in an Italian show and one Italian show and so this one chick her name is Bella Hadid She’s a nepo baby. Her mom was one of the real housewives, whatever. Her dad is that Mohammed Hadid guy. He’s like some kind of Beverly Hills property developer who’s retconned his own history in Nazareth so many times. There’s an entire subreddit devoted to his ever-changing story. It shifts like the windswept sands. you know, however he can try to like present his family as victims or something. And he lied and said he was born here and he apparently was born somewhere else. Long story short. So this chick who didn’t become a model until after she had a nose job, which is true. She has been like a big Hamas Gaza advocate and she promotes and amplifies all the Pollywood nonsense, all the Hamas truth ministry lies. Like she promotes all of that stuff. And she apparently decided to go after Dolce and Gabbana, accusing them of racism, sexism and bigotry and said it was embarrassing and that their show was, quote, 50 shades of white because they had mostly Italian. And this was a menswear show. So it was mostly Italian male models. Again, it was Milan Fashion Week, an Italian house. They don’t take a code of models and fly them all around the world. They hire and source locally. That’s unless you’re a big time model. That’s like how it works. I have no idea how I know this, but that’s how it works. So they had a menswear show. It was a fall winter menswear show in Milan. They hired Milanese models. They hired Italian male models from that area for one Italian show. And she lost her mind over it because that’s all she does. All she does is bitch and moan and then promote Hamas talking points. That’s all she does. It is so annoying. It must be just exhausting to be incessantly aggrieved the way that she is. And all she does is complain and whine and do these things. And I’m just like, what is the difficulty in understanding an Italian house hires Italian models for an Italian show from an Italian area where the models are predominantly Italian? I mean, has she said this to, I mean, do you want to look at some of these other designers? Or do you want to look at Super Bowl halftime shows? Or do you, I mean, for crying out loud, why do we still have these Nepo babies practicing race codes? Because that’s what she’s doing. She wouldn’t even be on the runway if her parents weren’t who they are and she didn’t have a nose job. And those are God honest facts. End of. So I just like where do these people come from? And she was she’s like apparently like an influencer and all this stuff. And I don’t know the whole thing, though. It’s like a popular to go after Dolce and Gabbana because they’re not woke. Which is weird because it’s like two gay guys who are not dating each other that do this fashion line. And they love the female form. They make like stuff. I mean, imagine like Sophia Loren. That’s the type of stuff that they do, right? Like that classic Italian silhouette, female silhouette, that tailoring, all of that. You know, it’s like classic femininity. And they’re very non-woke. Like Karl Lagerfeld was very non-woke and a lot of people got mad at Karl Lagerfeld before he passed away. Dolce & Gabbana are very not woke. And the woke scolds, like the Hamas and Epo babies and all of this, have been trying to get them canceled now for 10 years. And it hasn’t worked because people like the stuff that Dolce & Gabbana makes, even though it’s super expensive and like, you know, maybe you can get a pair of sunglasses. Um, but it’s, you know, they make very, I mean, they make really pretty stuff and they appreciate the female form and they didn’t get into all the trans. So they didn’t get into any of that. Like a lot of these other places did. And I think that’s made them targets. But I just think that she needed to get a boost in name recognition. And so she decided to go on another screeching. you know, tangent about it. I’m just so tired of this stuff. It must be so exhausting to be so completely untalented and bitchy all the time. You know, good heavens. 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The U.S. and Israel killed dozens of top Iranian officials and pummeled the Iranian military into insignificance. President Trump smacks down the anti-war rhetoric of Tucker Carlson, Megyn Kelly, and others on the right, saying absurd things in opposition to the operation. And Jasmine Crockett blames Republicans for losing the Texas Democrat Senate primary. And the winner’s a real piece of work, too. I’m Greg Karambas, inviting you to join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the 3 Martini Lunch podcast. We’ll give you the top news, some good laughs, and we’ll be done in 30 minutes. Follow the 3 Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
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This makes me sad. Britney Spears was arrested for driving under the influence yet again. New York Post. She was handcuffed by California Highway Patrol in Ventura County, California at about 9.28 p.m. local time. And she was booked then at 3 a.m., released at 6 a.m., and she goes to court on May 4th. I really want her to get healthy. It is really sad to watch this. I mean, clearly, you know, she’s struggling with something. If you’ve seen the dance videos… Just saying. I think maybe there was a reason why she was under a conservatorship. Just saying. Not trying to be mean, but goodness. This is sad. Legendary college football coach Lou Holtz passed away age 89. He led Notre Dame’s Fighting Irish to their last national championship in 1988. The school announced this yesterday. He’d been having some health issues in recent months. He had moved to hospice care in Orlando, 33 seasons on the college sidelines. He went to I mean, he had a great record. A lot of it was in Indiana, but pressure with his family. But that’s a long, full life. That’s a good life lived. United Airlines is introducing something new to try to deal with passenger annoyances. But I don’t know if that’s going to help a lot. The new rule that was added to their contract of carriage terms under the refusal to transport. And so they’re saying that people who fail to use their people who are using who don’t use headphones to listen to audio or video can get thrown off a flight now. Also, like if you’re barefoot and putting your nasty, gross feet everywhere, that can get you thrown off a flight. I will rip you rip your toes off and throw them out of the plane midair if I see that happen. So I’m actually people do that. I have a story. I think I may share it with you before. But also, the nation’s top problem, government, according to a new survey. I agree with this, Cain. This is scientific and absolutely accurate.
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And still true.
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Yes. The majority of people say, yeah, the biggest problem, government. Absolutely true. Gen Z is flocking to Chinese medicine, which is great. So just don’t go to wet markets and get bat flu, right? Because their trust in the U.S. health system plummets. Xi Jinping’s plans are coming together splendidly. Stay with us. I watched, I told you that Netflix has decided to ruin The Burbs. Are you guys familiar with The Burbs? It is one of the greatest movies that came out of the late 80s. I was a kid when my mom took me to see this in the theater. And it has Tom Hanks, Carrie Fisher, Bruce Stern, who plays one of the best actors. characters ever. Corey Feldman’s in it. It is such a brilliant movie. It is about all these people that live on the street. They live on a cul-de-sac and these weird people, the clopex move in next door to Tom Hanks and Carrie Fisher who were married in the movie. I’ve seen this so many times I can quote it. I at least quote it once a week. And the neighborhood’s suspicious, right? And Ray who plays Tom Hanks or Tom Hanks who plays Ray He is like, you know, kind of his wife is telling him, stop, don’t be, you know, all into the conspiracy theories with this stuff. But he’s like, something’s weird. I got a gut feeling. And so Mark Rumsfeld, Rumsfeld is Bruce Dern’s character. And then you have Art, his neighbor Art, who’s kind of the troublemaker. Right. He’s the one who’s like, Ray, Ray, let’s go and look at the neighbor. Come on, Ray. And you have Tom Hanks’s character, Bruce Stern’s character, and then art. They all get together. And it’s adult men that do boy stuff. And it’s hysterical. That’s what makes it funny. The original, they were so stereotyped. It was just like Corey Feldman was the disrespectful, smart-aleck teenager on the street, right? Tom Hanks was the everyman who was just, you know, he needs a break from work. He’s stressed out. You know, his wife is trying to, you know, trying to tell him to be healthy and take some time off work and don’t stress yourself out, et cetera, et cetera. And Then you have Bruce Dern, whose Rumsfeld character is this very patriotic veteran. And, you know, the first time you’re introduced to this character, he goes out to the yard and patriotic, you know, flute and the pipe and drums are playing. And he puts up the flag in the morning and he’s got his trophy wife who’s in her marabou mules, the little furry healed mules. And they I mean, it’s hysterical. And then you’ve got the old man that lives across the street with a tidy lawn and he wears a toupee and he’s very fastidious and fussy. And I mean, it’s just hysterical. All these neighbors that come together and they sit on the porch at night and, you know, the men smoke the cigars and they’re talking about the neighbors and Art’s talking about how when they were kids, the ice cream man that lived in the neighborhood cut up his family. And it’s just hysterical. So you have it didn’t need to be remade. And now you have the burbs. This one. They followed the Noah’s Ark rule of casting, which is you get two of each like some bizarre United Colors of Bennington. Not that it’s a bad thing, but we know people tend to silo in real life for the most part. And it seemed try hard and nobody had chemistry. They tried so hard to be inoffensive that it’s actually offensive. And the characters were so boring. Oh, my gosh. They were so boring. And I think, you know, that’s they they. None of the actors had chemistry. None of them. They did everything that they could to make these characters as boring as possible so they couldn’t be accused of purveying stereotypes. But that’s the thing that made it funny in the original because the stereotypical behavior flavored each of these characters, right? And the way that they clashed and complimented each other was a hysterical symphony it was it was brilliant and now you have the roles reversed so the original was partly about boys doing crazy boy stuff but they were adult men and that’s what made it hysterical like you had bruce stearns character you know the the patriotic vet and he’s got all of his gear and he’s got his guns and his gear and his tactical stuff and they’re going to go over the fence and inspect the Klopek house and it’s hysterical and he’s sitting up on his rooftop drinking juice and eating animal crackers and then instructing the guys like Red Rover, Red Rover send Art on over. It’s just so funny. And now it’s women and it’s boring. So now Tom Hanks is a woman and her British husband is so boring and he has the personality of cardboard that I want him to die gruesomely just so I can be entertained. I couldn’t even make it to the first 20 minutes of the first episode. It was so incredibly boring. And here’s the other thing. I don’t know who the writers on the show are, but they are so lazy. I think when they die, their soul will be too lazy to leave their body. That’s how bad the writing was. They open up. This chick’s got a smartphone and she’s like FaceTiming her overtly stereotypical gay artist brother, which that was the one where they went so hard into the stereotype that normally I’m not offended in that way. But I’m like, that is so overwrought. And she’s got a smartphone. But she needs to Google the spooky house across the street. So what does she do? Doesn’t use her smartphone. She goes to the public library and sits on one of their PCs and Googles it. And then it like brings up this totally like sus 404 page that doesn’t exist in the Internet. I feel like whoever wrote that scene is somebody who had never Googled anything and has no experience with computers. It is so bad. And then I was telling Steve, every character was boring. They have two old lesbians, and I don’t even know if they’re a couple or not. I think maybe they are, but they’re so boring. And my experience is that one of them at least has a smart mouth, and they really didn’t. They were so boring. Everybody was so boring that you want all of them to die. You are rooting. You don’t even know who the bad guys are. You’re halfway in the first episode and the writing is so bad. It is worse than the wokery. The fifth word, I paused it and rewound it. The fifth word in the first episode was microaggression. You know you’re going to be going off a cliff when that is literally in the first sentence spoken. No joke. So do not waste your time. They don’t even respect nostalgia. They’re terrified to even hat tip to nostalgia in this remake. It is one of the worst things that I have ever suffered to watch. So I would highly encourage you to not. If you’re going to watch the Burbs, watch the original masterpiece. writing excellently within the first five minutes. You know who everybody is. It is so brilliantly written. They should teach a master class off that script. I mean, you know who everybody is. The pace is set. You’ve got the beat of the rhythm of the story. You know who the bad guys are. Immediately your hackles are up because you’re like, what is happening? You’re 20 minutes in, 15 minutes in, and you don’t even know who half these damn characters are. They’re so afraid to even interact with each other. So just watch the original because it’s genius.
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Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Americans are having fewer children, and Secretary of War Pete Hegseth takes the Arsenal of Freedom tour to critical sites. Find out what both mean for the U.S. on this week’s Liberty Nation Radio.
