Alissa Baranik
Alissa runs our social media and digital promotions. She's a Colorado transplant. In her free time, she enjoys reading, trying out new recipes, and painting pottery.
The weather is cool and crisp. The kitchen smells amazing. And everyone around the table silently stares at each other afraid if they say anything it could start an argument.
Do you dare say anything about the election or a message you heard recently at church? It’s silly, how today we dread having a serious conversation at the dinner table. And not with strangers mind you, but with family and friends.
You may think, “the best I can do is keep the peace, keep the conversation superficial, and keep my thoughts to myself”.
But is that really keeping the peace or is it preventing a relationship from building?
How do we know when keeping the peace turns into compromising our beliefs?
I believe there is a way to have a true conversation over the Thanksgiving dinner table without too many people being offended.
I’m not saying stir the pot by bragging about your chosen candidate winning the election.
But politics and faith will always come up in conversation, it’s just inevitable. But we don’t have to be afraid of it, it may even be an opportunity to share the Gospel with someone. So, when the conversation does get “controversial”, it’s important to understand where your disagreeing family member is coming from, and most of the time it’s out of fear.
The person is afraid and that is why they are responding negatively or angrily towards the conversation. So, with that understanding, it would be beneficial for you to speak in a calm manner.
Well, why would someone be afraid of Trump winning the election? Well for one thing they may disagree with Trumps plans (deportation, abortion, etc.). Additionally, the news media fear mongers 24-hours a day on how bad Donald Trump is; and besides President Trump, the world is in a rough situation with the war in Gaza and the Ukraine, the economy and unemployment rates it’s understandable why someone would be afraid.
The same goes for faith as well. In a world that is falling apart, if they do not have Jesus what hope do they have? When you look at someone who doesn’t believe in Jesus, remember how you felt before Jesus changed your life. Didn’t you have feelings of fear, anger and hopelessness. So, we must remember that when we talk to someone at the table that opposes our views it’s out of fear and lack of hope.
So, with that understanding in mind, how do we try to keep the peace without compromising our beliefs:
Before heading out to Thanksgiving dinner or if hosting before guest arrive, take a moment to pray, asking God for faithfulness, to see this family member as God sees them and for wisdom.
Listen, and I mean really listen, to their side. Make mental notes of questions you might have for them and try not to interrupt. Once the person is done stating their opinion, ask questions. It shows interest and makes the family member feel comfortable around you.
Personally, the best way to win a disagreement is to ask questions that get the opposed to realize they are wrong. Without you telling them anything, the oppose now take your side, while thinking they came up with that idea themselves.
Once your questions have been answered, ask if they would like to hear your thoughts. From there calmly, tell them your thoughts. By now you have shown them consideration, kindness, and interest so hopefully they will show the same to you. If they don’t and start to cause a fuss, continue to stay calm. In the end you may not get to say much about your thoughts, but you showed that person that not all (conservatives or Christian or what have you) are awful people.
What does the Bible say about this?
The Bible tells us:
“Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15:58, NIV).
Even if your conversation ends in agree to disagree, the conversation was not in vain.
God calls us to be truth spreaders, not people pleasers:
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10, NIV).
The truth might hurt those relatives’ feelings, but it would be far worse if they lived their entire life being told a lie.
Now with speaking truth, we must try not to get heated, The Bible also calls us to be peacemakers:
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” (Matthew 5:9, NIV).
Having empathy can be the game changer that wins that family member over to your side.
We must also know when to pull back, there are times are opposer will refuse to listen to anything you say or there are irate and causing a scene at the dinner table. Don’t fall for their tantrum, just close the disagreement then and there as The Bible says:
“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet and turn and tear you to pieces.” (Matthew 7:6, NIV.)
Maybe one day they will listen, but not today.
Finally remember to pray for the relative you disagree with, The Bible says to pray for our adversaries:
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17-21, NIV).
