In this engaging episode, we dive deep into the world of Florida Man, unraveling the bizarre stories that have captured the internet. From bass fishing in the streets post-hurricane to the unexpected comedic narration of a lawnmower cruising through a flood, listeners will find themselves both amused and bewildered by the quirkiness of these tales. As Florida continues to surprise us with its peculiar stories, we explore the lighter side of these escapades and what they reveal about society’s response to chaos.
Lights are going up, snow is falling down, there’s a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing, McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere, stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only
SPEAKER 03 :
McRib is here.
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And participate at McDonald’s for a limited time.
SPEAKER 03 :
Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.
SPEAKER 09 :
It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
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All right, so first up here. Because of the hurricane Milton people could catch fish in the street It’s actually not a bad gig be able to just like walk out your front porch and go catch fish in the street This was in College Park area two men caught a large bass on a flooded Orlando Road Yeah, and a dude in a riding mower came cruising down the middle of the street. I mean this all happened at the same time and Dude was bass fishing in the street and another dude was driving a riding lawnmower.
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It’s like a CNN weather report.
SPEAKER 05 :
No joke, right. Yeah, it’s like a CNN weather report. And he came cruising through right through the middle of the scene. And they had a news crew there. And he didn’t have a care in the world. And the guy released the bass back in the water. And he’s like, we came out here to fish after the storm. He’s like, you know, it’s… Not fun for people whose stuff get ruined. He’s like, you know, what are you going to do right now? Just, you know, everything’s flooded. You’re out there trying to, you know, this is all you can do. Too funny. This a bearded Florida man casually joined a women’s only poker tournament and he won five thousand dollars and got away with it. He used the anti-discrimination legislation so they can’t ban men from entering into a women’s tournament. So he ended up defeating the female lead and took home over $5,000, according to the Las Vegas Review. There’s a video of it. Some players were putting a bounty on him. They said, good luck, but not really. But yeah, he entered into the tournament and they couldn’t keep him out of it. Yeah, he did beat all the women. That is correct. He beat all of the women. This, can you… This story. Have you ever like had a dream and then like you’re mad at your spouse or something in your dream and you wake up and yet takes a second to realize you’re not dreaming and you’re like you’re mad at them for absolutely nothing. So this woman was charged with domestic violence because her okay, so she got mad at her husband and attacked him because there was a woman on television. They were watching television and the woman on TV reminded her of her husband’s former fling. It’s Coral Springs Police. They responded to the call at a residence. And the caller said a verbal argument between the spouses. The couple got, they had over, apparently the guy had cheated on her with this chick. And the, some woman on television, it resembled the chick that he had cheated on his wife with. And the wife got mad and attacked the husband. And that’s what happened. Yeah. And yeah, it was bad. She threw all kinds of items at him. She scratched him, bit him. I mean, he did cheat. But they said that he actually finally, look, he took her to the ground because she wouldn’t stop aggravating him and biting him and scratching him. So he forcibly took her to the ground and held her there. And then she tried to complain to the police that she was the victim because he had used force on her. Girl, you were scratching and hitting him. Like, what did you think was going to happen? Come on. So she was arrested and taken after they investigated. They’re like, yeah, you’re the baddie. So they took her to jail, Broward County Jail, of course. Like, what? I guess they hadn’t gotten past that. I guess they hadn’t worked through it. Two dudes tried to rob a construction site during Milton, and they deservedly got stuck. Oh. Oh, Winter Garden. They tried to take advantage of the state of emergency in Polk County. They were at a construction site. They were trying to load up on what they thought was going to be an easy steal. And now they got stuck. They actually got stuck in Polk County. Sheriffs arrived and they took them to Polk County Jail. Our partners that help bring you the program. Preborn is a great organization that helps out mothers as they are making a difficult. They’re making the decision. They got an unexpected pregnancy, unplanned pregnancy. And pre-borns are working out there to save lives in areas that see a lot of abortions. And so they meet these mothers. They offer them an ultrasound so they can hear their baby’s heartbeat and see their baby for the first time. And studies have shown that a baby’s chance for life doubles when that happens. But this is all made possible because you donate. It’s all donations. All of this is donations from people like you. And they have so many stories of women who chose life and then went on to raise healthy, happy babies and have you know, great families. And with pre born, they don’t just stop at the ultrasounds, they partner with women up to two years of life. So they’re there with maternity, and they’re helping with diapers. And they’re there when, you know, in a pinch when they when these women need it the most, and that just goes so above and beyond, and I think just showcases the dedication to life that Preborn has. It’s super simple and easy to donate. You just dial pound 250, say the keyword baby, and you can also visit preborn.com slash Dana to donate online. Every contribution counts, but that’s dial pound 250, say the keyword baby. You can also donate securely at preborn.com slash Dana and they’re matching all donations so your donation can go twice as far. Save a life this Christmas. It just starts at $28. Simple and easy. Preborn.com slash Dana or dial pound 250. Say keyword baby.
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Welcome back. Top of this third hour. Dana Lash with you. Find us over at Substack as well. Chapter and verse. And you can also check us out on Rumble, Channel 347, DirecTV, all that good stuff. I want to show you this video. Imagine you are in the grocery store. And in this instance, it’s a Walmart superstore. And you witness this in front of you as captured in video.
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Watch.
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It’s this little girl. Who is the annoying broad who’s going, you don’t know what she’s been through. Shut up. Tell me that you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids. This woman, you don’t know what she’s, what the hell, why does anyone care what, it’s not about what she’s been through. It’s about what she’s doing right now, her illegal criminal behavior in the store right now. That’s the issue. Where are her parents at? Everyone’s like, don’t touch her. Don’t do this. This enables this behavior. You’re not doing this kid a favor. Where’s this kid’s parents at? Why is she doing stuff like this in a store? You know, she’s feeding off of all that. All those people who are going, don’t touch her, don’t touch her. She’s feeding off all of that. And that’s part of the reason why she keeps going. Everybody’s watching me. Look what I can do. But this one woman who’s got to be there, anytime anybody tries to intercede, that lady gets involved. Just shut up, you and your bell-bottom yoga pants, and walk right back into the bread aisle where you came from. Good night. I’d have beat my kid’s ass if they’d done something like this in a store. So what do you do in this situation? What would you have done, Cain? You’re in a super Walmart, Cain, or any of you out there. You come across this right in front of you. You’re just trying to shop, you know, get your foodstuffs. What do you do?
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Wait, are we saying if that’s my kid or if that’s just a random?
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Oh, if that’s just what you see. Everyone’s like, don’t touch her. She’s throwing stuff. She’s throwing glass.
SPEAKER 09 :
Yeah, it becomes dangerous at that point.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah. What if she throws a glass bottle at your head?
SPEAKER 09 :
Well, not only that, but what if she’s walking around on top of said glass?
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What liability is that creating for the store if anybody slips and falls on any of this stuff that she’s thrown and breaking in the floor?
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Not to mention the actual loss of the products themselves.
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Right. Finally, there’s a man who goes over and intervenes, but then you got busybody, rowdy woman who comes over there.
SPEAKER 09 :
just shut up I don’t know like instinctually you’d want to grab the kid by the arm and pull him away from there and give them a nice physical you know like oh a little jarring it’s like oh what is this what’s going on here not an abuse not any sort of you know litigatable pain or suffering this is literally just a little jolt what you’re doing here is not what you need to be doing plus now it’s dangerous and so what I know for sure I would have said something to that woman
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Oh, yeah, I would have said something to her, too.
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Without a doubt.
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Oh, yeah, completely. I mean, you don’t know what she’s going through. That’s not validation. That’s not justification to destroy stuff and put other people in danger in a store.
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Yeah, you don’t want to put hands on someone else’s kid. You don’t put hands on anybody else. You don’t want to do that. The fact that she’s putting people in that position is a problem.
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I think if people don’t want their kids to get their ass beat from throwing around wine bottles in a store, then maybe they ought to do it themselves before other people will. That’s kind of how I look at it. Because I’m going to tell you what, your kid throws a wine bottle at me, I will beat your kid’s ass. I will be the parent that you failed to be. Absolutely. And then I will sue you for everything I can think of. And I will run you into deficit by occupying you in warfare as punishment for not parenting your child. And then your child will be taken and given to somebody who can raise your child better. So there’s a whole process. I mean, that doesn’t help the kid by, oh, don’t touch her, encouraging this behavior. People are afraid to parent anymore. Isn’t that wild? At one point, does anybody in that video go, where are her mom and dad? I mean, where are her parents? I mean, she comes off as an entitled brat. It doesn’t look like she’s on hard times or nothing. She’s dressed nice. It looks like she’s clean and fed. You know, I don’t know. But they’re like, oh, you don’t know what she’s going through. You can’t intervene. That’s not justification for any of it. A lot of people go through a lot of hard stuff. And I think it’s insulting and it’s weak to blame your circumstances for acting like that in public. There’s no excuse for it. There’s none. Absolutely none. You don’t just get to destroy stuff in a store. And I don’t know where her I kept trying to look and see. I don’t know. I couldn’t identify whether or not she had a parent there in the store. I mean, how would your mom just be or your dad just be watching you do this stuff? I don’t know. But that’s, you know, don’t don’t touch her. Oh, you don’t know what she’s been through. Well, what about all the other people there that are just trying to shop? What about what they’ve been through? You know, they’ve all been through stuff, too. They don’t want to be subjected to this stuff. They don’t want to have stuff thrown at them. They don’t want to watch this kid. I mean, what, you’re giving them room to destroy store product and throw around bottles of juice? It’s crazy. I mean, I don’t know. They… This is the kid knows that she was that she’s pushing boundaries in this video, clearly, which is why she’s she’s doing it. And all these people that are standing there like don’t do anything. She knows that she’s got the upper hand because everyone’s terrified to do anything. And then what happens when she’s allowed to destroy this stuff as a kid? What happens when she turns 18 and she tries this? Huh? Who gets the blame then? for her going to jail for property destruction or assault or something of that nature, then who gets the blame? You know, it could have been prevented. I mean, I don’t know. The woman who’s like, don’t touch her, don’t touch her. She’s part of the problem too. She also needs to have her A-double snakes beat. She’s part of the problem also. This kid needs to be in a juvie ward. I mean, the worker’s standing there doing nothing. You know, nothing. All the workers that are just sitting there looking at her. The man steps in and finally restrains her. The man. You got all these do nothing women standing there. And then the man has to step in and restrain the child. And then you got that mouthy broad that comes in. Shut up. Now, who’s going to pay for all the destruction? Who’s going to pay? Who’s going to pay for that? Who pays extra for cleaning up the broken glass? I mean, that’s entitlement. You’re destroying something that other people are expected to clean up while pretending that you’re the victim. Man, this kid’s already been failed clearly by their parents. This kid’s just a bad kid. She’s a bad kid. And then the woman who was like, don’t touch her. Is she paying for all this? I didn’t see that broad running her mouth. I didn’t see her getting down on her hands and knees to clean up the mess that this kid was making. Did you? I didn’t see her getting down to, I didn’t see her taking out her purse to get some money out of her wallet to pay for everything that was destroyed.
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And what’s even more upsetting is that now it’s completely reversed. They’ll call the cops on parents that are actually implementing discipline and won’t on parents who let their kids do what we just saw in that video.
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I never acted out in a store like this because my mother would have murdered me. And my kids didn’t do this. My kids only acted up one time in public. One time. That’s all it took. And I did the one, two, three count. And I think they remember it to this day. Because the youngest was being real… The oldest was being real… Wasn’t listening too well, being kind of dangerous, climbing up and jumping up too high. And I’m like, he’s going to break his legs off. Wasn’t listening. And then kept running around because the playground we were at, it was separated by a really low stone wall and you could just climb right over it and go out into the road. Youngest kept trying to go on the other side of the wall. I’m like, you have a whole playground over here. Why are you attracted to the street? Stop it. And I told him once, I was like, I’m going to give you a count. This is one. And I tell you again, and you don’t come in. When I get to three, that’s it. We’re going. It’s like, whatever. didn’t listen again, gave him a warning, counted. I said, one, still didn’t come back over the wall. Wanted to go and play in the street. Two, got to three, went, picked him up, screaming, hollering. It was like I was murdering him or skinning a cat or something. Got him and his younger brother in the car and we left. That was the, oh my gosh, it was just like, you know, a bomb went off, a bomb of screaming and shrieking. But it was the only time I ever had to count. And I was able to use the one, two, three thing literally up until they were like 16. So actually, I probably could still do it today. Come to think of it, because not only did I put him in a car, but I whooped his ass right there, whooped him, put him in the car. Let’s go. Oh, my gosh. It’s about to follow through. I literally never had to do it again. Ever. It was a magical thing. I’m like, one? That was it. Everyone was like, oh my gosh, she’s at one. Stopped. This kid? Jeez. This is part of the problem. I still, can I just, I’m going to move on, but the other thing that gets me are the workers. They’re women, too. I’ve noticed it. There’s the there’s only one what there’s there’s one man who’s kind of comes up towards the end, but he’s holding something. He was shopping and then a dad. You could tell that’s a dad. The dad comes, but not her dad. It is a dad comes in immediately when she’s throwing glass and he stops her. Kids like this who do not get their behavior corrected become problems for society. They grew up to be Hunter Biden. Yeah. That’s what happens. They grow up to be Hunter Biden.
SPEAKER 01 :
Welcome to Pro Tips for the Pros, brought to you by Florin Decor East Brunswick. In this series, we’ll explore essential advice for professional contractors to deliver outstanding renovation results. Let’s dive in. After completing the renovation, follow up with the customer to ensure their satisfaction and address any remaining concerns. Provide maintenance tips and guidance to help them preserve the results of the renovation for years to come. Thank you for joining us for this pro tip on planning thorough renovations. Stay tuned for more expert advice brought to you by floor and decor East Brunswick.
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Welcome to Pro Tips for the Pros, brought to you by Floor & Decor Parsippany. In this series, we’ll explore essential advice for professional contractors to deliver outstanding renovation results. Let’s dive in. Keep the work area clean and organized throughout the renovation process to create a positive impression and minimize stress for the customer. Regularly clean up debris and dust to maintain a safe and comfortable living environment. Thank you for joining us for this pro tip on planning thorough renovations. Stay tuned for more expert advice brought to you by Florin Decor Parsippany.
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A lot of people tolerate ordinary. Ordinary bathrooms, kitchens, entryways. Well, not on your watch. If you’re a pro, you’ve got a new partner in town. Floor & Decor. From tile to wood to stone, Floor & Decor has more styles and job lock quantities of Schluter, Mapei, Ladecrete, and other brands pros trust. Come see a whole new way to wow with Floor & Decor. Now open in Parsippany.
SPEAKER 09 :
And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
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An Oklahoma cannibal who killed a 10-year-old girl in a depraved plot is executed on his birthday. Yay! Kevin Ray Underwood. His fat backside was pronounced dead at 10.14 a.m. I love capital punishment for child predators and rapists. Yay! It was their fourth execution of the year because Oklahoma knows how to get stuff done. Oh, and it took place on his 45th birthday. So maybe Satan can have him blow a candle out in hell. Yay. Let’s see here. Dana, you’re so mean. No, I’m not. We got more. This is California. Oh, my gosh. I don’t like this. California squirrels. Squirrels are weird anyway. I don’t like their teeth. And now they’re turning cannibal in California. Of course they are in California. There are photos of them eating meat, y’all. And I mean, it’s gross. Like one of them ate a mole. That’s nasty. Oh, water. You really going to put that foot? Oh my gosh. It’s a squirrely meat. They said they’re supposed to be vegetarian, but they engage it because they’re jerks. You know that, right? Squirrels are the jerks of the animal world. Squirrels and dolphins. And some goats. They’re jerks, though. Squirrels are… I’ve literally had one throw acorns at me. Yeah. And I throw them back at them. I’m sure I look crazy. But, you know, they’re wild. But they said that in California, they’ve never seen this behavior before. And that they are eating actual meat. Like they’re acting like predators. I don’t like things that fly around in trees like that that eat meat. It’s weird. You’ve got to get a handle on your phone. So this porch, a porch pirate returns an item after a twerking video. What? So they said that police in New Jersey are searching for two suspects. They were caught on camera stealing a package off of somebody’s porch. They returned the item days after a video of them twerking and taunting during the theft emerged online. Yeah, that’ll do it. They grabbed, it was literally a package that contained four glasses and baby items. And then they taunted the resident on their camera by twerking. And they returned to the victim’s home because apparently they made him famous on the Webernets. I mean, those doorbell cameras, man, I’m telling you. The Vatican’s on the brink of bankruptcy due to due to a dramatic decline in global donations under Pope. I’m a communist. Francis’s leadership. That’s not shocking. I mean, you know, there’s got a lot. I mean, it’s evident people don’t want to give money to that because they don’t think that it’s doing the Lord’s work. You know what we’re all going to be into is we’re all going to be turned into we’re all going to be chased down by giant murder balls. That’s what’s going to happen. Giant murder balls are going to chase us all down. China unveiled an all-terrain spherical robocop to chase down, bludgeon, and catch criminals using net-launching cannons. Net-launching cannons. This sounds, like, hysterical. Huh? Yeah, I don’t know how. And listen to this. The bot beast, apparently they say they can not only stop crime, but they can somehow detect it too. I’m not afraid of this. Because you know what can stop this, right?
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45.
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Just saying. I’m not afraid of this thing. But they said that they’re relatively unbreakable. They call it the cop ball. It’s a murder ball. They have net guns, tear gas sprayers, grenades, loudspeakers. You know really what I’m looking at? Is I’m looking at a delivery service for free grenades and tear gas and sprayers. That’s what I’m looking at. You could catch one of these things and take it apart, couldn’t you? I mean, theoretically. And we’re talking about China, so I don’t have to worry about being nice about it. I don’t have to worry about it. It’s a giant murder ball. Now, some people thought it was a marketing stunt, but apparently they’re really actually trying to implement this thing. They wanted to replace humans in dangerous instances. It weighs four tons. Well, it said it can withstand a whopping four tons of impact. And it’s oh, it can go a whole 22 miles per hour. Great job, China. Your dumb murder ball. We found a way to do more of the communism with our murder ball. That’s what this is. We’re going to spread the sickle and hammer with our murder ball. I just want to know, where does it put the grenades in that? And does someone, I guess, what if it gets hit with an EMP? I still say it’s a thing of, it’s a grenade bomb. Delivery unit is what it is. Gives you some free grenades and stuff. They said the wheels can be locked so it can walk in a traditional way if it has to climb stairs. I mean, it’s a giant ball. Roll up them. I don’t know. This whole thing. They said it’s unstoppable even in extreme weather. And they have… They’ve been releasing videos showing it work. I don’t know. I still… I still think the robot thing is the creepiest. The one that the Tesla bought, that’s the creepiest. But they’ve been rolling them out. It’s only in a couple of areas, but they have these giant murder balls out there. The Chinese murder balls. If you saw one of these, well, first off, Cain, say you haven’t committed a crime, but still, if you saw one of these coming at you, what would your response be?
SPEAKER 09 :
Get out of the way. Thing looks like it could run over me.
SPEAKER 05 :
I mean, it only goes 22 miles per hour.
SPEAKER 09 :
Yeah, but I can only run like maybe eight or ten.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, but I feel like this is why everybody needs a scooter or something. Or like the ability to convert your shoes into whatever works with the… What are the things with the stick? The stick.
SPEAKER 09 :
The go-go gadget one?
SPEAKER 05 :
No, I have one. I have a mini version of one and I can’t think of what the name of it is. Oh, the Segway? Yes, like a Segway. Like your shoes can… I just feel like I could get away from it. I’d climb something or I’d shoot it. I don’t know. I could get away from it.
SPEAKER 09 :
Yeah, you could definitely shoot it.
SPEAKER 05 :
And then I’d take all the… I would literally strip it for parts.
SPEAKER 09 :
I want to see it in action actually doing what it’s supposed to do. Like walking with cops down the road, it’s not an impressive display of what this thing can do. I want to see it launch one of those, what did they say it had? One of those net things?
SPEAKER 05 :
Tear gas. I’m looking at the list. It can disperse tear gas, built-in net gun. Net gun.
SPEAKER 09 :
Stun gun. Imagine shooting the net gun at somebody and taking down this. I want to see that. That’s what I want to see from this Chinese commie ball. Murder ball. Murder commie ball.
SPEAKER 05 :
It’s a spherical robocop.
SPEAKER 09 :
Commie murder ball.
SPEAKER 05 :
That sounds almost like a band name I want. Commie murder ball. The robot is called Clone Alpha. It’s described as a musculoskeletal android. That’s the clone robot that they have, the Erie humanoid bot. This was just a giant ball of death in a Benny Hill kind of way. It does look like a Benny Hill cop. I can’t make fun of this enough. From China.
SPEAKER 03 :
Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SPEAKER 06 :
Lights are going up. Snow is falling down. There’s a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere. Stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here.
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Absurd Truth: Walmart Girl
In this engaging episode, we dive deep into the world of Florida Man, unraveling the bizarre stories that have captured the internet. From bass fishing in the streets post-hurricane to the unexpected comedic narration of a lawnmower cruising through a flood, listeners will find themselves both amused and bewildered by the quirkiness of these tales. As Florida continues to surprise us with its peculiar stories, we explore the lighter side of these escapades and what they reveal about society’s response to chaos.
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