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SPEAKER 02 : 0:15

Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.

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It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.

SPEAKER 03 : 0:30

So I’m trying to understand. So this is an NBC2 local affiliate out there in Florida. Cape Coral man was arrested after he claimed that his house was poisoned and attempted to break into another house. How do you poison a house? The victim was seen trying to open a lock sliding door on the back of the home. The victim said he confronted the guy, told him that he was armed. And that’s when the intruder ran away from the scene before officers arrived. The guy, Antonio Cruz Aparicio, he was attempting to gain entry into a home. He was yelling for help, saying his house was poisoned. They actually had a tase to get him under control. And they found his wallet at a separate residence. So He got charged a couple charges, burglary, resisting with violence. Yeah, that’s that’s kind of freaky. Just I didn’t even I mean, obviously, they probably did a mental health check on him. This let’s see. Oh, I got a couple of other ones. This is a Florida woman was arrested after she accidentally texted a sheriff’s department instead of her drug dealer. That can happen, I’m sure, to people like Octavia Wells, 41 years old. She sent a text message trying to get fentanyl before leaving town. Apparently, though, she accidentally texted a narcotics investigator within the sheriff’s office. And oh, boy, the investigator adeptly engaged her in conversation masquerading as her drug dealer arranged to meet with her. She went to the gas station thinking she was meeting her drug dealer, and instead she was met with a team of investigators, and she was taken into custody because they charged with a whole bunch of stuff. And I don’t know if buying with the intent to distribute was part of it, but I don’t know. This, let’s see, there’s a Lee County man that got in trouble for slashing tires following a road rage incident. 37-year-old Matthew Tobler. He was slashing tires of a vehicle, according to Lee County Sheriff’s Office. And he was making obscene gestures, hand gestures at nearby motorists. And when a victim said that he… Why would you approach the vehicle? There was an incident. A victim approached Tobler’s vehicle. He got out of the car, began threatening him with a knife, and then started slashing his tires before leaving the scene. So they were able to take… I mean, what the hell is wrong with… What is… I’m going to tell you what people can’t drive. That is for sure. I’ve got some stories. I actually have a story that happened to me over Christmas that I’ll share when I’m able to share it. But yeah, people cannot drive. And let’s see. And Saudi Arabia is pressing a Floridian. Well, a man in Florida to give up his U.S. citizenship over critical tweets. It’s a Florida retiree. He made social media posts critical of the crown prince. And apparently Saudi Arabia doesn’t have the same kind of, you know, speech. Interesting. Our partners are bringing you the program. It’s our friends over at Caltech. If you have not checked out the new five seven that they came out with, you got to. It’s the latest and greatest from Caltech. And they’ve changed concealed carry in 95. Now they’ve got the PR57 rotary barrel pistol. It’s chambered in 5.7. They’re just redefining the game. It’s the lightest, literally the lightest 5.7 I’ve ever held in my ever-loving life. It’s 40% lighter than the next lightest 5.7. It has a top-loading design, so it replaces traditional magazines with literal stripper clips. That gives it a slimmer carry profile, and you’ve also got a 20-plus-1 capacity. It’s kind of insane and awesome. all at the same time. It’s built to perform when it matters, and it’s engineered for simplicity and reliability. Quickest and easiest field strip that you can get. And MSRP is legit $399. It’s only $399. That’s insane. I mean, yeah, you can get it. Go get it. It’s the PR57, the new one from Kel-Tec. Kel-Tecweapons.com. That’s where you can go to learn more. K-E-L-T-E-C-weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. So the Oscars, they’re in a bit of a pickle. As it were, Cain, have you heard? I don’t know why I have to use that accent, but it makes it better. So there’s a Spanish language film I haven’t watched called Amelia Perez. And the actor who stars in it is a dude. Carla Sofia Gascon. It’s ma’am. And Gascon, the movie has gotten 13 nominations. And this guy got nominated for an Oscar. Oh, he did. He did. Mr. Carla got nominated for an Oscar. Oh, but there’s a catch. Mr. Carla got nominated for Best Actress Oscar. She sounds hideous.

SPEAKER 02 : 5:29

Well, she’s a guy, so… Yeah.

SPEAKER 03 : 5:33

Best… Actress Oscar. Yeah. And that was after the 2020 change in policy when the Academy of Motion Pictures, Arts and Sciences, they wanted inclusion and all this stuff. And you have to have Academy inclusion standards and things like that. So Amelia Perez has 13 nominations. And one of those is a dude who’s up for best actress. And GLAAD was not happy. They said that it is a step backwards for trans representation. They’re mad because they said that the representations in Emilio Perez, I’m reading their statement, are considered tropes in the portrayal of the trans community. But if you’re trans, you’re already playing to a trope. You’re a living trope. I mean, I’m not… If you want to do what you want to do on your own time, that’s fine. But don’t gaslight me. You’re a trope. You are patterning your identity after stereotypical characteristics. And in most cases, they are greatly exaggerated to a caricature effect. That’s a trope. You embody trope in order to be trans. And so… So GLAAD was saying that they were upset with it. The alphabet… So one of the memes that’s going around… Was it the Simpsons? I can’t remember if it was the Simpsons. So they have, there’s this gif where everybody puts their hands in a circle, you know, and then somebody has a peg in the center and somebody else’s hand scoots the stick away. So it’s all, that’s the LGB hands and then the T comes in there and all the LGBs brush the T away. That’s the, that’s the, there’s a reason for that because they’re livid. So the Academy is like patting itself on the back for this. And now you got a dude who is up for best actress. I kind of hope he wins just because they all deserve it. I hope the women deserve to be robbed for even going along with us. So that’s fine. Now, here’s the other thing. And Kane noted this. That Mr. Carla milkshake ducked himself, didn’t he? because Mr. Carla, I’m pulling this up, got really mad at the people in the gay and trans community that were criticizing his either performance in the film or his nomination for best actress. And the man known as Mr. Carla went off and I can’t even read the statement. uh yeah it was basically go do something unflattering to yourself you unflattering unflatterer that’s yeah that’s that’s the extent of it and apparently used they got mad because he used slurs what can you if you’re trans can you get in trouble for using a trans slur like if you’re trans can you say tranny If you’re a mechanic, can you say tranny? You know, talking about the same. So this, I want to see this just, I hope this explodes. I would watch the Oscars for that. Just to watch them all fight over that little gold statue, the golden calf, as it were. I’d watch the Oscars for that. Would you? Just to watch them melt down over clearly a dude. That dude looks like that chick on TikTok who runs down Republican women’s appearances. Looks just like her. face frozen baboon ass lips. I mean, it just boom right there. Anyway, you’re right. I hate everything. So just saying, I want to see them completely devolve into a slap fight at that. Achieving vibrant, youthful skin doesn’t have to be complicated. With the power of Native Path Collagen, you can nourish your body from within and enhance not just your skin, but also your hair, your nails. By incorporating Native Path Collagen into your daily routine, you can promote a plump, radiant complexion, reduce signs of aging, and boost your overall vitality, all without any unnecessary fillers or additives. Native Path collagen has only type one and three collagen, the most important types, making up 90% of your body’s collagen. No artificial sweeteners, just pure third-party tested goodness. It’s completely flavorless, so you can just add it to about anything, your coffee, your smoothies, oatmeal, or whatever you want. And the best part is that Native Path’s peptides formula makes it more bioavailable so it means your body will absorb it easily start your journey to healthier skin today get native path.com slash dana and stock up on native path collagen and save up to an incredible 45 off plus free shipping every order includes a 365 day money back guarantee don’t miss out head to get native path.com slash dana and now all of the news you would probably miss it’s time for dana’s quick five Oh, let’s see here. All right. First up, this intoxicated patron. who is outside of an adult gentleman’s place, really gentleman, bit a police officer’s thumb, got super in trouble. He doesn’t look sad about it. He’s from Pennsylvania. Intoxicated man charged with felony assault. He like bit the whole thumb off. How do you, what kind of jaws and teeth do you have that you can just chomp like that? That’s actually kind of terrifying. Think about it.

SPEAKER 06 : 11:25

Did it happen when he got tased?

SPEAKER 03 : 11:27

No.

SPEAKER 06 : 11:27

That would make sense.

SPEAKER 03 : 11:28

I mean, they were trying to get him in a cruiser. He placed his head through the sliding plexiglass partition and began shouting. And then he bit the officer’s thumb, leaned all his body weight into the back rear seat, causing more pain. Yeah, they had to taser him a ton, apparently, to get him to release. And then he had to go to the hospital and get part of it reattached. That’s terrifying. Hey, let’s see. This, ooh, the ultimate selfie has claimed 480 lives. I don’t know why people do it. Let them do it. It’s like self-cleaning ovens. I’m not kidding. The small Japanese city of Otaru, they’re hiring security guards to manage tourists because tourists are like falling off bridges and being stupid. But there’s also the Grand Canyon. Apparently that’s the world’s deadliest selfie spot. People literally fall off the rocks into the canyon all the damn time. I did not know it was so prevalent. They said that apparently between 2008 and 2021 alone, almost 400 people And selfie accidents have fallen like to their deaths. Really.

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Somebody’s campaign coffers really are struggling right now. So she going to keep saying trans, trans, trans so that people will feel threatened. And child, listen, I want y’all to tell me whether or not. Do not call me a child.

SPEAKER 03 : 12:50

I am no child.

SPEAKER 04 : 12:50

Don’t even start.

SPEAKER 01 : 12:52

I’m a grown woman. I’m 47 years old.

SPEAKER 04 : 12:54

I have broken more glass ceilings than you have. I am reclaiming my time. You will not do that. I am not a child. I am reclaiming my time.

SPEAKER 03 : 13:01

If you want to take it outside.

SPEAKER 05 : 13:02

Mr. Chairman, it could mean.

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Now, look, I’m not necessarily, I would say, a fangirl of Nancy Mays. But I’m not going to lie. First off, don’t sit here and slay Mace for that. Every single time somebody is acting a fool, every single time we got videos, somebody being a fool, and one of these here in the chamber like this, Jasmine Crockett, who’s from Dallas, is always one of them. Always one of them. Every damn time. It is always her. And that’s who it was. It was Jasmine Crockett, and it was Nancy Mace. Welcome back to the program. Bottom of this third hour. And she’s like, child, you know, whatever. And then she has the audacity. She’s the victim, don’t you know? Jasmine, I was pulling up this tweet. What did she say? Oh, she goes, if you want to see the difference between House stems and House GFA, watch this. Today, I introduced an amendment to reinstate the Oversight Subcommittee on Civil Rights and Civil Liberties. Oh, wait, sidebar. Oh, now you want oversight? And then she goes, my Republican colleague threatened to physically fight me about that. Oh, my gosh. Well, first off, you you were condescending to her. And if because Jasmine Crockett behaved like a condescending brat is why. And when you were speaking to her, she thinks that this makes her look good. And I just feel like, you know, people are tired of it. They just I think it’s like Mace and others were just tired of it. Somebody said we can take it outside. Now, she didn’t say she’s going to fight her. She just said we can, you know, like talk about it outside, maybe, you Or it was cash me outside, how about now? I mean, maybe, you know, was, could be. But I don’t know. I’ve got questions. Namely, why is all of her hair on one side of her head? But that’s number one. But number two, why does she always do this? They always instigate. And then when they get it back, they act like victims. Now, some people are saying, well, this is… You know, so unbecoming of these representatives, so unbecoming of them. Wait, this is where I it is not unbecoming. If you if you put some noise to bed, that’s not unbecoming to finally just I get aggravated about that because sometimes I stay real quiet, even in the face of, you know, unrelenting nonsense. And then finally, when I do strike back because I’m always harsh. Then the people, oh, that’s so mean. Well, you should have been saying something when these people were trying to instigate. So I don’t know. I don’t really think Mace is in the wrong here, do you, Cain? No. I don’t think she’s in the wrong at all. Why are some of them right clutching their pearls? I mean, for some of the stuff, like when she wore the letter A on her sweater, I was like, jeez, did you wear that because it’s tight? Come on. On this, she’s not in the wrong. No. I particularly love the giant cross earrings. I felt like they added some pizzazz to the whole scene. You know what I’m saying? I got some too, but they would get caught in my turtleneck today, which I’m going to wear in perpetuity right now until it stops being freezing.

SPEAKER 05 : 16:21

You can’t fight in those earrings.

SPEAKER 03 : 16:23

Oh, yeah, you can. You take them out.

SPEAKER 05 : 16:25

I don’t recommend. Oh, well, there it is.

SPEAKER 03 : 16:28

Son, you take them out. Don’t you call me son. I’m a grown man. Do you want to just take this outside? Oh, my gosh. Child. I would have. I don’t know if I would have said what May said. I would have been like, OK, listen up, fetus. I don’t maybe just like throwing it back in that way. I don’t know if I would have been like, let’s go outside. That was like her first response. Oh, yeah. Let’s go outside. Man, her and Crockett just Crockett never stops ever. She’s from Dallas. I forget who she replaced. Somebody worthless. I can’t remember. So that was, I saw that. I’m like, yeah, she’s really, Mesa really isn’t in the wrong here. Not really.

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Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.