Venture into an episode filled with unexpected turns and thought-provoking narratives, starting with the chaotic day in the life of a Florida man and ending with powerful social commentary. Dana Lash dissects the day’s events, from political standoffs featuring Gavin Newsom and ICE to bewildering state laws that dictate drinking rights in your own front yard. This episode promises to keep you entertained and informed as Dana tackles the absurd truth behind everyday occurrences, delivering sharp wit and insightful analysis on the podcast we all know and love.
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SPEAKER 13 :
Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.
SPEAKER 03 :
It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
SPEAKER 08 :
Well, a Florida man is in trial this week because he went out on a date and then had a dispute with his date over the dinner bill and then shot his date. What? Sounds like always sunny in Philadelphia. I swear. CBS says that Jamal Moreland is charged with attempted armed robbery and attempted first degree murder. He met his date on Grindr. And he apparently got mad and shot and killed the dude or almost killed the dude because they went to a bowling alley and a liquor store. What a date. Going to the bowling alley and then heading to the liquor store. There’s a date right there.
SPEAKER 03 :
Every boy’s dream.
SPEAKER 08 :
That’s like the non-gayest date I’ve ever heard. He’s a horrible gay dude. These are some bad gays. This is his year of bad gays. Going to the bowling alley and then the liquor store. What the hell? So he ordered food, wanted his date to pay. The date refused, and then Moreland became mad. And then he dropped Moreland off, texted him up, picked him up, and asked for $45, said he’d just gotten a ticket. And then apparently he decided to shoot the dude, striking him in the arm and chest. Good night. So he’s… That story has everything like this one. A man is shocked. I tell you, shocked because he discovered that he’s had he lives in Tanzania. He’s had a knife in his chest for eight years. Apparently, he’s had literally a large knife blade lodged in his chest for eight years. Now, wait a minute. This is is this a Florida man? It’s in my Florida man story. Maybe. Well, we’ll claim it is. But oh, no, maybe it’s a different one. Hang on. I may have messed up. All right. And I’m scrolling too much. Let me do this. Oh, 25 year old Florida man says he was driving 120 miles per hour because he thought he was racing the cops. OK, you can’t do that. You’re not racing them. They’re trying to catch you.
SPEAKER 11 :
Well, I think it’s pretty sick and pathetic. And it just said everything you need to know, the setting that we’re under. That they chose the time, manner, and place to send their district director outside right when we’re about to have this press conference. It said everything you know about Donald Trump’s America. And that was top down. You know that for a fact. They’ll deny it, I’m sure. Maybe they won’t deny it. It said everything you know about the authoritarian tendencies of the President of the United States. I said in a moment ago, wake up, America. Wake up. You will not have a country if he rigs this election. You will have a president who will be running for a third term. Mark my word. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that I received in the mail a Trump 2028 hat from one of his biggest supporters. These guys are not screwing around. The rules do not apply to him. The most corrupt president in history. He doesn’t believe in free enterprise, crony capitalism. He is wrecking this country, wrecking the economy. He’s a lawless president. Wake up, America. Wake up to what’s going on.
SPEAKER 08 :
I mean, it’s a meme. They’re trolling him, and he takes everything so seriously.
SPEAKER 07 :
Can you believe that one of his supporters sent me a hat? 2028 hat.
SPEAKER 08 :
Because they’re stunting on you, man. That’s why. Welcome back to the program. Dana Lash with you. We’re at the bottom of the second hour. My gosh, it’s Friday. There is not enough. We do not have enough patience to deal with that man-child today. Oh, my heavens. So Gavin Newsom, he’s having this press conference, and I just thought it was hysterical that he… a meme hat. I mean, anybody can make a hat, but he somehow took that to mean, well, he’s going to rig the election. How are you going to rig the election? What do you mean, midterms? This is what Democrats are setting up. No one wants them. No one wants them. They’re the annoying person at the bar, guy or girl, who won’t leave you alone. You know what I mean? Guys, you know what? Ladies, you know who I’m talking about, right? Just imagine. Men, it’s that annoying chick, right? She’s, you know, you don’t want to jump on that landmine. You’re not going to allow your friends to jump on that landmine, but she will not take no for an answer, right? Or ladies, the man who won’t take no for an answer. He keeps insisting on buying you a drink and he wants to talk to you. They don’t get it. Democrats don’t get it. They don’t understand that the American public is not into what they’re selling. It’s why they keep losing and losing and losing and losing. Nobody wants that. Nobody wants these policies. Come on. It’s just. But now he’s there. So he’s there and he’s whining. You know, he’s saying he’s what did he say that he’s he’s not for a free market. Free enterprise. He’s like the sister Hamas for Democrats. Gavin Newsom is, you know, George Stephanopoulos’ sister who puts on, maybe no one will notice, she puts on a habit and then spits poison.
SPEAKER 03 :
Gavin has less of a mustache, but yeah.
SPEAKER 08 :
True. But while he’s there, ICE got busy. They, well, Audio Summit 11, Border Patrol chief just, they were arresting people right outside the, of this press conference. This is hysterical. Listen to this.
SPEAKER 04 :
We’re here making Los Angeles a safer place. Since we won’t have politicians that’ll do that, we do that ourselves. So that’s why we’re here today. As you can see, already making it a safer place. We’re glad to be here. Not going anywhere.
SPEAKER 05 :
And you know, the governor’s inside right there. I don’t know where he’s at. He’s about 100 feet behind us. Do you have any comment from him or anything? Any message?
SPEAKER 04 :
We’re making Los Angeles and California a safer place. We’re going to continue to do that. And they can take that one to the bank and cash it.
SPEAKER 08 :
So Gavin Newsom has a press conference and ISIS shows up and starts arresting people who repeat offenders here illegally. I mean, that’s what happens. If you and I break the law, we get arrested. Why are people who enter the country illegally allowed to break whatever laws they want? That’s the question. So Karen Bass was very mad about this. So she shows up, audio sound by 10. My gosh, this is like a sitcom. All this stuff is happening outside, right? Kevin Newsom’s inside. I can’t believe it. Someone said they were going to send me a red hat. I mean, he’s going to steal the country. And then Ice shows up outside. It’s like a sitcom plus South Park. And they start arresting everybody. And then Karen Bass shows up from wherever the hell she’s been. And she sees all these ICE agents. Well, just watch.
SPEAKER 05 :
I do not believe that this just happened to be a coincidence.
SPEAKER 02 :
There is no way this was a coincidence. This was widely publicized that the governor and many of our other elected officials were having a press conference here to talk about redistricting. And they decided they were gonna come and thumb their nose in front of the governor’s face. Why would you do that? That is unbelievably disrespectful. It’s a provocative act. They’re talking about disorder in Los Angeles, and they are the source of the disorder in Los Angeles right now. This is just completely unacceptable. This is an administration, this is a Customs and Border Patrol that has gone amok. This absolutely has to stop. There was no danger here. There was no need to detain.
SPEAKER 08 :
They’re enforcing the law. So wait, if I don’t pose a danger to you, I can do whatever I want? Is that the new measure? I think so. Oh my gosh. There’s so many ideas that I have, Kane. If that’s the new standard for whether or not it’s considered illegal, then I’m going to run amok with that. Amok, amok, amok. I’m going to run crazy with that. If that’s the standard, well, whether or not it was dangerous for you. I’ll take those terms. Challenge accepted. She’s just mad because they got played. They got spanked so hard. And they made a big point about it. So here they show up. You’ve got Ice Swarming. There’s more. Audio Sunbite 9. They’re swarming. They’re arresting all kinds of people. Look at this. These are arrests right outside of his press conference.
SPEAKER 06 :
arrived just outside of the downtown L.A. venue where Governor Gavin Newsom was actually holding a press conference today. And it appears that those Border Patrol agents are making arrests, illegal immigrants. I don’t know if they were at this press conference, if they were in the area, but this is a very, as John put it when we first saw this video, a very in-your-face way to let, you know, Democrats know that you are going to do your job, that you’re going to carry out these Trump policies. Can you just respond to this video that we’re watching right now?
SPEAKER 08 :
I love it. I mean, they’re doing their job. Karen Bass is so mad because she’s not used to seeing people work. Our partners that will bring you the program are based in Florida. It’s Kel-Tec, the PR57, which they debuted last year. It’s a rotary barrel pistol chambered in 5.7, 40% lighter than the competition. And it’s MSRP is $399, so it’s very affordable as well. They have a unique top-loading design that replaces traditional magazines with stripper clips for a slimmer carry profile in a 20 plus 1 capacity. And it’s low recoil. Ease of use and accuracy is the goal. A super easy field strip as well. And the trigger, really nice. I mean, it’s a very nice pistol. It’s the PR-57 Chambered in 5.7 Rotary Barrel Pistol from Kel-Tec. Learn more at keltecweapons.com. Innovation Performance Kel-Tec. K-E-L-T-E-C weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you.
SPEAKER 12 :
Democrats say gerrymandering’s horrible, so of course they plan to do a lot of it to save democracy. Another government-run grocery store is a very expensive failure, big surprise. And there’s a huge divide between Republicans and Democrats over whether America is worth celebrating. And of course it’s the left that says no. I’m Greg Karumbas, inviting you to join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the 3 Martini Lunch podcast. We’ll give you the good, bad, and crazy news of the day, and hopefully a lot of laughs too. Follow the 3 Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SPEAKER 10 :
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SPEAKER 09 :
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SPEAKER 10 :
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SPEAKER 09 :
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SPEAKER 03 :
And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
SPEAKER 08 :
Foreclosures rock. They’re up in Vegas after some rip-off prices. But you know what? I was talking to a friend of ours, our Vegas Larry friend who lives out there. Why does everybody think that Vegas is just the strip? Like all of the Rat Pack stuff is outside the strip, you know, like actual Vegas. It’s all outside the strip. And that’s where they’re not like nickel and diming you for absolutely everything. Vegas, though, and a lot of it was previous Democrat policies where with the housing market. So they’ve seen some foreclosures. Some people said that Trump boycotts are also behind some of it. But what? That’s so dumb. That is so dumb. Clark County, again, all Democrat areas like Democrat ran. They had 200 default notices filed in June. But they said it’s high rates. By the way, the uncertainty, this precedes tariffs. This is just an excuse that they’re using. It’s so stupid. And any kind of reduction in tourism would be related. That’s still a tail off of the previous. We’re still not out of the Biden economic era. I don’t know why people think that we are, but we’re trying to punch out of it. But it doesn’t happen like that. It’s not a switch that you can just flip. We’re going to have to explain this with Carol Roth at some point in the future. Let’s see here. Apparently now they’re saying gay dating apps are threatening to expose Republicans. Wait, do they think that there are no gay like identifying as gay Republicans? I’m curious about this. Because there are actually a lot of gay Republicans. They’re going to try to use that Oberfell versus Hodges case. That’s going to be something they use as SCOTUS tries to figure out whether or not they take that Kim Davis case. But this argument that somehow you’re going to have dating apps that are threatening to expose Republicans in the face of this. I think all of them are pretty out there anyway. You know, that’s the thing. They’re all, I mean, everybody’s not like, ooh, this isn’t 1990, shut up. Let’s see, ooh, Shanae O’Connor biop is in the works from the Slow Horses folks. And I think it’s going to be called Nothing Compares. You know, Prince wrote that and then he gave it to her. He loved her voice and he wanted to hear her sing and it blew him away. So apparently they’re doing a buyout of Sinead O’Connor. And it’s the Irish production company that’s done Slow Horses, Power of the Dog, Lady Macbeth, all that stuff. So it should be pretty good. Also, let’s see here. Oh, my heavens. Would you do this, ladies? Woman has her late husband’s tattoo cut from his corpse and framed as a cool tribute. She says it does so much more than a picture. She doesn’t wear her heart on her sleeve. She wears her husband’s tattoo that was on his arm in a frame on her wall. They… It’s… Wow. It is… Yeah. It was his first sleeve tattoo and their favorite.
SPEAKER 03 :
Is it weirder than ashes? Because I think it kind of is.
SPEAKER 08 :
Yeah. I mean… I don’t know. They said they used a marker to outline the tattoo they wanted to preserve, and then the mortician carefully removed the skin, put it in a special preservation kit inspired by an Ohio company, and then they sent it off before his body was cremated. And it’s his. It’s very… I don’t know. I mean, everybody mourns differently, so I don’t know about this one. Are you tired of doctors telling you no? Can’t get affordable, off-patent medications? You’re not alone. All Family Pharmacy connects you with licensed U.S. doctors who approve prescriptions online, fast, legally, and without insurance gatekeeping. Get hard-to-access medications like ivermectin, starting at just $2 per capsule, now up to 25% off, plus Mabendazole, hydroxychloroquine, antibiotics, NAD Plus, the anti-aging injectable taking the country by storm. Order online in minutes and have it shipped straight to your door. Take back your health at allfamilypharmacy.com slash Dana. Use code Dana10. That’s allfamilypharmacy.com slash Dana. Code Dana10. So are you saying that I don’t have to follow the law? Oh, my gosh. I’ve already thought of five laws I’d immediately break, like, in the span of ten seconds, Cain. And I was sad that it was only five. It should be more than that. I should have at least two laws a second that I would break. Because we have too many. We have too many felonies. We have too many all kinds of stuff. I’m just saying. So, what law would you break, Cain? I mean, if that’s the new standard on the lot, by the way.
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, if I’m burgling something or stealing something like overnight, nobody’s around in some empty business, it wasn’t dangerous for anybody or me. So I would be able to get away with maybe even stealing cars from a dealership overnight.
SPEAKER 08 :
We have a… I’m not… I don’t want to say too much. There’s a neighbor friend of ours down our road that has the fattest… funniest looking chicken. And I won it. And they got loose one day. And I remember I pulled over on the side of the road. They were all these chickens were all over the road.
SPEAKER 03 :
And you opened up your door.
SPEAKER 08 :
Dude, I called my son. I was like, how fast can you run? He’s like, what? I’m like, I’m just down the road. And he goes, you mean run to you? And I go, no, like after you get here, how fast can you run? And he’s like, we talk about like, I got to get some chickens. He’s like, Mom, like, no, there’s some chickens in the road. And he’s like, are you trying to get them to safety? And I’m like, in my car? Yes. And He’s like, I am not doing that. That’s illegal. I’m like, hang up. Finders keepers. I see a chicken. It’s my chicken. I take that thing and run so fast. And then I crochet it some pants. I just want a pet chicken. My grandpa had a pet chicken. His name was Dumplin. I swear, hands, all hands. If I had more hands to throw up, I would. We ate it. I swear we ate that thing. I think she just got old and we ate it.
SPEAKER 03 :
Did you have Dumplin with Dumplin?
SPEAKER 08 :
My grandma would make homemade chicken and Dumplins. And one day Dumplin was no longer there. She used to sit on the porch doing with my grandpa and he would sing. Oh, gosh, what is that song? Cranbone. He’d whistle Cranbone and they’d he’d swing on the porch with this chicken and the chicken would do it. I swear to you. And he he would the chicken would bob its head and they’d swing and he’d whistle Cranbone for for dumpling. It’s the funniest thing. She would peck anybody else to death, but she loved my grandpa. Anyway. So, as you can see, early on I had a weird relationship with animals. So… So you, Steve, what law would you break? If you’re not hurting nobody, that’s the measure of whether or not the law, the legality of the law is determined by whether or not it may hurt somebody. What would you do?
SPEAKER 13 :
I’ve lived in Virginia most of my life and their open container laws are so annoying because the government controls every liquor or beer sales in the whole state. I just want open container just to walk around and enjoy my summer.
SPEAKER 08 :
Wait, walk around?
SPEAKER 13 :
With a drink? I thought you meant in a car.
SPEAKER 08 :
I was thinking that you were talking about driving. No.
SPEAKER 13 :
So you can’t even walk around with an open container? In Virginia, you have to drink your drink in a zoned-off thing with a rope with a liquor license to be able to drink it outside in Virginia. Wait a minute.
SPEAKER 08 :
What?
SPEAKER 03 :
You didn’t know that?
SPEAKER 13 :
No.
SPEAKER 03 :
Is Virginia in America? Yes. Okay.
SPEAKER 08 :
Are we sure?
SPEAKER 03 :
Weird to me.
SPEAKER 08 :
So… Okay, so let me ask. What if it’s like in a Yeti? Or not a Yeti. They suck. You can try and get away with it. What if it’s like a Staney?
SPEAKER 13 :
Yeah, you hide it, obviously. They don’t enforce it that much, but it’s annoying.
SPEAKER 08 :
You guys, the audience will have to forgive me. It’s Friday and I’m suddenly fascinated. So is it like just liquor or…
SPEAKER 13 :
If you’re in a public bar, you have to be in a zoned-off spot to have alcohol. You can’t just walk around.
SPEAKER 08 :
Lorraine just said, in Virginia, you cannot be in your front yard with a beer. Correct.
SPEAKER 03 :
No, what? What? That’s not real. Is that real?
SPEAKER 08 :
What? That is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. So, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Full stop. Everything. Everybody just stop.
SPEAKER 13 :
We need our Richmond listeners to chime in because that’s where I grew up.
SPEAKER 08 :
Richmond, what in the world? oh my so so say you’re doing some yard work right you’re cutting your grass you’re like weeding your flower beds you know in the summer in the summer it’s hot outside like my favorite pastime used to be to do some yard work have a cold one sit on my porch and watch my neighborhood and then i’d go inside and watch cops when it was on because that was the best show on tv and i learned so much about policing So anyway, you’re telling me that in Virginia, I could not do my yard work, weed my garden, pop open a cold one, sit on my porch and watch the street. I could not drink a cold one on my porch and watch the street. I’m not in a car. I’m in like a chair or a swing. Is that what you’re telling me?
SPEAKER 13 :
They don’t enforce it that much. If you’re out at like a bar bar, you can’t walk in the parking lot with it. That’s essentially what they’re talking about.
SPEAKER 03 :
Is there no nuance, though? Like, you can be on your porch, but you can’t be in your front yard? Probably. Like, can you be on your porch, but not be in your front yard? Like, this is all sounding really weird and crazy to me. How are you not, in your own property, able to do that? I don’t get it.
SPEAKER 08 :
Oh, my gosh! It is! Including a front yard if it’s visible to the public. It’s a Class 4 misdemeanor. And so Lorraine adds, yeah, in the backyard, have all the beer you want. In the front yard, no.
SPEAKER 03 :
Are you… Well, how do I get… What? What if I go to the front yard with a beer?
SPEAKER 08 :
What if you only have a front yard?
SPEAKER 03 :
Because I threw the football over the house into the front yard and I had to go get it.
SPEAKER 08 :
What if there’s like a monster in your backyard and you’ve got to stay in the front? Oh my gosh. Oh man. And I’m not even going to go to Reddit because everyone’s like, my neighbor got ticketed from drinking on the porch. What?
SPEAKER 03 :
All right, so hear me out. If you put your front door in the back door and you just switch them, can you make your front the back? Like, can you make your front yard the backyard, technically?
SPEAKER 08 :
You know what? I mean, if a man can say that he’s a woman, I mean, I’m sure that you can say my front yard identifies as the backyard.
SPEAKER 03 :
That’s the spirit in which I’m asking.
SPEAKER 08 :
Wow. Wow. This is wild. I just looked to see if they had a castle doctrine law in Virginia. Interesting. They have a version of it. So I’d be like, I’d put a castle doctrine sign in my yard, sit on my porch and drink my beer. I cannot believe I did not know this. So Steve gives… So that’s right. I would break that all the time. Yeah. So, well, the other thing is, too, depending on whether or not you can enforce it, technically, you’d have to put it in, like, a stanny. Right. And what is somebody going to do? Like, they’re going to be driving by, like, wait a minute. You look like you’re drinking a beverage. It’s in a stanny. My stanny is locked. You got a warrant for that? Look, it’s locked. It’s locked up. What?
SPEAKER 03 :
I’d have a big inflatable beer on my front lawn. That’s how I’d break the law.
SPEAKER 08 :
And pretend to drink the big inflatable beer?
SPEAKER 03 :
Well, no. I’d actually not pretend and drink real beer.
SPEAKER 08 :
I would literally dress up as a PBR for Halloween and just walk all around. I would actually do that as an open PBR. Just a troll. I cannot even believe this in Richmond. That’s crazy. We have a big affiliate out there. I am floored. I cannot believe I didn’t know this.
SPEAKER 13 :
I thought y’all were free. PBR is the number one market. Richmond, Virginia. Fun fact.
SPEAKER 08 :
Are you serious? I just like the bottle shapes, red, white, and blue, you know? I mean, it’s interesting. Woo!
SPEAKER 13 :
Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Absurd Truth: Trump’s Ultimate Newsom Troll
Venture into an episode filled with unexpected turns and thought-provoking narratives, starting with the chaotic day in the life of a Florida man and ending with powerful social commentary. Dana Lash dissects the day’s events, from political standoffs featuring Gavin Newsom and ICE to bewildering state laws that dictate drinking rights in your own front yard. This episode promises to keep you entertained and informed as Dana tackles the absurd truth behind everyday occurrences, delivering sharp wit and insightful analysis on the podcast we all know and love.
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