SPEAKER 02 : 0:00

Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with The Good News, here’s Angie.

SPEAKER 03 : 0:08

Hello there, friend. We are excited to have one of our authors back with us because she’s written so many books and she’s interesting. The book is When a Woman Overcomes Life’s Hurts, Cindy McMenamin. Welcome back. Thank you.

SPEAKER 05 : 0:22

Good to be talking with you today.

SPEAKER 03 : 0:24

I also want to talk to you at some point, too, about When Women Walk Alone and then your new book we’ve talked about a couple of times. So why don’t you mention that one as well?

SPEAKER 05 : 0:34

Yes. The New Loneliness.

SPEAKER 03 : 0:35

Yes. The new loneliness. We’ve talked about that. So tell us a little bit about when a woman overcomes life’s hurts. Give us kind of an overview.

SPEAKER 05 : 0:42

Well, this is a book I wrote several years ago, but it’s still helping women get out of that place where they felt stuck. Over the years that I’ve ministered to women, I’ve come to believe there are two types of women. There are women who are clearly stuck from unresolved pain in their past. And then there are women who have given that pain in their life to God and allowed him to use them through it.

SPEAKER 03 : 1:06

So what a beautiful way you described it. What a beautiful way to describe that. Just that they’re stuck in it and it’s like mired. It’s, you know, quicksand. It’s, you know, they can’t get their feet out of it. And then the other one is allowing God to use them with their experiences.

SPEAKER 05 : 1:24

Exactly. Notice how I didn’t say that there are women who have had pain. I mean, life is about experiencing pain. If we’re going to be in a relationship, there’s pain. It’s a part of life. But what do we do with it? And I think that that really impacts who we are today and how we can bless and encourage others.

SPEAKER 03 : 1:40

Well, I know you get, you know, promptings, reasons to write these books. So what led you to write on this particular subject of overcoming life’s hurts?

SPEAKER 05 : 1:49

Well, I was talking to a women’s ministry director and longtime friend of mine. And by this time, I had written about 12 books. And I said, you know, I kind of really don’t know where to go next. What do you feel? is a woman’s greatest need because, you know, she was rubbing shoulders with women every day and a large church in women’s ministry. And she said, I would love to put a book in their hands that would just show them how to get out of that place where they feel stuck, because there are so many women who are just stuck in the same pain patterns, the same dysfunctional patterns, the same hurts. And I’d love to see them just, you know, know how to, to be released from that. So I, I, At first, when I started writing this book, I thought, wow, the pain in my life doesn’t seem to pale in comparison to what is out there. But rather than looking for the worst of the worst stories, I started just running into these women who were amazing women. Their eyes just shone with light. They were positive, encouraging, and they were making a huge difference in other women’s lives. And I said, tell me your story. And that’s where I found some of the worst of the worst pains. So some of the most amazing women that God was bringing my way to interview for this book had really been very sunk in the pit. And as I heard their story and what they were able to do to get past their pain, those became the 10 steps to healing and wholeness that I include in the book, because they were common with all of them. They all had to go through certain steps, certain places with God to get in the place where they were today.

SPEAKER 03 : 3:31

So you didn’t go to the homeless shelter or the abused women’s shelter or out in the streets to find the worst pain. You found the most amazing women who had dealt with their pain.

SPEAKER 05 : 3:41

Yes. One of them was sitting right next to me. I just happened to go to a different place to get my hair cut because I got a gift certificate. I never would have been there otherwise. And the girl in the chair next to me heard me talking about a book and she said, we should get together and I should tell you my story sometimes. And her name is Sharon. Her story is in my book. And she now runs a women’s wellness center for women who deal with all types of cancer because she had a very rare type of cancer and really believed she was going to die in addition to, you know, a diagnosis of saying, oh, you’ve only got about a year. And that was 12 years ago. But just betrayal, childhood abuse and sexual abuse and all sorts of horrible things. You’d never know it. This woman is amazing. And she doesn’t look like a wounded woman. She looks like a healed and whole and complete woman.

SPEAKER 03 : 4:33

Now, when you do this, because you’re the author, Cindy, do you have them write their stories down or do you write their stories down?

SPEAKER 05 : 4:40

So many of them I met with face to face to interview them. I wanted to know something about their lives. I wanted to verify that they were real. In the case of Sharon, she actually had me read through some of her old journals that she kept as she was as she was dealing with the pain. Some of them, a lot of them filled out a survey for me. Then I followed up through a phone conversation and also talked with other people in their lives. And it was fascinating. A whole bunch of them I found while I was speaking for a women’s retreat in the Salt Lake City, Utah area. Some Christian women and some of them who had come out of just a lot of bondage and hurt. filled out that bright pink survey of mine, and I followed up with every one of them. And just being out there speaking, being among a lot of people, I was able to get those stories, and then some people referred me to others. Looking back now, yeah, it’s amazing how I found these women, but wow. what incredible stories they have of God’s redemption in their life.

SPEAKER 03 : 5:46

What a neat thing, too, to be able to, you know, highlight all these stories of, you know, overcoming, you know, these pains and, you know, God working in your life to use them for good. In your book, you talk about a threefold approach to the healing process, and you talked about 10 steps just a few minutes ago. Can you talk a little bit about the healing process? Yes.

SPEAKER 05 : 6:08

Yes, that threefold approach. And it’s also the three sections I’ve divided the book into. The first step is to uncover the wounds. I have a self-assessment test in the back of the book to help you see kind of where you’re wounded. Because some people say, you know, I don’t have wounds in my life. I’m just fine. But then how they respond to some of these statements kind of lets them know as they’re going through that test, wow, I didn’t realize that was still impacting me. After we uncover those wounds, the next step is to unravel the lies. many times we are still wounded because we’re believing something about God or ourselves that isn’t true. And so I then have the reader look to Scripture for a proper understanding of who God is and who you are in His sight, and that can help release us from some of those wounds. And then the final section of the book is Unveiling a New Heart, and that whole section is focused on not our hurt, but on helping others who have been hurt in some of the same ways or similar ways. And as we pour into them, that is often where God completes more of that healing process in us. So in one particular chapter, I just give like, this is an example of some practical ways to deal with wounds from your past. And I tell the reader, list what’s lingering inside of you. A lot of women journal through their thoughts and their hurts and their prayers and their questions, and that’s helped. Sometimes just making a list of those hurts, then looking—because that’s a way of getting it out of you and onto paper, another way of releasing it. I’m not going to hold it down and inside anymore. And then looking to Scripture to reshape your understanding of God, and then letting God examine you and show you what needs to go. Sharon, who I used as an example earlier— had prayed Psalm 139, 23, and 24 over her life. Search me, O God. Know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts or my insecurities or my fears and see if there be any harmful or wicked or twisted or distorted way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. And that was another process in her healing steps.

SPEAKER 03 : 8:31

So writing them out, and that makes sense to me, to really see them in a concrete manner, to write them out and then pray over them. What other, you know, kind of go through a process and give me like an example of maybe someone, it doesn’t have to be a real person, but how you would go about overcoming with your process.

SPEAKER 05 : 8:49

Okay. So Sharon was one that I included in Chapter 2 and the, let’s see, that one might have been chapter three uh well uh for one thing uh like in uncovering the wounds okay i look at at certain uh certain um beliefs or lies that we believe and so like the first chapter is called this wasn’t supposed to happen that’s where we get stuck right and that yes yes this wasn’t supposed to happen yeah this plan for my life it didn’t go this way And the healing step there is realizing there’s a reason for your pain. And I actually have the reader in one column write those hurtful things that happened, and in the other column write those things they are thankful for today because of that. Well, that divorce was really hurtful. The fact that I was rejected was really hurtful. But in the right side, God brought another man into her life to love her, and she has three beautiful children in this redeemed, restored marriage. But she’d been focusing over there on the hurt in the first place. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was never supposed to be divorced. So that kind of gives us perspective. Another statement we stumble over, another feeling, why did I have to hurt like this? And that whole chapter is on reshaping your understanding of God. Again, looking to the Scripture to reshape who you really believe about a What you believe about God, He is not like that abusive father. He is not like that man who betrayed you. He’s not like the disinterested parent. What does Scripture say He is in His forgiveness, in His loving kindness, in His enduring patience? Here’s another one. Where was God anyway? We all have situations where we’re like, God didn’t come to the rescue. He didn’t protect me. And some of that hurt is really because of what we’re struggling with in what God allowed in our life. And the healing step there is rejecting the lie that he didn’t care. I’ve got the story of a woman who went through all sorts of horrible things during her childhood, but looking back now, she realizes, oh, wow, there was that time that man came into the room, and it’s like God’s covering was just over me. He looked at me straight in the eyes, and he turned around and bolted out the door, and we never saw him again. What was that? She goes, I’m looking back, and I’m saying God was there. I just didn’t realize his protection was at every turn. And now I’m able to see it now that I’m in a relationship with him. Go ahead, keep going. Oh, go ahead. No, no, you go. I’ll never be completely healed. That’s another wounded feeling that we have. And in that chapter, I talk about a woman who had an abortion and had a really hard time believing that god had forgiven her she believed in god’s forgiveness but he figured her sin was too much and the healing step in that chapter is re-examining the healing power of the cross and with her we had to open up god’s word and i had to show her um that birth in psalm um i believe 103 12 As far as the East is from the West, so far has he removed your transgressions from you. And we took pink heart sticky notes and we wrote that verse or the words as far as the East is from the West. And we put them everywhere in our house. She would look when she began to have those feelings. We put one on the refrigerator. We put one on our bedroom mirror. We put one in the hallway. And I said, until you read this and realize you were not the exception when it came to God’s forgiveness. You are already healed in him the moment that you asked his forgiveness and asked him into your life to make you new again. He doesn’t keep bringing that back. You’re the one who does. And that friend is released today from that. She knows his forgiveness is real in her life, too.

SPEAKER 03 : 12:58

I love it. I know there’s a Bible study that women do with other women who’ve had abortions in terms of healing. I can’t remember what it’s called, but one of my friends used to lead it. And it’s just so healing for them. And I know with your book. and healing in general, that a woman’s personal relationships improve. And you talked about someone getting remarried. I think it’s a very difficult thing to remarry and have a healthy marriage if you haven’t worked through all of these hurts or maybe just jump in the same kind of marriage. So when a woman experiences this healing, can you talk about the improvements in their lives, which I’m assuming one of the number one things is their personal relationships with their family, friends, loved ones? Yeah. Oh, wait, we have to take a break. I’m so wrapped up in my interview with you. We’ll be right back with the good news.

SPEAKER 01 : 13:57

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SPEAKER 04 : 14:51

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SPEAKER 03 : 15:05

Hey, it’s the Good News with Angie Austin. Cindy McMenamin is back and we are talking about her book, When a Woman Overcomes Life’s Hurts, Cindy McMenamin. And we are talking right now about when you have worked through the healing process, this threefold approach to healing she talks about in the book, that I’m assuming that a woman’s personal relationships improve if you want to have healing. You know, if you’ve been divorced, you want to have a good marriage. If you want to get along with your children and lead them to having healthy relationships. I’m assuming that that is what comes out of reading her book and in healing in general. Can you talk about that, Cindy?

SPEAKER 05 : 15:40

Yes. And every single one of these these stories of these women who overcame life’s hurt. that the place where it started was meeting God right there with their hurt. And as they grew in their relationship with him, it then grew outward. As they realized that his love is that description in 1 Corinthians 13, his love is kind and patient and loving, that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things from 1 Corinthians 13. As they began to then mirror that love toward others, once they understood what God’s love was like toward them, That’s where that change began. Also, as they began to invest in the lives of others, in other words, instead of being so with our thinking inward, when we’re dwelling on ourselves and our pain, we get further into ourselves and our pain. But when we begin to invest in the lives of others, we begin to heal in incredible ways as well. So it was finding that relationship with God and knowing how he loves us. imitating that love toward others. And then I think in every one of these women’s lives, it was realizing what God had done for them. And they said, I want to help somebody else see this love that brought me out. And that principle from 1 Corinthians 2, 2 and 3, where we’re told that God comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others with the comforts with which He’s comforted us. In other words, now that God has healed me, I want to share that with others. And in the last chapter of my book, I revisit every woman whose story was in the first nine chapters of the book and talked about where they are today and their ministry to other women isn’t necessarily in a church, but it’s ways that they are now helping others who’ve been in similar situations as them. Just an incredible thing, because as we pour into others, God then pours into us. I think that’s a really important component of the healing aspect is moving beyond ourselves and saying, now, how can I help somebody else who’s been in a similar situation as me?

SPEAKER 03 : 18:02

Yeah, that’s the wonderful growth that comes out of that, the flower that blooms out of the pain is being able to minister to others. You know, there are lots of books, obviously, about healing, especially, you know, in Christian women’s ministry. What do you think kind of sets your book apart? Why did you want to write this book and how did you want to approach it differently?

SPEAKER 05 : 18:23

Well, I addressed those 10 steps to healing and wholeness in each of the chapters. Helps a woman works through one of those steps in a practical way. So first of all, you’re going to come out of this book in a different place than when you started. So it works on forward movement from one chapter to the next to address those different reservations, those different things we feel when we’re stuck, and give us a way to get out of that. Also, just that self-assessment test to make you aware of some of your own wounds so you can see right up front where you need that help, And then the book also includes questions and reflections and application steps for both individual or group studies, because many times healing happens in community. As you mentioned, that small group of women who are with other women who have been hurt in the same way. And so I’ve got those group questions as well. And instead of giving you just theories or psychology questions, I share real stories of real women who found real help through a real God.

SPEAKER 03 : 19:28

You know, in all your years of being in women’s ministry, writing all these books, talking to all these groups, what would you say is the number one hurt that a lot of women struggle to overcome and that a lot of women approach you with?

SPEAKER 05 : 19:41

You know, years ago, it was the daddy wound. I was running into so many women who never really felt loved by their father. And I felt my task at that point was to let them know of their heavenly father, their spiritual daddy, who gave his life for them. More recently, I think that number one hurt that women are struggling to overcome is regret. Whether it’s the regret of something they did… Again, abortion or betraying their spouse, not giving that first marriage the chance it could have had. Sometimes they find Christ later in their life, and they regret how they lived the first part. But mostly wounds they felt responsible for. Sometimes it’s the regret of not trying enough in that relationship with their parent, and then their parent died. And, you know, just dealing with that hurt. as if it was their responsibility all their life to try to be able to have a relationship with a parent who maybe never really tried to have a relationship with them. So just that regret, and that’s exactly why I have that chapter in there of I’ll never be completely healed or I’ll never be completely restored. We often blame ourselves. We’re very critical. Women can be very self-critical. We often blame ourselves and shame ourselves for things that God has covered us. And He’s removed from us. And that’s that new life that we can have in Him. And when women are struggling with them, with that, I often just encourage them to just get real with God and say, God, I need you, your healing and your wholeness, because I’ll never be anything apart from you. So give me all of you and make me whole. When we start having that mindset, then we realize that we have Him. When we have this indwelling Holy Spirit, We have that healing already. We just need to realize it’s there.

SPEAKER 03 : 21:40

Now, in writing this book, and if you’re just joining us, Cindy McMenamin is talking about her book, When a Woman Overcomes Life’s Hurts. And, you know, it’s about the healing and wholeness that God has for you and discovering that. Had you already healed some of your own personal pain, or did this book help you with that? Can you talk about your own personal experience?

SPEAKER 05 : 22:01

Yeah, as I started interviewing women again, I started thinking, wow, you know, I guess my pain really pales in comparison. But I realized, you know what? To God, your pain is your pain, and it is just as important and precious to Him as anybody else’s. And I dealt with this. I grew up with an alcoholic father. My parents then divorced, even though I was raised in the church. But I learned early on that my foundation is Christ the Rock and His Word. So going to His Word and having to do some of these things myself I had already been in that place, but as I wrote this book, God always meets me right where I am and makes sure that my books are very credible and so that my examples are not just everybody else’s, but they have to be mine too. So there’s always more refining that he’s doing in me as I’m writing a book. So he did expose to me just some areas that I still needed to give to him and say, Lord, I’m kind of holding on to a little bit of resentment here from this. But I need to give this to you and realize that you’ve taken care of that. And so I guess, you know, like we’re kind of like an onion and God continues to peel out more layers. There are more layers that I discovered in the wounds that I had. And, you know, healing is, you know, I said we are already healed, but there’s that process where we constantly, I think, need to bring it before the Lord because we can easily slip back into a hurt, into a resentment. into a place of unforgiveness, where we have to then constantly give it to God and say, Lord, this is yours, you took it. I have a chapter that looks at the myths we’ve believed about forgiveness. Like, you can forgive and forget, God does that. Many times we’re not able to forget, and that’s why we just bring it back to God and say, Lord, I know you forgave me of this, or I know I forgave this person, but Lord, just renew that work in me so it’s not something that begins to stem up in me again. So I think, you know, just Scripture tells us that God will complete that work He has begun in us, and many of us feel unfinished while we are whole in Christ. I believe it’s a continual process of every single day, surrendering to His Holy Spirit and saying, Lord, help me to walk. in the newness of life that you’ve given me and not fall back into these patterns of the past that can so quickly happen if I’m not remembering whose I am and who loves me more than any other.

SPEAKER 03 : 24:49

You know, when people listen to you, I’m sure there’s a reason right now that someone’s listening to this and it’s an eye-opener for them, a wake-up call. So what encouragement would you give to someone listening who is hurting right now and feels stuck?

SPEAKER 05 : 25:05

Let me just say, no matter where you are, no matter what you’ve done or what has happened to you, you are not beyond repair. God knew about it all. And in His love and in His sovereignty, there is a reason why those things happened or are happening now. There’s nothing touches you that hasn’t first gone through His loving hands. So will you trust? He is good. He is loving. And he is able to redeem even that pain and make you whole. Just give it to him and say, God, I want to discover what you have for me through all of this. Many times we discover our purpose through our pain. And there’s a beautiful work God wants to do in you.

SPEAKER 03 : 25:50

What about, you know, we discussed like how it’s like you’ve been in pain, you heal that pain. Someone reads your book and they invest in the lives of others. And it’s like that flower that comes out of the pain, the Phoenix that rises. So what is the benefit of investing in the lives of others that you’ve found? Because really you’ve made a career out of doing that.

SPEAKER 05 : 26:13

Yeah. You know, I think in, in many ways, um, I feel that that’s an automatic response when we really grab hold of the grace and love that God extended toward us. When He pulled us out of that pit, you know, Jesus once said, you know, the one who’s been forgiven much forgives much. The one who, you know, the deeper in the pit that we’ve been and the further we’ve been pulled out, the more grateful we are for that redemption. And Every one of the women, again, that I interviewed came from a really painful situation, and every one of them has been healed. And the common element in that was every one of them now serves others in a very similar way in which they were hurt. So sometimes it’s just a matter of getting our focus off of ourselves and our hearts, looking around, listening to others, and even being able to offer to somebody, you know, I’ve been there. and I’m still working it through, but I know God’s there for me. That could be the first step in somebody else’s healing. As you begin to just share with them, there is hope. There is a healer, and he cares about you too. It can be very encouraging to us to be able to encourage others.

SPEAKER 03 : 27:36

I totally agree. What’s next for you? I know you’ve got your new book, and you’re promoting that, so talk a little bit about what’s going on right now.

SPEAKER 05 : 27:45

So, yeah, the new loneliness just released. And this September, the new loneliness devotional will be released. And I’m very excited about that. It’s a beautiful hardback five by seven size devotional, short devotional chapters with a prayer at the end of surrender. And it’s all new content, but based on that concept of the new loneliness. And the sections are on connecting with God, connecting with your heart, and connecting with others. So I’m excited about that coming out too. And in the meantime, I’m out speaking and continuing to coach other writers who want to write their story or the book God has put on their heart.

SPEAKER 03 : 28:27

Excellent. Well, I want to make sure people that can find you and reach out to you. So what’s the best website, Cindy?

SPEAKER 05 : 28:34

Strengthsforthesoul.com. Strengthsforthesoul.com. They can contact me there. I always get back to Website visitors, if you have a question or you just want to say hi, I’d love to meet you.

SPEAKER 03 : 28:45

Excellent, Cindy. God bless you. Always a pleasure to have you on the show. Thanks, Angie. Thanks a lot.

SPEAKER 02 : 28:51

Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.