In this enlightening episode of The Good News, Angie Austin is joined by the insightful Jim Stovall to discuss one of the longest-running studies in human behavior. They delve into what truly brings happiness, debunking the myths of fame and fortune, and celebrating the importance of meaningful relationships. Jim shares his personal anecdotes about friendship and how the value of genuine connections outweighs materialistic desires. Meanwhile, Dr. Cheryl Lentz voices her concerns over the growing epidemic of busyness in society and the importance of slowing down to cherish life’s simple moments.
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SPEAKER 01 :
Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with The Good News, here’s Angie.
SPEAKER 06 :
Hey there, friend. Angie Austin here with The Good News along with one of my favorites, Jim Stovall. We’re talking about his Winner’s Wisdom column, Pursuing Happiness this week. Hey, Jim.
SPEAKER 05 :
Hey, it is great to be with you.
SPEAKER 06 :
Great to be with you as well. I know a little bit about this, so give us the lowdown just on the basics of this study about happiness, because I’m fascinated by this.
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, there was a study done, and it is the longest human study ever done in behavioral science. And that’s my academic background is in psychology and sociology. So I found it fascinating. And it started 80 years ago. And they took a group of… Harvard students and a group of underprivileged young people in the Boston area and they started studying them and they studied them throughout their life every two years they would do surveys interviews they would take blood tests do brain scans they’ve done everything and it’s continued with their children and grandchildren and everything and you know they wanted to figure out what does it take to make people happy you know and we all want to be happy what does it take to be happy And I’ve said for years, you need something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to if you’re going to be happy. But to be happy, they found that they interviewed people in their 20s, like, what do you think is going to make you happy? And they said, well, fame and fortune. If I had a lot of money and I was famous, then I’d be happy. But then they interviewed those same people when they were in their 50s, and they said, what makes you happy? Well, no, money does not make you happy. And those that were famous, and there have been some very famous people in the study. John F. Kennedy was actually one of the people in the study years ago. And they said money doesn’t make you happy, and being famous actually contributed to being unhappy in many cases. But they found what made people happy were quality, wonderful relationships. That’s what really made people happy was happiness. creating those relationships and having those things. And it’s typical of the human experience. The things we think matter don’t, and we have a tendency to major on the minors and forget the major stuff.
SPEAKER 06 :
You know, I’m actually reading this book that you recommend. Well, I should say listening. I do a lot of the Audible at night. But you recommend the book in the article, and I’ve been listening to it on Audible. Because, you know, we all think, you know, hey, you know, I want to be happy. Like, what is it, you know, what constitutes that? Well, it’s The Good Life by Dr. Robert Waldinger. Thank you. One thing I really that stood out to me with people, like you said, who are poor, who are famous, who are rich, who weren’t rich. And first of all, their commitment to this, like some of the elderly people that have been doing it since they were young, who continue to do this, you know, well into their 80s, etc. Just really were committed to passing on the information about their family and. I guess I wasn’t really surprised that it had a lot to do with connections and relationships. And it’s interesting because my husband always tells the kids, you know, daddy doesn’t need any friends. He’s got mommy. Mommy’s his best friend. But I have more friends. But I would say not as many as many of my girlfriends. I have lots of acquaintances, but the people that I’m, you know, pretty close to. I think it gets complicated, Jim, when you’ve got three teenagers right now and so many events, and I’m a team mom for something, and I’m traveling with the club team a lot, as you know, like three or four times in the last month and a half. So it makes it more difficult to keep up some of my long-term connections. So sometimes I look at my phone and I hardly get any texts from people outside my family. And I think, wow, I’ve got girlfriends who are getting 50, 60 texts a day. But I guess my relationships right now or my ministry right now, it’s very much focused on my family. So I’ll have more time for my other friends, which I still make some time for, you know, in the future. When I start to feel like I’m kind of friendless, you know, then I just think of my husband and I feel better.
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, yeah, you know, here in the 21st century, we’ve kind of changed what it means to be a friend. And we’ve kind of watered down that definition. We call a friend somebody that clicked on, you know, on our website. post we had, or a friend is, all these other things. And, you know, I think you’re lucky if you go through your life and have, you know, five good friends, amazing, amazing friends. You know, I have a guy that’s been in my life for 40 years, and he is difficult, abrasive, obnoxious, you know, and he remains my friend. And, you know, and I… You know, people have asked me why. And I always tell them, well, I’ve got a lot of friends. But, you know, when I lost my sight and I moved into this little nine by 12 foot room, I thought I’d never leave the rest of my life. Everybody I thought was my friend, man, they were gone.
SPEAKER 01 :
Wow.
SPEAKER 05 :
But I know one guy that came and he visited that little room more than once. And I’m always reminded of that great scene, apparently it’s true, in the movie Tombstone about Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday. And there was a reporter doing a story about Doc Holliday. And he was getting ready to go out and fight what became known as the gunfight at the O.K. Corral. And, you know, he asked Doc Holliday, why are you going to go out there with Wyatt Earp and his brothers? Oh, wow. And that just is such an amazing concept because, you know, we really need, and I’m not saying we should minimize our acquaintances and the people we tangentially touch, but, wow, we’ve got to really core in on, you know, what’s a real friend? Who can you call at 3 in the morning? You know, who are the people that, you know, they are the real deal. And, you know, we need to make sure we keep those relationships fed and watered at all times.
SPEAKER 06 :
I think it’s a really important point to make that you keep those relationships fed and water because you still can keep like I’m doing a group lunch. I call it the good news gals. It’s some of my like you’d be an honorary good news gal because it’s the people who come on my show regularly. We get together like in a group and there is one guy, Eric, and he’s like our honorary good news gal. And anyway, like five, six of us, we get together maybe quarterly, you know, for lunch. And it is like the best day of the month because we just share our lives and we’ve known each other for years. I’ve been doing this show for about 12 years now and we just have built these connections and it’s wonderful. And I’ve seen those connections really pay off when one of us has had like a tragedy in our lives or, you know, a need or something. Oh, speaking of good friends, Jim. how often you might i know that you’re very close with the you know your colleagues you’ve had people working for you for decades but um i um i have a neighbor it’s the second because i got covered this week as you know this is the second time she’s made me soup in a month and i’m not talking like a couple of cans of soup i’m talking like she’s persian their family’s persian and greek like their food is the most amazing food in the united states of america And she makes me this soup that’s got lemon in it and like chicken and big chunks and fresh. Everything’s fresh. It’s so amazing. And just the fact that she’ll spend two or three hours over a pot to cook for me is just like, who does that anymore?
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, you know, I’m sure if I ask her, it was a great day and a great experience. I mean, she thinks she got more out of that than you did. And that’s the amazing thing about these relationships and being a friend. You know, and all those things. And I am, by the way, very honored to be an honorary Good News gal. It’s a big thing in my life now. I’m going to put that on the wall here. You need a certificate. And I have to tell you, you know, the Girl Scouts of America in the state of New York adopted my book and movie, The Ultimate Gift, and they have an Ultimate Gift badge. And I’m no big deal here, but when I’m in New York, I am an honorary Girl Scout right there. And that’s a big deal to me.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah. Can they make an outfit your size?
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, yeah, I’m having a few wardrobe challenges on that. But I got the badge, at least. I got the badge.
SPEAKER 06 :
There’s a little vest with badges. I love that. I love that. So in terms of, you know, the Harvard study and this book, The Good Life, you know, I thought it would be more, I don’t know that there’d be a magic pill per se, but it kind of boils down, doesn’t it, to the three things you said we need to be happy. You know, a purpose is something to do that, you know, we enjoy. Someone to love. And something to look forward to. And I would add, and pets, because, you know, I’ve gone from one to five.
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, yeah, and you are certainly solving the world’s problems and overcrowding and that, and we appreciate that. But, you know, and I agreed with you when I finished the Harvard study and got to the end. I’m thinking, where’s the big magic key silver bullet? And then I realized it’s like most things. Dorothy goes to Oz and comes back and realizes there’s no place like home. Or I wrote for one of my movie characters, you know, wisdom is like going home to a place you’ve never been before and finding it all new again. And, you know, you realize you already had it. You had it all along. We go trying to find something we’ve already got, and if we’re not careful, we lose it on the way.
SPEAKER 06 :
You know, we’ve talked a lot over the years about like experiences, you know, and the things that it’s sad to think, you know, because my son will be a senior next year. They’re all be in high school that at some point in time, my brother reminded me. I think I mentioned this to you that pretty soon it’ll be our last vacation with, you know, everyone, you know, whether, you know, on their school break or whatever. And these little memories come up on my phone because I’ve got about 40,000 pictures on my phone. And I don’t like to like this. They’re in the cloud, but I like to have access to them. So my phone makes me videos. So one popped up today that said, buy the water, you know, over the years. And as I was looking at the video, I realized that it had trips to like our when we went whale watching in Monterey. The coast of Oregon with family, Padre Island during COVID where we’re there for a month, you know, so we really got to like kind of live there. Lake Mack in Nebraska where we water skied and stuff. And oh, that houseboat trip to Kentucky where I was the only one that could water ski and the kids are like, how can you do that? And I’m like, here I am, you know, like 50 water skiing. And then several trips to Florida and L.A. Like it was just like all of these places and every single photo that popped up of the kids at different ages. I knew exactly where we were, like when Riley was flying off of this tree rope, like super dangerous, I’m sure, off of a cliff into the water, off of a rope. Right. And he’s like flying through the air, smiling. And I’m like, the joy on his face is like unforgettable. You know, that picture. He’s just like… I don’t know, 15 feet above the water or something. It’s just ridiculous. But every single picture brings back a memory. And those are the things, the experiences that we’ve had that have brought me so much joy.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, absolutely. I mean, psychologists have known that for years. I mean, if you buy something, you know, within hours or days or certainly weeks, You know, the new is gone, and it’s just not that big a deal. But an experience you keep with you for the rest of your life. And I think it was Susie Orman that said it first. People first, then money, then things. And if you can keep that in that order, you’re going to be in great shape. Prioritize people first, and then money. She’s big on saving and investing, then stuff.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, I think the joy that comes from that saving and investing, and I think you and I have talked about this, is security. You know, my husband and I are both very similar in our – well, he’s even more, I think, frugal than I am. But having grown up so poor, you know, low-income housing and mom on, you know, the graveyard shift and, you know, single mom. And it’s just, yeah, we didn’t have anything. We could barely get the Buick fixed, you know, when it was time to – You know, if that broke down or like in high school, people would call the house and say my phone was disconnected multiple times because mom couldn’t or didn’t pay the phone bill. You know, and that’s embarrassing. Your friends are like, why is your phone cut off again? You’re like, oh, because I’m poor. But, you know, anyway, I just think that the security is what enough money to have enough money to be secure. And for me, maybe to travel, you know, that’s always it. We just got our passports. The girls just applied for their passports yesterday. So finally, we’re going to be able to take them on some international adventures, which they’ve never done.
SPEAKER 05 :
Well, I tell you, those are great. And it’s always good when you’re in another country to get off the beaten path. And, you know, the beaches and the resorts, all that’s great. But you go a few miles inland or wherever and you see where the real people live. in the Caribbean or South or Central America or Asia. And boy, the kids will get a brand new experience on how great is America.
SPEAKER 06 :
No kidding. No kidding. Well, jimstovall.com. Jim, always such a blessing to have you on the program. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER 05 :
You’re the best. Thanks.
SPEAKER 02 :
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SPEAKER 06 :
Kenyon City is listening to the mighty 670 KLT. Hey, it’s Angie Austin with the good news, along with my good pal, Dr. Cheryl Lentz, the academic entrepreneur. And recently we’ve talked about the illness of busyness, how it’s such a big problem in society and in families. And Cheryl, you are a professor. It’s the end of a semester and you are seeing like maximum busyness and people are pushing it too far, right?
SPEAKER 04 :
Absolutely. I see a lot of students who I’ve been hinting throughout the semester that, you know, you need to look at this. You need to look at this. You need to look at this. You need to call me. A five minute phone call could have improved their grades every single week, but they don’t want to take the time. And now I have students that are on borderline plagiarism issues. I know it’s not intentional. I know it’s ignorance, but it’s plagiarism nonetheless, because they’re not taking the time to slow down and do what’s required. And there’s an awful lot of that going on right now.
SPEAKER 06 :
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah. I got to remember that one.
SPEAKER 06 :
I talked to all of my kids and I said, my friend, Dr. Lentz, is a professor. And she says all these kids try to get into her office hours at the very end of the semester because they want to bring up their grade. And so about six weeks ago, I circled grades that my kids could potentially bring up because at their school, I love this, Cheryl. I don’t know how you feel about it, but it’s kind of a new thing where the school views learning as we want you to learn it. We don’t want you to fail a test and move on. So they allow test corrections. They allow test retakes. They allow you to redo like an entire assignment and try to do a better job. So, yes, it’s double the work, but it’s also double the learning. Like if you fail that you did not learn it. So they give you the opportunity to bring your grades up. Now, in the case of my youngest, she’s pretty much an honor roll student. I don’t really have much to, you know. tackle with her but with the other two they have numerous assignments to redo and they have like kind of a in high school this organizer teacher and he emails me this spreadsheet and it’s like all the assignments they either have missed and haven’t done yet or that they need to redo or a test they need to take And it lays it out, each class, each teacher specifically, and then they do a checkoff when they get these things redone. And they do give them kind of like college study time, like study hours. And so it’s pretty cool that they really have time to study at school. And so, to be honest with you, they don’t study much at home, which makes me a little suspicious. I think they could bring those grades up a bit, but… So they could take a D, like one of my kids has a D right now and something. And so she is redoing things. And I said, hey, it hasn’t come up yet. She goes, mom, trust the process. I’ve redone 12 things and they just have to grade them. So she said, just relax and trust the process. But, but I said, my, my friend, Dr. Cheryl Lentz says all these kids wait till the last minute to come in, to get their grades up and to do what’s necessary. And she says, it’s too late. Like you guys need to go in two months, not two days before the end of the semester.
SPEAKER 04 :
Exactly. I mean, case in point, I have a student right now who we do not have independent study courses, but he tried to submit five of his weeks and assignments all in the last week. And he did a really piss poor job because he didn’t have the ability to look at week Four and then redo it. And then we look at week five and then to have that steady process throughout the term. If you try and complete all of them without that learning mechanism, all I did was do the same mistakes and five different assignments all at the end. And that’s really not allowed. So the challenge is, is that I do appreciate that at the high school level. I offer my students a one-time pass in all of my classes, regardless of level, for the ability to say, hey, I knew this is something that you probably, and I’ve been doing this for 23 years, I can recognize malfeasance usually from intention, right? They’re not planning to do it, but they’re just not slowing down. They’re not taking the time. They’re not taking the details in there. And so I’ll offer them a pass. But after that, I have to reintroduce them to the real world. The real world is not going to give them that second opportunity. Their boss is going to expect them to get it right the first time. And I will tell you, I lost a hundred thousand dollar job because I didn’t get my proposal right the first time. So it’s a double edged sword that I think it’s good skills to prepare them for. But to be careful that as they get into the real world in college and beyond that, we don’t offer many opportunities to reduce. We just have to be a little bit careful that they’re going to come to expect that expectation. So good, good news, bad news kind of thing, you know.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah. Good news, bad news kind of thing. Yeah. Well, you know, I’m thrilled that this is, you know, going, you know, better for me with giving them your advice and just kind of getting on them because I’m emailed their grades every single night, all three of them.
SPEAKER 04 :
That’s great because that’s a project manager’s opportunity as it’s going on, as opposed to what happens in my classes is they kind of like, oh my God, it’s the end of the semester already. Well, now I have to negotiate and I don’t want to have to pay for another class. And And now the panic sticks in. We have this plan your work, work your plan. And that’s what you’re teaching them is have a plan at the beginning of the semester. And then every day you’re just work your plan, work your plan. You just, you know, it takes a little time and set up at the beginning. But then every day, you know, you’re supposed to do and you don’t have to stress about trying to fit, you know, eight hours into a one hour schedule in week eight of the semester, you know?
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah. All right. So what else are you seeing with busyness with these kids? You mentioned a sleep issue.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, I have a good friend of mine. She just released her national podcast and it scared me and I just sent her an email the fact that she was going and going and going and going and her book comes out and she’s doing all the spec speaking and she’s going around the world and doing those stuff and then she’s just not giving herself enough time to rest and she fell asleep behind the wheel.
SPEAKER 03 :
Whoa.
SPEAKER 04 :
And I just listened to that and she goes, I put my daughter in jeopardy and she goes, the next day my daughter went out and took her test for her driver’s license. She goes, I should never be able to do that and part of that is because I didn’t take care of myself. And sometimes, you know, I’ve said this before, you have to go faster, you have to slow down. And that illness of busyness, as you indicated, is brilliant, because we don’t take the time to slow down. And I know you’ve said this sometimes that, you know, my daughter just needs to rest. Amen. The body needs time to heal, the mind needs time to heal. And I am convinced that how many people are pushing the candle, and now they’re falling asleep behind the wheel, they’re falling asleep at work, they’re falling asleep during dangerous times that are easily prevented if we can just take a little time to you know what get those eight hours of sleep take a few times yesterday I put the kayak on the water just because I needed to get out it didn’t do well but I’ll explain that in a minute but I finally forced myself to go out and have some R&R because I needed it it was too much stress in the office And the more stress you have, the worse you become for your next client. Is it warm enough in Chicago for you to put the kayak in? It was 57 degrees. It was kind of warm. I usually don’t put the kayak in if it’s less than 60, but it was kind of close enough. And I’ve been dying to find out if my fixing the kayak worked. And, well, it wasn’t the Titanic. I didn’t go swimming, but it didn’t work. So… My kayak still has a hole in it and it’s just slowly. But my point is, is I prepared for that. I only went down the channel. I didn’t go to open water, but I needed to get out. And it was a calculated risk. You know, it’s something that the water is such healing for me.
SPEAKER 06 :
Oh, I love it. You’re such a little lady. Do you unload that thing yourself? Is it light?
SPEAKER 04 :
I do. I’ve got a kayak. I’ve learned the whole process because if I can’t do it myself, I can’t do it at all. And so I figured out a system for this. And it really helps if there isn’t a hole in the kayak for my system. After three days of fixing it, now there’s another attempt that friends of mine have offered. But, you know, things don’t last forever. I will not give up my day job as a professor. I’m not a kayak fixer. But the fact is, I tried and what I was able to accomplish to slow the leap down, I just didn’t stop it.
SPEAKER 06 :
So we did something I remember was kind of like a mash and then you heated it up. And on one of our canoes when I was younger, I can still kind of picture the grid in the mash that we put on it. But I’m sure you’ll figure out something with your friends. But I know that you get a lot of joy out of that. I do too.
SPEAKER 04 :
And I have to slide you know i have to slow down because and i have to force myself and you would think fun is not something you should force yourself with angie and it’s sad but for those of us who are kind of alcoholics or recovering workaholics you know that we want to have that ability to just have a balance nobody died wishing they worked more and nobody died wishing that that they wanted to have that so the steady balance of maybe you don’t need to be a straight a student But you have to just progress, not perfection. Every time you just get better and better, that’s what we faculty are looking for, both personally and professionally. And I think we need to take our own advice before we, like my friend, fall asleep behind the wheel. That scared me beyond words.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, one of my friends that I don’t know the circumstance of what happened to her son, but he was coming back from college alone. And this has been several years now. And he is in rehab, you know, learning how to eat again, how to walk again, how to he just had a seizure two years into all of this. His brain injury was so traumatic that he’s really had to relearn everything. And we’re two years in, and he’s still in his wheelchair, but still working on walking. And when she shows his training, the physical therapy that’s doing, it is so taxing on him and so difficult that I can see why there’d be the urge to give up because it’s so painful. he just keeps pushing away because he wants to walk again and you know regain everything and with that stroke and he’s in his early 20s he’s got um i’m sorry with the seizure um he can only smile on one side right now but hopefully you know that will um change as you know the days go on because this is a new part so all of this i i don’t know the circumstances but i’m assuming late at night that he may have fallen asleep at the wheel because it was an accident by himself Again, I’m jumping to conclusions, but this is something I worry about with kids and pushing themselves too much. I recently did kind of a list of program by myself about how we wear this busyness as a badge. And they had this one of the top. uh violinists in the world he was playing in a subway with a three million dollar violin and all these people were rushing by him and he only picked up a couple of bucks and it’s like if you knew that you were watching one of the top musicians in the world with a three million dollar violin would you slow down and watch and the whole thing was he kind of had a hat on and made him look a little scruffy the whole thing and he was playing a piece that like not many people apparently can play um that people didn’t slow down enough to realize the beauty right there in front of them. And the whole point of this was, can we slow down a little? Can we build in the fun? Because we’re missing out on so much that busyness isn’t a trophy, like a badge of honor that we wear. I tend to think it is. I think a lot of us overachievers are like the busier what we are, the more important we are, the more valuable we are, or we can tell all our friends, do I have this, that? My friend actually invited me to some charity event and I said, oh, well, here’s my schedule after school. And I had like eight things on it, you know, pick this person up there, then go watch this game and do this. And my husband had to fill in for coaching. Then we had to go here and up there. And it was like, it looked ridiculous because so many people were helping with the rides and the drives. And it’s very complicated sometimes after school. And I’m like,
SPEAKER 04 :
why am i proving to her how busy i am that i can’t go to this whatever it is right yeah isn’t that amazing i struggled with that years ago that there’s this sense of accomplishment that if i don’t accomplish something i’m not worthy that i have to check the box and i’m doing a lot of speaking lately and it’s the point is we are phenomenal just the way we are regardless of what we do it’s the being part that we are amazing we don’t have to prove to anybody Now, it’s wonderful that we can accomplish some things and I will be proud of all of the accomplishments I’ve had, but at what cost? And what I’m suggesting is that nobody ever died wishing they’d work more. Everyone wanted to be able to have the relationships, the family, particularly if you don’t have one, to cherish those as opposed to seeing it fly by because we only have five minutes to do something. And you want to be able to take the time because memories are those that are going to last a lifetime. And I think too many people are, well, I’ll be happy when I get there. No, the point is not the end destination. The point is the journey. Can you be happy along the way while you’re getting there? I think that’s the secret to life. And many of us have life wishing by us too much going. Is it really worth all this busyness? That’s why I love that the illness of busyness. You’re right on the mark here, my friend.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, it really is the illness of busyness. And I think that we can kick this. And I guess that’s a great challenge for you listening to for me and for Cheryl. You did it with your kayaking. What can we do today that would really be fun? And there is a lake near me that I found, a reservoir that I can park at a park and walk in and walk the dogs around it.
SPEAKER 04 :
have to be a long time either I mean walking the dog I did yesterday too for Gracie it was maybe 15 minutes you know my kayak thing was maybe an hour it wasn’t the whole day you know many people think they have to like well I’m going to go to Great America or I’m going to do the thing it’s like no all I need is about five minutes to read a book to go out and see the sunshine to play with my dog to you know, go out with a friend or something. It doesn’t take a lot of time, even if it’s just five minutes. Boy, what five minutes well spent, you know?
SPEAKER 06 :
Absolutely. All right, Dr. Cheryl Lentz, where do people find you and look into? You help people write books, you’re a professor, you are a speaker. How do they reach you?
SPEAKER 04 :
Dr. Cheryl Lentz dot com. Couldn’t be simpler.
SPEAKER 06 :
Dr. Cheryl Lentz dot com. And we’ll have to think of something fun to talk about next week. Dr. Cheryl joins me pretty much weekly for the last. How many years has this been?
SPEAKER 04 :
Almost five years. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER 06 :
It’s been a while. It’s definitely been a while. All right. Talk to you next week. Thank you, Dr. Cheryl. Take care of your life.
SPEAKER 01 :
Thank you for listening to the good news with Angie Austin on AM 670 KLTT.
