Join us in this jam-packed episode as we dive into the ludicrous tales of Florida man’s escapades, from naked burglaries to a controversial parental showdown over bullying. Midwest sensibility meets Southern feistiness as we dissect these absurd events with humor and a touch of social commentary. Whether it’s parenting on the fly or the unending saga of bizarre happenings in the Sunshine State, there’s always a twist around the corner worth discussing.
CBS says free speech led to the Holocaust and seems to approve prosecuting insulting speech. The number of illegal border crossings plummets and the right is actually winning the political messaging war for once. I’m Greg Karumbas. Join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the Three Martini Lunch podcast. We’ll give you the good, bad, and crazy news of the day and hopefully a lot of laughs too. Follow the Three Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.
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It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
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So, uh… A naked Florida man was accused of burglarizing a home. Thank heavens they clothed him before his mugshot because nobody wants to see that. This guy’s supposed to be 24. Putnam County deputies arrested a Keaton Mercier for burglary and on a warrant for aggravated battery by strangulation. He had a previous conviction. Uh, When deputies arrived on the scene, the 24 year old had put on a pair of britches pair underwear, but he refused to leave. I mean, he came home Sunday evening, found a naked burglar right inside his house. He called the cops. Uh, and so this, uh, mercy, a guy was taken to the hospital because he had the guy, he attacked the homeowner, uh, And he had to be taken. Well, he had attacked a previous homeowner. He had to be taken to the hospital, treated for cuts on his arms and legs that he had sustained from breaking into the home. They also suspect that he was pretty high as a kind on drugs. They found all kinds of glass pipes, you know, that were in his possession. So he was arrested. Can you imagine, man? This is why guns were invented, by the way. I ain’t going to mess with no naked man in my house breaking into my house. No, that’s no not going to happen. Also, a. Now, OK, this is what I wanted to talk about yesterday. We ran out of time. So a Florida father was dealing with his son being bullied. And apparently the son was being bullied by another classmate who happened to be a girl. And so what ended up happening, and it’s all on video, little girl was bullying the guy’s son. This Florida girl was bullying this Florida man’s son. And she was doing it right in front of the dad. Like she was running her mouth in front of other adults. because she knew that she was going to be protected this is where where the chick card comes in right uh so she was like calling them all kinds of invectives and the dad slaps her right on video of course you know they called they they call the police the dad goes uh i mean it was battery and he said was it the right thing to do this is why boys need sisters also that girl needs her ass beat by her parents and if her parents don’t do it her parents should have their ass beat So tired of this stuff. If you don’t want me raising your kids, you better get them in line in public or I’ll step in and do the job that you failed to do as an egg or gamete donor. Done with it. I really do like all family pharmacy. You know why I like all family pharmacy? Because when I was sick over Thanksgiving, I knew it was strep throat. I knew it was happening. You know why? Because I’ve had strep throat 11 trillion times. I don’t need to go to the doctor and pay an exorbitant copay to have the doctor tell me what i know about my body and have known about my body for 40 some odd years i knew i was getting strapped guess what i was getting strapped i was correct and so i ordered some antibiotics from all family pharmacy and i had it overnighted and i got it i started taking it and guess what it healed me because you know i knew going through all of this you know your body was certain things and all family pharmacy they specialize in they have like i mean over 200 different types of medications they also have ivermectin For the flat earthers out there who think it’s bad, it’s not. You can go read about it at All Family Pharmacy. You can stock up on essential medications. You can bulk order. And they have a doctor that they work with, obviously, for prescriptions. But this is a way, it’s great if you, like for instance, sinusitis, you know, like I said, strep, emergencies, things like that. It’s simplified care, no insurance, no problem. Everything is super affordable. And the favorite thing, the thing I like most about them is everything that they do is made right here in the U.S. of A. So you have high standards of quality and safety. Visit allfamilypharmacy.com slash Dana and unlock 10% off your purchase using code Dana10. That’s allfamilypharmacy.com slash Dana, code Dana10 for 10% off.
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Did you guys hear this story about this couple on what airline was this? They were on Qatar or Qatar, but it’s Qatar Airways from Melbourne, Melbourne, Australia to Doha, the Qatari capital. And then they were on their way to Venice after that. I don’t know why you’d take that leg of a flight. Good gosh. So they said that Mike Mitchell Ring and Jennifer Collin, they were on this Qatar Airways flight. Ten hours into the flight, a woman leaves the restroom, collapses, kicks the bucket right in front of them. And they were telling an Australian news program. It’s called The Current Event. They said they were telling them their story. It was their dream trip to Venice, right? So how do you deal with something like this, right? It sounds like they were kind of in the back too, like near the lavatories, because if she’s coming out of the lavatory, I don’t know what kind of plane it was. I’m just assuming, although it sounds like maybe, I mean, because they could have lavatories in the middle of the front and in the back. I don’t know. Anyway, the crew put the dead body in their row. They said, oh, hey, can you, because they were dealing with it. The couple said that They did everything they could. It was heartbreaking to watch because they couldn’t save her. They said Mitchell Ring said they looked frustrated and then they looked at me and saw that there was a seat available beside me and my wife on the other side. And they said, can you move over, please? And he just said, OK, no problem. And then they placed the dead body in the chair he was in. So they couldn’t even like access the aisle without crawling. They couldn’t get up for the remaining four hours. And then they said when they arrived, they dealt with the body. And Qatar owned by the government, they said in a statement to the press, quote, first and foremost, our thoughts with the family, the passengers sadly passed away on board. I apologize for any inconvenience or distress the incident may have caused, you know, etc. The couple said they were not allowed to change seats for the remainder of the flight. They were told they had to remain seated. Medical staff addressed the body upon landing. They were not offered any support at all after. They were just sitting next to the body for four hours. On a flight. On their way. Like they’re an older couple and they’d saved for this dream vacation. And what do you do, right? I mean, granted, when you’re on a plane, there’s limited places you can… put the body why does it got to go in the seat right there i mean you got some room in the back i’m not trying to be mean or crass but at the same time that’s their responsibility to be prepared and it’s not the responsibility of this couple to babysit the dead body and have it in that row that’s just wild what would you have done kane
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I would ask right away because wouldn’t they have a spot in the plane that you can put someone who’s maybe being unruly or… Like a brig? Yeah, or something like that.
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They don’t have any like one little… Although I think that maybe that should change. You should be able to have like a little hatch and drop somebody down.
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That’s what I’m saying. Like down in that where they keep all the luggage in the belly of the plane maybe or something. I don’t know. Are you there?
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I mean… I guess you have to measure out, is it meaner to the family of the dead body or meaner to the people who have to sit next to the dead body? I don’t know. I mean, the person’s dead at that point. I mean, it doesn’t matter what you do with their body. I mean, I, right. Or are we one of those people like some of my family members who believes that it’s still spiritual and it’s still alive or something like that. And you got to go and do your Southern graveyard vigil and all that stuff. I don’t know. Is that where we’re at?
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But I mean, it’s weird. If I had to be sitting next to the dead body.
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Yeah. Who gets the armrest?
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The arm that needs the rest?
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That would be the living.
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The living person.
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Who gets the extra meal?
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Are you talking about, of course, the living human being gets the extra meal.
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I don’t know. It seems mean to the family of the dead body. Just to portion someone’s food out like that. I’m just saying. The whole thing is wild.
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I don’t even know what I would do.
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Yeah, that one is… I asked if it was in the manual. They apparently were like, the flight attendants did not let them get a different seat. I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know how far away the original seat was from the bathroom.
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You’d think a dead body would get their own row.
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Yeah, I don’t know. Would I be bothered sitting next to a dead body? Oh, hell yes. I don’t like sitting next to live people. I don’t want to sit next to a dead one. I have a hard enough time. Don’t even ask me my reaction if I have to sit next to someone. Especially if it’s a dude or an unkempt woman who wears open toed sandals and has dirty feet. It’s like we’re not the hobbits going to Mordor. Clean it up. You know, I get real weird about this stuff. Like, why couldn’t they just set her on the toilet in the bathroom? Typically, there are two bathrooms. You know what I’m saying? Why couldn’t you set the person if it’s in the back? There’s two bathrooms. Why couldn’t you just set her in one of the bathrooms in the back? Why did she have to sit next to these people for four hours? Stuff happens to a dead body in four hours, y’all. I mean, and yes, you can put into an airline bathroom. You can put a body there. I’m just trying to think out loud, right?
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When does rigor mortis set in?
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Well, this is where I am not a coroner or a mortician. We have a family friend who’s a mortician. Fascinating work.
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You can’t just put them in a seat at that point. Once they’re all stiff, you can’t just put them in a seat.
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Yeah, like, if they’re in the aisle, too, and you’re, like, pegged in by the dead body, like, how do you get out? You gotta crawl over that. Like, what in the world? That’s so… I am real… I don’t know. I… Like I said, I don’t like sitting next to living people. Sometimes it includes my own blood. Uh… Much less sitting next to a dead person. You know what I’m saying? I feel like I’m not. See, and you know what? Lorraine just made a good point. Why not put it in the window seat? I don’t know why. They didn’t do that. They did not put the dead body in the window seat. Or at least, you know, put it in one of the bathrooms. I will say you will have a quiet seat, mate. No one’s going to talk your arm off or your ears off. Nobody’s going to talk you to equal death.
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And don’t your bowels empty and stuff when you die?
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Yeah.
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I don’t want to sit next to that either, living or dead.
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I can’t imagine. I don’t even know how you approach that whole thing. I don’t know. I mean, some people wouldn’t mind it. I mean, do you get a free drink out of it? I’m just saying more than a free drink. Oh, if it’s Qatar Airlines, they probably don’t have no drinks on their planes, do they? You don’t even get you have to suffer the indignity of being on a dry plane sitting next to a dead body. I don’t know. I mean, I think I’d rather hang out on the wing, I think. Right. I’ll go sit in the lab. I’ll go do that. I’ll be fine. I don’t know. I just can’t believe that the airline was not better prepared than that. I mean, I can, but I choose to have a little bit of incredulity. So I just feel so bad for them because they had to go to Venice after that. People who helped bring you the program, it’s our friends over at Kel-Tec, the PR57. It is a 5-7 from Kel-Tec, and this is a great Florida-based company. This is new for them. We talked about the PR program. 57 rotary barrel pistol chambered in 5.7. It’s 40% lighter than the next lightest 5-pistol. It has a unique top-loading design that replaces traditional magazines with stripper clips for a slimmer carry profile in a 20-plus-1 capacity. Low recoil for ease of use and accuracy. Engineered for simplicity and reliability. Quickest and easiest field strip available. MSRP is only $399, so it’s super affordable. Made in… In either Florida or Wyoming, they have a new expansion facility, and this was one of the first ones out of that production line there. It’s the first of its kind. Kel-Tec’s PR-57 Rotary Barrel Pistol, chambered in 5.7. Kel-TecWeapons.com. Innovation Performance. Kel-Tec. K-E-L-T-E-C. Weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you.
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And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
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A break from your smartphone can reboot your mood. I don’t know why people have to be told this. They say now, apparently, here’s how long you need. I think this is so dumb. We’re just getting so dumb as a species. We’re smod. And by the way, if you’re reading this horrible NPR story that we paid taxes to have written, they buried the lead literally one, two, three, four, five paragraphs in. So it’s not even a properly written story. So you could just discount all of the everything. So they’re saying, because they don’t answer the question in their headline, they just say that you need to take a break. But they don’t tell you how long you actually have to take a break for, that it’s good for different people to take breaks. We paid money for NPR to write this dribble. They bury the lead five graphs in. Learn how to write a story before you pretend to be a journalist. Dear heavens. Malibu beachgoers were warned to avoid six sea lions after more than a dozen were reported in distress. Who made them sick is what I want to know. And can I beat them up? They said 14 of them were in distress over the past week. They said domoic acid toxicity is apparently the cause. Isn’t the beach like in California? Isn’t it just like nasty? Yeah, I have a friend that lives in San Diego, and they were taking pictures of the beach near them, and it was saying, like, don’t go. There’s, like, sewage in this area. Like, they literally had a sign. I didn’t even know that it existed there. California Wildlife Center said that there were sea lions in distress over the last three days. They got a lot of calls from them. But they said that the acid, it’s, like, contaminated fish. Smaller marine life, if they eat toxic algae, it can sicken bigger animals. That’s essentially what it’s all down to. Egg smuggling is on the rise because Americas are facing high prices. Maybe you could just get a chicken. I mean, why? A crypto gambler shot himself on a live stream after he lost $500 in a meme coin investment. I can’t believe that you would actually spend $500 on a meme coin. I mean, that’s sad. But, you know, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. It’s sad. Just, you know, be smart. Don’t be dumb. As you guys hear, this is my favorite story right now. Can I take you back for a moment to go back to when they shut the government? What year was this? They shut the government down under Barack Obama, under Obama, Biden. Remember when they had that big old government shutdown? And they… put like uh oh my gosh what are they sawhorses those little barriers is that what they are are like like a sawhorse i don’t know what else to call it i know they have a different name like the bike racks or the no it’s not like a bike rack it’s like the oh it’s a barrier but it looks like a sawhorse or a pommel horse i don’t know you know what i’m talking about with the legs and then the thing Okay, somebody will tell me and if I see it, great. But you know what I’m talking about? There were photos of them putting those like barriers up at national parks and stuff like that. Remember, they shut down the outside. They shut down the outdoors and the government shut down. You can’t go to the parks. The trees are closed. Remember all that? Well, if you’d like that, I got another one for you. So in the rush to try to create sob stories, I guess, out of all the federal cutting, they came up with a new one. Here’s the Washington Post. Long lines and canceled rentals. Firings bring chaos to national parks. Trump’s purge of federal employees is already harming the visitor experience at national parks across the country. Now, they ended up talking about this. I don’t know this. Apparently. They said that some of the park workers have the keys to the bathrooms and some people aren’t going to be able to use the bathroom. Or some people, if they’re in the bathroom, what if they get, like, for instance, they said we have endless things that have to be secured. Like I have this guy talking about how he has keys, talking about how he has keys to the restrooms. How did people go to the bathroom before they had public restrooms, Cain? It’s a wonder out in the woods in nature. It’s crazy. They said that the firings are going to cause disruptions reminiscent of the pandemic. Shut up. Visitor centers, campgrounds could close or reduce their hours. They said that some of the bulk of it’s going to occur in the heavy season. One park has seen immediate impacts. So this is this Washington Post piece, and they’re talking about… like restrooms and things of that nature. And they said, Oh, they’ve, you know, they were, they were, uh, uh, teaching park visitors about, um, you know, the history of the public parks and the history of the land, you know, cause heaven forbid you can’t Google it. Uh, you know, I don’t know, maybe you can’t, maybe Google’s broken and doesn’t do that. So it could be, you know, you could break search engines and hide those results. So you have to have people getting a paycheck and staffing it. I mean, it’s like very Atlas shrug, but it didn’t happen. Um, I just like someone was saying that they were complaining about, well, who’s going to have the keys to the bathroom if they do this? And, you know, I just I can’t even. The fact that we’re even having this discussion, I think, just underscores the lack of seriousness around this whole entire thing. It just there in Yosemite. Hang on. I pull this up. This is ABC seven. Somebody hung an American flag upside down from El Capitan at the Yosemite National Park. The 3,000-foot wall of sheer granite, most fabled rock face. Somebody hung a flag upside down. What did we learn about… The left had particular thoughts about hanging flags upside down. Do you remember what those were? Especially as it pertained to Supreme Court justices’ wives, for sure. But… I’m just curious. Weren’t we told that that was… like an insurrection or something to have the flag upside down, or it was evil to have the flag upside down, something to that effect. It’s bad, but now it’s okay again. Yeah, they said, oh, parks, employees are scared that parks are going to get closed down because you cannot operate the parks without people cleaning the bathrooms. That’s an actual line in abc7.com. ABC7 Eyewitness News covers Southern California. They said that they can’t operate the parks without the people cleaning the bathrooms. I mean, like, OMG. What?
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Those bears don’t even wipe.
SPEAKER 01 :
Those bears don’t wipe. I mean, does a bear wipe in the woods? I don’t know. If you didn’t see it, then it didn’t happen, I guess, right? Never seen it. It’s like, you know, Schrodinger’s dog. I don’t know. Schrodinger’s cat. I don’t know. Same thing, right?
SPEAKER 02 :
Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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