SPEAKER 03 : 0:01

At Lowe’s, get up to 35% off select major appliances. Plus, members get free delivery, install, and more when you spend $2,500 on select major appliances. Lowe’s, we help, you save. Valid through 225, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. Excludes Massachusetts, Maryland, Wisconsin, New Jersey, Florida. Loyalty program subject to terms and conditions. Visit Lowe’s.com slash terms for details. Subject to change. Visit your nearby Lowe’s on Old Gate Lane in Milford.

SPEAKER 07 : 0:30

Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast.

SPEAKER 10 : 0:34

It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.

SPEAKER 01 : 0:44

All right. So first up for Florida man. Hmm. I mean, I guess you really can get a DUI on every if you’re drunk and you’re riding anything because you can get one on a horse, a lawnmower, a golf cart and now an e-bike. A Florida man riding an e-bike was arrested for a DUI after refusing sobriety test. So wait a minute. I got a question. What if you’re on like a bike bicycle? No. If it’s just your feet that power it. Can you do that? I’m curious.

SPEAKER 10 : 1:16

If you’re getting one on a horse, it doesn’t.

SPEAKER 01 : 1:18

Yeah, but that can operate under its own power. Right.

SPEAKER 10 : 1:20

Which means it’s not drunk. You are. Yeah.

SPEAKER 01 : 1:23

So a man riding an e-bike, I swear to you, I’m still on spider watch right now. In case you just joined a spider, like in our first hour descended from the ceiling when I was live on air. And the fact that I did not burn down the whole studio is proof of God. So if I freak out randomly, it’s because of that. I just swear. I’m like, I feel like I see it. Nothing scares me but that. Anyway, a man riding an e-bike was arrested for DUI. The 34-year-old crashed and fell off backwards in a crosswalk. How do you do that? He declined multiple sobriety tests and now he’s getting an e-bike or getting a DUI. He was on his e-bike. I didn’t know you could get that on an e-bike. I mean, probably. And they said he smelled like alcohol before they even got into his purse and they could smell it. And he was like, I’m totally Toberossifer. He said he wasn’t intoxicated and he totally was. And when they asked about his crash, the man left and said he was trying to show off and then he declined breathalyzers and all of that. So apparently when they got him to the pokey, he was drunky. So, oh, man. A Florida man accused of drugging 100 miles per hour while drunk and hopped away from deputies during a stop in Collier County. He was arrested. You’re not going to be able to hop away from the police in Collier County?

SPEAKER 02 : 2:49

Police say the attacker was dead when they found her. She had a self-inflicted wound and she matched the description given in an earlier police alert. Female wearing a dress with brown hair. That is extremely unusual. It’s rare to have a female attacker.

SPEAKER 01 : 3:06

You know, and it’s rare because it wasn’t a female. He had a penis and that made him a male attacker. And he wore a dress that he was still a dude because, dude, science. Welcome back to the show. We’re on Spider Watch, by the way. Spider descended from the ceiling and I almost can’t even talk about anything else. If it kills me while I’m alive on air, I don’t know. But if I see it again and I up in the desk and run out screaming, you know why. Nothing else scares me in this world but those things. Don’t know why. So welcome back. Bottom of this first hour. And that was Sky News. And the media has been very insistent that they respect the pronouns of the Canadian mass killer. Lorraine has a piece that’s going up here momentarily over at Substack, chapter and verse. Because, I mean, it is an epidemic. And the last couple of, I mean… The last several ones have been a chick cosplaying as a dude. Massacre seven in high school and then took his own life. And the way that it’s being described, six killed one, I think, passed later and then 25 injured. And it was in British Columbia. The mom was a big trans rights, whatever. You know, instead of helping this dude, they decided to pump him full of what SSRIs and hormones and all of this other stuff and which, you know, affect your mood and everything. And there was just no concern about the effect that that was going to have on him. I just it is it’s sad to watch this, but the way that the media has been talking about this. And you just heard Sky News get in. Well, it was it’s very rare. Well, you know why it’s rare? Because it didn’t happen. It’s a dude who did it. It is a dude. There were like two that were women. This one was a dude. Just because he wears a dress does not mean that, you know, and it doesn’t. And it made it very confusing in the early. Remember, this happened in Nashville, too. Can you remember? When that trans killer, the female who pretended to be man, when… The media was reporting on it. There were even conservatives that were kind of arguing between or arguing amongst themselves because the media was like, oh, it’s a young male, et cetera. And then people thought, oh, it’s a man who’s pretending to be a woman. No, it was a woman pretending to be a man. But it was so confusing. And the media helped foment all of the confusion. They drove the confusion about all of it. How are you accurately reporting on something when you’re playing into the person’s delusions? And when you’re tabulating statistics on crime as a way to better assess and deal with it, how are you able to successfully do that when you can’t even be honest about the perpetrator involved? Now, part of this came down to the police that are there in Canada. in British Columbia because the police immediately came out of the gate being very politically correct with the pronouns and all of that stuff, right? And they’re, yeah, yeah, yeah, gun person, remember? Oh, a gun person. Oh my gosh. I said, what was the Babylon Bee headline about that? Oh, there was one. Oh yeah, Canadian reporter person announces police persons have identified gun person. We’re just going to go with that forever now. Yes, Canadian reporter persons announced that police persons have confirmed the identity of the gun person in Tumbler Ridge via Babylon B. Anchor persons at the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation confirmed that news persons on the ground had confirmed the identity with multiple police persons and fire persons present at the scene. Quote, CBC News can now confirm that the local patrol persons have positive ID on the gun person, said reporter person Brad Stevenson. Quote, the identification came through a city council person who passed a tip from a male person onto a police person. And we now go live to our camera person who is on the scene. At publishing time, the CBC anchor person had turned things over to the station’s weather person for what to expect this weekend. We’re just going to do this for forever. President person. Right. Mayor person, governor person. We’re just going to do a person everything. I know they use the gun person and then later said, oh, it was a female killer. And immediately everyone was like, was it? No, it wasn’t. It was a dude who just started to identify as a female. There is a big problem with this psychosis. So it’s a very sadistic dude who decided he decided that the way to fix all of his mental instability was cosplaying as a female. So his mom allowed him to be pumped full of drugs. And he I. They said that he, oh, you’re gendered this, oh, you’re trans. I mean, no, you’re evil and probably like legit crazy to the point where you’re a danger to yourself and others, obviously. Don’t you think it’s a bad thing if someone’s unhinged, mentally ill, and has violent tendencies? It’s probably a bad idea to pump them full of SSRIs and just a ton of hormones, yeah? Do we all kind of agree on that aspect of it? Probably bad. But that’s what they did. And then the media goes around. Oh, well, you know, we’re going to respect the pronouns. And the police said it, too. This was a press conference. And which one? This is audio 11,000 and 14. Listen to this. This is cut 14. This is wild.

SPEAKER 04 : 9:10

We’re not hiding it. In fact, you’re the first media to ask the question. I will say this. We identified the suspect as they chose to be identified in public and in social media. I can say that Jesse was born as a biological male who approximately, the information that I have, approximately six years ago began to transition to female and identified as female both socially and publicly.

SPEAKER 01 : 9:36

The suspect as they choose. We’re going to use like plural pronouns like Gollum says Hobbitses. We’re just going to also butcher the English language. First off, I think when you murder people, you don’t get to be like, I’m sorry, you must respect my preferred pronouns. You’re lucky to be alive. I mean, good heavens. But this guy was gunshot wound. Ended up taking care of himself. But no, we’re not going to sit here and do the preferred pronoun like coddling a murderer. Because you’re so afraid of the trans stuff. I can’t deal with it. I was talking with Colin Plume over at Noble Gold Investments, and we were discussing how no one really knows what 2026 is going to bring. Elections, markets, wars. But one thing we do know, gold and silver have outlasted every empire. And that’s why gold keeps coming up as a steady, reliable option. Every crash, every currency. And at the end of the day, it’s about that peace of mind. Having a little gold in your strategy can make those wild market swings a lot easier to live with because real wealth isn’t flashy. It’s being prepared and protecting what you’ve already built for yourself, your kids, and your grandkids. Create a more stable financial future. Visit noblegoldinvestments.com slash Dana and download their free gold and silver guide. And when you open a qualified account, you’ll receive a complimentary three ounce silver virtue coin. So visit noblegoldinvestments.com slash Dana. Having a little gold in your strategy can make those wild market swings a lot easier to live with. That’s noblegoldinvestments.com slash Dana.

SPEAKER 06 : 11:10

Are you a fraud-paying American? It’s a fact that one in four honest, hardworking, tax-paying Americans has been a victim of identity theft. With LifeLock identity theft protection, though, if your identity is stolen, they fix it, guaranteed, and get you your money back. Last year, the IRS flagged over $16 billion in refunds for identity fraud. That’s billions of dollars that could come from your salary, overtime, or second job. But this year, you don’t need to stay a victim. LifeLock monitors millions of data points per second for your personal information and alerts you to threats you could easily miss on your own. And if your information does fall into the wrong hands, only LifeLock has US-based restoration specialists who are backed by the Million Dollar Protection Package. Because this tax season… A fraud-paying American is something no American should have to claim. Visit LifeLock.com slash iHeart and save up to 40% your first year. That’s 40% off at LifeLock.com slash iHeart. Terms apply.

SPEAKER 09 : 12:11

I’ve got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi, Dan. Hey, how’s it going today?

SPEAKER 11 : 12:15

It’s going good, man. Tell us who you are and what you do. I’m Dan Morgan. I’m an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan & Morgan, which is America’s largest injury law firm.

SPEAKER 09 : 12:25

That’s pretty awesome. I think I saw a billboard of yours recently that said $20 billion won. $20 billion is an insane number.

SPEAKER 11 : 12:33

Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It’s actually, I think, somewhere north, probably closer to 22, 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and badder and our army grows. So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on.

SPEAKER 09 : 12:46

Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan & Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident?

SPEAKER 11 : 12:51

Probably the easiest way is dialing Pound Law. That’s Pound 529 from your cell phone. We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call. 24-7-365. Wow.

SPEAKER 09 : 13:01

Dan Morgan from Morgan & Morgan, America’s largest injury law firm. Thanks for coming by the show.

SPEAKER 11 : 13:06

Thanks for having me. Visit ForThePeople.com for an office near you.

SPEAKER 10 : 13:10

And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.

SPEAKER 01 : 13:15

No spider yet. We’re still on spider watch. FYI, it’s going to be all show. Oh, my gosh. Looking over the ceiling. Okay. Apparently in Maryland, there was a failure in a 72-inch sewer pipe, and it released billions of gallons of raw sewage into the Potomac just inside the Beltway. It’s the largest spill, is how it’s considered, of wastewater in U.S. history. And so far, nobody’s said anything over there. The D.C. Water CEO, apparently they’ve addressed it very quietly, but nobody’s really, it’s considered the largest in history. And 72-inch sewer pipe, it’s known as the Potomac Interceptor, and it resulted hundreds of millions of gallons of raw sewage. So basically a bunch of Congress people are swimming in the Potomac right now. Aha. I mean it, though. It’s the spider. It’s because he’s watching me. It’s happening right now. Oh, my gosh. We do not deserve dogs, you guys. If Daisy was here, she’d beat the tar out of that little spider. Because Daisy’s hardcore. A hero dog. This is such a great story. We don’t deserve dogs. They’re angels. A hero dog guides police to a missing three-year-old. It was in Kentucky. And Louisville Metropolitan Police Officer Josh Thompson and his fellow officers were searching for a three-year-old boy on January 7th when this collie, Mix, appeared and began barking at them. And it’s all on video. And Thompson said he was a little leery of the dog. He didn’t recognize it despite his usual patrols. But the dog was persistent and barked directly at the officers like he was trying to communicate. So Thompson jokingly relented, acknowledged the dog. And Thompson told the dog, hey, let’s go find this kid because he knew it was a collie and he was making a joke. But no, the dog literally led them to a garage area where a car was parked and they found a frightened child locked inside of the front passenger seat. So Thompson said he went into dad mode, instructed the boy on how to unlock the car so the officers could get him out. The boy was scared but unharmed and reunited with his family. And they said they didn’t know where the dog came from. Please tell me that this dog is this family’s dog or that this dog, because I want this dog. If no one takes this dog, I want this dog. It’s mine. He’s mine. I’m not even joking. How amazing is that? That’s so great. Like he knew that there was there was some trouble. So sweet. Airspace closure spat over drone related test. Apparently it was a party balloon that got shot down. So was it a fight between the FAA and the Pentagon? Like what was happening? Because they closed it all and apparently it was a party balloon that they shot down. Guys. Seriously. A party balloon. That’s the story. I mean, I think it was aliens and they had a shootout, but that’s me. We’ll go with the party balloon, I guess. Sure. Why not? Smart underwear. Why? It tracks gut bacteria by measuring flatulence. Do you really need smart underwear? Do you really need it? Really? Stick with us. We got a lot more in store. Don’t go anywhere because we’ll know and the spider will know.

SPEAKER 09 : 16:26

I’ve got Dan Morgan here on the pod. Say hi, Dan. Hey, how’s it going today? It’s going good, man.

SPEAKER 11 : 16:31

Tell us who you are and what you do. I’m Dan Morgan. I’m an attorney and a managing partner at Morgan & Morgan, which is America’s largest injury law firm.

SPEAKER 09 : 16:39

That’s pretty awesome. I think I saw a billboard of yours recently that said $20 billion won. $20 billion is an insane number.

SPEAKER 11 : 16:48

Yeah, 20 billion recovered. It’s actually, I think, somewhere north, probably closer to 22, 23 after this year. And each year we get bigger and badder and our army grows. So the number will hopefully keep getting bigger and bigger as time goes on.

SPEAKER 09 : 17:00

Awesome. So how does someone get in contact with Morgan & Morgan? What would I do if I got into an accident?

SPEAKER 11 : 17:06

Probably the easiest way is dialing Pound Law. That’s Pound 529 from your cell phone. We are always open. Our call center is always waiting to take your call. 24-7-365. Wow.

SPEAKER 09 : 17:16

Dan Morgan from Morgan & Morgan, America’s large injury law firm. Thanks for coming by the show.

SPEAKER 11 : 17:20

Thanks for having me. Visit ForThePeople.com for an office near you.

SPEAKER 07 : 17:24

How many people’s health insurances cost more than their mortgage? The Watchdog on Wall Street podcast with Chris Markowski. Every day, Chris helps unpack the connection between politics and the economy and how it affects your wallet. Some Americans are paying more for their health insurance than their mortgage. And what happened? What if we all just stopped paying for health insurance? Would that force doctors to lower costs? Whether it’s happening in D.C. or down on Wall Street, it’s affecting you financially. Be informed. Check out the Watch Daughter on Wall Street podcast with Chris Markowski on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

SPEAKER 01 : 17:55

Okay, how many of you knew that there was a Gay Days at all? I didn’t. I didn’t either. They usually do it during the Pride stuff. Oh, wait, that’s coming up, right? When all the companies decide to slap rainbows all over everything and then right after, that’s, no, we’re doing this now. They switch it up. They had a lot of major corporate sponsors that have stopped sponsoring Pride events in Florida. And so gay days, apparently they would go to Disney World and it began in 1991 as a single gay day gathering. I think if you’re an adult and you go to Disney World without kids, it’s weird. I’m sorry, but I’m not actually sorry. I just don’t know why I said that. I’m not at all even remotely sorry. I think it’s weird. It’s weird. I don’t like going to theme parks or amusement parks with kids because I just germaphobe. Although COVID made me rail against it, my germaphobia in spite, out of spite. You know, when when the moment the government started telling you you shouldn’t go out or touch things, I was like, I’m going to go and get all the germs just to spite you. You know, two fingers in the air and ran out the door. But like theme parks or amusement parks are gross and they have everything I don’t like. You know, it’s loud. It’s sticky. You’re waiting a lot. And there’s lots of people. And I just and all the people are touching the same things that you’re touching. And I just just hell on earth. So, I don’t know, it’s just weird that anybody would be like, you know, the adults that go and they buy the ears and they go, like, what are you doing? Anyway, so that’s why this is even, without even the gay days being part of it, it was already weird, right? Bunch of adults going to Disney World for the day and now it’s gay days, a day where it’s like, this is the day where we tell everyone how we have the sex. And they go and it is a… day at the theme park for people who like to have sex a certain way. That’s really it. And I just like, why are you siloing yourself off? Number one. I thought it was all about inclusion and everything. Why are you setting yourself apart, number one? And number two, why does everything have to revolve about how you get it on? It’s just so damn tiring and weird. I don’t like onions in my tomato sauce. I prefer garlic. I don’t think they can both coexist. So do I get a special flag for that? Do I have the no onions in my sauce day at Disney? I mean, where is my recognition? I’m feeling excluded. I also want to be a part. Like, when does it stop? You know, Cain likes bacteria water. The tea. He literally grows a little disc of it.

SPEAKER 10 : 20:34

The way you describe it just doesn’t.

SPEAKER 01 : 20:36

Is it wrong? Is it wrong? Sir, don’t pan bonding me. Is it wrong?

SPEAKER 10 : 20:43

According to the law, you’re not wrong.

SPEAKER 01 : 20:45

Okay, there we go.

SPEAKER 10 : 20:45

Good God.

SPEAKER 01 : 20:46

Cain likes bacteria water. I’m not passing judgment. I’m just very telling you what it is.

SPEAKER 10 : 20:51

All right.

SPEAKER 01 : 20:52

What is it, the scabies in the water or something?

SPEAKER 10 : 20:54

Oh, my God. No, it’s called a scoby. It’s an acronym.

SPEAKER 01 : 20:57

Scoby.

SPEAKER 10 : 20:58

Scabies is something completely different that you don’t get from drinking kombucha.

SPEAKER 01 : 21:02

Sorry, I didn’t mean to identify the wrong name of the bacteria in your backwater. It’s okay.

SPEAKER 10 : 21:08

But still, water kefir is better if you want to try that.

SPEAKER 01 : 21:11

Like kefir Sutherland?

SPEAKER 10 : 21:12

Yes, exactly like kefir Sutherland.

SPEAKER 01 : 21:15

Was he named after that?

SPEAKER 10 : 21:16

I think so.

SPEAKER 01 : 21:17

What a weird… Anyway, my point is that Cain doesn’t get a flag. Where’s your flag at, dude? We’re going to have so many different flags that we’re not even going to be able to walk through life without going, what does that mean? What does that mean? What is that? Well, I’m a fourth spirit by trans person thing. I mean, when does it end? So people are kind of I think companies are kind of tired of sponsoring it. I really I mean, when you get a day at Disney, are you really oppressed? You know, you get a whole day at Disney. Now, if you were in Iran and you were launched off the rooftop like Mardi Gras beads, then yeah, I mean, I’d be like, that’s probably some oppression happening there. But you have a whole day at Disney. You get gay day discounts. There’s gay day everywhere. You get a whole gay month. A whole month about how you have sex. That’s it. And there are gay people that are tired of the gay days. They’re like, can we stop this? This is so stupid. I actually… don’t know anybody who is gay that does this stuff, that does the Pride stuff or the Gay Day stuff. Who does it? Where are these people coming from? Are they all just leftists? Where are they coming from? But anyway, so they paused it for a year because nobody’s going to sponsor it. They apparently can’t get sponsors. That’s the problem. They said, after careful consideration, we’ve made the difficult decision to pause the Gay Days event. Changes to our host hotel agreement, the loss of key sponsorship support. Thought I saw a spider. I didn’t, okay. Broader challenges currently impacting events nationwide made it impossible to deliver the experience our community deserves. This is a pause, not an ending, blah, blah, blah. What experience are you promising to deliver on here? I got questions. So what do they mean, broader challenges? Are they mad at because Trump? I mean, the Secretary of the Treasury is gay. Do you think Scott Besson would ever go to a gay days? No. You know why? Because that’s cringe. It’s cringe. It’s like tight rolling your pants in 2026. Stop it. It’s just… I don’t know. Okay. Speaking of the gay days, um, really quickly. Oh, where’s this at? Where’s this at? Where’s this at? Oh, there’s this, uh, apparently, oh my gosh, I got to find this. I think I may have lost it. It’s like a new monkey pox that’s out there. Uh, okay. Yeah. Based on health reports in the CDC, there is a tri, oh, fight and mental growth fights, Gino, whatever. Uh, Yeah, yeah, yeah. So apparently Minnesota is in the midst of what state health officials are saying is the largest known outbreak of this sexually transmitted fungal skin infection that can cause severe ringworm. And apparently this is what it is defined as is more commonly reported in men who are intimate with other men due to skin to skin transmission during intimate contact. Oh, so stop being whores. Really simple. I mean, that’s like pretty easy to solve. You know, I mean, I’m curious if it’s… It’s associated with dudes. I didn’t realize Minnesota was like a haven for… You know, I’m kind of surprised to see it there. I wonder what the overlay with the Somali diaspora that’s been defrauding everybody is. I’m just saying I’m just asking a question. You know, I’m just exploring some options.

SPEAKER 07 : 25:08

Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

SPEAKER 08 : 25:25

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SPEAKER 06 : 26:09

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SPEAKER 05 : 26:40

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