Join Dana Lash as she ventures into the bizarre and hilarious world of Florida Man stories, complete with small machetes and road rage incidents. Then, dive into a critical discussion on political ‘kayfabe’ where real and fake merge in the public arena. It’s an eye-opening exploration of how social antics and media spectacles influence cultural perceptions.
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SPEAKER 06 :
This message comes from the International Rescue Committee. The IRC has been providing humanitarian aid for more than 90 years. The International Rescue Committee helps refugees whose lives are disrupted by conflict and disaster, supporting recovery efforts in places like Gaza and Ukraine, and responding within 72 hours of crisis. Donate today by visiting rescue.org slash rebuild. That’s rescue.org slash rebuild to learn more and donate today.
SPEAKER 12 :
Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.
SPEAKER 04 :
It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
SPEAKER 02 :
It has been way too long since, well, it’s been, what, three days since we’ve had a story about a machete came in Florida. Another Florida man arrested after a road rage incident ends in alleged machete threats. It was a little machete. Yeah, it’s twee. But it was a twee machete. A Florida man is accused of threatening to kill three people with a small machete during a road rage. What is a small machete? What’s the regular size?
SPEAKER 04 :
I think a small machete is like a big knife.
SPEAKER 02 :
What is a regular…
SPEAKER 04 :
Machete’s a big… Actually, let me see.
SPEAKER 02 :
What is the difference?
SPEAKER 04 :
Big sword looking thing. And then a small machete would be like a big knife.
SPEAKER 02 :
No, that’s just a knife.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, it’s a big knife.
SPEAKER 02 :
I don’t know. Apparently, is it less adapted to jungle tasks? I don’t know. So 18 inches is the common regular average size of machetes. Then there’s a short one that’s between like 10 and 14 inches. Okay, so that’s where we’re at. I don’t know why I needed to know this. Anyway, so this dude got arrested because he was threatening to use his small machete to kill people on the road. The guy, James Varner… He of Miami Beach allegedly followed a victim to the resident because I guess he was like riding their bumper. Followed the victim to the residence, approached the guy yelling and then headbutted him. Caused the fight between the two. The family rushed out to break it up. And then he got out a small machete from his vehicle and made verbal threats to kill everybody. So he was taken in the county jail. What is wrong with you? People who get road rage, unclench your cheeks. Yeah, the ones you sit on. Stop it. Can’t deal. Let’s see. Oh, this is what I wanted. This is so bad. I don’t like DoorDash. I don’t know why. Well, I know a couple reasons why. Because sometimes they’ll tell me someone’s delivering my food at DoorDash and then an entirely different person in an entirely different car shows up. And I’ve reported it several times and DoorDash doesn’t care. They don’t do anything. I think that’s kind of a safety issue. Like what if you’re a single woman and you’re ordering food and a big giant dude who is not the tiny woman that you thought was delivering your food shows up. You know what I’m saying? This DoorDash driver was caught. He was delivering chicken wings, dropped the box on the porch. A chicken wing rolled out on the concrete. He put it back in the box, licked his fingers and then walked away. Didn’t say nothing to the customers. I mean, people know, right, like that there’s these doorbell cameras. And that’s what this Florida customer, Trina Brown, she saw it on her door video doorbell footage. And the driver was he was trying to get it out of the insulated bag. But then the thing all fell to the ground and he put the lid back on, put the wing that and that fell on the concrete porch back in the box. And then that’s it. That’s so nasty. And she said if it wasn’t for the security footage, they would have never known that their food hit the ground. You don’t do wings like that. That is, that’s blasphemous. You don’t do no chicken wings like that. That’s so nasty. Our partners that help bring you the program, it is the folks over at KELTEC, K-E-L-T-E-C. They have a program that is called the Peacekeepers Program, and it supports those who protect our communities, military, law enforcement, church security teams, and school resource officers. They have faith-based teams and SROs that usually rely on small concealable pistols that have pretty limited range and power. Caltech’s long guns solve that problem, and they fold compact for discrete carry and deploy in seconds with full rifle capability. Now, the participants in the Peacekeepers program, they get mission-ready support, extra platform testing. They get armor training, security insights training. And mission ready tools all tailored to faith environments, but they also get that peacekeepers pricing for budget conscious organizations. Now the program is already active. There are a couple of dozen churches throughout the faith based security network that have already already using it, taking advantage of it, as well as a number of police departments. And you can learn more about the Peacekeepers program at keltecweapons.com slash Dana. You can go and fill out that contact form there. Keltecweapons.com slash Dana.
SPEAKER 05 :
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SPEAKER 13 :
This is Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. This is Bowen Yang from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. Hey Bowen, it’s gift season! Ugh, stressing me out. Why are the people I love so hard to shop for?
SPEAKER 03 :
Probably because they only make boring gift guides that are totally uninspired. Except for the guide we made!
SPEAKER 13 :
In partnership with Marshalls, where premium gifts meet incredible value? Yes! it’s giving gifts with categories like best gifts for the mom whose idea of a sensible walking shoe is a stiletto or best gifts for me that were so thoughtful i really shouldn’t have check out the guide on marshalls.com and gift the good stuff at marshalls i genuinely thought this was the audition for the gingerbread prince saves christmas in nebraska
SPEAKER 09 :
What? No, I mean, that sounds like a fantastic movie, but you’re an actual prince. Why would you be… Why would you want to be in one of those movies?
SPEAKER 10 :
Well, you Americans are obsessed with Christmas movies, and you’re clearly obsessed with royalty, so why not?
SPEAKER 09 :
I… Hold on, hold on. Look, look, I wouldn’t say we’re obsessed with royalty. Really?
SPEAKER 10 :
I heard you elected a king.
SPEAKER 09 :
That’s a fair point. No, he’s got a point.
SPEAKER 10 :
And after making such a big deal about my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather, George III.
SPEAKER 02 :
Why is he doing this? This is that’s that whining. That’s the whining ginger who is the spare. I thought he wanted a worldwide privacy tour. He’s on with Colbert, of course. That’s probably the only late night host who would have him. And he’s on with Colbert. He took jabs at Trump, obviously. And people booed him. They booed him because it just – and it seemed very – I mean it seemed contrived because it was. Welcome back to the program. Dana Lash with you. Why was he even on Colbert? Like what did he have to promote? Because don’t you normally go on those shows if you have something to promote? What did he have to promote? I don’t know. Right? Right. I didn’t watch it because I don’t watch late night television because I’m not 90,000 years old. Neither are you guys. You guys don’t watch it either. But he took a jab. He was like, well, I heard you guys elected a king or have a king. And then people started booing.
SPEAKER 04 :
Is that how getting a king works?
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah. He’s not the sharpest. He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. He is a tool, though, but he’s not the sharpest one. Yeah. And then he said, and you made such a great, a big deal about my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather. Wow. Why is he on there? And also why doesn’t, I’m not trying to be ignorant, so please don’t, but he made fun of his brother for balding. So I feel like it’s fair game. If you’re balding and you make fun of someone else who’s balding, we all get to make fun of you for being bald. And look, all I know is that them hair plugs, I think they do work. I have a friend whose brother legit went to Turkey and got hair plugs. And now they work and he’s got hair. It’s weird. I don’t know how that happens. Said it was super painful. I mean, you know, I guess, you know, you do you. But why doesn’t he do that? Doesn’t he have money? He’s got daddy’s money and he’s got his mommy’s trust fund that he lives off of. And then doesn’t he also skim from he pretends to be a philanthropist with everybody else’s money. So see what these organizations, what they do is they take big donations and they skim a percentage off the top for their pay. And then they donate other people’s money and pretend that they’re philanthropists. And that’s what he does. That’s a life, ain’t it? You just skim a little off the top for yourself and then you give other people’s money away and then you get awards for being a fake philanthropist. You don’t see these people donating like the Dells do the six some odd billion dollars. They don’t they don’t do any of that. So I don’t know why. I don’t know why he was on with Colbert. This is what he was doing when they had the big state dinner at Windsor, the Windsor Castle or the Windsor Palace or whatever. They had the state dinner there and everyone was out in their regal finery. You know, tiaras were out and they had, you know, it’s fun watching that stuff, although I’m so glad to be an American. I would never tolerate it here, but I like watching it over there. It looks pretty, right? It looks nice. You know, the ladies dress like ladies, the gents dress like gents. Everybody observes nice, you know, courteous behavior. And then you got this, you know, balding, whining Ginger who’s on Colbert. That was his big night. And I just think that maybe, maybe, I don’t know, he should stay home and spend more time with his kids instead of flying private all over the country to accept purchased awards. And maybe he could enroll his game show wife. Remember her? She’s built like a literal rectangle. Literally. Maybe he could enroll her in some cooking classes so she could, I don’t know, maybe learn how to properly prepare food and prioritize food over merging out jewelry. So I saw an article, I think it was at the Post, where when she was doing that turkey, she was wearing six figures worth of jewelry. getting salmonella all over that jewelry. Kane’s eyebrows shot up to the stratosphere. I don’t even own six figures worth of like anything like that. I don’t even have like a lot of, I mean, I have a couple of nice jewelry pieces, my wedding ring and then one for my kids and then, you know, a couple of pairs of earrings and that’s it. Everything else, like y’all see the hoops I wear? Ladies, I get them on Amazon. I ain’t even kidding. They’re made in Vietnam and I paid $12.99 for them, not even lying. You know, because I go through them, right? I wear I’ve worn them for 20 years. So that is a fact. That’s absolute fact. Why are you wearing six figures of jewelry to stuff a turkey? That’s so she just wanted to show off and be like, look how rich I am now. That’s all she wanted to do. Nobody does that unless they’re trying to show off. And she could tell she hadn’t even handled a turkey before. My gosh. So I just think that we fought a war not to listen to overentitled brats like this dude. He is not one of us. Do not come over here. Live off daddy’s trust or your mommy’s trust fund and your allowance from daddy, which he used to get, can’t even make his own money. Now he rents himself out to do these corporate speeches. I don’t know why anybody would listen to this guy give a corporate speech. The only thing that he ever won out was he won at genetics because he was born of his parents. That’s it. He won the lottery the day he was born to those two people. That’s his only achievement. And it’s not even anything that he did. Why would anybody bring him out to to to give a speech and lecture anything or her for that matter? My gosh. It’s just so cringetastic. But we fought a war to not have somebody over here using their British titles and lecturing all of us about our politics. So you’re not one of us. You don’t go here. We don’t care. Be quiet or get the hell back over across the pond. But I kind of think that they don’t want you either. Yeah. Can you believe getting all that salmonella all over? You’re nasty. Absolutely nasty. So as we head into the holidays, it’s not just about gifts. It’s about gratitude and protecting what really matters, family and the future and your financial security. Colin Plume is the CEO at Noble Gold Investments. And I tell you, the market really opened my eyes as to how much can change in a year. I mean, think of it. The market changes fast. The economy changes. even your own job. So what’s the smart way to make sure that your money is actually working for you? While you’re sitting with family and thinking about all you’ve built, remember, Noble Gold Investments is here to guide you. Their team is helpful and informed, no hype, just honest advice. Gold is up 25%, the dollar is down 9%, and gold and silver have outlasted every crash and currency. It’s about long-term value and peace of mind, not chasing deals. And so that’s why you need to check out Noble Gold. Before you check out for the holidays, though, visit noblegoldinvestments.com slash Dana and download their free gold and silver guide. Open a qualified account and get 10 silver holiday coins. Visit noblegoldinvestments.com slash Dana. That’s noblegoldinvestments.com slash Dana.
SPEAKER 08 :
Bad breath is a confidence killer. You have the best outfit, the sharpest resume, even the funniest jokes. But if your breath smells like the food you just ate, that’s all people remember. It’s not your fault. Bad breath often comes from your gut. And most regular gums and mints, they just cover it up. It’s like spraying perfume on dirty laundry. It doesn’t solve the problem. That’s where Zellman’s Minty Mouth comes in. Zellman’s is not just another mint. Zellman’s tiny dual-action capsules are coated with powerful, delicious mint, but they’re also filled with parsley seed oil. Clinically tested to fight the toughest offenders. Garlic, onions, coffee, even smoker’s breath, all handled. With Zellman’s, you get the confidence of fresh, clean breath, and it lasts for hours. Backed by a love it or your money back guarantee. Zelmans is now available at your local Big Y or online at zelmans.com. That’s Z-E-L-M-I-N-S dot com with code RADIO for 15% off your first order today.
SPEAKER 13 :
This is Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. This is Bowen Yang from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. Hey Bowen, it’s gift season! Ugh, stressing me out. Why are the people I love so hard to shop for?
SPEAKER 03 :
Probably because they only make boring gift guides that are totally uninspired. Except for the guide
SPEAKER 13 :
We made in partnership with Marshall’s where premium gifts meet incredible value. It’s giving gifts with categories like best gifts for the mom whose idea of a sensible walking shoe is a stiletto or best gifts for me that were so thoughtful. I really shouldn’t have. Check out the guide on Marshall’s dot com and give the good stuff at Marshall’s.
SPEAKER 04 :
And now all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s quick five.
SPEAKER 02 :
So we were talking about the J6 stuff. Now, I can’t believe this. Women are dropping thousands of pounds of dollars. It’s a British publication. They’re saying there are thousands of dollars. It started Daily Mail. It’s on New York Post too. On rib removal surgery. So now they’re saying the fat jab body is coming in. You know, you can just like watch portion control and exercise. Although I do understand that there are some people that, you know, they have diabetes and all that. I get that. But I don’t understand like just how we had the body positivity thing. You don’t want to go back to heroin chic. You know what I’m saying? Like that’s just can you just be fit for crying out loud? But they said that now apparently some women who are already thin aren’t that they don’t think they’re thin enough. I feel like they have anorexia. If you’re taking your ribs out. That’s body dysmorphia. It’s kind of transy. I’m saying it is. I think that there’s different forms of body dysmorphia. I think trans is one of them. Honestly, I think this is too. They said it creates the extra cinched look. What doctor does this? What doctor? Because these women that are doing this, they’re already thin. They show the New York Post has photos. Whoa, what doctor’s doing this?
SPEAKER 04 :
The story also says that Ozempic’s risky, as though removing the ribs isn’t.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah, exactly. Well, both of them. I mean, you know, good night. Let’s see. Oh, here we go. It’s football. Dana with sports. NFL on CBS shatters the record for the most watched regular season game in NFL history with more than 57 million viewers. I watched some of it.
SPEAKER 04 :
I mean, it’s over Thanksgiving. It was a captive audience. It was Cowboys Chiefs. I mean, I’m not surprised to see this at all.
SPEAKER 02 :
That’s when the sweatpants come out. Like, your fancy, your nice Thanksgiving top stays on. Men and women, this is universal, but then the sweatpants come out, right? Or some of y’all are like real smart in advance of your Christmas meals and Thanksgiving and all that, and y’all wear the waistband pants, like the pull-on pants. Some of y’all are smart. Let’s see here. We also, ooh, a new doc, this I’m fascinated by. A new documentary claims that Bush 41 had made contact, that was informed that we made contact with aliens. Is this true? I would love for this to be true. It’s probably true. I mean, it’s going to go ahead and is reported. So it might as well be. They said that it’s a, it’s a new documentary in its astrophysicist, Eric Davis, who says that George H. W. Bush casually confirmed to him that aliens made contact back in 1964. Apparently a spaceship landed at Holloman air force base and a non-human entity hopped out and was like, sup. And then like jetted off back into space. I really don’t think it would have gone like that. Um, And then when Bush asked for more details, he was told that he did not have a need to know. Wasn’t he head of CIA then? Who’s above head of CIA? You know, when Mike Pompeo was head of CIA, that was the first question we asked him when he was on air with us. What’s up with the Malians? He was not going to answer me. Which meant, Cain, it was not a hard no. Just saying. So it’s apparently on Amazon Prime, which I’m immediately going to watch. I’m going to probably watch it tonight. I’m not going to lie to you. Probably I’ll clear my schedule. Probably won’t get any work done because I’m going to watch it. And also, we’ve got to talk about this later. American Eagle shares jumped. Now Martha Stewart was named the new face of the brand. They’re going to go after her, too. Stick with us.
SPEAKER 07 :
So. This is my first question, and don’t laugh. Does the DOW have any evidence at all of a French military plot to assassinate Candace Owens?
SPEAKER 01 :
That is an interesting question. Not that I’m aware of, but, you know, interesting question. I can try to find out and maybe let you know. I think that might be more of a law enforcement matter, though.
SPEAKER 02 :
And it’s kayfabe. Completely. Welcome back to the program. Dana Lash with you at the bottom of the second hour. What a crazy the Pentagon press secretary is like, yeah, no, that didn’t happen. I didn’t want to get into all of that. I hate talking about kayfabe actors. And just a reminder, you know, Owens literally was a hardcore progressive up until 2016. She was a protege of Al Sharpton and she doxed conservatives online. You don’t just immediately flip like that with no explanation as to why. It’s very weird. I just think that she just chases the money. One of my friends, Kara Davis, was like warning people about this like forever. And she got some pretty harsh criticism in the very beginning. I think you remember some of that, Kane. She got a lot of harsh criticism for that, but she was right. I mean, other people, you know, Sonny Johnson, you know, a lot of other conservatives who’ve been around for a long time are like, yeah, no, no, no, this is a grift. But the reason I bring it up is because that’s the stupidest story ever that I’ve ever heard. It’s all total kayfabe. It’s all it is. Her whole thing is kayfabe.
SPEAKER 04 :
All right. What’s kayfabe?
SPEAKER 02 :
Is that B-fake?
SPEAKER 04 :
Is that what the pig Latin for B-fake?
SPEAKER 02 :
I don’t want to hear from wrestling people. It’s the fake wrestling drama.
SPEAKER 04 :
Oh, okay.
SPEAKER 02 :
You know what kayfabe is because you like wrestling, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, I know that it’s like, I looked it up.
SPEAKER 02 :
It’s in like WWE, and it’s like the acting and presenting the matches is real. Okay. Like you buy into the reality of all of that, and it’s kayfabe.
SPEAKER 04 :
Got it.
SPEAKER 02 :
That’s what it is.
SPEAKER 04 :
Okay.
SPEAKER 02 :
So this is political kayfabe. That’s exactly what it is. The reason I bring it up is, and I haven’t talked a lot about it because I don’t like slumming it and I’m not going to debase myself and debase this program by punching down and doing all that and engaging in this stupidity. But TPUSA addressed it yesterday. And because she was basically accusing the whole entire organization of being complicit. I just think it sounds like she had an unrequited crush on Charlie Kirk and was scorned that he didn’t return her affections. That’s what it comes off as. Because some of the stuff that she says about his widow is really petty and catty. And chicks know cattiness. dudes it flies over your head and that’s not because you’re dumb it’s just because you’re not petty dudes are not petty it is like dudes have other skills right you guys can fix stuff women are petty that’s a skill we got sometimes dudes can be that way too but it’s very rare it’s like a unicorn right it’s very rare or it doesn’t exist but it’s just um You know, the stuff that’s been said is insane. And I don’t know how deeply I want to get involved in this, like I said, because it just it feels cheap. And there’s so many other important things to talk about, like actually important things. But I think this is an organization that actually moves the needle. And she doesn’t. I mean, sorry, but just sitting and screaming into a microphone without doing anything else to help propel the movement isn’t a contribution. It’s not. There’s tons of people every day that talk into microphones, you know, tons of people every day. And you just can’t keep coming up with conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory and offering zero proof. You know, at first we were supposed to believe that some Egyptian plane was trailing Erica Kirk and all this other stuff. And it’s just asinine. And I feel bad for her having to deal with us while also… going into the holiday season, mind you, dealing with this with two little kids, an organization that she’s now running, and then all of this stuff in the press. And it’s all because I think Owens just wants to make money. You can see it with Tucker Carlson’s videos. The videos where he talks to normal people about normal things, they get no views. like maybe a thousand here or there. The stuff that is crazy and over the top conspiratorial gets tons of views. And it’s not because people find it influential. It’s because they like the car wreck. People, that’s why they watch cops. That’s why people watch reality television. It’s the attraction of the circus. They like watching things that are crazier than they are. It makes them feel better about their lives, right? Or they just find it entertaining. It’s not that it’s influential. And I think it’s incredibly, I think it’s a sign of low IQ to misinterpret that as influence. You have an organization, as I said, that actually does move the needle. And you have kayfabe actors who don’t. that just want the clicks and they want the money and they want a share of the digital economy. You know, we had a meeting about this just yesterday. One of the things that I’ve routinely refused to do on this program is debase myself and debase this program and engage in conspiratorial BS. And I also, you know, a lot of these conservatives now and podcasters and some of their big names that are just now pretending that they see this. It’s not that they just now saw that Owens was nuts. It’s that they’re a bunch of pansy ass cowards who were too afraid to say anything earlier. There were a lot of other very brave conservatives out there talking it up and saying, look, this is what’s up and this is what we know. And these people tried playing both sides of it for a long time. And they wanted to cover their asses because they were too terrified of losing a slice of that digital pie than to respect you enough to be honest with you. That’s what this is all about. And they think you’re too stupid to notice. These people aren’t operatives. Most of them are newsreaders. So yeah, I just find it interesting now that a lot of people are like, wow, who knew that she, everybody did. But a lot of the people in the conservative sphere are a bunch of female copulatory organs and they lack the spine to say so. I mean, I’m not going to name names, but you know who they are. And I have no problem saying it to their blanking face. That being said, this, apparently they’re going to have a debate. What is there to debate? They’re going to have a debate about all this stuff. What is there to debate? And of course, she loves it because it’s attention for her. You know, she can, you know, make money in her gay husband with the, you know. Oh, sorry. We’re not supposed to say that out loud. can go. He’s never going to inherit his daddy’s title. That was a grace and favor thing. Never going to happen. But I’m just saying, so they can make money and they can hire interior designers like David Netto and do all this stuff. That’s what they do. They have their mansions and they hire these multi-million dollar interior designers. It’s all about the grift, guys. It’s all about the grift. So there you go.
SPEAKER 12 :
Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SPEAKER 06 :
This message comes from the International Rescue Committee. The IRC has been providing humanitarian aid for more than 90 years. The International Rescue Committee helps refugees whose lives are disrupted by conflict and disaster, supporting recovery efforts in places like Gaza and Ukraine, and responding within 72 hours of crisis. Donate today by visiting rescue.org slash rebuild. That’s rescue.org slash rebuild to learn more and donate today.
SPEAKER 13 :
This is Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. This is Bowen Yang from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. Hey Bowen, it’s gift season! Ugh, stressing me out. Why are the people I love so hard to shop for?
SPEAKER 03 :
Probably because they only make boring gift guides that are totally uninspired. Except for the guidelines.
SPEAKER 13 :
We made in partnership with Marshalls where premium gifts meet incredible value. It’s giving gifts with categories like best gifts for the mom whose idea of a sensible walking shoe is a stiletto or best gifts for me that were so thoughtful. I really shouldn’t have. Check out the guide on Marshalls.com and gift the good stuff at Marshalls.
SPEAKER 08 :
Bad breath is a confidence killer. You could have the best outfit, the funniest jokes, but if your breath smells like the food you just ate, that’s all people remember. Most gums and mints just cover it up. It’s like spring perfume on dirty laundry. Zellman’s Minty Mouth is different. It’s the functional breath freshener that you swallow. Clinically tested to fight the toughest offenders, even garlic and onions. Zellman’s is now available at your local Big Y or online at zellmans.com. That’s Z-E-L-M-I-N-S dot com.
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