In today’s eclectic mix, we tackle everything from the compelling and heartfelt advertisement tailored for those in need of legal assistance to a rather unusual protest rally with too few candies. The discussion then delves into a rather controversial depiction of political satire, dissecting how humor from shows like SNL portrays varying perspectives. Conclude with us by dissecting some of the media highlights and updates, from space threats to, well, curious criminal endeavors.
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SPEAKER 02 :
Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.
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It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
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Well, this Florida woman was stood up and did not like it, and she became a Florida woman story. She broke into her friend’s house and attacked him with gardening tools because he stood her up, say police. Apparently, she had previously hit him over the head with a lock. And I guess he didn’t tell police until after the second time she came. Melanie Davis, 47, and her friend of one year who has not been named. They were going to go get dinner Monday evening. But Polk County Sheriff’s Office said he stood her up. So at 2 a.m. on Tuesday morning, Davis appeared at his home in frostproof and began yelling and screaming from outside his fence. She then insisted that he owed her money for a crossbow. And when he told her he didn’t have the money, she hopped the fence, went in his house to see if he had company. He told her to leave. She refused. She was snooping around to see if anybody else was there. And then she grabbed a garden hoe and hit him on the arm, causing serious injury. She didn’t stop there. She hit him with an aluminum trash can lid. Man, she’s all WWE. And then she threw all kinds of tools at him, including a small pipe wrench. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. If you remember the famous saying from Dodgeball, she then left the premises. The victim went to his neighbor’s home to ask for a ride to the ER. The victim later told police that the dude was covered in blood when he showed up. He reported the incident to law enforcement after leaving the hospital. He had been romantical physically with her a couple times, he told police. But she was booked into jail on Tuesday and charged with two felony counts, aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, armed burglar with a solder battery because the garden hoe. And she also faces misdemeanor count of battery for the lock and another criminal mischief for damage to his gate. She’s still in jail, apparently being held on $16,000 bond. I mean, he could have just gone out with her to dinner and avoided all of it. I’m just saying. Florida man crashed truck, spilled 44,000 pounds of beer on the road. Pounds? Like, isn’t there a different way to measure it? Like gallons? 44,000 pounds of beer on the road. 44,000 pounds of beer. Oh, my gosh. The driver, minor injuries. The beer, total loss. It was all with the beer that you wash your beer glasses in. Bush Light and Budweiser. Celtic has a new pistol out. And like I said, I saw it at SHOT Show. I haven’t fired it yet, but I saw it and handled it. you know, everything at SHOT Show. And it’s awesome. It is the lightest 5.7 on the market. So if you’re like me and you’ve always wanted to be able to conceal carry a 5.7, but you can’t because you’re 5.7. Actually, that works. Look at that. And you’re a buck 20. And, you know, it’s a little bit harder. Well, now you can’t because Kel-Tec’s brand new. They’re brand new 5.7. It’s the PR57 rotary barrel pistol. chambered in five seven and they’re redefining the game again with cutting edge design and performance so like i said lightest five seven on the market 40 lighter than the next lightest five seven and they accomplish this by two specific means they have the innovative rotary barrel that makes it super light and there’s a unique top loading design that replaces traditional magazines with stripper clips i know for a very slim carry profile and a 20 plus 1 capacity so all the people all the drive-bys on the left they can say that like to confuse mag magazine with clip now they can actually do it and be accurate with the pr57 from caltech low recoil for ease of use and accuracy really built to perform when it matters most uh it’s just a great everyday carry for everybody quickest and easiest field strip available and the msrp is only 399 so this is one that you can get and should Visit caltechweapons.com to learn more. Innovation Performance Caltech, first of its kind. Caltech PR57 Rotary Barrel Pistol Chambered in 5.7. KELTECweapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you.
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Recently, a new client called me and started by saying, Mr. Morgan, I really need your help, but I’m just a nobody. Those words stunned me, and I immediately called him back. And we’re now helping him and his family after a terrible accident. I’m John Morgan of Morgan & Morgan. Everybody who comes to our firm at their time of need is a somebody. I grew up poor, but my grandmother was like a queen to us. At Morgan & Morgan, our goal is to level the playing field for you and your family at your time of need. The insurance company has unlimited money and resources. You need a firm who can fight them toe-to-toe. For right at 30 years, we have fought them in courtrooms throughout America. Our results speak for themselves. And always remember this, everybody is a somebody and nobody is a nobody. Visit ForThePeople.com to learn about our firm. Morgan & Morgan, For The People.
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Injured? Visit ForThePeople.com for an office near you.
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In his first term, his incompetence cost 400,000 American lives. Somebody teach this guy a microphone. It’s appropriate that the only person in history to be responsible for more American deaths than Donald Trump is his idol, Adolf Hitler.
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Oh, my gosh. Put a hand over my mouth right now. Cain, what did I tell you, like, off mic?
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I’m not saying that.
SPEAKER 01 :
Oh, I didn’t say to say it.
SPEAKER 06 :
You just asked what you said.
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That guy, somebody needs to teach him how to hold a microphone. I mean, what he does in his own private personal time is not our business, but he doesn’t need to replay it because he doesn’t know how to hold a microphone properly on stage while he rants. What was he going on about? Oh, everybody I don’t like is Hitler. That’s that guy? Yeah. What is his name? Eunuch? Mr.? Mr. Kevin P. Unick. That’s right. It’s his name. We just named him. Welcome back to the program, Dana Lash, with you here at the bottom of this third hour. Is that an actual group, the American Opposition? Is that a real group? No, it’s not. With his little cap. What is that? Going to hold the microphone like this? Stop it. Jiminy Christmas. So he literally said Trump was responsible for more American deaths than his idol, Hitler. What is wrong with people? That dude’s brain is cheese. You know it. What is wrong with people? Golly. I mean, I support free speech and everything, but I also think that I should be able to make fun of that guy to the nth degree because of it. Good heavens. Of course, not everybody likes free speech. Some people are sensitive male copulatory organs about it. Just saying. So the… I don’t know why. What is he even talking to any of them? How boring is a leftist rally? Think about it. They all stand out there and they don’t like to go out in the cold. They don’t like to go out in the rain. That’s why like none of the riots and stuff. They always wait for summer to do that because, you know, they don’t want to be inconvenienced having for bed. But how boring is it? They just sit out there and everyone says the same thing. He is like Hitler. Oh, he is like Hitler. He’s totally Hitler. They all say the same thing over and over again. And they’ve said the same thing. Just insert Republican president here. They said the same thing about Bush. I remember one time I went to I crashed a rally, actually. So one of the things that I used to do back in the day is I would crash leftist rallies. And when they would there literally was a whole movement called what was it? Protest protest crashers. And I would and there’s probably I’m sure footage out there of it. But I would crash these progressive protests keen in downtown St. Louis. And then I would go when I could when I saw like KSDK, which is the NBC affiliate or somebody out there interviewing the protesters or rioters. I would go in the back and I would either. This is bad. Maybe I don’t want to tell a story. I would have a sign that had an expletive that you could not put on air. And it would be something like, you know, I can’t even say it. Or I would like make a face or just be generally disruptive. And they could never air the footage. So that’s… Yeah, that was fun, though. That was a lot of fun. But I went to one. This is my point of my telling the story. So I went to one of these rallies. I crashed one of these protests. And I don’t know why for a while, you know, like everybody back in like the early aughts played hacky sack, like for whatever reason, everybody played hacky sack. Well, at political rallies for the left, everybody had a pinata. That was like the thing, right? They had a pinata. So somebody made and I only knew that it was a Bush pinata because someone said it was it was because Bush wasn’t blonde, was he? He wasn’t blonde-headed. I mean, I only remember him having gray hair, but he was never blonde-headed. Okay, so it was a blonde person pinata. It was like a pinata and it had blonde hair. I’m not even kidding you. And a little suit. And they held it up and people would take turns hitting it, you know, in the name of democracy or something. Okay. And guys, I sat there and watched it for like a half hour. These idiots could not bust this pinata. They could not hit it. And then you know what? When they finally did, guess what? There was no candy in it. I’m like, that’s typical of a progressive, of a liberal protest. You get all these people to do the work of bashing this pinata up and there are no candy inside. Like it opened and you could feel the disappointment from these commies. They were like, oh, Like they busted it. It’s like a dog when a dog rips open a toy and gets all the stuffing out like Wick does with all of his stuff. And then what do you do with it after that? Right. They didn’t even get it off of the stick. It was like on a stick and they hit it and like the body came open and the head. It was like a Pez dispenser and there was no candy in it. And then they’re like, oh, I guess we’re done now. It was so stupid and performative. Although later they did get it on the ground and started beating the crap out of it with a stick. And then somebody set it on fire with a flag. I don’t know. But it was so lame. And that’s the other thing. Is it really a progressive rally if you don’t have some old guy up there who’s trying to rip off Brian Johnson from ACDC’s look with his cap? And he’s up there screaming about everything’s Hitler. And then they’re like hitting a pinata. And then somebody, oh, somebody’s got a flag that they got to burn. That’s their thing. Did you get the did you get the accelerant and the lighter? Yes, I did. Do you have the flag to burn? Yes, I have that flag. I mean, it’s like they’re so every single time. That is a progressive protest. You know, one time they were catered. Did you know this? So I got invited to go to the Michael Bloomberg’s, his totally astroturfed mom’s demand, which sounds like a name of a film that’s like NC-17 and not an actual like grassroots organization. And I went there and they had boxed. I kid you not, you guys. And this is all on video. They had boxed lunches. And I went up, I was like, sandwiches. And I was going to take one. And then one of the women was like, no, she put her hand on it. No, you can’t. Like these sandwiches are for the dumb communist women who only want criminals to have guns. You can’t have these sandwiches. So I don’t know. But they actually had it catered. That was as bougie AF. I’ve never seen that. Well, I actually have seen that before. One or the other, the last protest I crashed, they also had it catered. And by catered, I mean they set up a table and they were literally making sandwiches and then they had a vegan option that was like slaw on bread. I’m not even kidding you. Oh my gosh! Why are these people like this?
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Ugh!
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It does make for fun storytelling, though, doesn’t it?
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What’s on a commie, Sammy?
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I mean, everyone’s like, Jesus was a socialist. I’m like, no, he’s not, because he fed people. He actually did things, you know, and fed the hungry. Oh, Vegas Larry goes, did they have boxed wine with the boxed lunches? It’s funny that you ask that, because they all went to the bar down the road. I may or may not have called all the – I may or may not have called police in the area to say there’s a bunch of drunk women who are going to be driving drunk later. I’m just saying. I may have – I didn’t say I did. But literally, their sandwiches for their vegan people – or not vegan. Their vegetarian was like slaw on bread. I’m like that’s just – What? Anyway. Thank you so much for joining us. Visit danalikesgold.com right now and get a free copy of their 2025 gold and silver kit. On top of that, you could also qualify for up to $15,000 in bonus silver, possibly even more. That’s danalikesgold.com.
SPEAKER 04 :
Recently, a new client called me and started by saying, Mr. Morgan, I really need your help, but I’m just a nobody. Those words stunned me, and I immediately called him back, and we’re now helping him and his family after a terrible accident. I’m John Morgan of Morgan & Morgan. Everybody who comes to our firm at their time of need is a somebody. I grew up poor, but my grandmother was like a queen to us. At Morgan & Morgan, our goal is to level the playing field for you and your family at your time of need. The insurance company has unlimited money and resources. You need a firm who can fight them toe-to-toe. For right at 30 years, we have fought them in courtrooms throughout America. Our results speak for themselves. And always remember this, everybody is a somebody and nobody is a nobody. Visit ForThePeople.com to learn about our firm. Morgan & Morgan, For The People.
SPEAKER 05 :
Injured? Visit ForThePeople.com for an office near you.
SPEAKER 06 :
And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
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Smart update, courtesy of Vegas Larry. You’re going to be excited about this one. NASA now says there’s a 3.1 chance it increased. It went up from 2.6 to now 3.1 that an asteroid is going to hit Earth in 2032. It’s the highest risk assessment an asteroid has ever received. surpassing the 2.7 estimate from 2004. A 3.1% chance of Earth impact, 1 in 32 odds of impact, and 96.9 chance that the asteroid will miss the Earth. But there’s still a chance. Smod. Smod. Smod. Smod. Had to get that out of my system. All right. This, a rare single-letter number plate sold for 1.5 million pounds in a Mad Dash auction. It’s Britain… So they said that it was a single number plate. I have no idea. Why is it? What is it? It’s just a plate?
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Licensed plate, yeah.
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It had the letter S on it, and it was one of 49 number plates that were grabbed at the annual Lunar New Year that was held by their transport department, and it went for that much. I mean, my gosh, if you’re going to hand over something that’s a government thing that much money for, that’s stupid. You deserve to lose your money. Pope Francis is in the hospital dealing with a complex clinical condition, says the Vatican. What? What? Didn’t he have like an upper respiratory thing or something?
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Yeah, they had something. He said polymicrobial or some poly.
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Yeah, like something.
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It was something like he had many, many.
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It sounded super scientific and weird. Many problems. And upper respiratory like. Yeah. Thieves used a U-Haul truck and a smash and grab at Sasquatch Bricks and they stole $10,000 in Lego sets. First off, there’s a store called Sasquatch Bricks. That’s the first thing. The second thing is you can steal $10,000 worth of Lego. It was a lot of retired high-end collectible sets, said the owner. He says they were literally in here less than five minutes. He said, but they were pretty sure they’d been in the store before because the ease with which they were able to locate and take everything. And apparently, he says, this has not been an unusual thing in the Lego community. They do smash and grabs, and that’s why Lego has to lock all their stuff up. So I need to start making plastic bricks is what you’re telling me. And a cat was blown up remotely when it went to a neighbor’s birdhouse. Jeez. This is horrible. Is it Britain? Of course it is. Yeah. An 11-year-old cat was left with singed whiskers. And the owner said it was Jeffrey Dahmer kind of stuff. The cat kept getting into the neighbor’s birdhouse. And so the neighbor remote detonated it when the cat was inside. And there’s video. Yeah, one way to do it. Stick with us, the cat’s okay. Can we talk about the Tom Hanks thing really quick? I didn’t watch the SNL 50 thing because… And I’m not an old Marxist, so I didn’t watch it. And I just, I didn’t care. Like, I saw the ads for it and I was like, I don’t think we can play it because 60 Minutes tried to cite us for playing the footage of them laughing about fascism and speech controls. They really don’t want people to see it. Tee hee.
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We can play the audio.
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We can play the audio. So this was Tom Hanks. He was apparently trying to be a MAGA voter. Is that correct? Yeah. This is what the left thinks that blue-collar workers are like, in case you wanted to know. Listen.
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Speaking of church, can I say something? If more folks went to church, we wouldn’t be in this mess we’re in now. You know what? I agree with you, Doug. I’d like to shake your hand, sir. Here we go. No, no, no.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, no, no. It’s just it’s just a handshake. Yeah.
SPEAKER 07 :
All right. You’re welcome. All right.
SPEAKER 08 :
Well, thank you, my brother. You know, maybe I’ll start a show for you to come on and we’ll call it What Jeopardy?
SPEAKER 07 :
No, we don’t need it.
SPEAKER 01 :
So this is what they think. And that wasn’t even funny. I mean, I’m not offended because I the left. This is how the left views anyone who’s not a Marxist. This is how they view them. You know, this is this is the and then they wonder, well, why can’t blue? Why don’t blue collar workers vote for us? Why don’t people in flyover countries or flyover states vote for us? Because you do this to them. Because you think that you try to create this completely off-target caricature of them. That’s why. That’s so stupid and hateful. But I just didn’t think it was funny. I’m not offended because it wasn’t clever. I’m only offended if it’s something smarter than I would say. I’m only clever or I’m only offended if I think it’s cleverer than me. Because my offense is born of a jealousy. But I’m not offended by this. This is just stupid. And I thought he actually went and did this on stage. That’s so lame. Bless their little hearts. That’s all they have. Oh, I bet he thought that was real funny when he was like workshopping it with the writers. Right. And in the writing room, I bet he thought it was funny. So the left is like, look at the right. The right is so offended by Tom Hanks. And they’re so sensitive. The people who got mad about Indian on butter and Indian on butter are upset. that some people on the right thought it was offensive, right? Those people. The people that got mad over pancake syrup think that some of the folks on the right are being too sensitive, that Tom Hanks literally went out and was trying to act like a racist in order to portray all MAGA people as racist. You know, the people who are upset over food items and packaging. I mean, you can’t make this stuff up. I just didn’t think it was funny. And I felt bad for Kenan Thompson because he’s actually funny. And I felt like Tom Hanks was, you know, how much do you want to bet that he like pitched this idea? Yeah. And, you know, poor Kenan Thompson had to, like, go through with one of the most unfunny segments. It’s just not funny. It really just isn’t funny. And I’ve laughed at stuff, even if they, you know, if people make jokes at everyone’s expense. And this is one of the reasons why South Park is just so popular. Because there are no secret cows. I think what is there saying that… they’ll make hamburger out of all your sacred cows or something like that. It was like a saying that goes like that. They, there are no sacred cows with South park. And that’s why there’s respect there because everybody is up to get hit. And it’s funny. Because you know that there are no limitations with where they’re going to go for a joke. Whereas with SNL, they’re like, ha ha, you’re Hitler. And then everyone’s supposed to laugh at that. Like, what the hell is wrong with the left? I mean, when did they become so unbelievably unfunny? And they don’t even have the virtues of me to call them neo-Puritans. I’m going to correct myself because I used to call them neo-Puritans. But, you know, at least neo-Puritans, you know, they had a… You know, they had a whole like belief set. I don’t even know what the left believes. They’re not like us. You’re Hitler. And men also have vaginas. Like, what are you even? I just, they’re a mess. They don’t know who they are. They’re having an existential crisis right now. And then, guys, on top of that, there’s slush funds going away. Oh, I don’t feel bad for them at all. I mean, you like, you guys deserve it because you put everybody through hell for like how many years? Just saying. So this is just, you know, a correction. It’s a correction is all it is. But it’s just not funny. They’re not funny.
SPEAKER 02 :
Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
