SPEAKER 02 : 0:00

Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.

SPEAKER 05 : 0:06

It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.

SPEAKER 06 : 0:15

Well, this is a Florida woman. A stripper was busted for battery with a banana at a 7-Eleven. This feels like a punk song. Her name… There’s a lot of vowels in here. Call to A-V-I-A. Turner. Got into a verbal altercation. She’s 22, looks 80. Got into a verbal altercation with a 30-year-old woman. They began exchanging derogatory comments. And then she, Turner, became irate, picked up a banana from the cashier, threw it in the victim’s face. They said that the airborne fruit struck the employee on the cheekbone and left a minor abrasion. First off, if I was a cop responding to that, I would be like, it’s a banana. Yeah. You know, get over yourself. Come on. But then I would also be like, listen, Castlevania Turner, this is, you know, no, this is wrong. You can’t be coming up acting the fool like this. They said that she is an employer at a gentleman’s club, Kane, called Baby Dolls. What? Gentleman? Yeah.

SPEAKER 05 : 1:23

Only gentlemen attend.

SPEAKER 06 : 1:26

Yeah, gentleman’s club. What’s that movie, that horror film about that possessed doll?

SPEAKER 05 : 1:32

It?

SPEAKER 06 : 1:32

No.

SPEAKER 05 : 1:33

Chucky?

SPEAKER 06 : 1:34

No. What did it start? Oh, shoot. I’m not going to be able to move until I do this. Horror movie doll. Oh, gosh. What is it called? Not Megan. It’s an older one. Oh, Annabelle. That’s what I was thinking of. Oh, Annabelle. So when you’re talking about the gentleman’s club called Baby Dolls, do you mean like Annabelle? Yeah. So or Chucky, you could also add that. Anyway, she was busted. She also stole a lot. She was already on probation. So she violated it because she stole a whole bunch of stuff from Walmart, almost a thousand dollars. And so she that she was charged with a felony. And then she got in trouble because she did not perform her 75 hours of community service or pay her court fines. So she was already free on a thousand dollar bomb when she got in trouble for the banana battery. She’s just a mess. This chick is a mess. Also, let’s see. A Florida man steals a woman’s purse with a one-month-old kitten inside. The kitten was recovered safely. Everybody’s fine. Why are you keeping your kitten in a purse? There’s, you know, also that. And then a Florida man decided that he was going to steal a vehicle from a car lot. It was in Vero Beach. He had his loan denied. And so he said he spent his last 50 bucks on the Uber there. So he decided to steal the car. It was a 2024 Hyundai Tucson. And they said that the man, Jason Vargasco, was angry after he was turned down. He decided to leave the lot when he found the keys in the ignition. And he got in trouble because guess what? The car had a GPS locator and they were. Yeah, he did get in trouble for that. Yeah. Tomorrow, I’ll tell you about the Florida woman who had a first date commemorative brick that she threw in her ex’s house. We have more to come as we have headlines on the way as we move our partners to bring you the program. It’s our friends over at Caltech, the PR 57. I don’t know. There isn’t a lighter, thinner. a 5.7 that’s on the market. The Kel-Tec 5.7, this is a game changer. It really is. This thing is so cool. They changed concealed carry in 95. Now they got the PR57 rotary barrel pistol chambered in 5.7, redefining the game. This innovative rotary barrel makes it the lightest 5.7 pistol on the market. It’s 40% lighter than the next 5.7. It has a unique top-loading design. So this is the killer detail here. This is so cool. It replaces traditional magazines with stripper clips. So you have a slimmer carry profile, 20 plus 1 capacity. So all the people who say clips instead of magazines, they made this for you. I’m joking. Built to perform when it matters most. Low recoil, engineered for simplicity and reliability. They’re dedicated to making innovation and performance affordable. This thing has an MSRP of only $399. That’s pretty cool. First of its kind, rotary barrel pistol, the PR57, a 5.7 from Kel-Tec. Visit Kel-TecWeapons.com to learn more. That’s K-E-L-T-E-C-Weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you.

SPEAKER 04 : 4:37

As we dug into USAID, it became apparent that what we have here is not an apple with a worm in it, but we have actually just a bowl of worms. There is no apple. You’ve just got to basically get rid of the whole thing. It’s beyond repair. So really none of this could be done without the full support of the president. I went over it with him in detail, and he agreed that we should shut it down. I actually checked with him a few times. Are you sure? I’m like, yes. So we’re shutting it down.

SPEAKER 06 : 5:08

You know why I like nerds? Welcome back. Dana Lash with you at the bottom of this first hour. You know why I like nerds? Because they’re not dumbasses. By the way, I’m in a very George Carlin mood today, so please do not mistake me for Dora the Explorer and set your child in front of the simulcast that you might be watching, Channel 347, DirecTV, the chats at Rumble, because they’ll walk away with very rebellious tendencies and they might have a colorful vocabulary. That’s my only vice in life. Hands to sky. That said, you know why I like nerds? Because nerds are just who they are. And I don’t say nerd like it’s a pejorative. I think it’s just one of the highest compliments that you can bestow upon your fellow man. Because nerds get it done, right? If you got something that you need to figure out, ask a nerd. If something’s bothering you and you can’t, you know, you got to find a way around it, ask a nerd. Because the nerds know. That’s what they do. They eat. They maybe sleep or wait. And then they just do stuff. That’s what they do. Nerds figure it out. So Elon Musk… I should have played Beastie Boys Sound of Science, actually, coming into this. That’s what we should have played. We should just start this whole segment over. Even though it’s live radio. Because that would have been the right track to play. The… group of nerds that he has assembled, they are going around, this is the funniest thing, they’re going around and firing everybody at USAID. They’re trying to figure out, they’re looking for redundancies and they are dismantling, tearing apart all of the government waste. They have six dudes that they know of And they’re all ages 19 to 25. Three of them are still in college. They got one guy, for instance, who is going through, blah, blah, blah. They got an A-suite level clearance for their work. I’m like looking at some of this. They can work on the agency’s top floor. They can access all physical spaces, IT systems, et cetera. And they’ve been going through and just slicing and dicing. One of them is a programmer. They’re all basically engineers at some point. They’re all nerds. And one of them wrote about it over at Substack saying, why Doge? I gave up a seven-figure salary to save America. Yeah, because he’s going to have a ton of jobs after. Dude, you’re like 22 years old. You’re going to be able to have your pick of all the broads and cash in the world when you’re done. All right, so just… You got to look at it as a stepping stone. You’ll have a different girl on your arm every night. All right. And you’re going to be loaded with cash. You’re going to be good. So they went and started going after you. I’m dying laughing at this because God love them. They’re such nerds. I think this one guy’s arms. I mean, I like to think that I’m big and I want SpongeBob jerk arms. You know, like I, for my whole life, I’ve tried to work out to get like super cut and super giant. It’s not happening for me. It’s not in my DNA makeup. My metabolism is too fast. This guy has arms thinner than mine, this sweet little 19-year-old baby face, little baby boy. He’s got arms thinner than mine. But you know what? He’s literally a grim reaper when you get him in this stuff and let him loose. He’s apparently been – he interned at Neuralink. And he’s listed as an expert and he’s just going through and just jettisoning people out of this department. I love it. God love them. They’re all nerds. It’s all so great. And they’re going through and it’s making the left so mad. What do their 20-year-olds do? Look at that. pencil neck that they just made the vice chair over at the DNC. What the hell does this guy do? He can’t even spell words right. He doesn’t know how the government works. And he just gets up there and blows hot air out of his backside. And everyone’s like, oh, so great. Look, it said something. They’re actually doing stuff. I don’t even know what this one guy does. I was reading like his resume. He does super nerdy stuff. That’s all I know. Like, I don’t even know half of what the software is. I’m not even going to pretend. So anyway, they’ve, I mean, they’re working. He’s got literally at his command a bunch of a nerd army. I mean, that’s America, you know, having a nerd army go through. It’s revenge of the nerds, totally. So they’re going through and they’re just slicing and dicing everything. And it is just a beautiful thing to see. And the left is livid. Oh my gosh, they’re livid. They’re so mad. And they don’t know what to make of the nerds. Have you seen them trying to figure this out? The best they can do is, can you believe these 20-something-year-olds have access to these sensitive things? Wait, you mean the sensitive things that you’ve been redirecting to communists in order to take down the U.S. from the inside? That kind of stuff? I got less of a problem with these cats. I don’t have a problem with this at all. Oh, they’re just mad. They can’t believe. Democrats, can I just say… For all the talk about youth vote, Democrats hate the youth. And I say this as someone who was raised in a Democrat family. I did not meet a Republican, hands to sky. The first Republican I ever met in my life was in college. You’re in a Democrat town, Democrat family, everybody you know is a Democrat. I literally did not meet a Republican in person until I was in college. Isn’t that weird? Think about the lack of diversity there, right? So if you stray off of that ideological plantation, so to speak, the left hates you. They hate conservative youth particularly. But they don’t really like any of the youth. That’s when Kamala Harris was like, oh, they’re horrible. That’s why they’re in dorms, et cetera, et cetera. They just don’t like the youth. They use them as a means to an end. They know they don’t vote. That’s why they screwed them over when they promised everyone, oh, you’re getting free college, whatever. Oh, by the way, we changed our mind after you all voted for us. Whoops. No, they’re actually being put to work here. It’s so great. And again, the left does not know how to deal with it because I think they’re half afraid that these nerds will come after them. I mean, God love them. They got acne and everything. Just God bless America. It’s amazing. I mean, they have their little suits. They have their little photos. It’s so great. I mean, I don’t mean to infantilize them, but I just find it… Incredibly ironic that for all the talk about the youth that the left gives lip service, you know, these nerds are working for a smaller government, not a bigger government. It’s a fabulous thing. So, yes, they’ve been going through and just gutting everything. And, I mean, it’s a great thing. I kind of want to be a nerd now. I want to grow up to be a nerd, Cain. Yeah. That’s what I want to do. I think that’s great. So it’s a team of 20-something, these nerds. They said that with this, oh, they called them, the worst that they can do is call them the goon squad. They went into, so Office of Personnel Management, that’s OPN, that’s essentially HR for the federal government. So if that makes sense, it’s basically – I think that’s right. It’s HR for the federal government, OPM, right? Yeah. And they were appearing in meetings and on calls where they made these workers go over the code they had written to justify their jobs. That’s per what – That’s per wired. So they said, and all these people are telling the press, can you believe that they’re actually testing us to see if we can do our job? Yeah, I actually can. Why is that such a shocking thing to you? It should have been happening. Yeah, yeah, it should have been happening the entire time. That’s kind of wild that you think that it shouldn’t. So they said that they’re an OPM expert. is how they are listed. But I love what they’re doing because they’re going through and they found that if you control HR and you can get into the payment system for the treasury, then you can go through, find any government program that has not been authorized, and you can just eliminate it. See, that’s the problem of doing all this stuff. without any kind of actual explicit authorization. If you are some kind of third-party entity and you got a government grant and you got the goon squad, I love it, going in there saying, well, we don’t understand the point of this right here, then guess what? Gone. And there’s nothing anybody can do about it. It’s a beautiful thing. I love that you had over 500 members Of Congress, you had the legislature, all these legislators out there that didn’t do this. You know why? Because they’re not just a handful of tech bros, tech bro nerds. The tech bro nerds are not beholden to anybody like these lawmakers are. They don’t care. They really don’t care. Now, what’s going to happen is if there is something that they eliminate that has been authorized by statute, well, then there’s a process that that entity that had their funding eliminated that they’ll have to go through. But that just is another loophole they got to go through, and I’m fine with that. I think that there should be such overlay of all of this stuff. But I love it. I mean, the oldest is 25 years old. Parents feel proud if your kids are one of the goon squad. I don’t even think that that’s like a… I know that the left means that as a pejorative, but it’s not. This department… And this kind of gets into one of the concerns that I had from the beginning. Because I love the idea of having this basically glorified auditor. I like that idea. But you also had to constantly think of the… process of going through Congress because if it’s again Congress controls the power of the purse and you if you’re going to eliminate something you got to go through Congress unless unless it’s been by EO or it’s one of these oh here’s a government grant through whatever agency see Democrats have done that for so long they never figured out or ever realized that that could be weaponized to work against them and now it is And it’s a beautiful thing. They’re all sick. Like, what’s some of the stuff that they’re saying? Oh, Chuck Schumer’s been just going crazy. But not as crazy as what’s her face. Ilhan Omar, she’s going after USAID. She’s shrieking over all of this stuff. Listen to this. Audio soundbite five.

SPEAKER 01 : 16:49

It is really, really a sad day in America. We are witnessing a constitutional crisis. We talked about Trump wanting to be a dictator on day one and here we are. This is what the beginning of dictatorship looks like. When you gut the constitution and you install yourself as the sole power, that is how dictators are made.

SPEAKER 06 : 17:23

That’s actually it’s the Constitution and elections have consequences. If you don’t like it, feel free to leave. Just go ahead and go. Go on. Go on now. So I’m pleased by this. I can’t wait to see all the savings, Cain. All of the savings! And yes, getting rid of waste, you’re not eliminating the Constitution, you moron. If it’s not Article I, Section 8, it’s unconstitutional anyway. They literally were looking to see, of these organizations and the grants that they were giving, which ones were actually violating executive orders, etc. And USAID became one of their main focuses. It’s Musk saying that. Because the whole entire censorship ministry, for the lack of a better way to put it, like that Nina Jankowicz lady, that annoying theater broad, all of that was made possible by this entity, by USAID. I read something where it said Joni Ernst was trying to get receipts on this for six or so years, and they just refused to hand over anything documenting what they were spending their money on. And you had all of these, whether it was EcoHealth Alliance, yeah, the WuFlu people, uh-huh, all of these far-left alphabet groups, burn, loot, murder, all of it, all of these entities got funded through this agency. They were handing out taxpayer dollars like crazy. And so all of this, they had the… the audacity to think that none of this could ever be taken from them. I mean, it was USAID. So you remember all of the money that was going to Gaza that we were giving Hamas? Guess who that went through? USAID. That went through all of that. Remember the pier that was being built off of Gaza and how we were sending all these resources through that? And it ended up in the hands of Hamas and Hamas never actually distributed it to Gazans. Shocker. That was USAID. You know, the Haitian aid where people were looting all of the money that was being sent to help Haitians. That was USAID. All of it. Every single thing that you can’t track or you have questions on or that seems shady is legit all USAID. And the left is mad because Doge has kicked out the leg from under that stool. They have collapsed their ability to weaponize taxpayer dollars against taxpayers. God bless America. Achieving vibrant, youthful skin doesn’t have to be complicated. With the power of Native Path Collagen, you can nourish your body from within and enhance not just your skin, but also your hair, your nails. By incorporating Native Path Collagen into your daily routine, you can promote a plump, radiant complexion, reduce signs of aging, and boost your overall vitality, all without any unnecessary fillers or additives. Native Path Collagen has only type 1 and 3 collagen, the most important types, making up 90% of your body’s collagen. No artificial sweeteners, just pure third-party tested goodness. It’s completely flavorless, so you can just add it to about anything, your coffee, your smoothies, oatmeal, or whatever you want. And the best part is that Native Path’s peptides formula makes it more bioavailable, so it means your body will absorb it easily. Start your journey to healthier skin today. Get native path.com slash Dana and stock up on native path collagen and save up to an incredible 45% off plus free shipping. Every order includes a 365 day money back guarantee. Don’t miss out. Head to get native path.com slash Dana.

SPEAKER 05 : 21:07

And now all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s quick five.

SPEAKER 06 : 21:13

So apparently Joe Biden, for whatever reason, is signed with CAA. He’s ready to make some Hollywood deals. I mean, that’s what he’s been doing. He spent his whole last term acting. So I don’t know what he thinks he’s doing. What the hell is he going to do? He’s he’s he decided to go with the CAA is a huge agency. It’s a creative artist agency. And their co-chairman said, quote, President Biden is one of the most. I can’t even read this quote. Seriously, I can’t. Are you serious? This dude was like, oh, he’s loved and respected and blah, blah, blah. Says who? No, I don’t feel like being nice. Bite me. I don’t feel like being nice at all. Bite me and then pound curb. I don’t care. Anyway, they said that he and his fellow co-chairs, they’ve been big backers of Biden and Harris. So I don’t know who he’s going to go swindle now. They’re going to have to work somehow because the gravy train’s up. Gravy train’s done. It’s passed. Scientists pour cold water on the popular ice bath health claims. I don’t care. Another of I don’t care. I don’t like baths. It’s people soup. It doesn’t matter if it’s hot or cold. If you’re getting into a bath hot, it’s hot people soup. If you’re getting into a bath cold, cold people soup. But they say that it helps sleep. I don’t do cold baths because why would I make myself uncomfortable like that? You know what I mean? Like we invented hot water. Why? We did. We made it hot. We can make it hot on demand. That’s damn near magic, sir. Oh, let’s see. Students were arrested after they staged a fake ice raid. Oh, and they said there’s chaos, and I think it’s hysterical. But again, don’t care. And also, Super Bowl ticket prices are plummeting because nobody wants to go watch the same two teams constantly play against each other. Oh, look, sports ball. Stay with us. Now, in the meantime, immigration. Hmm. I like how Tom Homan’s been going totally ham on all of this, because remember the New Jersey governor, Phil Murphy? He said, I mean, the way that he said it, he’s harboring an illegal alien. Isn’t that what you got out of it? This is what he said. Let me read it to you. He said, quote, oh, we have a go ahead and I was looking at the transcript. We have 11. Of course, you guys have it. Go ahead and play it.

SPEAKER 03 : 23:41

Tammy and I were talking about I don’t want to get into too much detail, but there’s someone in our broader universe whose immigration status is not yet at the point that they are trying to get it to. And we said, you know what, let’s have her live at our house above our garage. And good luck to the feds coming in to try to get her.

SPEAKER 06 : 24:06

Challenge accepted. First off, when he says, how did he put this? How did he say that? Someone whose status isn’t, how did he say it? Oh, the status is not yet at the point that they’re trying to get it to. Can I just stop right there for a moment? Someone whose immigration status is not yet at the point they are trying to get it to. Yeah, that’s totally not legal, yo. Now hear me out. That’s like saying that you go into a store and you take something without paying for it. The status of your ownership is not at the point that you’re trying to get it to. Do you think that you could use that And you could use that excuse in any way. I don’t think so. Yeah, I don’t think so. So it sounds like they’re harboring an illegal alien, and then he’s challenging the feds to come and get her. So Tom Homan said, yeah, all right, we’ll look into it. Why would you taunt Tom Homan? Why? Why? He’s the guy who, like, I would imagine he’s kind of like my grandpa. How my grandpa was. My grandpa would wake up in the morning. My grandpa was a tough old bird. And he didn’t make coffee like normal people. He’d boil water and then put grounds in it. Like, when he was not even camping. When he was in the kitchen. He just didn’t use it. That’s tough, man. I just get the idea that Tom Holman starts his day the same way. So… Murphy’s office, his staff, freaked out when he said this. They’re like, wait a minute. Are you literally saying that you’re violating… What are you doing? So he’s been trying to backpedal this the whole time. And now they’re trying to spin it as, oh, well, there’s a witch hunt and they’re trying to get someone now. You literally outed them as being an illegal alien and said they’re living above your garage and now you’re mad? So now… This is what they’re saying. Hold up. Let me pull this up. This is New York Post. They’re trying to say, no, no, no, no. You know, it was misinterpreted. What was? Everything he said. It was misinterpreted. There’s nothing like this that actually happened. Oh, wait, we call that a lie. And even though he was literally daring the feds to come and get this person. And they said, no, no, no, no one’s ever lived in the home under those circumstances. What other interpretation is there? He literally said someone who isn’t here illegally is living above his garage. Pray tell, what other interpretation do we have? Well, we didn’t mean like, no, we don’t know. I mean, it’s a felony. You’re admitting to a felony. I don’t know. He’s I feel like he because isn’t he termed out? I think Murphy’s termed out after this. So he really doesn’t. You know, he really doesn’t GAF. He doesn’t. But and they were trying to also. The other thing that he invited was the speculation as to the purpose of the person living above his garage because he clearly said it was a woman. So, Cain, if I if you hear someone saying, oh, yeah, we have an illegal alien female who’s living above our garage. What does that suggest to you? Yeah, but but no. But what are they doing there? Is he is it like someone working in their house?

SPEAKER 05 : 28:00

She’s not staying there for free, is she?

SPEAKER 06 : 28:02

I don’t know.

SPEAKER 05 : 28:02

I mean… There’s got to be some sort of trade of services or money.

SPEAKER 06 : 28:06

It’s usually ass, gas, or grass, so, you know, like, I don’t know.

SPEAKER 05 : 28:10

Really avoiding that. Were you?

SPEAKER 06 : 28:12

I was trying to avoid saying that. I love that for you.

SPEAKER 05 : 28:15

Disappointed that you just did it.

SPEAKER 06 : 28:17

So I… What’s the reason that… What other interpretation is there? They tell on themselves, and then they’re like, oops, oops. Phil Murphy. What do you expect?

SPEAKER 02 : 28:28

Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.