Absurd Truth: The Next Dick Cheney

This is an automatically generated transcript. Please note that complete accuracy is not guaranteed.

Dana Lashes of surd Truth podcast sponsored by Keltech. It’s his laugh mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man. Spaghetti a la battery.

A Florida man was jailed on a battery charge after he hit somebody with literal spaghetti vombit on his sweater already his arms are heavy, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs. But Markel Royale, that’s his name. He forgot that you can’t do that. Uh.

Apparently he was drunk, became I rate and threw a bull of spaghetti at his wife’s head. Noodles hit her in the front of her body and her stomach. The officers arrived at the pair’s Largo residence, they found her covered in spaghetti sauce. He has a lengthy criminal history that includes battery again, beating his wife, and beating his kids.

He had to beat my kids. Oh my god. This man, well, let’s just say saw has nothing on what I would do, but the apparent so he can’t have a contact with this. He’s got literally a rahap she think goes over twenty years, tons of drug convictions.

He’s a fallen he’s you know, got firearms charges on top of be ing a fell in illegal possession. So yeah, he’s he’s not a nice guy, not a nice guy. So this guy carjacked his own customer. A Florida man car dealer carjacked his own customer over a missed payment.

The employees are part of a family that owns the dealership and threatened the customer with a gun too, apparently, So this is how this story happened. I mean, this came from motort. Biscuits, just a fun sight. So in Miami, this federal jury convicted a car dealer employee of carjacking.

And the guy he’s twenty four years old. He purchased a Honda Accord from the dealership in twenty twenty three. October twenty twenty three threw a year ago in the US Attorney’s office. They sent a press release.

It was about you know, thirteeny eight hundred sale. The sales Apparently, the dealer never gave the buyer any loan paperwork, and the dealer had specific terms with the finance company, so if the buyer made a late payment within the first two months, the dealer would have to buy out the company’s loan. So the buyer was laid on their first payment, but ultimately paid it plus a late fee, and then the dealer got a letter from the finance company demanding the full loan. So then they were told not to repossess the vehicle, but apparently they did anyway.

So the guy the buyer had noticed one day at a black BMW following him and then he got out of his he apparently had a red light. A guy got out of the BMW and they carjacked. The guy took his car and left the buyer in the street. And I thought they repossessed it.

Yeah, it’s totally not how and they literally found the guy that works with the dealer guilty of carjacking and he brand district gunn at the guy. So he’s sentenced in January. And apparently if you thought that the auto dealer called Guru Auto Sales had some complaints of the better business beer, if you suspected it, guess what you’re you’re correct on that there there are a few complaints that they got. I’m sure you’re really surprised about it, but you know it’s, uh.

It’s true, very true. Uh this. I’ve never seen anyone go to this extent for concert tickets. I don’t even think Steve would do this.

So this guy apparently was and this is uh from a music site. A Florida man tried to cut off and eat a karate teacher’s toes for base nectar tickets. Looks like it is. It seems like it’s a fake story, but apparently that’s what they’re describing.

They’re saying, that’s what it says. And of course the article’s written so poorly. I don’t even want to like try to shift through it to like give you the story, because it’s like I would fire all those people, and I would buy the company that published the story just to shut it down and fire everyone as penalty for that one bad story where they bury the lead. Let’s see this.

Also, Florida has been named the second best state to live in even after all the hurricanes. Florida was named. Number two, And I don’t think you really need a whole study for that though, really, I mean a lot of people are going there. They said it’s the has some of the low seventh lowest tax rate, six height median household income, so it’s a great place to build wealth.

And they said that it’s a pretty safe state as well. So number two. The number one they are saying as Massachusetts, and I think those people are crazy. Why is it just because of fall? It has to be just because of fall, right, Massachusetts? Number one? How does it get Number one? I don’t know.

I don’t buy. I’m not buying that. I’m not buying it. And then this apparently there was a kangaroo on loose and of Florida County.

Vlusia County said that it escaped away from a home. A kangaroo was spotted hopping around Vlusha County. It got out of its enclosure and the Vlusia County Bear’s Office was called. They shared video of it hopping around the Apparently it gets better.

The kangaroo escaped you know why because a bear entered its enclosure and a bear is still missing. So there’s a bear and a kangaroo, which is what I feel like. This WSACH article kind of doesn’t overstate enough. So there you go.

The owner has been notified if they’re on the lookout. Are partners over at Caltech the P fifteen. If you don’t have it, you should get it. It’s the lightest Thinness double stack nine millimeter on the market and lightweight powerful fifteen round standard capacity at chips with two magazines, one standard fifteen round minimal pinky extension, one flesh fit double stack mag that holds twelve rounds, trittium and fiber optic front site fully adjustable fiber optic two dot reader.

Striker Fire reliability Great sugar Ful has the metal version in the polymer version. It’s their Striker Fire pistol and it’s from the inventors of the micro compact pistol category. It is absolutely ideal for concealed carry self defense quality made right here in America. The literally the it is the thinnest double stack nine millimeter around.

You’re not gonna you’re you’re not losing stocking power at packs of punch without dragging you down. Innovation performance Keltech Learn more at cl tech weapons dot com. That’s k E L t e C Weapons dot com. It’s the p fifteen tried at the range today.

Tell them Dana sent you. Yeah, I mean, always have your first aid kit handy. You know, you never know what’s going to happen around can always bounce off of anything and and come back and nick somebody, And so you’ve got to be prepared for that. You got to be ready to go.

We had like four first aid kits here, and uh, you know, I’m pretty proud of the fact that we had that we were able to take care of the situation. I hope your arm’s feeling better, brother, And uh yeah, we’ll have to get you to sling around down Raggon’s here and maybe blow up a coke bottle. Huh yeah, whatever, thanks, thanks brother. Thank you.

I need a minute, Give me a minute, because I don’t know if you follow me on social media. All well, I had some words about this. I had a late night working. I had some words about this last night.

The don’t be a kuntz, just don’t be Is that how you pronounce his name? Yeah, that’s how you pronounce his name, Kane. Did you not know that the man’s name? It’s whatever I say it is. That’s how we’re doing this today. You know, that’s how we’re doing the Tanner Wright doesn’t just absorb a right.

Wait now, stop, you’re gonna had e anything? Wait stop, nope, nope, stop we got time for that. I need a moment because what the hell did we just watch? It was like a Renaissance painting of dumb blankery watching all of that. So, first off, welcome to the program, Dana Lash with you. We’re at the top of our first hour.

I’m in the theater. Last night I went to go see James O’Keeffe’s new film Line in the Sand, and it was really great, and I. Noticed my phone started going off. Look at my phone.

I picked my phone up and I look at it and it’s several friends, you know, saying have you been online recently? Like a we’re talking about I said, I need you, needs you to go look at the twitters, particularly, I need you to go look at Lucas Kunt’s pages. K U n ce. This is his name. Golly, it’s like shit’s creek s c H I T T S.

This is his name. Stop it. Kay’s over here of it a stroke, stop it. They’re like, you need to go look at his his stuff.

And I went and I looked, and if one could throw up the screenshot, this is the first thing that I saw. I wrote about it too. If you’re a subscribed over at substack, Dana. Last year with you, I wrote about it too, and I’ll be dang, he’s bragging.

He thought that was a flex. Now for if you don’t know who Lucas Kunts is, he’s the guy. He’s the Democrat incumbent or no, sorry, he’s the Democrat challenging the Republican incumbent Josh Holly and our home state of Missouri. And so there were four photos that he shared on Twitter, and he.

Oh, it’s so bad. He shared these photos he’s bragging about. First off, let’s stop here. He’s bragging about shooting a reporter at a campaign event at the range.

So this tweet, there were four. Photos and in one of the photos specifically that they had was a picture of Adam Kinzinger. And everybody remembers Adam Kinsinger. You all know who Adam Kinzinger is, right, He’s the guy who’s a big giant rhino, big giant rhino.

And he was there shooting. It was a range day, it was a campaign range day. And he’s there, I don’t know. He’s holding AR fifteen with a giant scope on it, standing seven yards away from steel targets, shooting over a table of Tanner, right, and he has no ear, no ipro on nothing, and he’s holding his rifle like an absolute capital B and something itchy it like I said, it’s like a Renaissance painting of dumb blankering.

So many things wrong with that image. And then of course shocking a. Reporter is in It is indirectly shot because they’re shooting steel with two two three. They also had a bolt action.

There were. On steel seven yards away and a reporter gets injured, and Lucas Khans thinks that that’s a good thing to post online as a flex. He wrote, great day at the range today with my friend Adam Kinzinger. We got to hang out with some union workers while exercising our freedom.

Always have your first aid kit, handy shrapnel can always. First off, no, you weren’t. How was that a great range date? You shot a dude? This is like the Alec Baldwin rust set. You shot a dude, You Dick Cheney the dude.

You went full Alec Baldwin on this set of rust. And he calls it a great day at the range while posting a picture of Adam Kinsinger looking like an absolute bitch holding a rifle. He’s like leaning so far away from it. It’s like he’s simultaneously terrified of it and also he wants to flex.

He’s got his elbows. Sticking out like a chicken wing. I mean, can you properly shoulder the thing? Just could having someone tell him how to extend it. He’s gonna hurt himself and everybody else.

And why does he have that fore grip? Why is that giant grip like that? Why why is he that close to the targets? Why is he shooting over Tanner right? Why does he exist? We have a million questions, but Lucas Kans calls it a great day at the range. They went to the Adam bald or Alec Baldwin School of range shooting. You know some people, you know they got a gun sight. Now these guys went to the Alec Baldwin school.

So a reporter gets shot. Oh well wait then they were like, you know what when a band aid will do, why not apply a tourniquet. And the first rule of applying a tourniquet is to apply it directly. To the wound.

Oh no, here they are not knowing what the hell a tournique is, applying it directly to his. Wound when a band aid would have done. I always thought the general rule is if you can smile, then a band aid will suffice. Correct, that’s what I have always been told.

I don’t know, but this happened. This all came out last night. I I just and it’s a good thing that Kinzinger has his his eepro protecting his hair. I mean, heaven forbid, but I don’t if you guys don’t know what tannerite is, it.

Goes splowdy boom. It’s the best way to put it. The number one role of reckless range days to shoot directly above the sploady boom stuff and then apply TOURNI gets directly on the wounds of the reporter that you indirectly shot. I mean, I am just surprised and shocked that with all of these safety measures in place, I never would have thought that, you know, that a reporter would have been hit.

I don’t know. But here’s the thing. These guys are big gun control advocates. They want magazine, they want restrictions on magazine capacity.

The whole thing. By the way, there’s always a tweet, of course, there is so this uh he’s like the uh, this Lucas Kunts guy. I mean, it’s it’s amazing. When the McCluskey story happened in Saint Louis, Lucas Kunts decided that he was going to get on X and he posted quote, Hey, mansion man, McCluskey, my offer still stands for a marine lead weapons safety training before you go get your next gun.

I think he needs to take the safety training. Seeing a campaign self owned like this, Since Michael Ducoccus and at least Michael Ducoccus didn’t shoot anybody directly or indirectly, they should form a club. This is like classic white Dudes for Harris. They should form a club with Alec Baldwin and Dick Cheney and Tim Walls.

Yes, they should. They should form a club. I mean, I just want to let you know, I’m gonna make fun of this all day because I’ve never seen anybody’s cell phone so hard in my life. I mean, I don’t understand.

And then they were like shrapnel. There’s shrapnel, and then there’s what the stuff from Ricochet’s I mean, there is a difference. But you can’t. Criticize them because they’re like, well, we served in the military.

Oh, I didn’t realize, and look, I appreciate those who serve, but we literally led a revolution and cut a bunch of Hessian’s heads off on Christmas Eve. So that we weren’t ruled by a military or a king. So let’s all keep that in mind, shall we just saying yeah, on Christmas, God bless America. So I’m just.

Saying that doesn’t ex That doesn’t mean that you get a pass for being a dumbass at the range. If this would have happened at my range, if this would have happened at Texas Gun Experience. They would have thrown them out. If this would have happened at the outdoor range I go to, they would have been tossed out.

My gosh, I would have tossed them out. I this is crazy. People like this just I mean, it’s terrifying. It isn’t absolutely terrible.

I would not want to be at the cane. Would you want to go to the range of these guys. What if they were. Like, hey, Kane, let’s go shoot.

Would you be like, who, No, I’ll meet you there. Oh my gosh, this and there and then So Adam Kinzinger tried to defend it last night by talking about Jay six. I swear to you, I don’t nobody. People weren’t shooting people at J six, not like y’all were at your campaign event.

The range I can’t, but I can’t believe this guy posted this online without any self awareness and he thought it was a flex. He thought that was a flex. They would be like me sharing a picture on X of me throwing a ball. I can’t throw to save my life.

Everything’s a dangerous projectile. Everything is a weapon in my hands. I cannot throw. I couldn’t play baseball.

I’d be killing people. It’d be like me trying to post something like that and acting like it’s a flex or me tal I mean. It’s just so bad. Why would you debase.

Yourself like because he doesn’t know, that’s the short answer. He doesn’t know. There are morons. These are people, I honestly, I know, I’ve I’ve said a lot about this last night.

Never let anybody who does any of the stuff that we’ve just shown you or discussed not only near your gun rights, but near elected office. Don’t let these people anywhere near it. Nowhere near it. I mean the fact that they were literally shooting over Tanner right, and no one thought, hey, guys, maybe we shouldn’t shoot over this sploady boom stuff, maybe we should take it off the table.

Nobody thought of that. God Lee, it’s just chef’s kiss, chef’s kiss. So yes, good, good afternoon. Everybody except Luke is content.

Adam Kinsinger, who went full Baldwin like their campaign range event was a rust film set. I mean that’s Lucas conson Missouri. Don’t be a consom, just telling you don’t be like him. Oh, I have something to offer you today, something absolutely free.

Hillsdale College, the great American college with a huge and effective educational outreach effort on behalf of liberty. They’re giving away free copies of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence before the November election. Hillsdale’s immediate goal is to put a pocket constitution in the hands of one million Americans who may not have one. And if you have one already, well you can order one for someone you know who does not.

But the offer is only for a limited time. So claim your free pocket sized Constitution today at Dana forour Hillsdale dot com. Every American should be familiar with our nation’s founding principles of liberty, and how better than reading our founding documents. To have a free copy meal to you, visit Dana forour Hillsdale dot com and complete a simple form.

They’ll put it in the mail for you with free shipping. They’re not selling your info, They’re just going to send it to you. And again, this offer expire soon. So claim your free pocket constitution today at Dana fo r Hillsdale dot com.

And now all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick five. All right. So Bill Gates privately says that he’s backed Kamala Harris with a fifty million dollar donation.

But sit here and whind some more about Elon musk left. Oh my god, you the bod I throwed it, bouy they eleved it. But then there’s suit. It’s like crickets when it’s Bill Gates doing it just you know.

Of course, is anybody surprised at this though? Is anybody actually surprised that he is different? Yeah? It’s d different disgrace. Okay, So did you guys have on your bingo cards this year the Abercrombie ceo being a pediast. Did you guys have him? Okay? So the dude he well, he’s the former CEO of Abercromi and Fish, which totally like explains it. Their stores were always weird, like they smelled like like cologne and they were dark and it was like a I mean, you walk in and it was like a dimly lit, drunk, bad frat house, not wall frats are bad.

So anyway, this former Abracarbie and Fitch guy, Mike Jefferies, he’s released on bail. He’s eighty years old. He was accused of running an international sex trafficking operation in a bombshell sixteen federal sixteen count federal indictment. He and his partner were arrested in West Palm Beach.

There’s a third dude who was arrested in the same case in Wisconsin. He Oh, my gosh, he looks like you guys remember that old, creepy like dead guy from Poultergeist to where the wide brim quaker hat. Okay, he looks like that. This guy’s got way too much and then want’s finding a very old photo of him.

He totally does not look like this anymore. He looks creepier, older, grayer, and saggier. If you can imagine. It’s so nasty.

Anyway, he was released on a half a million dollars bond and the I don’t even want to give I can’t even give you all the. Details of his crimes. Basically, if you, however, whatever nastiness you can imagine, yes, yes he did it. I mean, there literally are no exception.

I’m not even exaggerating. That’s how bad it is. I can’t even get into the details of the case. It’s gross.

Let’s see this. Ooh ooh, this is kind of weird. I feel like this also was a skit on Dave Chappelle crips. Scientists discover eighty million year old, fully intact dinosaur eggs from a previously unknown species.

It’s the smallest fully intact dinosaur egg ever discovered in a remote area of China. I’m immediately going to ask questions because they did make fake pandas to saying the egg isn’t over an inch long. It’s one of six dinosaur eggs and a fully preserved next from the Late Cretaceous period. And that’s it’s weird.

They’re weird looking. They got pictures of them. They are weird looking. But I mean, I’m just wondering scrambled eggs.

Anybody stick with us. So last night, folks, Barack Obama was in Detroit. We told you that they were going to have they were going to bring up Eminem right before I get too far into this segment. First off, welcome back Dana Lash with you bottom of this first hour, and you can watch this channel through forty seven direg TV Rumble on X.

The chat happens at Rumble. Also find us at substack, chapter and verse. The reason I bring up the Eminem thing is because what in the world is up with his wooly willy beard. Here’s reb Wooly Willie them What was that? There were there iron shavings and you like arrange them magnetically around this bald man’s face.

It was I had one. I think I got it a dollar store in southern Missouri somewhere. And when I see Eminem with his beard, I think of Wooly Willie like he dies it and it looks weird and it it just doesn’t look right, you know, like it didn’t look great anyway. So Barack Obama was in Detroit with Eminem.

And in case you haven’t had your dose of cringe today, here it is audio sound by nine. Go ahead. I gotta say, you know, I. Have done a lot of rallies, so I don’t usually get nervous, but I was feeling some kind of way following them, and now palms are sweating the week.

Pms are heavens. Forget it. I’m nervous, but I’m a surface on the tone for drop creams. Forget it.

Oh my gosh, so horror crowd us aloud. The creams are so strong. Oh my gosh, if you didn’t have I mean, just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I’m just saying, boy, I guess they convinced everybody there.

Look, Barack Obama knows some words to a song. We’re gonna vote for Marxism, yay. Do you guys want to know what the Have you ever seen that Spider Man meme where it’s two Spider Man and an Alley pointing at each other. Have you guys ever wanted to know what that sounded like in sound by for him audio soundody eight, because audio sound bite eight is the Spider Man meme, Like, come to life.

Listen. I don’t understand how we got so toxic and just so divided and so bitter. And I get why sometimes people just don’t want to pay attention to And we all have friends like that, we have family members and just like, ah, you know, it’s all, It’s all a circus out there. I get that.

Really, Yeah, dude, that was you, like bitter clinger, domestic terrorist. I mean, I remember what y’all call the tea party, Pepperid’s farm remembers. What is this like? I just don’t know how we got you damn bitter clingers. I just don’t know how we got so divided, you domestic terrorists, a bunch of racists, his billies.

I just don’t know why we got so divided. That’s a shock. It’s the greatest mister of our time. Oh my gosh, I just can’t these people.

I’m telling you what it is something else I just cannot. And so I you know, it’s amazing to me to see this. And I don’t know if it’s going to convince anybody to go and vote for Kamala Harris. Speaking of which I got some, I mean her her numbers.

She’s struggling. Everyone’s making a big deal about how much she’s struggling with dudes. Now she’s holding. Don’t get all excited Democrats, she’s holding Routers says a forty six to forty three lead over Trump.

And this is a Roiter’s Zipsy’s poll. This is a new survey that’s out again. Margin of era is within the margin of era. But she’s losing, dudes, and young voters are not getting super jazzed about this.

They’re not really jazzed about her. They are her her. The inroads that she’s making here are being chipped away elsewhere, and I think that’s important to kind of to keep in mind. I mean, I think people are just they’re just depressed.

She is a depressing candidate. Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven’t already, made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts.