In this episode of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, we bring you the foretold thrills and oddities of daily life. From humorous misadventures in Florida to scrutinizing the polished veneer of celebrity cooking shows, we uncover truths hidden beneath absurdities. We also delve into financial strategies with a word from our sponsors on gold investment, discuss Hunter Biden’s financial woes, and reflect on current events that provoke laughs and contemplation alike. So sit back, relax and enjoy a podcast experience that takes you on a wild ride through the comedic and critical facets of today’s news.
Illegal border crossings plummet dramatically in Trump’s first full month on the job. Another study proves a higher minimum wage is bad for businesses, customers, and employees. And Andrew Cuomo is officially running for mayor of New York City. I’m Greg Karumbas. Join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the Three Martini Lunch podcast. We’ll give you the good, bad, and crazy news of the day, and hopefully a lot of laughs too. Follow the Three Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.
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It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
SPEAKER 01 :
Okay, I don’t even know… This is the headline. A Florida man swallowed $769,000. At first, I thought it was $769. No, no, no. $769,000 stolen diamond earrings from Tiffany. And he asked cops if he’ll, quote, be charged for what’s in his stomach. He’s clearly an amateur jewel thief. And he, Jathan Gilder, He pretended to be a representative for an Orlando Magic player to gain access. And this is WFLA. The thief apparently ran out of the store with two sets of earrings, one 4.8-carat set worth $160,000, another 8-carat set worth half a million dollars, according to the outlet. He was stopped by the Orlando Police Department on the highway. They got him for resisting arrest, but they could not find the earrings. So they were trying to charge him for theft. He spontaneously asked staff once he got into prison, once he got into jail, if he was going to be charged with, quote, what’s in my stomach. And then they they’re like, OK, so they had to undergo a body scan. And that’s when they saw that they had he got some earrings in his belly. Oh, my gosh. So they literally have to pass through his system. So do you get a discount on them is what I’m curious about. Like, how clean can you get them? And is there a discount? I asked last night, I asked the internet because I had some rare time to sit down and I was going to watch something. And I went to look and I’m like, I don’t have anything on my list. I don’t have anything to watch. I have no idea what to watch. The one thing that I was watching was 1923, but I mean, it’s like barely cranking out an episode a week and I can’t stand that drip drip. And I wanted all of them. I want to binge when I can binge. So I’m like, oh my gosh, what do I? And I’ve been watching, you guys know since lockdown, my kids got me into anime because everything was horrid. And it was non-woke. And don’t stop. Don’t roll your eyes. It’s not a cartoon. It’s like more sophisticated than just like a cartoon. And very non-woke. And it’s just really elaborately done. Things you can’t do in meat space. Anyway, I was asking for stuff because what popped up when I went and looked on Netflix, you know what show popped up? it wasn’t recommended for me. It just said new because they know better than to recommend this. It was at suitcase girl show, the Megan Markle show, her show where she pretends to be a chef. And I wanted to hate watch it because I don’t like her. I think she’s incredibly disingenuous and I just, there’s a whole thing, but I, you know, I don’t get into it. I do think that They’re wrecks. This show, oh my gosh. I maybe looked at, I couldn’t make it through like two minutes, guys. she’s not a very good actor. She’s a very bad actor. And people have these tells that they give off when you know that they’re full of it or that they’re not being their authentic selves. And it’s just weird. Like this stuff that she says, nobody talks about it. And she, everything that she, I know I’m in a cream colored sweater. Shut up. I’ll be back to black later. But everything that she wears is like Nordstrom beige and, And it’s like she tries to be stealth wealth, but really doesn’t want to be stealthy about it. I mean, she’s doing this show. It’s supposed to be a cooking show, but she doesn’t actually cook. Like the other people cook, and then she just puts her hands all over everything and rearranges it. I watched where she took a bag of pretzels and then dumped it into another plastic bag so that it was prettier and then tied it up and was like, ta-da, chef. You know what? I did this for you because we’re friends. Audio sound by 26. I just need you to understand how much I endure for you. Go ahead and do this. Oh, gosh.
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I don’t think anyone in the world knows that Meghan Markle has eaten Jack in the Box and loves it.
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It’s so funny, too, that you keep saying Meghan Markle. You know I’m Sussex now. You have kids and you go, no, I share my name with my children. Yes. And that feels so, I didn’t know how meaningful it would be to me, but it just means so much to go, this is our family name.
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Okay, gosh, please let it pause for a minute. Pause, pause, pause. I can’t. Wait a minute. Come back to it. Come back to it. Pause. Sorry, Juan. Juan’s going to murder me. First off she’s going to chop her damn fingers off With the vegetables I can’t But how many beige things Can you wear all at once All of the beige I say this in a cream colored sweater I’m in jeans don’t judge me This is the only thing I have that’s not black Stop it But do you have to wear all of the sweaters? Number one. Number two, that was a… Bitch, you know my name is Sussex. You know that that’s what that meant. She was like, it’s so funny that you keep saying that. Your name isn’t actually Sussex. Isn’t it Mountbatten-Windsor? How do I know this? I don’t know. Isn’t that what the family’s name is? Because isn’t that when Elizabeth and Philip got married and Philip was mad that he couldn’t give his name to his kids and they ended up being Mountbatten Windsor later. That’s like actually their last name. County Sussex is the county that she’s only been to like one time in her life and they don’t even like them. And they they took that as the title. Your title is actually not your last name. But I don’t that I can’t. OK, go ahead. The cutting of the vegetables makes me nervous.
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And that feels so, I didn’t know how meaningful it would be to me, but it just means so much to go, this is our family name. Husband and three dogs.
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Oh my gosh, your fingers. What are you doing? I’m like worried about how she’s cutting this stuff. It’s endlessly variable. And it’s got a lot of magic in it.
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I feel like you’re watching me fall in love.
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It’s very, very awkward. I’m so sorry I’m blushing. Megan, I want to ask about your look. My who? Your look. Your look, Megan. Oh, my look. Your look. Did I not say it right? I don’t know. I’m way cooler than I am. I don’t know what you’re talking. My look. My look. She likes my look. Your look. Oh, my gosh.
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Is this the banter from the show? So that was obviously set up. She’s wearing a Louis Vuitton denim shirt. That’s what the little V is there. And I’m like, seriously, that’s like so not stealth wealth. That’s like obnoxious. Anyway, what is where’s the they like they made kids party bags and they put in a manuka honey stick, some seeds and like a little garden trowel. Like what kid wants that? No kid wants that. You know what kids want? They want garbage pail kids. They want sour patch candy. That’s what they want. They want fun stuff. They want like something they can throw at their siblings. That’s what they want. And then there was one moment where she said, it’s such a delight to be a present parent. and acting like she’s so busy. I was rolling my eyes so hard. A friend of mine texted me and said, oh my gosh, I tried to stomach this and I couldn’t do it. What is a present parent? You’re raising kids. You know how many other people before you have birth children, although some people ask, birth children, raise them or adopt children, raise them. They’re present in their children’s lives. They’re there. I’m a present parent. And then she did this thing where she arranged fruit in a rainbow on the board. Who the hell has time for that? Who has time? I’m going to cut up my fruit. If you love your children as much as I do, you’re going to poorly cut the fruit. Maybe put some fingers in there. Poorly cut the fruit and arrange it into a rainbow on a platter. And then she was saying, well, you can just use a large plate. This is like basic bee stuff. I don’t know. What the aim of this program was, but it is one of the most cringe things because she is unaware of how horribly she comes off. She thinks the problem is everybody else. It’s just so that’s not even her house. They rented someone else’s house. That’s not even her house. She rented this couple’s house in Montecito and that’s where they filmed it. And so this is not even hers. It’s just so terribly inauthentic. And everyone was saying, you’re ripping off Pam Anderson because Pam Anderson apparently had a cooking thing. She was ripping off what Flamingo Estate, which is this like small business that’s in Los Angeles and they do candles and all this stuff. So she launched these products. She’s got a crepe mix and probably some other mass produced, you know, high process stuff. And of course, her jams, her jellies that they had to keep changing the trademark for a million times. I mean, I just, it’s just so, this is not relatable. I mean, you can tell that she’s not. I think she wants to be seen as being like a lifestyle guru, but you can literally see from her cooking skills in the kitchen that she’s not. And it’s okay to say that you have people that do this for you. Just be honest about it. Don’t try to act to everybody else like this is stuff that you do day in and day out. Because nobody, ladies, can I get an amen? First off, you’re not going to have your hair extensions all the way down in the fruit that you’re cutting, number one. Number two, ain’t nobody wearing white doing tomato sauce. No self-respecting cook is going to wear white and make tomato sauce. This is not happening, especially without an apron. Oh, my gosh. I don’t know. Like I watched it, watched enough to where I didn’t choke to death. And then I just I did this because you guys were tight. Right. And I do this stuff for you as a favor. Don’t subject yourself to this. Just scroll on past. It is one of the most inauthentic things I’ve ever watched in my life. You’re not even interested in this stuff, Cain. I just don’t know. Like, it wasn’t even a proper. Oh, my gosh. So Juan has this. You can’t see it, but I can see it in the monitor of her cutting. It’s on a loop, her cutting things. And every time I look up, she gets like right there by her fingers. There’s so many different parts of the show where she’s trying to cut. She was cutting a strawberry. And I legit thought she was about ready to slice her finger off. I just couldn’t even watch anymore. I’m like, this is horrible. It’s just so inauthentic. And I, oh, look at it. Oh my gosh. What in the world? What is she cutting? Onions. Oh my gosh. And you can see that she’s just not even, I don’t know. It doesn’t look authentic. You’re not going to watch this and you like foodie stuff.
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I am uninterested 100% in this.
SPEAKER 01 :
I would much rather watch the chef that she has make her family’s food when the cameras aren’t there. I would rather watch them do it. And then she can stand on the side and like wear her, you know, Laura Piana, like $2,000 culottes if she wants to. But oh my gosh, I can’t even deal.
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Mindy Kaling, I’m a fan of hers.
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Are you? She’s funny, yeah. She seems obnoxious.
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Yeah, I like that.
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No, like in a woke way.
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Oh, I hate that. But I don’t get that about her.
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I think she said interviews and stuff before. And it’s just made me not want to watch anything she’s in. I’m like, I can’t stand people who get off camera and whine. Like you’re literally in probably a $1,000 denim shirt. Shut up. Like I’m just not even hearing you. All right. I watched some of it, so you didn’t have to. I’m not going to watch all of it. I’m not going to do a whole. I know everybody’s doing this big hate watch viewing thing. I can’t. I mean, I love you, but not that much. Partners, people who will bring you the program. It’s Gold Co. We love gold. Although the URL is DanaLikesGold.com. I’m like, like isn’t strong enough. It’s my best friend. We’re going to go get portraits at JCPenney. Do they still have those? You can get your free 2025 gold and silver kit today. It could qualify for up to $15,000 in bonus silver, maybe even more. Gold and silver have stood the test of time. And right now, remember Trump’s first term, gold surged 53%, silver was 51%. So what does that look like 2025 and beyond now that he’s back in office? Protect your wealth with gold and silver today. You can request their free 2025 gold and silver kit today. Learn how to diversify and safeguard your savings with time-tested safe haven assets. Experience matters when protecting your wealth, and GoldCo is the company that I trust. They’ve secured their financial future with gold and silver. They’ve helped so many people do this, and they’ve been with this program since the beginning. They know what they’re doing. Visit DanaLikesGold.com. Join the thousands of people who have called GoldCo the number one rated gold company. And you can get a free copy of their 2025 gold and silver kit and also qualify for up to $15,000 in bonus silver, possibly even more. That’s danalikesgold.com.
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And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
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So, this is ew. A woman was stung by a scorpion in Boston. Boston Logan Airport. She straight up got stung. My youngest son had a pet scorpion. What was it? An emperor scorpion or something like that? Called it Sherman. Because it looked like a tank. It was a black scorpion. They’re weird. He wanted a tarantula. I was like, okay. I don’t want things that are hairy with lots of legs. Let’s not do that. So, we got a scorpion. Anyway. Oh, this is going to be chills. She totally she got stung. She was collecting her bags. They have no idea where it came from. They they wouldn’t say if it was captured or killed or if it’s like still crawling around the terminal. They have no idea where it is. I mean, they’re not. OK, this is going to be a dumb question. And if my son heard it, he would probably literally make fun of me and turn me into a meme. They’re not like bees, right? They don’t like, you know, ripped our butt out with our stinger and we’re dead. OK, thanks. So they they’re they’re trying to find it. They have like some experts come out, but they’re like, oh, we’re not too we’re not too worried about it. I mean, I guess if you’re OK and it’s just mildly discomforting, that’s OK. I mean, I can live with that, but it’s still gross. What in the world? Why is this a story? They’ve been studying this. A percentage of people who pee in the shower has now been leaked in a new study. That’s the headline. OK, I don’t. A quarter of Americans do it on a regular basis.
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Really?
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They have indoor plumbing, right?
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I’d be lying if I said I never did it.
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I don’t need to know this about you.
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I’m just saying. I don’t know how common it is. 25% seems like a lot.
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That seems like a lot. But they said in the course of an average year, they said 30% of men do it regularly. 20% of women, according to this survey, this is the New York Post, a quarter of millennials say it’s a daily practice. Thankfully, Gen Xers are like 13%. That’s and in total, 45 percent of Americans relieve themselves in the shower throughout the course of the. I’m sorry, but wasn’t there another story that talked about men and do they actually wash their legs and feet or do they let the soap drip down? So I’ve got like a million. This does not like it. Maybe that’s how you shower. Then maybe definitely use the toilet. You know what I’m saying? Like, why is this? Let’s not let’s not evolve backwards. Let’s not do that. A man is suing his brother-in-law after he filled his belly button with super glue. The man says he’s filed a legal claim against his brother-in-law. It was a prank. He poured super glue into his belly button while he slept. And the man says that he and his wife and family are furious. They took him to small claims court. He felt like he had no choice. They were at a family barbecue. He had a few too many beers. Fell asleep without a shirt on. His brother-in-law thought it would be hilarious. And he said it partially dried and it was stuck. They adhered to the skin. It was horrible. $1,000 copay for emergency room visit, $2,200 medical bill. He asked the brother-in-law to cover the cost. The brother-in-law refused. I got to feel like the brother-in-law is in the wrong here. Sorry. You need to help pay up, dude. Because that’s lame. And also, don’t get drunk and fall asleep in a hammock around family like that. What is the matter with you? Trust no one. You know, even at a family event, at a family barbecue. Because, you know, I feel like maybe you’ve probably done something like this before. I am not reading this last story, Cain. Thank heavens. Attorney General Kim Paxton is coming in to save the day because I’m not going to tell you about this Missouri man who tried to have a romantic evening with a train seat. Not making it up. Stick with us. Having help. Our friends at Caltech. The PR-57, it’s a 5.7. And this is a really ingenious gun. I always say that George Kellgren is kind of like a mad scientist. So the PR-57 is the smallest, it’s the thinnest, lightest 5.7 that you can get. It’s actually 40% lighter than the next super light 5.7 that’s on the market. And the cool thing with Kel-Tec, with this firearm particularly, and this is the one that came out of their new Wyoming plant, I think. I think this one did, the PR-57. It’s the way that, well, they incorporate actual stripper clips instead of magazines. I know. Now the left, when they talk about firearms and they try to use clips and magazines interchangeably. Well, guess what? You can actually be right with us. It has a very unique top loading design. So it replaces the traditional mags. You got the clips in there. It’s for a slimmer profile, 20 plus one capacity, low recoil for ease of use and accuracy. And it has this innovative rotary barrel. That’s what helps all make it the lightest 5.7 on the market. MSRP is only $399. Super affordable. And it’s the first of its kind. It’s the Kel-Tec PR57 Rotary Barrel Pistol Chambered in 5.7. Kel-TecWeapons.com is where you can go to learn more. Innovation Performance Kel-Tec. K-E-L-T-E-C-Weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. You know, the Biden’s got issues. Did you hear the story to Hunter Biden saying that he’s absolutely broke? He asked a judge to drop the laptop lawsuit. He says he’s millions in debt, that it’s been worsened by the L.A. wildfires. I don’t know how it’s worsened. He was only renting the house that he was in. Wasn’t the house. that the Secret Service was in, I think that one burned down and the wildfires, the one that they had leased right next door. So he can’t. Nobody wants to buy his paintings, I guess, anymore. That was in Politico. They said Hunter Biden broke a pardon from his dad, spared him from prison, but he remains saddled with debt. He was forced out of the home he was renting by the fire in the Pacific Palisades. He said he’s got a grim financial situation that came out of a court filing that saying that he struggled to sell his paintings in recent months, moving only one in the past 14 months. In the prior two to three years, he moved 27 paintings. He sold 27 paintings. He reported significant debt. Wait, sorry. How many of it was that one wannabe Big Lebowski guy who was his lawyer and pot buddy? Yeah, how many? Didn’t he buy most of them? He bought a lot. Yeah. He reported significant debts, lackluster sales of his memoirs, I sold a hell of a lot more books than Hunter Biden. He sold only 4,200 copies in a year. Wow.
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And those are just bookstore orders. That doesn’t mean that the bookstore actually sold them.
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Wow. So, I mean, it’s so shocking that Biden’s art career ended the day that his dad left office. How crazy is that? I mean, I am marveling at the sheer coincidence of it all, Cain. Truly coincidental that now, because Biden isn’t in office anymore, he’s no longer president of the United States. Suddenly, Hunter Biden’s spit paintings are no longer, guys, valuable. Nobody wants to buy them. So he’s begging. He’s saying he’s broke. You know what? Maybe living in… Let me look at this. Let me look at the… Maybe living in the Pacific Palisades, renting the home that he was. You realize he was paying… Goodness. Oh, man. I mean, he was paying $15,000 a month. Oh, sorry. $16,000 a month. He was paying $16,000 a month. And… Apparently, I guess that house was burned down and then the house that was right next door to it, which was also about $15,000 to $16,000 a month, we taxpayers had to pay that bill for Secret Service to live next door to him. Why did he think? He didn’t need to even live out there. He didn’t need to live out there to work or for any other reason. Why did he think that he could swing a $15,800 a month home, rent it, when his income is entirely predicated upon his dad’s influence as president. I mean, he didn’t even prepare. He was still in that house as his dad was like, you could watch him lose the reelection. He didn’t even have the foresight to plan adequately for what life after his dad not in office anymore, for what that life would look like. That’s the other. He is one of the most irresponsible males I have ever seen in my life. Talk about a failure to launch. It’s him. Oh, my gosh. He’s 50 something years old. He’s in his mid 50s. His mid 50s. He can get like the Denny’s early bird thing, right? And he still can’t stand on his own? He’s got to have daddy, merch out daddy, so he can make his money? This man did not need to live in a $15,800 a month rental. Talk about having champagne taste and a beer budget. He could have been living in a decent sized home, paying a regular mortgage or a regular rent on a house back where his family is in Delaware. But he didn’t want to do that. He was trying to live it up. They think that they’re this great dynasty. And that’s is that not just a Democrat for you now? He’s like, oh, I got to have I can’t suffer the consequences of my illegal actions. So I’m just I can we just throw these cases out? Can you imagine going to the judge? I didn’t manage my money responsibly. And so now I’m broke. Can we can we throw the case out? Can you imagine going and saying that? Just shocking. Absolutely shocking.
SPEAKER 08 :
Thanks for tuning into today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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