In this episode of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, dive into a world where unexpected true crime tales unfold in the Sunshine State. From an unusual incident involving Edward Cocaine, who stirred chaos at a subway sandwich shop, to hidden secrets in a hotel closet, these stories will leave you bewildered and amused. Additionally, we tackle the highly publicized protests against Tesla and dissect the bizarre dynamics of public dissent. Buckle up for a thrilling mix of absurdities and realities!
If you like true crime, you’ll love the Miracle Files podcast.
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We share real stories with the suspense of true crime, but we’ll leave you with a sense of light and hope.
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Like the college wrestler who fought a grizzly, the woman who was dead for nearly an hour, or the child lost in a dark mine for days. These are the kind of stories that remind us miracles are real.
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Subscribe to the Miracle Files wherever you get your podcasts and join us on this thrilling journey of faith and miracles.
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Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.
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It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
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Oh, man, I am made of jokes about this one. So there was a man in Florida who was arrested after he attacked a subway employee. And not like a Subway employee, like the Subway sandwich shop employee. 45-year-old Edward Cocaine. What? That’s his name. What? The name’s Cocaine. What? Edward Cocaine.
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Mr. and Mrs. Cocaine, son?
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What? Mr. and Mrs. Cocaine. Merry Christmas from the Cocaines. Oh. Right? Happy Thanksgiving from the Cocaines. White Christmas.
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White Christmas.
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It’s a white Christmas. Oh, cocaine. 45 of Merritt Island. He was arrested on April 9th in connection with an incident at a subway. He faces two charges. I have no idea why I went into Matt Berry territory. Two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Also armed burglary of a structure, a first-degree felony, and some battery. So they said that Mr. Cocaine became a sidebar. I can’t. Can I just… If I was him, I actually would go into the drug business. I would sell cocaine to people and I would have a big satin jacket that said Mr. Cocaine like Tiger King on the back. I’m just saying you need to at that point. You’ve been doomed. An incident report stated that cocaine became aggressive. and brandished a knife at two subway employees while his sandwich was being prepared. Now, how are you doing that to people making your sandwich? Like, I’m watching how much meat they’re putting on. You know, like, I’m watching the shredded lettuce, the meat. You know, I don’t want nobody skimping out on them pickles. You know what I’m saying? Like, I’m not fumbling around getting a knife out, you know? Anyway, he reportedly forced his way through a side door going after another employee. He did later express remorse. The deputy who… This almost sounds all made up. The deputy who innervated him is named Deputy Dial.
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It’s a TV episode.
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Deputy Dial identified cocaine as a suspect and cocaine later provided a full confession during an interview. Cocaine was booked into Brevard County Jail. So he pulled a knife. It’s Fox 35 Orlando. Yeah, he pulled a knife on him. So he… I don’t know why he does. And it was all caught on CCTV. He does have one of the chin beard things. Got to say. So I don’t know. He’s making a he made his appearance before the judge yesterday. So that’s what happened. And and yeah, well, I the cocaine’s the cocaine family. All right. Next. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. A Florida man hit a dead body inside a hotel room closet and the next guest didn’t notice. Oh, remind me about the subway, the corpse on the subway in New York. Florida deputies say that. OK, if this is my worst nightmare coming true, a dirty hotel room. Oh, my gosh. I a Florida Florida deputy say the housekeeping staff didn’t notify law enforcement after they found bags filled with bloodied linens. And the guest who occupied the room when the dead body was still in it, they didn’t know. They slept in the room and didn’t know that there was a dead body in the closet. I don’t know how quickly things get nasty, but how would you not know? Right? I know if there’s a spider somewhere in the room. My senses tingle. I walk in and it’s… Like, I immediately know what, like, there is a bug that’s going to kill me. I would immediately know if there’s a dead body in there. Also, I look in everything. I open every door. I do not get my, I just, I’m a wacko. But they said that the 33-year-old, apparently, the dude that ended up, he was like a 33-year-old dude, and apparently he had an escort, and she was the last person to see him. And I don’t know.
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It also means the cleaning crew didn’t see it.
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Yeah, I mean, how good is your cleaning crew if they don’t notice the big corpse in the closet? You know, I’m just, what is up with people not noticing corpses? Because I have a story for Headlines Next Hour that talks about there was a corpse on a subway train for hours and nobody noticed it except the weirdo who tried to get it on with it. Oh yeah, that’s a real headline. It’s Kel-Tex PR 57, 57. It’s that we’re going to call it that it’s there. A 57 chambered in five, seven. Ooh, by the way, I’m not allowed to say anything, but I know the thing that they’re coming out with next. I mean, I know they just came out with this one. I don’t know what they’re doing with George Kellgren over at Kel-Tec. I think they just locked him up in a room somewhere and he’s just happily inventing stuff. I don’t know. But I met with some of the Kel-Tec folks, too, when we were in Richmond, Virginia at our event. And so that’s how I learned about it. But the PR-57, 57 rotary barrel pistol, Chamberlain 5.7. I’m going to shoot it this week and I got it, but I haven’t been home. I’ve been traveling. So… I’m excited about this. It’s a light, thin 5.7. It’s 40% lighter than the next 5.7 on the market, but it has an innovative rotary barrel and a unique top-loading design. So instead of a traditional mag, you’ve got a literal stripper clip. They literally use stripper clips for this for a slimmer carry profile in 20-plus-1 capacity. Quickest and easiest field strip available. MSRP is only $399, so it is one you can and should get. It’s the first of its kind, Kel-Tec PR-57 rotary barrel pistol chambered in 5.7. Visit Kel-TecWeapons.com to learn more. Innovation, performance, Kel-Tec. K-E-L-T-E-C-Weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you.
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Democrats now insist they have a huge momentum shift after those special elections turned out pretty much like we thought they would. President Trump has the audacity to claim he should be able to decide who works for him. And Trump makes the media look like Wile E. Coyote again over comments about a third term. I’m Greg Karambas, inviting you to join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the Three Martini Lunch podcast. We’ll give you the good, bad and crazy news of the day and hopefully a lot of laughs, too. Follow the Three Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Speaking of the Tesla stuff, so in our town square this weekend, they’re having another one of their little, they’re going to bus in the bad boomers. That almost sounds like. You know what that sounds like? It sounds like a 1950s biker game. The bad commie boomers, right? The BCBs. We’re going to call them that. Bad commie boomers. Because the nice boomers get upset. They’re so used to getting okay boomered that they just… We’re not talking about you people. We’re not talking, again, about the boomers that were the peaceful hippies that just wanted to walk around barefoot in the woods. It’s gross, but whatever. You do you. They weren’t trying to bother nobody. They were… making rep weaving stuff out of hemp. I don’t know. Like what, what did they do? Kane? They don’t do nothing. They, they were just the, you know, the little snow white boomers, the ones who go and talk with nature and you know, all that. And then you got these commie boomers that are like the weather, the weatherman group and you know, all of those folks. So, They’re going to bust in the BCBs, the bad commie boomers. They’re going to bust them in. Weather Underground, that’s right. What did I say? The weather people? Same thing. Isn’t that an 80s band? No, that was the ladies who sang It’s Rainin’ Men. Why did I think they were meteorologists? I have no idea. Anyway, it’s Friday. Anyway, so they’re going to be at the town square again on the nicest Saturday. It’s like the second nice Saturday that we’ve had in months. So everybody’s going to be out, right? And they’re going to be out there clogging up the sidewalk, you know, out there yelling in their bad commie boomer voices and their mobility scooters and all this and be out there protesting. I think I’m just going to go and stand on the other side of the street with a sign. And just be real chill. We need some chill brought to it. You know what I’m saying? It’s going to be a beautiful Saturday. You’re in Texas. Come on. What’s there to be mad about? I feel bad for the Tesla people that have to work in there. And they got these. Because it’s not like… So the way our Tesla store is set up, it’s… The town… When the town square was being developed, it looks like the 1950s back to the future. Yeah. Main Street. It does. I mean, it looks like that. That that was the whole aesthetic that they were going for. You know, it can’t be more than two stories. And you it’s like this. All the storefronts are, you know, all street front. You know, you have the cool part, all of it. And it’s worked out really, really, really, really well. And you have like high end stores like Apple and then wedged in between the bigger stores and the higher end stores are small mom and pop shops, which is a brilliant way to just like keep the revenue, keep that pedestrian traffic going into these stores and add into their revenue. It’s all great. And the problem is when you get these annoying commies that get out there and they want to protest something like the Tesla. So the Tesla is in. it’s not a dealership it’s they have the cars they have some cars in the back uh in like an alley but um it’s not like a dealership so when they’re they’re standing in front of those that they’re not just standing in front of the tesla they’re standing in front of the apple store right they’re standing in front of an anthropology they’re standing in front of like a mom and pop shop like a origin, a local shop. And they’re clogging the sidewalk and yelling at everybody. One of my friends who was out there with her kids said that they had a crossover, busy street. All these other people were crossing over to the other side of the sidewalk because she said that… One person that drove by said, we love Tesla. And one of the elderly bad commie boomers screamed blank you at them in the middle of us. All the kids are out this. They don’t care about other people. This is just them. They just want to be jack wagons. It’s all they want to be. So I think I might just like stand with a sign that just says Tesla is cool and just stand on the other side of the street. I haven’t been to a protest in a very long time. The last time I was at a protest, I leapt off a stage and got in the face of someone. Much to my husband’s horror. But I made that person become my best friend because you can’t hate me after you meet me. Only when you don’t meet me in person. People are like, we don’t like her. But then I force you to like me when we meet in person. This is my charming personality. But I may do that, Cain. Just like Tesla’s cool. You want to come stand with the sign? I mean, it’s so dumb. It’s not persuading anybody.
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Is somebody going to take video?
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I mean, I’m sure somebody would. I’m not going to go with a camera crew. I just want to stand up and be like, Tesla’s cool. You know, just see what happens. See what happens. You know, that’s all.
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I think we know what will probably happen.
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No, no, no. Because if no one… No, if they recognize me, then they definitely won’t step up. But, I mean, I’m not there to be confrontational. I just think… When you’re they make it look uncool anyway. Can I just explain to you the psychology of why they get why the left gets protests so wrong because they look like dorks. Nobody else wants to look like a dork. Imagine you’re, I’m being really, really forthright. So bear with me. I’m not Dora the Explorer. Do not have me babysitting your kids with screen time. Okay, we have established this. But imagine like you’re a Gen Z or a younger than Gen Z. What’s coming up after them? Alpha, God help us. And you’re walking down the sidewalk. You’re going to the Apple store. There’s tons of people. The Tesla’s right across the street from the Apple store. And the Apple store is like bougie and glass and it’s all new and sparkly and shiny. And you’re a young person going and you see these people protesting outside of Tesla. They’re old commie boomers. There’s like one broad in a mobility scooter. They’re all bent over like cocktail shrimp, like on a glass, holding their signs, you know. And it’s like Musk is a fascist and all this other stuff, giving everybody the finger. That looks cringe. It’s the height of cringe. You’re actually in those people’s minds. This is how younger people look at it. They see that and they’re like, I don’t want to be that. I don’t want to be whatever those people are. And you are immediately convincing them to actually like Tesla because you make Tesla look cool. So I think just, you know, standing on a sign like, I like Tesla or something like completely benign. It’s funny. It’s funny, you know, like totally not at all confrontational. The new cool thing, and it’s weird for somebody like me, is to be non-confrontational. That’s the cool thing. You know what I’m saying? Don’t be confrontational. We were in… Wisconsin at some rally. And this was the Scott Walker recall. And someone had yelled at me. And I was talking about public sector unions and private sector unions. Somebody screamed at me. It was a big old dude in overalls. And I don’t know what people thought. If they think that because I’m a conservative or that I don’t sell meth or something, that I didn’t come from a rural background. I mean, people are shocked when they learn about my origins. I came from the dirt. And this fella had been hollering at me and there was a lot of people there. He’s a big old booming voice and I just about damn near had it. So I’m like, okay, put the mic down. And I just yeeted myself off the stage and went out to go talk to this dude. And my husband was talking to somebody backstage and they’re like, well, there went your wife. And he’s like, what now, woman? And then it was, I was already gone at that point. And I went up to him and I think he was shocked. He ended up actually being a nice friend At first, he was real aggressive. And I’m like, how are you going to be doing me like that? And he’s like, what? And he’s like, you city folk. And I’m like, city folk? I’m like, oh my gosh, bless your heart. You think that you’re more rural than everyone else? Do you want to have a rule off? Because I promise you, I’m going to win. Did you ever mix moonshine in the bathtub with your hands? Oh, you didn’t? Oh, shut up. Sorry. When you were 12, I might add. Shut up. Just saying. I’m like, have you ever been told to help your grandpa and hold something’s little paws while he ripped the skin off of it? You know, I’m like, let’s have this conversation. I lived like one of the Duke boys. I had a family member that brought his motorcycle indoors when it got cold. Like brought it in the trailer and took it apart behind the sofa so you couldn’t see it when you came in. It was all behind the sofa. Just saying. So, and that’s not, it was a smart thing. The man’s making, you know, the most economic use of time and, you know, energy. I get it. So I’m just, you know, let’s not, let’s not do that. And anyway, we ended up talking and he ended up realizing that we’re actually on the same page. And it shocked him. And everyone else there was like, all right, like his fellers, his other. And we ended up being friends like we ended up being real friends. And he was like, well, I might come down here for breakfast in the morning. There’s a restaurant down here. And and, you know, if you want to want to. I think we actually did go to that. And they were there. There were a lot of people there. But, you know, we ended up being friends. That’s the thing. You know, with the left, they. They love these like psychological divides and convincing people that ultimately would be on the same side that they’re not with like stupid little distractions. But long story short, you know, just stand out there with a sign. You know, I like Tesla. That seems real nice. Right. That’s not confrontational. And I feel bad for, like I said, the Tesla workers inside because they got to look at these these crazy people. And it’s only for one hour. That’s the other thing. They’re literally only there from 11 to noon. One hour. And then at noon, they promptly go home. See, their passion for hating Elon Musk is limited to one hour.
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That’s all the budget allows.
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That’s all the budget allows. I mean, we literally went on. I was in Ohio and we were at a protest. And we ended up hiking to a bridge somewhere that these Occupy Wall Streeters got in trouble for trying to blow up. I don’t even remember. I don’t like hiking. It’s just glorified walking. It’s aggressive walking. Just be like, we’re going to go walk in the woods. I’m like, that’s fine. I love being in nature. Love it. Not at night. And not going to the bathroom in nature. Because we invented the toilet and running water and the house and electricity. And we don’t pretend to be homeless. We’re not trans homeless. So… Yeah, and that was the most aggressive protest that I’ve ever been on. But that, long story short, I feel like an hour. You want to go for an hour tomorrow, Kane?
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Sure, why not?
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Just like, we like Teslas.
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I’d like to find out what their hourly pay is.
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Now, how much you guys getting paid? We’re going to see if your payment is better than our nonpayment.
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Right.
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I because, you know, they’re busting. And so this weekend, I think they’re having more of the Tesla things and they just look ridiculous. And I and and I get it. They’re trying to poison Musk and then then use that as a way to indict the Trump administration, the court of public opinion. So I don’t know, one hour though, one hour, I’m telling you. All Family Pharmacy has all of the medications that you need without anything being manufactured at all or sourced from China or even India. It’s all right here made in the USA, which I think is incredibly important, especially if we’re talking about becoming more self-sufficient with things like antibiotics, et cetera, because that’s what All Family Pharmacy does. You don’t have to play by big pharma’s rules. Remember when they tried to shut down actual, therapeutics and access to those therapeutics remember when they try to bar you from getting ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine and that you were being told that you were crazy if you had those yeah But hey, take this injection. We don’t know what it does. Go ahead and take it. They didn’t just dismiss the alternatives. They crushed your ability to get them. All family pharmacy is about access and affordability. It’s simple, fast and affordable. No insurance. No problem. Straightforward pricing. Online ordering. You can get your muds in just two to four days or if you need them in a pinch overnight. Your health is always within reach. I’ve used them many times before. You can also get your everyday maintenance medications too. They make it super simple, fast shipping, no gatekeepers, and again, made right here in the US of A. Visit allfamilypharmacy.com slash Dana and get 10% off using promo code Dana10. Protect yourself and your family today at allfamilypharmacy.com slash Dana, coupon code Dana10 to save 10%.
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And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
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All right. So first and foremost, that chopper tragedy where this plane broke apart, this family that it was the first day of their vacation. They were celebrating one of their six year old daughters, five or six year old daughter’s birthdays. And. They figured out that the propeller, like apparently something to cause the blades to split. And then one of them went flying into the Hudson. The other literally split the tail. And that is what ended up happening. All six people on board, including the pilot, three of them were children, killed. Now, they did say that two of the victims, when they pulled them out of the Hudson, were alive. but they didn’t make it. That came out this morning. Two of the victims actually survived the crash. Now, they didn’t say what state of alive. You know, you could be alive and unconscious, but they didn’t make it. Just a horrible, horrible thing. Another swatted, why does Nicki Minaj always get swatted? She’s, I mean, she’s been swatted, what, three times in a year? So now this is the third time. The LAPD, they responded to an assault with a deadly weapon at our house about 7 p.m. And they found no evidence. When they arrived, they said it was another swatting call. So she had, in 2023, she was swatted twice within a four-week period. So it’s actually three times in like, you know, three years. But still, that’s insane. Let’s see. This, what in the world? So Tyreek Hill, was holding his baby in his arms and leaned over a 35-story balcony. Cops were called. They had a domestic dispute. And people could see him. He was on their high-rise, at their high-rise apartment in Sunny Isles Beach in Florida. It’s like an hour north of Miami. And it showed him holding their daughter, leaning their heads over the balcony, They were apparently in a domestic dispute. Cops were called. They just said it was an assault in progress. But they the baby’s OK. But good heavens that if you’re grabbing your baby from your wife in a domestic dispute and then you’re intimating that you made drop said baby over the balcony, you need to be dropped over the balcony and then pick back up, take it back up and dropped again and then maybe repeat one more time for good measure. I just that’s just nasty. Let’s see. Oh, Prada is buying Versace. Now, this is interesting. I like watching this business as it relates to stuff like this, especially right after we were talking about China. This was U.S. group Capri Holdings, and they created a group of Versace. along with LVMH, because LVMH, that’s Salma Hayek’s husband’s company. How crazy is that? So they’re welcoming, they’re merging. Prada Group buys Versace. We have a lot more on the way. Stick with us. People are mad at John Stamos. You guys remember Uncle Jesse from Full House? I grew up watching Uncle Jesse on Full House. He had, like, the most mullety of mullets I’ve ever seen in my life. It was… The hairband mullet. But he attended a benefit. So Mar-a-Lago, yes, it’s like the, you know, Trump’s house, but it’s also a club and people can stay there and they can play golf there and you can also hold events there. There are tons of different groups that hold events from all over America. The spectrum, you have centrist, you have rights. I mean, although now I’m pretty sure it’s like center and right. You know, probably no lefties go there anymore, but they have all kinds of events there. So they had the Palm Beach Ray of Hope Gala and they support nurses, etc. It’s like a medical, you know, they support first responders, all that kind of stuff. And John Stamos attended a benefit there. Right. It wasn’t a benefit for the president. It wasn’t a benefit that Republicans organized. It wasn’t a benefit that the administration organized. It was it’s a charity event that a charity decided. Let’s have it at Mar-a-Lago. They put it together and it’s a nonprofit. And John Stamos attended because he’s just supports. He emceed the evening. And he was absolutely obliterated by the left for it to the point where he had to he felt like he had to see something on Instagram about it. He said, I accepted the invitation to emcee the Palm Beach Ray of Hope Gala, an evening dedicated to honoring and uplifting our frontline heroes. And he says it’s a nonpartisan event. They support the Academy for Nursing and Health Occupations. It’s a 501c3. They train like, you know, up to like 400 nurses every year. They look at the critical shortage of health care professionals in Palm Beach County. And he goes, I stand by the importance of this. They were trashing him for going. He was saying that it’s not political. And he ended, you know, my values and political views remained unchanged, etc. But the fact that it was just at Mar-a-Lago. Like someone goes, quote, John Stamos just ruined his brand forever. I’m sure, yeah, some stupid rando with no life that’s going to get mad over Jesse. Shut up. You’re not going to cancel Uncle Jesse. Pound all the sand on God’s green earth if you think that you’re going to cancel Uncle Jesse. No, not happening. Just because he was at Mar-a-Lago, because a 501c3 decided to use that… I mean, yes, there are a lot of places in Palm Beach. There’s not a lot of places in Palm Beach that are right there on the beach that have beautiful grounds, enough to satisfy all the parking, etc. That’s just insane. So yeah, they’re like, oh, is that Mar-a-Lago? And when the media first started writing about it, they made it like… They downplayed the charitable organization that organized the event and they made it sound like he was there at Trump’s request or Trump’s invitation. And the way that they put the way that I saw it reported on, it was like they intimated that he was there for like some Trump event. And then someone said, well, can we get mad at the people who booked the fundraiser at Mar-a-Lago for supporting Trump instead of John Stamos? Why is using Mar-a-Lago as a venue supporting Trump? Can these people be any less zombie-like? Is it possible? Just ask tonight, but you’re not canceling Uncle Jesse because it’s Uncle Jesse. A bunch of nobody rando losers who think they’re going to go out and cancel Uncle Jesse. Clearly, you can tell I grew up with Full House, so not going to happen. People are just idiotic.
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Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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