In today’s podcast, we dissect the curious behaviors of some notable personalities and scrutinize historical misunderstandings in the media. From the absurd tale of a Florida mayor impersonating a flight attendant to unraveling Katy Perry’s missteps in the public eye, the episode critiques celebrity culture and the importance of understanding one’s history. We also touch on societal observations that illuminate the shifting dynamics in celebrity fandoms.
This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Picture this. You’re on an important virtual interview answering that make or break question, and suddenly your screen freezes. Not the impression you want. Good internet has never been more important. I’m constantly doing podcast interviews, video calls, and important work on my computer, so I have to have a solid connection. That’s why you can’t take slow for an answer. And with Optimum Fiber, you won’t have to. It is the fastest, most reliable fiber internet in the New York tri-state with 99.9% network reliability so you can stream, work, and game seamlessly. Plus, get a five-year price lock and a $400 prepaid card. Don’t take slow for an answer. Call 888-4-OPTIMUM. Visit your local Optimum store or visit Optimum.com today. Terms apply. See Optimum.com for details.
SPEAKER 07 :
Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Caltech.
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It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
SPEAKER 03 :
Today in gross, a guy tried to pay for… intercourse at a Florida club, and then he called 911 to complain about not receiving the services, according to the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office. He said he went to this club and paid $300 for those, um, romantical services at the oz gentlemen’s club that’s your first step and uh they said he asked for a private room and was denied so now they’ve charged him his name is sultan all no fae he faces a charge of misuse of the wireless 911 system and you know maybe don’t play steven gentlemen’s clubs aren’t where you learn to be a gentleman No, no, no, no. That is correct, sir. That’s weird. Yes, that is.
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False advertising.
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Yeah, I mean, yeah, that’s true. Think about it. This is a wild one. Threw me for a loop. A Florida mayor was convicted for 120 plus fraudulent flights as a fake attendant. He literally used the internal flight booking system designed for employees of several airlines to get himself. That is a security. What? 35 years old from South Florida. He illegally boarded more than 120 flights across the US because he faked being a flight attendant. It’s exactly. He flew on American, Delta, United, all of it through every major airport. You can imagine their false pretenses. So they’ve got in charge of a whole bunch of stuff. Oh, can we talk about Katy Perry? Because Lorraine was on a tear this morning. Lorraine, I think, does not… I kind of get the sense that she doesn’t like Katy Perry. Why did you say that? I mean, she has been on a tear on Katy Perry in Slack. I mean, yeah. That guy who fought her for that house, that veteran that they were in a fight over a piece of property over, they should have had Lorraine in the courtroom. So, Katy Perry posted this. All right, ready? She says, now imagine her saying it. This is the same chick who was up in space, right? Saying, oh, my goddess. It’s so contrived and ridiculous.
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She says that Los Angeles, a place that literally began as El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de Los Angeles, founded by Mexican settlers in 1781.
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Oh, wait, hold up. Woo!
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She continues, this was once Mexican land and the people being targeted today are often descendants of those who have lived here for generations or who came seeking safety and work and dignity. End scene. Okay, so I had some thoughts on this.
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First off, I think she doesn’t know the difference between Mexico and Spain. That’s my first thought. What is Mexican settler? Because I know the Spanish conquistadors that came over, they were already conquistadors, I’ve got to say. So what is she talking about? That doesn’t even make any sense. And also, that area didn’t even want to be a part of Mexico. Let me pull this up. History is fun. History is fun. We love history. So in looking at Mexico, it was pretty much barren land that they didn’t even want. And we bought it. We purchased it.
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And it was after 17… What did she say?
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1781.
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So when did we buy it?
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I think it was like 1858 or something like that. Yeah. So… Oh, Lorraine went further back than that. She was like, no, here’s the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. And like went back into the, I mean, the treaty which gave Texas and everything to the U.S., et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Now, you know, her husband is Mexican. And she was talking about also how racist colonial Mexico was, which I’ve heard about. But it’s very interesting to see people. And I cannot wait for some of the replies from like our our RGV area, all of that, because, yeah, you are you were pretty much it was all based upon class division. And I just you know, I think it’s interesting because every minority in the United States came from a group that discriminated against other people. Everyone. American Indians are not even an exception. Everyone. Everybody. There was. And one of the things that Lorena noted, too, is that they literally had like a like a gradient. I’m not kidding you. Like a skin color gradient. How dark were you when you came over? Because that depended upon how you fit into society. It was colonial. Mexico is incredibly racist. And they had the they kept that as part of their records, everything. It was all all of it determined. It’s like a caste system. And I just she just doesn’t seem to be a Katy Perry is not the smartest tool in the sharpest tool in the shed. She doesn’t seem to be very aware of it. But when she says to at the end of her post, she’s like, you know, people who come seeking safety, work and dignity. Well, why doesn’t she allow them to come and seek safety, work and dignity in any one of her houses? Like the house that she fought a veteran over to buy. She took that guy to court and then was like, you’re going to pay my millions of dollars in back and lawyers fees and all of this. Like, why doesn’t or she’s got a history. I just I don’t know. I why would you say something like this to her last album tanked? She could not give away tickets to her tour there. I didn’t have to cancel dates for her tour. She she’s not. No, people are rejecting her sidebar. They’re rejecting Beyonce and Cowboy Carter, too. And the speculation is that because they have not figured out how to grow with their fan base and attract other new fans from Gen Z and Alpha. Yeah, that’s why they couldn’t even give Cowboy Carter tickets away. That tour, they were literally giving free tickets away through shelters. They could not give tickets away. They slashed tickets twice. I think she was at Wembley or she was performing somewhere in London. And I think it was supposed to be three nights and they didn’t even sell it the first night. which compared to her Renaissance tour, and I’m not saying it because I’m a fan of hers. I like using this as a thermometer, as a measure for where culture is. Yeah, like that one sold out within hours, but this one people aren’t doing it anymore. And the thought from insiders and executives in the industry is that, and I don’t like Taylor Swift, but they said that one of the things that Swift has been able to do is grow her audience with her. Maybe that’s why she’s like 30 something years old and tries to still sound like an 18 year old. I don’t know. But that Beyonce and Katy Perry haven’t done that. And their audience now is dealing with mortgages and kids and kids going into college and all this stuff. And they just don’t they they don’t have time for this anymore. And her ticket prices were astronomical for this tour. What was one of the seats? And it wasn’t even one of the like premium seats. It was like five hundred dollars for a ticket. a ticket and it wasn’t even like the premium i mean i’m thinking for 500 you better be picking me up from my house and literally carrying me on a throne made of people into you know my seat and then like bring me water and drinks all night and snacks that’s what i hour backstage with a buffet yeah like you should be able to be also get a pass to visit craft services all of those things So I just I don’t know. I these people are just completely tone deaf, absolutely tone deaf. But we’re going to play because now you have what the Senate president in Mexico who was like, oh, we’re going to we need this land back. OK, we bought it. No, you don’t get it back. Shut up. You can’t even keep your mayors alive in Mexico. Every single time you have a mayor who says, I don’t know if I like the cartels. Bam, they’re dead. Maybe, like, clean up your own area before you start pointing fingers, et cetera, et cetera. 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And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
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Super sad. We just told you Brian Wilson, this was maybe a half hour ago, of the Beach Boys, has passed away at age 82. The family announced on X that they are heartbroken to share that their beloved father, Brian Wilson, has passed away. They’re at a loss for words. Please respect our privacy at this time as our family is grieving. We realize that we are sharing our grief with the world. Love and mercy. You’ve been dealing with some health issues for a really long time. Now, you guys remember my grandma’s rule of three. You had sliced stone yesterday, two days ago. Brian Wilson today. There’s going to be a third. I’m just saying that’s the granny’s rule of three. It’s how it always happens. I’m not being mean. I’m just being honest. It always happens that way. Let’s see here. I don’t know how to say this word. It’s human limb regeneration. And they’re like these little robot things glowing. What is that, Kate? Axolotl. Axolotl. Axol… What? Axolots. Axolots. They could hold the… The… key to limb regeneration. It’s a popular aquarium of pop culture icon in video games. It’s a little adorable species of salamander. And they’re trying to figure out, you know, through these, could the human body be coaxed to regrow an arm or leg because these things regenerate. So it’s, you know, very interesting. I mean, let’s not splice our genes, okay? Let’s not do any grafting. Let’s see. They’re trying to say that Ozempic is killing McDonald’s. That McDonald’s shares are slipping as the GLP-1 risks spur… rare cell ratings, all this other stuff. I’ve been hearing all kinds of stuff like, oh, it’s killing McDonald’s. Or maybe also people are realizing they don’t want to eat over-processed stuff anymore, too. AI can now stalk you with just a single vacation photo. I think people share way too much online. But they’re also saying that AI could weaponize the data you’ve been sharing for decades and decades. You don’t want to accept all and every cookie request because the AI is going to crawl your content as well. and a body was found abandoned in an ambulance in Brooklyn. I don’t even know how this happens, but it happened, a non-functioning ambulance without wheels. Recently, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis legalized gold and silver as acceptable currency, meaning that Floridians cannot make transactions in gold and silver, thus creating an alternative to the U.S. dollar. So I guess all the inflation and national debt that’s spiraling out of control, not to mention the recent credit downgrade for the United States, has finally opened up all lawmakers’ eyes. The writing has been on the wall for a long time, and it’s time to protect yourself against the declining value of the dollar. And that’s exactly why I partnered with GoldCo, the top-rated precious metals company, to help you take a step towards protecting your financial future. And right now, you can get a free 2025 gold and silver kit that breaks it all down for you. And if you qualify, you could receive unlimited bonus silver, real silver, matched to your account, with no taxes or penalties. It’s a smart move that could help you feel more secure in what lies ahead. Visit danalikesgold.com to get started. That’s danalikesgold.com and move forward with confidence. I want to hit on this Greta Thunberg thing. Can we play audio sound by 32? This girl is she’s not a girl. She’s a grown woman. She’s an absolute brat. Listen to this. Sorry, 32.
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What happened to you when you arrived in Ashdod port? I mean, were you taken off the boat? Was there any violence? Were you detained? How? Where?
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No, I prefer not to go into details about that. We arrived there, we were detained, and then we were… Yeah.
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Yeah. And then she said she was kidnapped, Audio Sun by 31, after their little freedom, their selfie flotilla. And by the way, she rode on a boat that had sails that they never actually unfurled, and it was powered by a diesel engine, but whatever. Audio Sun by 31, listen.
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On international waters, we were illegally attacked and kidnapped by Israel.
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She’s saying Israel, if she wants to understand what kidnapping looks like, let her go to Gaza and see if Hamas will show her all of the American and Israeli hostages that they have. Maybe Sherry Bibas and her boys there, you know, that you saw what happened to them. They were kidnapped. Countless other people were kidnapped. When you’re kidnapping someone, you don’t give them a sandwich and send them home. I mean, Israel must be the worst hostage takers ever. They gave her a sandwich and sent her home. Gave her a free plane ride home. That’s it. I mean, it’s Greta Thunberg and her flotilla of misfit douchebags. They decided to try to float to Gaza. And by the way, do you know that while they were outside of Gaza, there was a convoy of Israeli trucks that literally delivered two tons of food? to Gaza the same day. They were already there unloading the food while Greta Thunberg, I’m not even exaggerating, while Greta Thunberg and her flotilla of misfit D-bags were taking selfies on their diesel engine powered sailboat that they never actually unfurled the sails because none of their little attention seeking celebrities actually knew how to sail. I am not making this up.
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Didn’t I also hear that they consumed a lot of what they were going to?
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They literally did. They ate the aid. They ate it? They only had a little bit of food that they were going to pretend to give to starving Gazans.
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And Israel still gave them a sandwich?
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There’s a picture of her. I have it on my newsletter of her smiling, wearing a goofy hat, and they’re giving her a sandwich.
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Astounding.
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I mean, she is a vapid, obnoxious brat. And it is embarrassing. I give her no excuses for anything. She does this willingly. And they said that they were going to have them watch October 7th footage. And she refused to do it. And she was like, I’m not watching that propaganda. How is it propaganda when it’s literally Hamas’s own video footage? I mean, it wasn’t Israel that took it. They literally got it from Hamas fighters. She is the David Hogg. She’s the female David Hogg. Oh my gosh. What happens if you put David Hogg and Greta Thunberg together? You would get like a dumb Voltron baby of stupidity. Oh my gosh. I think I’m going to have to tweet that. You would get a dumb Voltron baby of stupidity. Oh my gosh. We have more on the way. I can’t even deal. I don’t want to give any of them any ideas. Heaven help us all.
SPEAKER 07 :
Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SPEAKER 01 :
This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Picture this, you’re on an important virtual interview answering that make or break question and suddenly your screen freezes. Not the impression you want. Good internet has never been more important. I’m constantly doing podcast interviews, video calls and important work on my computer. So I have to have a solid connection. That’s why you can’t take slow for an answer. And with Optimum Fiber, you won’t have to. It is the fastest, Most reliable fiber internet in the New York tri-state with 99.9% network reliability so you can stream, work, and game seamlessly. Plus, get a five-year price lock and a $400 prepaid card. Don’t take slow for an answer. Call 888-4-OPTIMUM. Visit your local Optimum store or visit Optimum.com today. Terms apply. See Optimum.com for details.
SPEAKER 09 :
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Absurd Truth: Failed Dishwashing Robots