Dive into a whirlwind episode featuring the quirky tales of Florida Man, Senator John Kennedy’s thoughts on political antics, and a series of eyebrow-raising headlines you won’t believe are true. From dashing wrong-way drivers to the humorous chronicles in Kennedy’s new book, this episode offers a unique view into the bizarre and the insightful. Join us as we unravel the curious escapades of life, politics, and everything in between, while relishing the humor that keeps us all sane. Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana gives us a candid look into the inner workings of Washington, sharing stories that blend homespun
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SPEAKER 03 :
Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Caltech.
SPEAKER 07 :
It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
SPEAKER 02 :
So a dash cam shows a man weaving through traffic, in and out of traffic, construction sites, driving the wrong way. And when the Florida Highway Patrol caught up to him, he told the trooper, I just didn’t want to get caught. Duh. Like no, we thought you drove like that all the time. Well, maybe he does. He was driving the wrong way down I-95. The wrong way, like at a pretty fast speed. It all happened on October 1st. Troopers spotted the white Honda driving northbound on Eye Near. At first he was on the shoulder and then he like weaved into traffic. Troopers tried to attempt to stop, but then he sped off. Then he entered a construction zone and then he apparently stopped at a steep ledge when he couldn’t drive anymore. The trooper ran the suspect. The suspect was able to maneuver out. He was trying to get out of the construction site. Finally, they got him. And the suspect, as the trooper takes him into custody, says, quote, I just didn’t want to get caught. That’s all. I didn’t want to get caught. And he told the trooper that he fled because he didn’t have insurance. And the trooper goes, whoa, that’s just a ticket. Now look what you did. You know how many people’s lives you put at risk? So he was taken to the pokey. That’s where he went. Let’s see. This was yesterday. This… Oh, no. This is the weird… Okay, today, this is… I don’t know how I’m going to say this headline. Kane, maybe you can say this headline for me. This is… I feel like I’m 10 if I read this. Is this real? This is not real. I don’t believe this.
SPEAKER 07 :
This is the first time I’m seeing this.
SPEAKER 02 :
I don’t believe this. Hang on. Hang on.
SPEAKER 07 :
Oh, man.
SPEAKER 02 :
I got it because I’m not reading the story if it’s satire. No. Oh. Oh. Oh, my gosh. It’s actually a real story. Oh, my gosh. Okay. So, police. Here’s the headline. A guy was caught.
SPEAKER 07 :
Oh, crap. This is real.
SPEAKER 02 :
Defecating on a possum. What? Out in the middle of public.
SPEAKER 07 :
I didn’t know that was a law.
SPEAKER 02 :
Was there public or private? What? 45-year-old Florida man. Oh, it was a dead possum.
SPEAKER 07 :
That’s terrible.
SPEAKER 02 :
So basically he’s trying to make some Toms of Maine deodorant. You have the dead possum and then he’s, you know, he was detained and read his rights. He denied it even. And then he told the cop that he doesn’t see straight. Oh, And I guess pretended to be cross-eyed. I don’t know. He got charged with a misdemeanor for exposure of sexual organs and he got booked on. It was like a $150 bond. I don’t know if he bonded out. I don’t even know what that the officer, the troopers or the the. Yeah, the law enforcement officer said, yeah, physical evidence was like totally was viewed at the scene. The action was viewed in full public. He I don’t.
SPEAKER 07 :
So the charge wasn’t pooping on a dead possum. It was just exposure of his genitals.
SPEAKER 02 :
Now, the sores on his face indicate meth. Just saying. It’s pretty methed up.
SPEAKER 07 :
Or something worse.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah. But by the way, I hope he didn’t kill the possum. They didn’t actually get into that because possums are actually great. They’re weird, but they’re great. So I don’t know. Let’s see here. This. Oh, I got you know what? I got a Villages story with that involves real villagers. Man, these golf carts. OK, how do you run a golf cart up on like a memorial of stone? So a golf cart driver is being sought in a hit and run that damaged a memorial in the villages. It’s not like the guy’s hard to find. He’s in a golf cart. He’s not diminutive in size. It’s Lady Lake. They’re trying to find this guy. He ran over a marble stone marker. And there’s CCTV footage. So how are you having trouble finding him? I mean… It’s CCT footage. They people were helping. He like ran over it and totally knocked his golf cart down. People helped him put the golf cart upright and then he just drove away. They didn’t report it. And it damaged the memorial. It’s like fifteen hundred dollars in damages. And he drove over one curb, and then he went over another curb, and then hit the memorial. And he over… He just, like… His golf cart just overturned. He just sort of, like, fell to the side like a fainting goat. And he was speeding pretty quick. Oh, man. This is… I… If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was a woman driver. All Family Pharmacy is a family-owned business dedicated to helping you get the medications you need when you need them the most. With over 200 essential medications available, including antibiotics, antivirals, things like ivermectin, emergency kits, and more, they have you covered for everything from daily prescriptions to biohacking support. Each order includes a doctor’s prescription, so there’s no hassle or middleman. Plus, with fast shipping options, including overnight delivery, your medications arrive quickly right to your door. And as flu season approaches, now is the time to stock your medicine cabinet with essentials like Tamiflu, antibiotics, and vitamins to help keep you and your family healthy. Being proactive with your health is smarter than reacting too late. And beyond basics, All Family Pharmacy offers biohacking products like NAD+, Methylene Blue, and so much more, all designed to boost energy, focus, immunity, and even weight management. Visit allfamilypharmacy.com slash Dana and use code Dana10 to save 10% today. Don’t wait. Be ready for flu season with All Family Pharmacy. That’s allfamilypharmacy.com slash Dana, code Dana10.
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SPEAKER 01 :
More young lefties are embracing communism and actually believe it’s never really been tried. Joy Reid exposes the right’s dastardly secret that it wants less taxes and regulation. And a few weeks after insisting he will never drop out, New York City Mayor Eric Adams drops out. I’m Greg Karumbas, inviting you to join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the Three Martini Lunch podcast. We’ll give you the top news, some good laughs, and we’ll be done in less than 30 minutes. Follow the Three Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SPEAKER 02 :
So I got to tell you, we have a thing in my house, my youngest son who watches the news. You know, he’s very politically conservative, you know, very good Christian young man. And he just very quietly watches the news and watches this. And I noticed that he started introducing some new isms into his life. uh verb verbiage he started introducing some new sayings to his repertoire and i’m like some of this sounds familiar and then i realized he’s been watching senator john kennedy from louisiana and literally like hijacking his sayings and i said i’m pretty sure i heard senator kennedy say this before he goes he’s one of he’s like he’s my favorite in the senate he said he’s hysterical So he’s got all of the he’s got this huge group of kids, college campuses that really like what he says. He joins us now via video. Senator John Kennedy from Louisiana, his new book, How to Test Negative for Stupid and Why Washington Never Will is on sale today. There’s the book cover right there. Senator, a pleasure to have you. We’ve tried for a while to get you on. And so it’s a real treat for us. Welcome.
SPEAKER 04 :
The pleasure is mine, Dana. And I like your son already.
SPEAKER 02 :
You guys would be very good friends. You would be very good friends. He has a very similar sense of humor. But whenever you’re on, he stops what he’s doing. And he’s got to go and watch what you’re going to say. He’s like, he’s going to say something. It’s what he tells us. And you do. You deliver every time, Senator. And your book, I love this. Because this has, there’s this reporter that I studied in school named Joe Mitchell. And it has a very Joe Mitchell vibe to it. It’s just very homespun. And it gets into… you know, your beginnings and your experiences in Washington. And I got to tell you, one of the things that you had said recently, I about died laughing. You said that Lindsey Graham would vomit in your fish tank. Is that a true story, Senator?
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, it did. What I said about Lindsey was I said, I love Lindsey because he’s unpredictable. I said, if you had if you invite him to your home for dinner, he’ll either come and have a interesting dinner conversation or he’ll get drunk and vomit into your fish tank. You just never know what you’re going to get with Lindsey. But Lindsey is just, I talk about him in the book. Lindsey’s a rock star.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yes. And you, I love the way that you describe Your colleagues, you said of Chuck Schumer, when he cuts loose, he’s like a five year old in a Batman costume on a sugar high. And it’s funny, but it also you really get a very good idea of who these individuals are, the way that you know them, because we don’t know them the way that you know them. What inspired you to write this book?
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, I’d been thinking about it a while, and I finally sat down at my dining room table at home with a handheld dictaphone, and I started dictating. And then, of course, they put it in the computer, and the computer spits out words, and I edited that, and I edited it, and I edited it, and I had an editor at HarperCollins And after five or six edits, we finally produced the book. It’s not a book about policy per se, Dana. It’s a storybook, but I use the stories to talk about policy. And many of the stories are funny. Some of them are bizarre. They’re all true. I wrote the book to explain to people what the Senate is really like behind the scenes to explain to people why in Washington DC normal is just a setting on the clothes dryer and to try to help people understand why it doesn’t have to be this way. We just have a return to some common sense. It’s a pretty broad ranging book. I hope it makes people think. may make you laugh, may make you day drink. But it’s all true.
SPEAKER 02 :
You have to have a good sense of humor, I would think, especially because it seems that that now, you know, it’s so much different from what it was 20 years ago. Everything is very hyper polarized. And I was thinking about that when I saw Senator Grassley release these documents showing that the Biden FBI was spying on a number of Republican senators during that Arctic Frost investigation. I saw this headline and then I saw the headline that it came out. John Ratcliffe had declassified documentation showing that Biden was having the CIA intervene and they were hiding his corrupt ties and his corrupt dealings in Ukraine. Is this… Based on your experience in the Senate, this seems like a very accelerated abuse of power that we saw with the last administration and then the Obama-Biden administration. Talk to me a little bit about that, because it just feels like you are really being targeted by Democrats and very much were under the last administration.
SPEAKER 04 :
Well, all of this is coming out about the Justice Department under President Biden through whistleblowers. And we don’t know if we’ll ever get the full story. And it’s clear to me that the Biden administration was totally hypocritical about everything. They accused us of wanting to destroy democracy, and yet they were using the law and the rule of law as a weapon against their political opponents. I mean, we just found out last night that Jack Smith, the special counsel appointed by Attorney General Garland, got the telephone records of eight sitting United States senators. He got the records. And the senators didn’t know anything about it. We found out about it from a whistleblower. For reasons I’ll never understand, Attorney General Garland decided to prosecute a former president of the United States who happened to be Judge Garland’s boss, opponent of Judge Garland’s boss, Mr. Biden. I mean, that’s never happened in America. That’s the sort of thing that happens in a country whose Powerball jackpot is 287 chickens and a goat. It just doesn’t happen in America. And this sort of weaponizing of the Justice Department and the FBI happened every other Thursday. And now, of course, my Democratic colleagues are accusing President Trump of it. But what they did, they hit it. But now it’s all coming out and we’re going to get to the bottom of it.
SPEAKER 02 :
It seems like they impeached Trump for what Biden actually did. Is that a fair assessment?
SPEAKER 04 :
There’s a lot to that. And when President Biden and Attorney General Garland decided to prosecute a political opponent, I said it at the time, Dana. They unleashed spirits they could not control. I knew as soon as they did that, for every force, there’s an equal and opposite force. And here we go, off to the races. And I don’t want that. I don’t want the FBI or the Justice Department. I don’t care what party they’re in. But if they knock on my door, I don’t want to have to worry about whether they’re a Republican or Democrat. I think most Americans just want them to follow the law. And that’s what Attorney General Bondi and FBI Director Patel are trying to clean up. And of course, as they cleaned it up, many of my Democratic colleagues said, well, now you’re picking on us. No, they’re trying to get rid of the bad apples at Justice and at the FBI.
SPEAKER 02 :
Exactly. We’re talking with Senator John Kennedy from the great state of Louisiana for those just joining us. And he’s got a new book out as well that we’ve been talking a bit about how to test negative for stupid. I wanted to ask you to, Senator, because, you know, we’ve got this government shutdown ongoing. It seems like Republicans have done their part. Regardless of whether people like everything that’s in this bill or not, Republicans did their part. Democrats had no problem supporting it when it was Biden’s level of spending and backed in the House with the CR. But now in the Senate, they’re trying to prove something. But I don’t think that it’s working. You all have been really good on messaging with this battle. What do you anticipate happening with this and how long do you think it’s going to go on?
SPEAKER 04 :
It could go on a while, Dana. Here’s what happened. My Democratic friends try to muddy the water to make it look deep, but here’s what happened. Tuesday, a week ago at midnight, our budget ran out. And a couple of weeks before that, we started talking to the Democrats in the Senate and said, well, let’s just extend the then current budget for another six weeks so we can continue to talk about a permanent budget. And then at the last minute, the Democrats came to us and said, No, we will vote to shut down government if you do not give us $1.5 trillion and we will tell you how to spend it. And that’s the only way we will agree to open the government up for six more weeks. Well, you know, as I’ve said before, my mother didn’t raise a fool. And if she did, it was one of my brothers. I wasn’t about to vote for that. And nor were any of my colleagues. And that’s why we’re in a shutdown. All we asked and are asking. is to open government back up and talk to us. We’re not asking for anything else. And the Dems want $1.5 trillion. And they’re going to get it when donkeys fly back. And until then, we’re going to be in a shutdown.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah. And I keep hearing the fear-mongering messages. They’re really trying to play up the stuff with air traffic control. And they’re trying to say, oh, these flight delays. That’s because Republicans don’t want to finance this. We had the same amount of delays and issues, though, under Biden-Harris. So I don’t know why…
SPEAKER 04 :
public’s not stupid no they’re not and and that is what that’s the biggest mistake that many of my democratic colleagues make they think the american people are stupid and now look the american people may not read aristotle every day because they’re too busy earning a living but but they figure out they figure it out sooner or later what’s going on and i think most Americans who get up every day and go to work and obey the law and pay their taxes and try to do the right thing by their children see exactly what’s going on. And I don’t want government to be shut down, but I’m not going to be extorted and I’m not going to allow the American people to be extorted. And I know how bad all this looks. You know, a lot of Americans are are looking at this and going, you know, we thought humans were more advanced as a species. I mean, this is a mess and it is a mess, but it’s a mess that we have to have right now.
SPEAKER 02 :
Last question for you, Senator. A lot of people are concerned about the increase in political violence and a lot of the rhetoric that’s coming from the left. Of course, they always like to point to the right. I think you’re a really good example of how to get your point across with so much humor. And it’s so cutting. And a lot of people have to sit and take a second to unpack it before they realize what it means. And it’s always so good. What are your thoughts on I look at Virginia, for example, and this AG Democrat nominee that’s running for AG down there. And I get the sense that if these people are rewarded by winning elections and having the public stamp of approval by ascending to public office, that that’s just going to encourage that type of action. The endorsement of, you know, things like attacking ICE agents. and trying to set fire to federal courthouses and attacking Teslas and all this other stuff. I just feel like it increases the likelihood of that continuing and ramping up because there’s no condemnation of it from the left, which is where it originates. And I just wanted to get your thoughts on that.
SPEAKER 04 :
You can’t hate. I don’t hate anybody. It’s hard sometimes in Washington. But when I say my prayers, I do every single time. I say, God, please don’t let me hate. um i disagree but but once you start treating someone you disagree with as being not just in error but in sin as being evil then somehow it seems to be justice if you want to see them hurt. And people lose all perspective, Dana. They lose all perspective. There’s so many things in my life more important than politics. So all I can tell folks is, look, don’t worry. about being a good Republican or a good Democrat, just try to be a good human being and don’t hate. Disagree, but don’t hate. But unfortunately, we’ve seen a lot of it lately.
SPEAKER 02 :
We have. Senator John Kennedy, the new book, How to Test Negative for Stupid and Why Washington Never Will. I just really appreciate you. I appreciate every time. I love watching your interviews. We you’re you’re one that we actually genuinely like to watch. And we do watch it when we say we watch it. We do. I appreciate your time today and congrats on the book. Thank you, Senator.
SPEAKER 04 :
Thank you so much. Thanks for having me.
SPEAKER 02 :
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And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
SPEAKER 02 :
So a single psilocybin dose, psilocybin dose. Kane knows all the drug names. Reverses pain and depression in mice within 24 hours. Well, that’s good for the mice. No, I’m joking. I know why they’re studying it. They’re saying that it worked when it reaches the brain’s anterior cingulate cortex, but has no effect when injected near the spinal cord, showing that pain relief takes place in the brain definitively, which I think we knew that, but I think that they were trying to define that for the purpose of this psilocybin. They said that The pain relief comes from the calming overactive neurons in the mood and pain processing region of the brain. They’re really doing a lot of experiments. Look, all I know is I have a handful of Spec Ops veteran friends and some in family that have been doing this. And it’s not like you go and you get high. It’s like with a doctor and all this stuff. And it is like the thing that’s been working for them. It is wild, the medicinal properties in some of this stuff. So very interesting. Unfortunately, the bill didn’t get very far in D.C., which is also wild. Young people are falling in love with old technology. Is this why they like to play like 8-bit games? Yeah. Like we want as realistic as possible because we grew up with all the junk and the kids want all the junk and they don’t want the real. I’m like we we crawled so you could walk or we walked so you could run like and then they just spit on everything that we worked on. So apparently they they really like phones that can’t text. Some of them, though, the only things that they like anymore are and this is from the Wall Street Journal food apps and ride share apps. But they like the idea of not really texting. And they said, because of technology, it’s harder to make friends with people. And one of them said that they like not having all the social media stuff on their phone, but it is more difficult to keep in contact. I’m like, it’s a phone. You call. You call them. It’s… Not so difficult. Britney Spears sparks concern again as she dances in sparkling lingerie with massive bruises and a, well, reportedly broken leg. I don’t know. All she does is dance in her underwear in her house, and her dogs run in fear. Or she’ll, like, dance with knives, which is a meme. But I don’t know, man. She’s… Well, they did. And now look what happened. Like, this is what happens when you remove the conservatorship. Oh, Cain, here you go. Silver snorters. Apparently there’s a cocaine crisis amongst the elderly. You know, Cain doesn’t like the old people. They said that they studied a group of elderly people and they found that some of the highest cocaine snorters, they were the oldest of the group, between 75 and 79. And it was like 28% of them. It’s crazy. Stick with us. We’ve got more in store. Real quick, can I just talk about the gold filigree in the Oval Office? Kane and I are dying over this. So first off, let me just tell you guys, I’m a maximalist. My creed is more is more. I tone it down when I’m on air, right? Because I like, I mean… Let’s just put it this way. I like giant chains. I just do. It’s a thing and I don’t know why. Anyway, but I’m a maximalist in everything. Kane, you can attest to this. Yeah. More is more. I don’t do the tiny house stuff. I don’t do the all white everything stuff. I don’t do the ship lap. I don’t do that. We don’t do those things. So. I am. First off, I’m looking at this. This was when he was with Erdogan. This was back in January. And there’s even more since then. So Trump, there’s been so many articles written about the redo of the Oval Office and all the gold and stuff that he’s added to it. And I mean, just for instance, this image that Juan’s preparing for you, the video, look at all the gold filigree that they’re putting up like by on either side of the doors. They’ve got it like they like underneath the dental molding at the top. Every every panel on the chair rail, there is like gold filigree in it. Gold absolutely everywhere. Again, I’m a maximalist. More is more. I’m not against this. Just not against it. There is a photo where Erdogan was sitting next to him. And this is because normally he’s at the desk. And then sometimes they move to the fireplace. And then when he’s on the opposite end under the fireplace, I think they change what’s on the mantle. And there was one time where it was just all gold cups. All gold cups. It was on the mantle. I mean, that’s a lot of gold in there. It is a lot of gold. So I’ve got to share with you this article that I saw. This was just last month from The Independent. Okay, so you’re probably wondering, is that real gold? That’s in there. It’s very shiny, you know, very shiny. Like European gold is like gold-er, like almost an orangey kind of gold. And then ours is not as different hue. So a lot of people, they had internet sleuths, the independent, which is the left-leaning British trash can. They said internet sleuths say the gold trimming. Well, it’s not gold trimming. There’s actual names for it. Recently added to the Oval Office is actually from Home Depot. Now, hold up, hold up. This is how they start. They’re just mad. They hate him. They’re mad at him. They start with this. President Donald Trump’s brag that he transformed the Oval Office into a, quote, 24-karat gold paradise dripping in ornate decor has seemingly been debunked by Internet sleuths who say the new furnishings are actually cheap plastic bought at Home Depot. So they’re talking about the… The person who wrote this has no idea about architecture at all or building materials or anything. So they’re talking about, oh, the… The fire, the trimmings on the wall. Okay, those are filigrees. You moron. Anyway, they’re saying that these embellishments, they’re polyurethane applique and onlay molding. Now, I don’t know if that’s true or not. I don’t care. I don’t know. Some say that, you know, it’s like BuzzFeed said they’re like $30 and they painted them gold. So wait a minute. Are you mad? Are they mad that he didn’t go get real gold filigrees and put them up there? Or are they madder that he just spent $30 on a bunch of these plastic things and painted them gold and put them up? I mean, either way, it still looks nice. But I’m just saying, are they mad that he saved money?
SPEAKER 07 :
The way I saw it in the beginning was they were upset that all of this money was being spent at a time that we’re all in debt. And that was the story about the gold in the Oval Office. Now that we find out it’s from Home Depot, it just looks good. Now they switch up the game.
SPEAKER 02 :
You had people saying, imagine running the free world and still decorating like a broke mobster’s wife in Jersey. You know, $30 Home Depot applique, spray painted gold, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I bet you I could shred the decor in these people’s houses. How much you want to bet? Oh, wait, let me guess. These people who are criticizing him went to that one aisle at Target and they got all their stupid seashells and the coral that everybody has and all their houses look like the same influencer vomit. How much you want to bet? So asinine. And that they’re just they’re mad at him because of that. Now, I don’t even know if that’s I don’t even know if they come. I don’t care. I am not going to sit here and work myself into a mess over trying to figure out if the filigrees on the damned wall are from Home Depot. You losers! What in the world? I don’t care. Cain, do you care? Is your day wrecked if you think they come from Home Depot?
SPEAKER 07 :
No. Couldn’t care less. Looks pretty good, though, whenever we see video from the Oval Office.
SPEAKER 02 :
I mean, if you’re going to try to judge our nation based upon the filigrees in the White House, we can show you the filigree that is our military. We can show you the filigree that is our better economy. We can show you the filigree that is our mostly still free society. We can show you the filigree of better individual wealth per capita than compared to any other nation. We can do that if you really, really… want to have that comparison with the back-to-back World War champs, but, you know. Just saying. If he wanted to save some money, then you should shut up about it maybe, right? I mean, these are the people who are like, I can’t afford avocados or my avocado toast because they have no idea how to invest and they have no idea how to save money and they have no idea how to do basic things in life because they’ve always been in their parents’ basement. So I just saw this story and I keep seeing articles because the left is just mesmerized by the stuff he adds. It’s Trump for crying out loud, okay? And by the way, to sit here and say, That it would be that like, do you honestly believe that he was the one who chose the materials? I think he told people what he wanted and they made it happen. Do you honestly think that Trump is just literally heading up to the Home Depot in the beast and he’s going in and picking out? No, he’s not. He’s telling people and they’re making it happen. But also to say that the stuff he does is cheap. This is he doesn’t do cheap stuff. Whether or not I would spend as much money as he does on gold decor, I don’t know. Everybody, you know, to each to their own. But this is just such a stupid thing to freak out about. It’s so dumb. I just now I feel like Shorzy. It’s so dumb. Just so dumb.
SPEAKER 03 :
Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Absurd Truth: Nancy Pelosi Debuts Southern Accent