In this episode of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, we dive into a series of bizarre and outrageous stories from Florida, including a criminal’s foolish escapades and a sad tale involving fake money and unrequited love. We also tackle serious topics like the controversial views on retirement planning that challenge traditional advice and uncover what might really be happening with your savings.
Make sure you’re following the podcast so you never miss an episode especially when the news gets crazy and while you’re there leave a quick rating and review. It helps us get this show in front of more people who need some sanity in their day.
SPEAKER 05 :
Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast.
SPEAKER 04 :
It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
SPEAKER 06 :
So Florida man robbed three stores at gunpoint, and then as he was fleeing, crashed right into a telephone pole. He didn’t get very far. Not at all. WFLA says a Florida man led law enforcement on a chase, Marion County. This was on Tuesday. He entered a Family Dollar, pointed… Why do people rob Family Dollars? Family Dollar, for crying out loud. He pointed a gun at the store clerk, demanded money, left the store, entered a shoe station. I guess they sell shoes. And then he entered a Murphy Oil gas station. And then, again, he held that person at gunpoint, held the shoe store person at gunpoint to rob them. And then… tried to flee the scene and ran right into a pole. Karma! Nature helped. Right? There’s a little bit of a little bit of a godsmag right there, I would say. Let’s see. Ooh, that one’s nasty. Let me do this one real quick. This is the saddest headline ever. A Florida man bought a stripper flowers and chocolates with fake money. Everything about this is sad. It’s like the, what is it, the world’s shortest story. Wasn’t it Hemingway that said baby shoes for sale, never used? Right. Yeah. World’s saddest story. Or is it? Florida man buys stripper flowers and chocolates with fake money. That’s probably going to be the world’s shortest story now. Alexander Depew. Thought he could buy his way to a dancer’s heart. 32-year-old spent $300 in movie prop money at a Clearwater forest to get a spread of chocolates and flowers for a woman at Oasis Cabaret. Mr. Depew handed over 15 counterfeit $20 bills to cover $288. And then it wasn’t until he left that the florist saw that the bills were marked replica and not legal tender. Yeah. So he headed to the strip club. He tried to pay his bar tab with some more of the fake money. They were a little wiser, though, at the club. And they’re like, yeah, we’re really good at spotting fake stuff, whether it’s on stage or this cash. And they weren’t falling for it. They immediately called the police. And when the police arrived, they found another four hundred dollars in fake cash in his pockets. And so he said that, yeah, I did it because I wanted to give this dancer flowers and chocolates. They when they looked in his car, too, they found all kinds of methamphetamine and everything. So he’s being held on a twenty one thousand dollar bond. But did the stripper get the chocolates and flowers, though? Or was that like evidence? I’m curious to that. Did it ever make it to her? Whatever happened to that? You think? So that’s the saddest, probably the saddest story. Let’s see. Oh, ex-husbands, plural. Florida woman is accused of killing ex-husbands across Tampa Bay. Man, she looks like she’d kill you. I was looking at this lady’s mugshot. I just need to start a service where you send me a photo of a woman, and I’m going to tell you straight up whether or not she’s crazy just from one photo. Just have her look at the camera, have decent lighting, and I’ll tell you if she’s crazy by looking at her. I should do that as a service. I’d save a lot of people a lot of time and money. But she’s accused of murdering her ex-husbands, plural, two of them. She was Susan Avalon. She’s 51. She was a hell of a lot older than that. She waived her arraignment, entered plea for jury trial. Manatee County, they arrested her after she was masquerading as a Panera food delivery driver. She shot one ex-husband and then both of them in December. 911 was called on one of them. And the guy, before he passed away, told law enforcement he described the way she looked. And when they go, well, do you know who it could have been? He said, quote, possibly my ex-wife, Susan. So and their 15 year old daughter was there at home when she shot and killed her ex-husband, her daughter’s father. That’s crazy. So they and the daughter super traumatized. So the mother’s taken into custody. But yeah, she does look nuts. I’m telling you, they all have a look, dudes. They all got a look, every one of them. And a Florida teen was arrested after a high-speed chase ended with a crash into a mail truck. Like M-A-I-L. M-A-I-L, not like a mail truck for Don Lemon. Yeah, he’s in trouble, this dude. Are you being lied to about your retirement? I mean, the advice sounds familiar. Max out your 401k and your IRA and hand your life savings to Wall Street and just hope that the market cooperates. If that were the only way, why do so many people then risk outliving their savings? Why does the inventor of the 401k call it a monster that should be destroyed? The time has come to hear the truth. Bank on Yourself is a retirement plan alternative that provides guaranteed predictable growth and reliable retirement income. Current tax law allows you to enjoy tax-free retirement income while maintaining control and access to your money for emergencies and opportunities. 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SPEAKER 01 :
Minnesota Governor Tim Walz compares criminal illegals to Anne Frank hiding in her attic. Democrats want to shut down the government to defund ICE, even though that wouldn’t defund ICE. And census projections show more people fleeing blue states and creating a better electoral college map for Republicans. I’m Greg Karambas, inviting you to join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the Three Martini Lunch podcast. We’ll give you the top news, some good laughs, and we’ll be done in less than 30 minutes. Follow the Three Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SPEAKER 06 :
You know what’s funny? So I saw TMZ. They’re attacking Nicki Minaj because what did Nicki Minaj call Don Lemon? Hold up. They said she used a homophobic slur on him. Hang on. Let me look at this because I am dying laughing if it’s what I think it is. Typing this in here. They said, oh, yeah, they’re all mad at her. She doubles down on homophobic slur at Don Lemon before his arrest. Well, what was the slur?
SPEAKER 04 :
I think she just said bitch, right?
SPEAKER 06 :
I don’t know. Oh, I think she… No, she… She… They asked her, they go, was there anything you’d like to say to Don Lemon? And she laughed and… I don’t know how to say this, Cain. No, don’t say it. I know you know. A male copulatory organ consumer? Oh. That’s as close as we’re getting. She said that, stop. That’s what she said. Yeah, that’s as close as we’re gonna get. Now, question. She called him the noun for an activity.
SPEAKER 04 :
Now we’re all confused. Now we’re all confused.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, this is the news. How do I do this?
SPEAKER 04 :
If a lollipop was made out of rooster.
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, okay, you don’t need to go further with that.
SPEAKER 04 :
Okay, I think that does it though, right? Okay. We’re good?
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, okay. So.
SPEAKER 02 :
You called for Don Lemon’s arrest over his church stunt in Minneapolis. He’s since called you racist, unhinged, homophobic, and out of your depth. Anything you’d like to say to Don Lemon? Sucker, stop.
SPEAKER 06 :
Now, my question is this. How is it a slur when that’s what you do? I mean… That’s like saying, Dana, are you a… I’m a casual gamer, but, like, are you a gamer? Well, yes, I am that-er, because I do game. So if… So he does that. That’s not a slur.
SPEAKER 04 :
Really looking for an off ramp here.
SPEAKER 06 :
There is none, Kane.
SPEAKER 1 :
Bought the ticket, take the ride.
SPEAKER 06 :
That’s not a slur. Oh, do you like riding skateboards? Yes, you’re a skateboarder. Yeah. So how is that a slur? It’s an observation? Yes. A slur? Unless you think that you being an er of that activity is a bad thing. Then and only then could you misconstrue that as a pejorative, right? Yeah. Do you like beating wives? You might be a wife beat er. See? Do you like engaging in this intimate practice with a male copulatory organ, then you might be that-er. I’m just saying, you know? That’s not a slur. It’s an observation. Don’t sit here and act like there’s hurt feelings now. These people that act so big and bad. Gonna bust up in a church and go after… You know why? Because no Christian’s gonna cut your head off. That’s why. Although I wish that they had better security there, I gotta be honest. But no Christian’s gonna go and cut your head off for that. If you want to be real big and ballsy, try busting up into a mosque and see how well that goes for you. Now, try that. Let’s do that. Let’s have John Lemon buy that ticket and take that ride. Let’s do that.
SPEAKER 04 :
Muslims don’t like those kind of errs.
SPEAKER 06 :
Oh, man. I can’t even. All right. The people in the chat are not helping because. Oh, I’m not going to say that. Really want to. Not going to do it, though. They’re not helping with these things that I really want to say on air because they’re clever.
SPEAKER 04 :
Where can people see the chat, Dana?
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, right now it’s at Rumble, but I don’t like Rumble. Because they suppress us because we’re not one of the owners. So, it’s a true story. Yeah, they just want to go after Nicki Minaj because she was at the White House. That’s all. They’re going after her because she was at the White House. And now she’s got to pay, so they’re going to come after her. What are you going to send the rainbow people? Have you heard her music? Because pretty sure she doesn’t care. Just saying. Pretty sure she doesn’t care. And also pretty sure that her bass doesn’t care either. You know? Don’t think her bass cares. You’re not going to guilt her into this. So now we’re going to gatekeep. What is the journalist? Do you remember back when… This was back when Ashley Biden left her weirdo fetish diary in the mattress of a flop house, a drug flop house. Remember that? And somebody found it. And then somehow James O’Keefe got a hold of it. And then the FBI was like, that’s not or the Bidens kept saying that’s not Ashley Biden’s diary. But here’s the FBI to raid your houses and take it anyway. Remember when all that happened? Where was the where was the defense? You literally had journalist homes who were raided. By law enforcement for on behalf of drug addicted Ashley Biden. So where was the cries for the free press and free speech and fascism then? They actually had to use Secret Service and FBI to babysit his middle aged drug addicted kids. That’s what part of our tax dollars went for. These walking scabies meat sacks. That’s what they, I mean, they’re sentient scabies. They had to have FBI and Secret Service babysit them. But they raided journalists’ homes. Oh my gosh, Chad, I can’t say that either. Oh my God. Well, the other one I might be able to work that in. Might be able to work that one in. The Richard one?
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, that one sounds formal.
SPEAKER 06 :
Sounds very formal. That, dare I say, that almost sounds respectable. Smoker, Richard Smoker. Oh, man. What if that’s a man’s name? Separate from the Don Lemon being called a slur by Nicki Minaj. I’m just saying. And again, it’s not a slur if it’s an observation. It’s not a slur if you do it. January is when a lot of people finally stop and look at their money. And instead of chasing big predictions or the next hot thing, they just want something solid. And that’s why gold keeps coming up as a steady, reliable option. I was talking with Colin Plume over at Noble Gold Investments, and we were discussing how no one really knows what 2026 is going to bring, elections, markets, wars. But one thing we do know, gold and silver have outlasted every empire, every crash, every currency. And at the end of the day, it’s about that peace of mind. Having a little gold in your strategy can make those wild market swings a lot easier to live with because real wealth isn’t flashy. It’s being prepared and protecting what you’ve already built for yourself, your kids, and your grandkids. This is the year to create a more stable financial future. Visit noblegoldinvestments.com slash Dana and download their free gold and silver guide. And when you open a qualified account, you’ll receive a complimentary three ounce silver virtue coin. So visit noblegoldinvestments.com slash Dana. That’s noblegoldinvestments.com slash Dana.
SPEAKER 04 :
And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
SPEAKER 06 :
Well, this just in, and this is horrible, horrible news. Catherine O’Hara. has passed away. Catherine O’Hara, the brilliant and iconic actress from every, the mom from Home Alone. She’s been in every Tim Burton movie. Beetlejuice, Home Alone. She was in Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show, A Mighty Win, For Your Consideration, Frankenweenie, Over the Hedge, Nightmare Before Christmas. Moira Rose in Schitt’s Creek. She’s been in everything. passed away at age 71. There isn’t. So page six was the first out with it. They’re saying so far there’s they cause of death. They don’t have a cause of death yet, but it was announced that she has passed away age 71. Wow. That one hurts. That one hurts because she was amazing. Good night. She’s such a great actress. Oh, where do you go after this? Man, all the good ones. None of the people that you want to die. It’s always the ones that you don’t want to die. What? It’s true. I’m just saying what y’all are thinking. A Waymo hit a kid near an elementary school. Yeah, the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration is investigating. It struck a child, the Waymo car, near an elementary school in Santa Monica, California. Now, in a separate incident in Los Angeles, there was, is this like a Waymo, the Zeekers? Zeeker vehicle operated in manual mode, sped through a one-way residential street near Dodger Stadium. If you were at the airport and you got called a rideshare service and it was a driverless car that pulled up, I wouldn’t get in it, would you? I wouldn’t either. No way. So now they’re investigating. They said that the child was struck by the Waymo. According to National Highway Transportation Safety, they said that… uh apparently it was coming from the kid was coming from behind a double parked suv towards the school and that’s when they were hit by the waymo so we don’t have any other information than that but that’s also sad this is just stupid men are embracing this is a dumb study they’re saying men are embracing beautiful beauty culture and many of them refuse to call it that and they’re not this is called grooming shut up Shaving, making sure your eyebrows don’t look like caterpillars. That’s just called grooming. Stop it. So tired. People think this stuff began the day they were born. Wow, when did men start cleaning themselves? Well, they’ve always done that. It’s called grooming, people. Jelaine Maxwell claims 29 friends cut secret deals with the DOJ in an Epstein twist. I find her disgusting. Everything about them, they just look nasty. Nasty, gross people. She said that 25 men reached undisclosed deals and four alleged co-conspirators that were known to investigators but never charged. She doesn’t name them, but she said there were a lot of deals that were being cut. I would like to know who those people were. Just saying. Apple sales surge 16% staggering iPhone demand. I didn’t go out and get the new iPhone because I think it’s ugly. I think it’s dumb and I don’t want the whole top half of my phone to look like that. So out of spite, I’m not going to do it until they make it go back. I’m not going to get the new because it’s dumb looking. It’s dumb. So they said that the company though People are going out and buying them. The camera, there’s nothing different with the camera. There’s nothing different. They just, let’s move this over here and act like we boosted the power. 16% though, staggering the iPhone demand. They found the strongest results in China where they love ugly, stupid phones. So that works. And Hong Kong, sales in the region surged 38%. So it’s China, commie Chinese, that are buying these ugly, grody phones. Let them buy the new ugly Apple phones, and then Apple could get rid of all the ugly 17s, and then they can go back to making decent-looking devices. Welcome back to the program. Dana Lash with you. We’re at the top of this third hour. We’ve been talking about a lot of stuff. I’ll get into the Don Lemon thing, and of course… Journalism being the latest with Minnesota, and then you’ve got the government shutdown that looms Saturday. And then it came out today that Catherine O’Hara passed away, 71 years old. That’s a shocking thing. She was the mom in Home Alone. She was the voice of Sally in Nightmare Before Christmas. She was in Schitt’s Creek. She was also in, oh my gosh, everything. All of the Christopher Guest films. Christopher Guest is Jamie Lee Curtis’ husband. So he did A Mighty Wind and all that stuff. She was in… all of his movies. She did, I mean, gosh, all kinds of stuff. I’m like trying to think of what she didn’t do. Waiting for Guffman, all the Beetlejuice movies, Home Alone. What else? Frankenweenie, Where the Wild Things Are, everything. And then she was in that sitcom. She got started through Second City, which was like a comedic company. And it’s like all of the really good people out of the 80s got started at Second City. Because you had Eugene Levy, Joan Rivers, John Candy, Mike Myers, John Belushi, Aykroyd, Sudeikis, Steve Carell, Bill Murray. All these people got started out of Second City. So she’s had a really long career. She used to be the understudy for Gilda Radner on SNL, too. But yeah, that’s wow.
SPEAKER 1 :
71.
SPEAKER 06 :
So now Kane and I were talking rule of three. How does that work?
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah. Well, typically celebrities, and this is a… This is my grandmother’s rule. Yeah, it’s kind of an old wives’ tale, but it’s kind of true. I mean, I’ve experienced it as true many, many times, where a celebrity passes away, and then within two weeks of that celebrity passing, two other celebrities die. So within a two-week period, typically the rule of three is that three celebrities will pass away. So Catherine O’Hara today…
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, I’m looking at, because you have to know them. It can’t just be like a celebrity that somebody else knows that you don’t.
SPEAKER 04 :
Right. So who possibly could qualify? Was the Grateful Dead guy that passed away recently?
SPEAKER 06 :
Scott Adams, probably. I would say for me, Scott Adams, Valentino, and Catherine O’Hara.
SPEAKER 04 :
And now Catherine. So we’re going to start over another three?
SPEAKER 06 :
Yeah, because the Bob Weir guy, I mean, I guess that sounds, but the Grateful Dead, I didn’t really know. I was just saying. Like some of these, Sly Dunbar, I’m like, I don’t know.
SPEAKER 04 :
Yeah, the rest of them are celebrities I haven’t heard of. Some drag queen, I don’t know.
SPEAKER 06 :
Some other dude, I don’t know. This dude, maybe the guy who was in Scorpions.
SPEAKER 04 :
Right.
SPEAKER 06 :
So I think there’s probably been already the three. Because everybody else is like a nobody. Sorry, but they are. They’re nobodies. It’s true. It’s true.
SPEAKER 04 :
I mean, if you’re looking at the level of Catherine O’Hara, then we’re looking at two more beyond her.
SPEAKER 06 :
Maybe the drummer for Susie and the Banshees. When was that? This year. Yeah, it was like beginning of this month.
SPEAKER 04 :
Huh.
SPEAKER 06 :
But I would say Scott Adams, Valentino, and Catherine O’Hara.
SPEAKER 04 :
All right, so there’s another three then.
SPEAKER 06 :
I think that’s the three. Because I’m looking at all the celebrity dust, and I’m like, nope, nope, nope, nope. I’m scrolling. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Maybe the Scorpions guy, maybe the Susie and the Banshees drummer. But then that would just leave us with one more. Unless you put Bob Weir on that, and then it’s three again. So either way, I think the three are tied up. And it gets tied up. So now it would start over again. Hmm. Look at that. Man, 26 is already picking them off, isn’t it? Good night. Good night. So, yeah, she was great. She was in every, almost every movie of my childhood, right? Almost every movie of my childhood. She’s in everything. She’s in everything. All the Beetlejuice. She was really great in Beetlejuice and the last Beetlejuice, too. I thought that was very good, too. But she was a very kooky. Moira and Schitt’s Creek was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. When she did the fruit wine commercial. If you love fruit wine as much as I do, you’re going to love her fruit wine. Fruit wine. So great. So rule of three, satisfied.
SPEAKER 05 :
Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SPEAKER 03 :
Put all your gear on that you carry and then roll around on the ground. Now get up. All your gear that’s on the ground, that’s what you’re not going to have in a fight.
SPEAKER 05 :
Gun Talk should be in your podcast feed. Check out Gun Talk Nation. What’s it like to be blown up? You know, if it’s like C4, it’s almost like a smack. Hunting. Yeah, we talk about that too. On your crosshairs, I like a thin crosshair. AJ, you’re really dating yourself by calling things crosshairs. You’re reticle. Whatever. Have some fun and stay informed with the Gun Talk Podcast.
Absurd Truth: Nicki Minaj’s Two-Syllable Insult For Don Lemon
In this episode of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, we dive into a series of bizarre and outrageous stories from Florida, including a criminal’s foolish escapades and a sad tale involving fake money and unrequited love. We also tackle serious topics like the controversial views on retirement planning that challenge traditional advice and uncover what might really be happening with your savings.
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