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1 (27s):
Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth podcast sponsored by KelTech.
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It’s his laugh mission to make bad decisions. It is time for Florida man.
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A man dressed in a bull onesie tried to Byrna down his ex lover’s house with pasta sauce. What?
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That’s real
3 (51s):
Yeah. Oh. Wow. So. This guy was caught. He tried to break into a home into the land And. He was gonna steal a flat screen. Then he put left a pot of re goose saws. And a washcloth near the So stove. He was trying to start a fire with It. The victim alerted police to the break-in the resident security system, notified of motion in the house. According to Volusia county Sheriff’s office, the dude tried to flee the scene. And. He was in a I guess Like. A cow costume, a bull onesie. The victim said It started out as a relationship that lasted about a week. I Let him. Use my car for four months. And And. Then I gave him $150 to fix his teeth.
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What in the world? So. Now. They And. The police apparently are re aware of the, they knew the suspect. Oh, my gosh. So Yeah. It looked Like. He was trying to Like, make It look. Like the guy. Like that the stove was on. And then used that to Byrna the house down. So, he was arrested in the costume. I’m really sad that there’s not video of that. So. Let’s s see here. I got another. This is in Port St. Lucie. Amanda’s behind bars. He brandished a flame thrower at police. Jo Joseph Morton. 39 was arrested. And charged with one count of aggravated as assault. It’s not funny, but It kind is aggravated assault with a deadly weapon on a law enforcement officer.
3 (2m 16s):
And resisting without violence. So, they Port St. Lucie said, they responded to the reports of an explosion and there re smoke in the area. When They arrived, the guy was yelling at officers from his backyard, And. He had a handheld flame thrower. And. The police said that he told him to drop It at gunpoint. He refused. And. Then he pointed the flamethrower at one of the officers And. one officer grabbed the flamethrower from Morton And. The guy ran back in his house. And. He ended up finally been taken into custody. They had to Like tase him. Practically half to death. He’s been held on $5,500 bond. you know, you can’t just Like point a, a flame thrower at police. It’s not No, not how that works. you know, know this, this is Fox 13.
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A Florida man was accused of trying to steal a generator that powered a traffic light after Hurricane Morton. Why would, or Milton, why would you do that? This Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office responded to a man stealing a generator, literally on the, like a street corner. The official state workers who were in the area gave deputies photos of the suspected thief and his license plate. They arrested him. You can apparently get, so they can elevate the crime against you. The charge if it’s during a state of emergency. I didn’t know that. I didn’t either. Yeah. So he was charged with grand theft of the third degree during a state emergency. Yeah. Why would you do that? I mean, I know that people get desperate, but I’m just saying.
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So in Stewart, Florida, a man returned home after three days of sheltering from Hurricane Milton, and he found an alligator legit in his pool. Oh, wow. So the Emil de Cuba said he returned home from his to his home in Stewart, Florida. He was standing in Vero Beach waiting a, waiting out. Milton and his home wasn’t seriously damaged, but when he got to the backyard, that’s when he saw the alligator in his pool and he had to call Florida Fish and Wildlife and they removed it. I, he was trying to figure out how the alligator got in there. ’cause it was a tall wooden fence around his whole property.
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Cona
Virginia Lottery (5m 33s):
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3 (6m 22s):
She’s doing the first non-friendly with Brett Bear tomorrow. and there bearer’s a polite host, but he’s not a progressive. It’s a life to tape. Meaning that they’re taping It And, then not editing It And. Then you just run It in full. The only time that you cut off is Like at the end or the beginning. You don’t Like edit in between. That’s not what live to tape is. And. I’ve done tons of live to tape stuff. So. That’s, that’s how that works. And So. That’s how they’re running It. don don’t know how long it’s gonna be, but I’m curious to see what kind of questions re asked So. She’s, they’re trying to act Like. It’s a big deal that she’s doing that she didn’t wanna do this event. we, because it’s the economic club.
3 (7m 3s):
What is she Hmm? What is she gonna speak to on you? You’ve heard her talk about economics, Right. It’s Like. Trying to listen to a drunk bridesmaid at a wedding reception Spell bananas in the Gwen Stefani Holbeck song. It’s just this that makes actually more sense than Kamala Harris talking about the economy. The be alright. I don t know I. Wonder if she’s gonna be asked about her plagiarism too. And, what kind of Glock she owns. I’ve got a lot of questions that I I hope that Brett bearer asks So. We’ll see. But Yeah, she’s Trump is on stage there answering these questions. And. In the meantime, Kamala Harris is trying to play the race cards. So hard. So. It’s what is It, racially based loans.
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Weed. Crypto Yeah almost sounds Like a joke, but it’s real Yeah. It’s real. She’s trying to do everything she can ’cause she’s hurting. She’s also dragging down the Like. All of the other down ballot races. I was reading how the Senate race in Wisconsin, for instance, is not going. we Democrats are freaking out about that. There’s a lot of warning signs about this one. So. They, they said that the Cook political report shifted. It wasn a toss up just in the past week. And, it’s Tammy Baldwin’s race. I made mention of this yesterday. And, it’s a tight race, but the fact that it’s, that it’s narrow that much is incredibly telling And all of these states where you have senators that are incumbents, or congressional members that are incumbents And, they should not be struggling this much.
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That’s the effect of the, this ticket, the depressive effect that the Harris Waltz ticket has on these down ballot races. That’s something else very interesting to watch. No, instead, she’s, she’s, we, it’s a bunch of race beating. She’s, that’s kind of what she’s been doing this entire time. She’s, who was this when she was on, what’s his face? Martin show was that audio soundbite you re playing where she’s acting Like Oh. People assess the home values of, of black property owners, you know, regularly. She Like gives this anecdotal story. And acts Like. That’s the rule. Not And And upon which all of this is done. It’s illegal to actually assess somebody’s property value differently because of race play that ’cause this is what she’s been, hold on.
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I don’t have It. Okay. we, she, we It. That’s how the race baiting. Is So bad? That’s all they’re talking about And. It’s not just from her, it’s also from her surrogates audio. Somebody 13. Here’s that bald woman from M-S-N-B-C
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And. Some Democrats are starting to believe that disinformation too. Have you noticed how sharply the polls have shifted in Trump’s favor over the last couple weeks with these claims that Trump is surging with black And Latino voters, And leading in every single swing state according to secret internal polls, despite all the Hitler talk.
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What?
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Yes, this race will be far too close because unfortunately, we do have a fascist groundswell in parts of this county, mainly among white men. Let’s be clear, but in small pockets among black And, brown men too. This happened to be a global phenomenon. As women become more economically independent, And seek positions of power.
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I mean. That’s not, look, this is not work. This does not work anymore. This does not work. we, it’s because, you know, there the polls are shifting in, in his favorites because of all she’s a racist. It’s ’cause it’s white people’s fault. The white people have convinced the black people to Oh. my gosh, Yeah. Here’s when she’s talking to Martin And, she’s trying to say that that property values are assessed based on race, which actually is illegal, but whatever.
9 (10m 46s):
Termination, And, home appraisals, we’ve taken on the fact that, you know, those stories about a black family is trying to get a, a, their appraised, their home appraised. They wanna get a second mortgage. They wanna sell the house. Whatever And, they bring in the appraiser. The appraiser looks around, looks at the family pictures, And appraises, It for less than it’s worth. The family knows that. They’re not stupid. The black folks gotta remove photos, books,
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So, then
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They remove photos. And, everything else. Right. They remove all this need, all the black, remove all all of that. And. Then They ask a a, a white family. That’s a friend of theirs come in, they put up their pictures, And the house gets appraised for more racial bias. We are taking that on for the first time. And just
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Yeah. That’s illegal to do, by the way. Yes. You can’t that, that And, that’s all Like. It just I. I don’t believe her. I don’t actually believe her. In fact, one of the notes on this was that there was a court case, it wasn in California and there was no bias or discrimination. it wasn actually proved It was just a bad appraisal. And, the They, They They. People who re bringing It to court tried to turn It into a race issue because the appraiser was white. And They tried to make that the issue as a way to get more money in a settlement. And. They And. In fact, the court determined there was nothing found in this. There was No racial discrimination at all whatsoever.
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So, this is just entirely, this is nonsense. I mean And. Anybody who’s ever done comps on houses, I mean all those value. The assessments on, on property value are done by comparing what has sold in the neighborhood recently. It’s not Like Oh. we, this is a, you know, family of color or this is this family or what? And And. And. Then that somehow, unless it’s meth, Kane I will say, or ghosts Oh Yeah. That’s a thing. Yeah, definitely. They’re your exceptions.
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Death, meth, And
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Ghosts, death, meth, And ghosts was someone, was there an ax murderer? There was. Okay, somebody was ax murdered and there Right gonna affect your property Value was re people cooking up meth in the kitchen there. I mean I would be worried that the house couldn still blow up. That is gonna affect your value. Is the house haunted? ’cause if the house is haunted, then that, you know, couldn probably possibly affect your, I’m just saying, you know those things, but not the family’s racial make shut up. Not the family’s racial makeup. This is So dumb. Why is that the issue? But yet no one’s talking about the whole Oh. Remember, you re supposed to build all this broadband And help people in rural areas. And, you had $42 billion in taxpayer cash.
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How many people did you connect? Like. I. Just feel Like. If you’re gonna talk about property And, you’re gonna talk Like. That would be what you would bring up Right. Isn’t that the issue that you would, you maybe would bring that up. Am I crazy to think that? No Dana, you’re you’re not crazy Tanny. You’re not crazy. You’re really making your
KelTec (13m 32s):
case. Our partners at Keltec, the P 15 I was talking to an acquaintance, acquaintance of mine a little earlier because they re asking me, we they wanted to get a micro compact pistol. They wanted something. it wasn easy to, easy to conceal, easy to carry. And No. one of my suggestions was one that I have in my rotation. It’s the P 15 from KelTec. It is the light, lightest, thinnest double stack. Nine millimeter that is on the market. And It has a 15 round capacity. Actually. It wasn It sends with two standard capacity magazines. The first is the standard, you know, 15 round mag, minimal pinky extension. Then you have the flush fit Double Stack magazine that holds 12 rounds if you want ultra concealability, fully adjustable fiber optic two point rear tridium fiber optic front site, two versions, the metal And. The polymer metal version has the walnut grip, the walnut wood panels on the grip And. Then you’ve got the polymer version. It has a gator grip texture. It’s just a great classic nine millimeter. But it’s also super concealable And. It’s from the inventors of the MicroComp pistol category quality made Right here in the US of a. It’s the P 15 from Keltec Innovation. Performance KelTec. Learn more at KelTec weapons.com. That’s K-E-L-T-E-C weapons.com. It’s the P 15. Tell them Dana sent you
5 (14m 47s):
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The Three Martini Lunch Podcast (15m 17s):
Republicans are gaining ground in three critical Senate races. Kamala Harris says, not one thing comes to mind that she would’ve done differently than Joe Biden. And that notorious Russian arms dealer. Biden Let out of prison is back at work selling weapons to our enemies. I’m Greg Rumbas. Join Jim Garrity of National Review. And me each weekday for The Three Martini Lunch podcast. We’ll give you the good, bad And crazy news of the day. And, hopefully a lot of laughs too. Follow The Three. Martini Lunch on apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.
10 (15m 46s):
And Now. All of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s quick five.
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A colossal snake measuring over 50 feet long. That’s a person eating snake was found in India. I mean they’ve got these stories of these Like giant snakes eating people. I mean literally had one last month. It was really gross. But They unearthed the fossilized remains. They think it’s the largest of It wasn kind ever found. It’s dubbed the okay. The Suki And cuss Yeah It stretches 50 feet long. It dwarfs. It Like modern day pythons. It is huge. And, they published this in the journal. Scientific reports. This is crazy. It’s huge. The snake is huge.
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27 vertebrae. It’s Like giant. It’s a giant snake. That’s all. And And And. Thankfully it’s fossilized And. There’s not one around here because that’s It is So. Big Like It couldn eat multiple people. It would have to eat multiple Like people in order to be full. It. couldn eat an elephant. Juan’s giving you in the in the simul cast Like. That’s how big the snake is. That’s a crazy, no thanks, no thanks. A New York City man who lost an arm And a leg after he was hit by a train wins a $90 million suit against MTA I. Mean It did cost him an arm. And a leg. That’s, this is I mean. I don’t even know how someone, that’s wild. But Yeah, he $90 million.
3 (17m 12s):
He won that suit. It severed one of his legs, his hip joint. And most of his arm. The train operator failed to stop for a guy who fell. He, the guy was drunk. And. He fell into the subway tracks. And the train, ran him over. So. Okay, I understand that they have Like security, And regulations governing that. But also when you’re drunk And, you fall into the train tracks. Is there not any kind of responsibility that is on the part of the person who couldn fall onto the train tracks from been drunk? I. I mean. I’m just, I’m just asking some questions. I just, that’s all don. That’s all I’m saying. A man this is wild developed a cone shaped bulge on his head because he break dances too much.
12 (17m 57s):
That’s not real.
3 (17m 58s):
Is that real? He had to actually un, it’s a metro British paper. He had to undergo surgery because he spent So much time spinning on his head that he developed a break. Dance bulge And. Apparently I didn’t even know this. It’s Like, the cauliflower ear of the break dance community. It’s not really studied in medicine, but they said that I, guess Like. That can happen if you spin on your head a lot, don don’t t know. Wow. Okay So, Yeah It. He had to actually get It removed. And It was the head spin hole. That’s what he ended up. That’s kind of gross. and I didn’t even know that you couldn get that thing. But Okay. But you can And. they said that break dancers.
3 (18m 39s):
It’s not unusual in the break dancing community to get cone heads because you’re spinning on your head. Alright, Alright, Right, Alright, Right. There you go. This two comments are gonna be visible in the night skies this month. None of them are gonna hit Earth. t know we’re all sad. None of them are S smart. But two will be visible. It’s the ort cloud. OORT, the Ort cloud. It’s a spherical shell. And. It’s invisible. But Now, you’re gonna be able to see It ’cause these two comet So. There you go. I wanna changes It up because there’s a bigfoot apparently in Kentucky. Did you guys hear about this? What? Chilling video captures Big F we Bigfoot noises that literally couldn be Like. Your, you know, your uncle Leroy out there in the bush, out there in the brush making, making weird noises.
3 (19m 24s):
A bigfoot investigator. These I love that these exist has shared incredible new audio of what he believes are sounds made by the mysterious beast as It roams the woods in Kentucky for over three decades. Charlie Raymond Of course, he’s a Florida native, has meticulously documented nearly 700 sightings of the elusive creatures in his new home state of Kentucky. He has established the Kentucky Bigfoot Research Organization, organization after college. And, the calls have flooded in ever since. So. He is, he’s been out there And. He is been looking. He said in one clip, a loud whooping sound can be heard. Whooping, whooping And. He says, it’s identical to the recordings captured by another dude in the Sierra Nevada mountains.
3 (20m 9s):
He said it’s an exact match. And. It is not human. These whoops are almost 50 hers apart. And over 4,000 miles away. Did you hear that? Cane them? Whoops. Them. Whoops. Are 50 hers apart? And over 4,000 miles away. And, he said that. ’cause they’re called I. think they’re called differently. Like. The Bigfoots. Bigfoot. Big feet I don. and we need Like a a AP style book injury on this Like ’cause It wasn. Moose is singular, plural. You don’t say moose is And. You don’t say meese. I am just curious what the bigfoot thing is. But he says I don know I I belie I. don. you know, I kind of want, I wanna believe that Bigfoot exists because that would explain the behavior of a lot of people.
3 (20m 52s):
But also because I love the idea of there been a giant creature that exists out in the wilderness that hates people. So bad. That you can’t get It. You can’t capture It. You can’t find It. And. It’s, it’s able to elude all sightings. I mean, think of It. Everybody’s got a phone. Everybody’s got a video camera And. There’s not literally one in credible recording of this thing. I love the idea that It is It. It’s real. And. It hates people. So, bad And. It is So good at eluding stupid humans that no one’s been able to catch. It. There’s something that I admire about that. Teach me your ways. And. they said that Like, they can knock, they can do whistles.
3 (21m 35s):
Hint, claps, tree knocks all this stuff. and I think it’s hysterical. They feel Like. They, they think that they’ve deciphered It, Like. If they hear a knockout in the woods. And. That’s Like. A home knock. That’s Like one of ’em. Knocking to the other one. I probably think they couldn verbalize, you know it’s an, you know, they’ve got Like mouths, And throats, And voice boxes. And that I just, you know, feel Like. They couldn do that. But don in Kentucky though I think it’s in Kentucky.
10 (22m 3s):
Why not
3 (22m 4s):
I mean I think that it’s probably Like in Washington state or something up there. Like in the Sierra Nevada. Something. Like that up in, up in the northwest. ’cause in, isn’t that where it’s supposed to be? But It couldn probably be in Kentucky. I wouldn’t doubt It. There’s lots of caves. And Hills up there. It might be
10 (22m 19s):
Be one migrating south for the retirement.
3 (22m 22s):
Maybe It got aggravated ’cause too many pot smoking, hippie hikers re getting all up in It wasn business. And So. It decided to come to Kentucky. Maybe It decided to do that. It’s a possibility. I don. you know I love that. I love the idea of one I’ve ve been I. Mean. I was my cousins and I. We used to go out in the woods when we re kids back when you couldn. We’d take BB guns. And, we’d Like I. Our parents had no idea where we re It’s Like amazing that the stuff that if you re a kid Like in the eighties, And nineties, the stuff that you re, that you couldn do compared to kids. Now, Right, Right, Like. We did everything Like. We went out and we re gone all day long.
3 (23m 2s):
Yeah, it’s wild. But we re all. We re all out in the woods. I never saw nothing. I mean I. I would see Like, scraggly, coyotes, And, all that. But I never saw really a Bigfoot per s never really saw anything. Like that always wanted to, but never did. Anyway. If it’s in Kentucky, make sure it’s registered to vote. Like go out And, get It. Find It wasn. Little herd of other Bigfoots. Bigfoot foot beats Fes East I don t know And. Make sure they’re all registered to vote. If Bigfoot couldn vote I, think you know how Bigfoot would vote. ’cause Bigfoot wants to be left alone and I. think you know how It would vote. Just saying So. They, it’s just audio recordings. you know what I don’t believe the audio recordings. It couldn be just this guy in the woods doing this stuff.
3 (23m 43s):
And. He is Like Oh. Look, I got her, got Bigfoot on audio. we couldn do that Kane. we couldn. Go out in my backyard. And do that. Sure And be Like. Oh Kane I got audio of Bigfoot. It exists. Listen to him. He’s home knocking to his sweetie No don. Don’t think So I don’t think the same thing. It’s not the same thing. Anyway, I, hope It does exist. Really do.
1 (24m 1s):
Thanks for tuning into today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.
Virginia Lottery (24m 19s):
The Virginia Lottery app is like having sunshine right in your pocket. It’s colorful, fun, And. The best part is you can instantly play lottery games anywhere in Virginia. Scan scratchers earn lottery rewards. check out new releases, make secure deposits. And more. Download the Virginia Lottery app today. and let the fun shine on I sunshine, Babylon b’s.
The Hollywood in Toto Podcast (24m 49s):
Kyle Mann reacts to a new anti AI law. Gavin Newsom signed that law, it wasn saying, you know, you can’t release AI powered satire videos in the morning. We’re Like. Hey, we should just make one. A couple hours later, It was out. And And. you know, all of a sudden Elon Musk is sharing It, And, And. All these people are sharing. It, And, It wasn got, you know, 20 million views on Twitter. You can hear more on the Hollywood in Toto podcast. The Right take in entertainment on iTunes, or your favorite podcast provider.
