Join Dana Lash as she delves into the week’s most absurd stories, from the shocking actions of a Florida boat captain to the rallying cries of confused political protests. Uncover the layers of modern identity in a world where social media headlines often trump deeper understanding. View this engaging narrative with a mix of humor and critical examination of how narratives play out in both the public and political spheres.
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SPEAKER 08 :
Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.
SPEAKER 10 :
It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
SPEAKER 01 :
Well, we have one big Florida Man story, which may need its own segment. It has to do with the bully Florida boat captain who got… Well, he got wrecked by the Internet because he tried to bully a 22-year-old. He’s this charter boat captain. He was bullying a young fisherman, and then he jumped on the guy’s dinghy and threatened to bash him in the face. Now he faces jail and professional ruin. Why do people do this stuff? I don’t think we can play the video because every other… It’s really bad. But this is like a whole other segment. He told… I mean, the guy’s Brock Horner, Tarpon Coast Fishing Charters. He went after Gage Towels. What is with your people’s names? What is happening? Brock Gage. Like, what is happening? Towels, it’s Mr. and Mrs. Towels’ son, not to be confused with the Washcloth family. He was on the water after a near miss with a different vessel. Towels posted the footage, and he told Horner he had the wrong guy. Apparently, Horner thought, basically, he did have the wrong guy. And now he faces felony burglary with assault battery, all this stuff. This deserves its own segment, I think. Like, what would you do? Choose your own adventure. So we’re going to come back to this one because it’s a big one. Let’s see. A Florida woman wrestled a gator to snatch a dog from the jaws of danger. She said, I didn’t even think because she’s hardcore and that’s awesome. She Kim Spencer was walking her dog when a gator just ran out of the water, tried to snatch her dog and she didn’t call for help. She jumped in and used her bare hands to pry open the animal’s jaws and save her dog. She said, I didn’t think I just moved. And, uh, thankfully, uh, you know, everybody’s okay, but she is actually gonna try now. She’s like telling everybody, look, they’ll come out of the water faster than you think, which is true. Now, also over the weekend, they had these stupid protests. They had all I don’t understand what is happening at these protests. So wait. So they had some protests about immigrants at one Tesla thing and then another one. They were like, we don’t like Trump and Musk. And then another one. Still, they were like, you you can stand with veterans or Musk. What? I don’t even understand what this means. Why are they so insane? OK, first up, this is the United We Dream. This this. They are an activist. This was at one of the again, one of the hands off things there. You see what I mean? They have no cohesive messaging. They’re all over the place. So this one female gets up. Grecia Martinez-Rosas. She is a national immigration activist, per my notes, and heads the group United We Dream. And, well, these were her remarks. Listen.
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My name is Grecia Martinez-Rosas. I am an immigrant. I am undocumented, unafraid, queer, and unashamed.
SPEAKER 01 :
So see, do you know that every other political identifier that you apply to oneself that lessens the severity of any kind of punitive action in chance of wrongdoing? yeah uh-huh so like if you’re a female what if you’re a trans female oh okay now you’re talking what if you’re like a queer trans female i don’t even know what that would be but i’m just saying i’m not saying she’s trans but she needs another modifier um i have zero uh first off i have zero empathy for her sympathy Anything? She’s been here long enough where she was protected previously and against deportation by Flores. So she didn’t have to worry about all of that. So she could have applied to become a citizen or have a legalized status in the United States, seeing how long she has been here. So I just I can’t feel sorry for people who want to stay in their current situation and have no will at all whatsoever to change it. So I don’t feel bad for it. But what does that have to do? What do they mean hands off? Like these people get up to talk about themselves. It’s a never ending doom scroll live. That’s what these rallies are. These rallies are nothing more than doom scrolling coming to fruition in meat space. I can’t think of anything more heinous. I can’t believe somebody also wanted to spend like a perfectly good Saturday doing this stuff. Then you had this dude, right, transgender, audio somebody 24, trans activist at another hands-off rally. Listen, 24.
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Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am black, I am Filipino-Japanese, second generation, and I’m a disabled trans man. But I’m also a Medicaid patient. I’m also a person who uses food stamps. I’m also a person who has been through houselessness in this country. I am also a person who has gone through substance use and addiction. And most of all, I am a patient of Planned Parenthood. I am everything that Donald Trump and Elon Musk want to erase.
SPEAKER 01 :
I don’t think they care particularly about your life. in terms of they are going to stop doing the stuff that they’re doing and focus on erasing you. What does that even mean? These people have a really high opinion of themselves. First off, you counted nine, right? nine there was 10 i think intersectional political she’s like i have three toes and i’m lactose intolerant and i also want to be a man and i’m a trans man was it right i can’t tell i don’t even know the language anymore allergy yeah i have a peanut allergy um what else um yeah i it Why? Who cares about all of this stuff? That doesn’t make you special-er than anybody else there. But to the left, it does. The more things that you can rack up on a list, the special-er you are. That’s how the left works. Like, you can’t just be like a woman and be a Democrat. You have to be like a trans woman, queer trans woman with three toes who, you know, survived a house fire. I don’t know. Like, it just… It’s only burnt like on 30%. I just, I don’t understand the never-ending boxes to check with these people. I mean, I can’t even think of that about me. Everything about, you have to overshare in order to do it. I don’t like overshare. I don’t like sharing, period, but… Good heavens. Now, then you have this one audience of my 25. This person’s with in D.C. They are they they are the gatekeeper for all veterans. Listen, 25.
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You can stand with Doge and Trump and Elon Musk or you can stand for veterans. You cannot stand for both. Now, make no mistake.
SPEAKER 01 :
Wait, what do you mean you can’t stand with both? Well, he’s the president of all the veterans, that guy. I don’t even know who this guy is. It’s part of their hands-off thing. By the way, the left doesn’t care about veterans. I honestly am sorry. Abby Gate would like a word. Abby Gate would love to have a word, by the way. Who is this guy? I don’t even care. But they… Every single rally, nobody… What was the purpose of them all coming together? Again, it’s a two-minute hate session. They just wanted to come together and bitch. That’s it. Did they change anything over the weekend? Was there any big realization learned? I don’t think so. Who’s the guy that… Wait, this was… I think I put this in… It’s the trans dude. this was uh oh yeah the trans democrat tim mrs tim mcbride okay can we play can we play this one because this was in another hands-off rally listen and we are here today because while we know that donald trump thinks that he can place his hands anywhere what
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We’re telling him he’ll know. Hands off our Social Security. Hands off our Medicaid. Hands off Medicare. Hands off SNAP. Hands off our kids. Hands off women’s rights. Hands off LGBTQ rights. So the irony of a man.
SPEAKER 01 :
Acting like, no, no, no, we’re telling Trump to keep his hands off of women’s rights. The idea of a man doing this, the guy dresses up as a woman and who he cosplays as a woman and mocks feminine, mocks the essence of what it is to be a woman.
SPEAKER 08 :
Well, she’s a guy.
SPEAKER 01 :
Yeah. But I just… When they say hands off Social Security, well, you guys already took it. So it’s gone. I mean, it’s been insolvent for forever. I mean, story after story, warning after warning, you guys spent it. Al Gore talked about putting it in a lockbox that you know had no bottom, just the way he likes his masseuses. And they robbed you blind of Social Security. So they’ve already had their hands all over it. Whenever they… When they bristle over Social Security, they bristle over the idea that you would actually be able to keep your own money. So that’s number one. Number two, no. Is this how they really think the government’s operating? Because that explains so much stupidity about the left. Every single one of these rallies, there was no central theme. There was no central mission. It was all over the place. They had no goal except to get together and complain. And I don’t know if they realize that last election voters were tired of Democrats just getting together and holding two minutes hate sessions. They were done with it. They were tired of hearing Democrats complain about Trump and everything else and not offer any solutions. And here Democrats did it again. Lovely spring Saturday and they decide to gather in various cities across the country and do it again. No solutions offered. You have this guy sitting here lecturing about women’s rights, the irony of ironies. There’s no, I don’t understand the point of this. I wouldn’t want to, that’s not, no one’s rights are being eliminated. No one’s being deprived or being denied of anything. But especially the guy who’s the gatekeeper for the veteran. Yeah. Abby Gatewood, like a word. I just don’t understand the whole when you know, when we got together for like tea party events back when we kicked off and founded the second coming of it. Every single protest was had a purpose. They’re the messaging and grassroots would all talk. We’d all talk with each other. But we wanted a singular focus, whether it was, you know, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, whether it’s the idea of too big to fail, whether it’s about, you know, the cash for clunkers. Every single event had a singular focus and a singular message. item of action after the rally. So in the event of, you know, too big to fail and all of that, there were action plans at rallies that we all, you know, on phone calls and meetings leading up to this device, like this is what people need to do after the rally. The rally is supposed to be the thing that kicks off your motivation and gives you some context, gives you the perspective and And then after that, that’s when you hit up your congressional member’s office or send out an email or call their offices or talk to them, whatever. And and everyone was kind of aligned there. There was a purpose for it. It wasn’t just like, let’s everybody get together and have a political kegger and bitch and moan for however, you know, all afternoon. That that was not the purpose of any rally I ever attended or ever planned. We I mean, literally we were passing out. handbills for people to get in touch with their lawmakers about these specific issues. Every single speaker had to adhere to driving home that message. This is our message. This is the issue that we’re talking about today. We kept it really singular, really focused. We’re not going to like run all over God’s green earth and talk about every issue under the sun. We’re going to keep it very simple and very focused so that we can better, uh, to harness direct action. And it was incredibly successful. That is not what they’re doing. Like ours had a purpose. They’re just getting out there and yelling. And it’s the same stuff that we saw leading up to the election. And you saw how successful that was for them. Gold prices have surged over 40% since January 2024, consistently reaching new highs. According to Goldman Sachs research, the upward trend is expected to persist due to strong demand from central banks. It’s stuff like this that’s made me take action and why I’ve bought precious metals like gold and silver. I’ve partnered with a great company that makes it super easy to buy. Easy, transparent, and simple. And that company is Goldco. They’re a huge supporter of this show, and they’re the best at what they do. And right now, you can get a free 2025 gold and silver kit jam-packed with critical information about buying precious metals. It was a huge help, not just for me, but to all of you if you do this. And for my audience, you could also qualify for up to a 10% instant match in bonus silver. It’s a really great deal, so don’t miss out. Visit danalikesgold.com to learn more. That’s danalikesgold.com.
SPEAKER 07 :
Hey, this is Todd Herman, host of The Todd Herman Show. You might have heard me on Rush Limbaugh’s show. I was a regular fill-in for about eight years. I now do a show out of the high mountains of free America because, you know, I got exiled from Seattle. Ecclesiastes. There’s nothing new under the sun and God uses imperfect people all the time. And I’m just seeing these similarities in how he’s using President Trump and how he’s used other actual king in this country. We have a king in the form of the deep state. Check out the Todd Herman Show every day on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
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And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
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They’re really trying to get you to freak out over bird flu. They’re saying, oh my gosh, bird flu could be heading north this spring. Fewer federal health officials are working to stop it. I don’t care. It’s a virus. It’s just, that’s the way it is. Just wash your hands. Don’t be gross and don’t eat dead birds on the side of the road. I mean, really, how difficult is this, people? Do we have to freak out over everything? Stop it. Just take a breather. These people with these headlines. Good night. Panic in Austria. Borders are shut to two countries after a disease outbreak. Oh, but not to like the influx of people coming in from all manners of the globe illegally. They said Slovakia has closed 24 borders, introduced strict measures to help prevent the spread of a highly infectious disease. They said this is it’s foot in mouth. Foot and mouth disease. Again, just don’t be gross. Be careful what you eat. I mean, what pain? What in the world? People know this. Second measles death reported in Texas. I mean, all of these are just like and also Texas AG is investigating Kellogg’s over healthy cereal claims. Ken Paxton said that they’re investigating Kellogg’s over the artificial food dyes in cereals. Why does anybody eat? Why do anybody eat these anyway? Like the pops and the Froot Loops or Fruiteos.
SPEAKER 10 :
From nostalgia, probably. I remember as a kid loving it.
SPEAKER 01 :
I never had Froot Loops until I moved out on my own and I bought a box of Froot Loops. I always had Fruiteos. I always had like… the great value version actually growing up you’re right we all we had cheerios dude i did not get cereal in a box like maybe a couple times it was always in bags right it was always in a bag remember when kicks came out kid tested mother that’s a horrible cereal because all i had was cheerios up to that point cheerios also was horrible unless you put a cup of sugar in it it’s horrible Why would anybody eat that?
SPEAKER 10 :
Remember Grape Nuts?
SPEAKER 01 :
Grape Nuts are horrible. That’s like, go out and just, you know what, just beat up a squirrel and take its food. That’s the same thing.
SPEAKER 10 :
You used to love putting sugar in that.
SPEAKER 01 :
You know what Grape Nuts is? Squirrels eating nuts and spitting them into the cereal box and they seal it up at the factory and send it out and people pay money for it. That’s where Grape Nuts come from.
SPEAKER 10 :
I’m not going to be the same actor today.
SPEAKER 1 :
Huh?
SPEAKER 01 :
Yeah, I’m just saying. Anyway, just stop eating trash. There’s your headline. And then, what have I got? But I’ve got more. What? Dana, we’re done with your Dorian-ness today. That’s okay. But you’re not. NASA, by the way, we did miss this last segment, last headlines. NASA, they’re saying that there is a mysterious structure on Mars that proves there was life on the red planet. It’s a new book out. They said that they’ve analyzed dozens of photos of structures on the Martian surface, and they are positive that they are man-made. Well, I don’t know. If they’re watching what our headlines have been for the past 48 hours, actually longer than that, they don’t want anything to do with us because the stupidity may be more catching than the hand, foot, and mouth and the measles. Our partners over at Kel-Tec. PR 57. Now, I did go get mine. I haven’t been able to really fire it yet because it’s been busy preparing for some stuff that we got coming up. 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Kel-Tec. K-E-L-T-E-C. Weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. Can I just go back to this? I had it in the headline. It was a brief headline. And the reason that I am bringing the story up to discuss this particular totally not in news at all story today is because I really feel like we all should go here and take it over. And then we become the tribesmen and then we can shoot arrows at anyone who wants to try to get near us. I see the headlines like I’ve been seen with the terror of craziness and it makes me want to go to the silence. So it’s the Bay of Bengal. And in the vast expanse, let me put on my David Attenborough hat, in the vast expanse that is the Bay of Bengal, there lies North Sentinel Island, a remote speck of land that is fiercely guarded by both the Indian Navy and its indigenous inhabitants. people known as the Sentinelese. It is a tribe, the population of which we can only estimate maybe between 50 and 200, right? They are classified as uncontacted. They are isolated and they respond in the same manner that I do when unwanted guests appear with lethal force. I’m kidding. They don’t like drop-bys. Don’t think that you’re going to just scooch on over and knock on their door. It’s not going to happen. And they are protected in part because the Indian government and others do not want them contracting any kind of potential diseases from outsiders to which they’ve no immunity. And so there are strict prohibitions on approaching the island So they’ve declared the island and all of the surrounding waters to be an exclusion zone. And they enforce this with a regular naval patrol. And any unauthorized entry is highly illegal. And you are forbidden to contact the tribe at all. Now, they do this not because they’re going to necessarily fine you, but because you will be killed to death by the Sentinelese. They are legally permitted to defend their territory, even up to the point of killing trespassers. And now they’ve had hapless fishermen. There was a determined Christian missionary. All have gained access and they all met grizzly ends there. Now, last Monday. not this Black Monday, Cain, but last Monday, there was an American tourist. Now, if you said, oh boy. I already know where this is going, Dana. Yes, you do. Down to the description of said tourist. Said tourist. Again, you know, I have a thing about because I think it looks bad and it just isn’t the same. White people with dreadlocks, particularly if you’re blonde, don’t do it like this guy did. So that’s his first problem. Right. You look like a tourist. Stop that. He’s an American tourist. He traveled. to a restricted reserve on North Sentinel Island, and he left behind a can of Coca-Cola as an offering so that the most isolated tribe in the world could try it. The experts branded this guy’s attempt as a deeply disturbing stunt. Not only did he put himself in danger, but the entire Sentinelese tribe They could contract a common disease like socialism or something, and it could kill all of them. There’s no education, by the way, as the actual vaccine for socialism. Did you know that? It’s true. You don’t even have to get a shot just there. So he was arrested. He’s 24 years old. He was arrested when he returned to land. And they were warning him, like, you could have been killed to death. You know this, right? Because they will kill you and eat you. Well, maybe not eat you, but they’ll totally kill you. Apparently, they’ve inhabited this place for 30,000 to 38,000 years. I don’t know if I believe that. But they’re there. They’re indigenous. And you don’t want to mess with them because they will literally come out and just throw a barrage of arrows at you. It will rain down and block out the sun. Didn’t Xerxes say that when he was battling the 300? The arrows will block out the sun. And so I don’t know why people are hell bent on contacting them. What if, though, to get away, because if I swear, if I have to put up with any more of these press headlines, what if we just act like we’re there? Like, oh, no, no, we didn’t. We’re here. We’ve been here this whole time. Just, you know, just go and show up and we’ll act like we’re members of the tribe. That way we don’t have to watch these insane headlines and all of the weeping and gnashing of teeth about the economic or not downfall. I would. Would you go there, Cain? But you like grounding and bacteria tea. Yeah.
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I can do that wherever I want.
SPEAKER 01 :
You like hippie stuff. These are like professional hippies.
SPEAKER 10 :
You’re really throwing that professional word around.
SPEAKER 01 :
Well, I mean, by our society’s measurement, they are. Yeah.
SPEAKER 10 :
Still a lot of heavy lifting.
SPEAKER 01 :
Uh-huh. Well, I’m just saying. Yeah. I mean, they’re… I don’t see it. This is where I think that if we don’t go there, we should send the Panikins there. It still sounds like I’m talking about a bird, doesn’t it? I don’t like Trump’s nickname. I’m really disappointed. It’s the first time I’ve never not liked a nickname. That’s what he’s calling Chex Notes, the weak and stupid people.
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It’ll be the new Galapagos. We’ll just put all the Panikins there.
SPEAKER 01 :
They’re like pangolins, but dumb. Well, what can you tell us? This is an indigenous Panikin. Oh, yes, they’re bulbous heads. And very dumb, very dumb beasts of burden they are, the Panikins. They sound like a weird flightless bird, Panikins. So just saying.
SPEAKER 08 :
Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Absurd Truth: Best-And-Worst Of “Hands Off”
Join Dana Lash as she delves into the week’s most absurd stories, from the shocking actions of a Florida boat captain to the rallying cries of confused political protests. Uncover the layers of modern identity in a world where social media headlines often trump deeper understanding. View this engaging narrative with a mix of humor and critical examination of how narratives play out in both the public and political spheres.
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