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Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.

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It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.

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All right. So first up. Oh, gosh. Why does it have to be this cat? A 74-year-old man was arrested for being a dirty pervert and doing dirty pervert stuff. at a beach yeah oh and he looks like a dirty pervert who did dirty pervert stuff at the beach would look like I was in Naples Florida 74 year old man was arrested on Monday because he was exposing himself and he was walking around in his birthday suit on a southwest Florida beach Naples responded to a call about a man this is so gross I don’t know why I’m doing bunny hands but I do that whenever I’m very uncomfortable Police responded to a call about a man who was exposing himself and walking around nude on the shoreline of the Naples Beach. And then when they arrive, they discover the old dirty pervert, Richard Mansfield, lying naked in a beach chair. Full view, everybody at the beach. So apparently Beach Patrol had already asked him to cover himself up before police arrived, which apparently he didn’t. So he was taken into custody and charged with indecent exposure. Why do people do this? I don’t know. Oh, by the way, there’s more cocaine. You know, this just happens all the time. Now, this time it’s over a half a million dollars just from floating in Florida. A package containing about six hundred twenty five thousand dollars worth of cocaine was discovered floating in the Gulf of Mexico near Everglades City in Florida. But. Boaters noticed an unusual package in the mangroves off of Panther Key, and it was about the size of a microwave oven. It contained 56 pounds of cocaine divided into 25 individually wrapped kilograms, and the barnacle-covered package suggested it had been adrift. for a significant amount of time, according to Collier County Sheriff’s Office. The new sheriff, whose name was Schmunter Heiden, picked up the package. I’m kidding. That part’s not real. That would have been funny, though. Collier County Sheriff Kevin Rambosk thanked the citizens who got the package, etc. I honestly would not be surprised, though, if a guy named Schmunter Heiden decided to pop up in Florida and like, oh, I hear there’s a lot of cocaine found down here floating in the water. So they got the cocaine in Collier County Sheriff’s Office. They’re investigating its origin. They think it probably drifted east coast through the recent storms. And they keep finding all kinds of packages like this. Like apparently, I mean, it’s like every month there’s like some cocaine floating in the water. So who’s getting beaten by the cartels? Because that’s like a lot of cocaine to lose, isn’t it? Like that keeps happening. I think you have like a delivery problem. But it’s not like you can complain like Uber Eats or DoorDash style, right? Like, I would like to call and complain about my cocaine delivery. It doesn’t really work like that. Let’s see. This is, oh, wow, this woman is crazy. A Florida woman was arrested after a five-hour stakeout at an animal clinic. She was pursuing an animal clinic worker. She had developed romantical feelings for this animal hospital worker treating her sick cat. And now she’s facing aggravated stalking charges for harassing the worker outside of the Parkland Animal Clinic. Broward County had to be dispatched, and they took her in. She’s this crazy woman from Fort Lauderdale. Apparently, she sat for over five hours outside of the workplace at the animal clinic. And she apparently has had some run-ins with the law previously. And so deputies arrived. They had to… They had to take her into custody. They had to draw down on her because apparently she was also in a legal possession because I don’t think she’s a legal possessor. She was detained and placed in a patrol vehicle without incident. Yeah, that’s kind of crazy. She had been sitting outside of the workplace for five hours and 40 minutes. Oh, my God. Good night. Every breath you take. That’s crazy. At an animal clinic. In a birthday challenge, a Florida man stabbed his roommate because they got into a stupid argument as to who spent most on fueling their car. The P15, it stands for 15 pews. And with Kel-Tec, it’s a great 9mm. It’s the lightest, thinnest, double-stacked 9mm that is on the market. And with it, you’re able to, I mean, great stopping power, but you’re able to have ultra concealability with us. And that’s one of the things I really appreciate as a lady. You know, I have great concealability. It comes with two standard capacity magazines. One’s a 15 round with minimal pinky extension. The other is a double stack mag that holds 12 rounds. Tritium and fiber optic front sight. Fully adjustable fiber optic. Two dot rear. Strike or fire. Lifetime warranty. And it’s the lightest, thinnest double stack 9mm that exists on the market. Metal and polymer version. It’s compact, ideal for conceal, carry, self-defense. And it’s from the inventors of the micro compact pistol category. So see it for yourself. It’s Kel-Tec’s P15. Innovation, performance, and Kel-Tec. Learn more at Kel-TecWeapons.com. That’s K-E-L-T-E-C-Weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. so glad to spend so much money in taxes. Hey, if they cut $2 trillion, can our taxes go down? Can they? I would like that. They’re hiring people over at Doge, but they’re not paying them. It’s a non-paying job, which I love. Yes. Some of this stuff, according to Ray and Paul posed with his Festivus grievances about big spending with the most sullen look on his face ever department of defense. And Lorraine was freaking out over this because her husband, what worked in the military and was saying that their computer systems were always like behind the current systems. They spent $200,000 on a special espresso machines from Starbucks. I don’t, I don’t even know. That’s crazy.

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$200,000.

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The Vera Institute of Justice got $168 million to help illegal immigrants avoid deportation. Oh, they’ve gotten over a billion dollars since 2008. That group. So we have been paying over a billion dollars in taxpayer money, our money. You work your butt off and you’re paying money that the government is giving to this group, the Vera Institute of Justice, that has been helping paying for illegal immigrants to skirt deportation. We went to war for less than this during the days of the revolution, I just want to say. They also, our government is obsessed with injecting animals with stuff. So they literally spent $3 million in grants to inject hamsters with steroids and then get them to fight. You know, they wanted to see if about, they wanted to study steroid induced aggression. I don’t even need steroids. Come and study my aggression. They spent $2.3 million. Oh, is this one of Fauci’s to inject beagle puppies with cocaine? Is that a Fauci study? $1.1 million to get mice drunk. I mean, if you give me a mouse, I’ll get it drunk. I mean, forget giving the mouse a cookie. If you give a mouse a beer, you know. They also studied, by the way, they also spent $689,000 to study parrot romance. It’s a real thing. Romance between parrots. Yes, they did. And then they also spent $187,000 to just confirm that the relationship between kids and their pets is a beneficial one. This is the dumbest stuff I’ve ever heard of. And this is like what? Oh, my gosh. I mean, this is crazy. It’s crazy. And they found all kinds of ways to spend money, all kinds of ways. I mean, we spent money on some of the dumbest stuff. I mean, I’m looking down the list. Some of it’s just completely unnecessary. Why? Oh, and then remember how we had the COVID money? Right? Our taxpayer dollars, the COVID money. You’re going to get really mad. We spent $31.5 million of COVID funds to buy luxury cars. Yeah. Uh-huh. That’s right. We spent $1.7 billion to maintain empty federal buildings. $475 billion was just to pay an interest on the national debt. Yeah. So this is horrible. This is where our money’s going.

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Not so great with other people’s money.

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No, it’s not really. This is bad. It’s all bad. So Rand Paul has the list up. I think he tweeted it, too. You still say tweet even though it’s X. Yeah? I always get confused. I always try to stop myself and I’m like, okay. But this is just crazy. It’s just crazy. It’s a crazy list. I’m scrolling, by the way. Still scrolling. I had to adjust to just make everything smaller so I could scroll through. There’s so much in here. The Hamster Fight Club. $3 million to watch hamsters fight on steroids. By the way, there’s the Tyson and Paul fight coming up. Is the undercard the hamster fight? I’m just curious. And in this corner, hamster McHamster face. Just curious. And then I love that they try to put… When he tweeted that out, they were trying to put a community note on it. And they’re like, no, they were studying steroid aggression. No joke. That’s why we’re complaining. You moron. Thank you for confirming. Thank you. Hamster Fight Club. I mean, this is just… It’s shameful. It’s absolutely shameful. So hopefully, I don’t know. Maybe… Maybe we can cut some of it, the $15 million that they use for U.S. martial security detail for Fauci. He got that much money, that much money in security. It’s just unbelievable. So I don’t know. We’ll see how all this goes. If they can cut that, if they can start cutting some of that stuff, I will be supremely happy.

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And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.

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So an influencer, which I hate, I hate that whole, got charged with a DUI, is fighting to get back her pet monkey who was found sick and malnourished because she is a horrible person. This Brandy Botello, she’s 30 years old. She’s a three-year-old spider monkey, and she got in a single car crash in Dallas. And she got a DUI, but she said that It wasn’t her fault somehow. But her monkey, she had this monkey that was like taken from her. And she posts photos of him and outfits and that. She doesn’t have permits to keep him, whatever. But the thing, the monkey had fractured bones and it weighed half of what the monkey is supposed to weigh. And the monkey also had rickets. So she was not feeding or taking care of this monkey at all whatsoever. I mean, we saw Chimp Crazy. This chick looks like… Take that damn thing away from her because she wasn’t taking care of it. I mean, if it has broken bones and rickets and it’s half its body weight of a monkey that’s supposed to be that size, take that bees monkey away. I ain’t doing this. That’s horrible. Let’s see here. They’re trying to say that cannabis is causing an alarming rise in cancer birth defects and accelerated aging. Cannabis? I don’t understand that. How? They don’t actually say, they’re like, oh, there’s all kinds of, but the vax was okay. The government injection was totally safe, guys. And cigarettes are mostly okay. Yeah, that’s how that goes. They said, oh, no, like all kinds of bad stuff. Male copulatory organ cancer. You could get it. Birth defects. Missing limbs. Everything. Chromosomal disorders. Everything. From a plant, huh? From cannabis. I’m not a pot person, but some of the arguments are just dumb. Oh, my gosh. So they pulled these Wicked dolls from store shelves because of a really embarrassing error, according to Daily Mail. Now they’re selling for hundreds of dollars on eBay. The Elphaba and Glinda characters, they accidentally came with an adult website link on the packages. So I don’t know how that happened, but they had to take them off the shelves. Stick with us. Now, that being said, I want to switch gears here. Let’s just throw a bomb in it, shall we? Is your dog racist? Is your dog racist? This is where Britain’s going. You think that they got some problems with like immigration issues and some crime lately, right? Britain? But no. What they’re very concerned about, Cain, is whether or not your dog is racist. And of course, they’re very, very, very left-leaning whales. They’re trying to make the outdoors more inclusive. And they said that their experts are telling people how to handle awkward incidents because their dogs might be racists. Yeah. And the experts are trying to defend the dogs and put it all on the owners. By saying, well, there’s a misconception that dogs can display racial prejudice. They react because of lack of experience. And of course, that lack of experience is brought to them came by their owner. And they’re actually saying that you’re being mean to your dog if you live in an area that is predominantly one race over the other and your dog is not used. I am not even making this up. This is where the former a former great empire is now. Labor-run Wales was told to ban dogs from part of the outdoors to help make the outdoors anti-racist. They’re actually pushing this in their Welsh government. I am not making this up. It is a real thing that they’re pushing. And laborers, of course, they’re socialists. They’re far, super far left. So they said that the story goes that according to a report funded by the Welsh government to help steer its anti-racist policy, dog-free zones should be set up to make the outdoor areas more inclusive. Because dogs are racist. Why do you hate dogs, man? It is a taxpayer-funded report. British people paid for this. They paid for it. And one Tory leader, which is their version of conservative, they’re not really over there, says that it was nonsense. And they said that the Welsh government has concluded that ethnic minorities face barriers to the outdoors created by racism. A taxpayer funded report says that minorities feel like they can’t enjoy the outdoors because of racism. I don’t even know. And they said that they did focus groups and they said that one female who is black said that she feels unsafe with the presence of dogs. And I guess that I don’t know. So they they’re actually banning. They’re actually trying to get dogs banned from the countryside in Wales because of this. Like you can’t take your dog. You wouldn’t be able to take your dog to the park. Because it’s racist. I cannot even believe that that’s what they think that their biggest problem is and they had to spend taxpayer dollars on this. That’s insane.

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Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.