Join Dana Lash as she challenges the never-ending parade of absurd news. From minimum wage impacts to unusual finds claiming to be Noah’s Ark, we cover the headlines that shake up your weekly news cycle. As always, Dana brings her signature humor and insight on why the internet might just be the greatest mistake humanity ever made.
00:00:00 Intro – Illegal Border Crossings and Minimum Wage Debate
00:19:49 Outro – Subscribe to Absurd Truth Podcast
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Illegal border crossings plummet dramatically in Trump’s first full month on the job. Another study proves a higher minimum wage is bad for businesses, customers, and employees. And Andrew Cuomo is officially running for mayor of New York City. I’m Greg Karumbas. Join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the Three Martini Lunch podcast. We’ll give you the good, bad, and crazy news of the day, and hopefully a lot of laughs too. Follow the Three Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.
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It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
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A Florida woman was attacked. Well, she attacked a man with a Pringles can. Say deputies. That sounds like a song. Oh, my goodness. This is in Florida, WFLA. A Florida woman was accused of attacking a man with a can of Pringles. Orange County Sheriff’s Office. They got called to the 7-Eleven for a reported fight. And a man told deputies that Shanika Serdal hit him in the eyes with a Pringles chip can, and then she ran off. So they said he had a significant cut on his right eyebrow and he was actually bleeding. They did find her. She did have a Pringles can in her possession and she was arrested and charged with aggravated battery. So no hitting with Pringles. Don’t do that.
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She kept the Pringles though.
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Yeah, I’m sure it was probably confidence. It’s probably taken into evidence. I mean, if they do all that, you know, I don’t know. A Florida woman murdered her roommate and then poured Mountain Dew all over herself to prevent the police from getting DNA. That doesn’t work that way. They did also find a bloody knife in the cell phones and all this other stuff. So, yeah, that Florida woman’s probably going to spend decades in prison. And she wasn’t able to actually hide any of the evidence either. Lame. Have you guys heard about this situation? Let me pull this story up while we have it. Have you guys heard about the story regarding the Harry Potter casting? You guys heard about all this? So I… Yes, they are redo. I mean, I don’t know why they’ve got to redo this series or do anything like this, but they’re they’re shooting this series. This is from Deadline Hollywood. And then they have a thing with Forbes also. I’ll write up over at Forbes and I’ll I think you have some of this may have gotten some of your prep last week. So essentially, so it’s an HBO series. It’s the HBO’s upcoming Harry Potter series. And it features younger versions of, I guess, like Harry Potter’s parents and Snape and all of this other stuff, right? And it gets into the background of all of this. There’s a lot of discussion as to the casting because they’re saying that The casting is basically DEI. And now one of the headlines, for instance, this is GBN. They said Harry Potter fans fume at what they’re calling blackwashing as HBO is closing in on an actor to play Snape. They’re saying it’s horrible casting. And this is because I guess John Lithgow is playing Dumbledore, which if that’s true, that’s a horrific cast. I like I not look. I like him, but not as that character. So apparently Snape is being played by a black actor. Now, I don’t think in any realm where you don’t talk about the physical attributes of a character and that doesn’t play into the character. I don’t think it’s important. But with this, it seems odd to me. The actor, his name is Papa Esadu. He’s been cast as Sephiroth Snape in this series. He was in Gangs of London. He’s been in a couple of things as well. I don’t know why that they would change the… I mean, again, it’s like casting a blonde-haired, blue-eyed person as a samurai. It’s like if you’re going to… It’s like imagine you do… Imagine you do a real-life casting of… Say Samurai Champloo and you have like all blonde, blue eyed white people that you have cast as the characters. It’s just weird. You know what I mean? It’s weird. It’s like it’s like I don’t understand the purpose of it. When you change the character that much. And by the way, the guy that they have that they’ve cast, he’s kind of a cool looking dude. Snape is not a cool looking dude. Snape has been described as a pale, sallow, greasy haired, you know, blonde, black, stringy hair, pale eyed, pale, pale, pale, sickly almost. I mean, he’s, he’s, Characterized as a weak goth, for the lack of a better way to put it. And they cast this fit-looking black actor as Snape. And I’m sorry, but it’s not working. It is not working. Other than the fact that the character is very explicitly described in the series as not black. But the guy doesn’t look like a dork. It’s not going to work for me. You know who they said should have played it, and I agree with this casting proposal, is Adam Driver. Adam Driver would have been a great Snape. He would have been a really good Snape. Am I wrong? I mean, Cain, you see this guy. You see this actor. He looks too cool, and he’s, again, Snape is a pale, sickly, sallow, blonde, or black stringy or blue-eyed dude.
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Apparently he got better.
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And he got fit. Because he’s described as none of those things in the book. So I don’t… The whole thing is weird. I just don’t… I don’t… The casting is dumb. This is just bad casting. So they said apparently it’s going to get worse because the casting decisions just get… You know, they… So they cast this guy. Now everyone’s saying the backlash is racist, which I think is lazy. It’s super, super lazy. And I don’t know. I… I don’t know. I don’t think that that’s going to work. It’s like, again, it’s like casting. Oh, I don’t know. Kristen Chenoweth as Mulan. Right. Exactly. It’s like actually casting Kristen Chenoweth as Mulan. It makes the same amount of sense. You know what I mean? It’s just dumb. It’s like hiring, I’m trying to think, who’s the guy who plays Thor? Chris Hemsworth. And having him play Black Panther. You see what I’m saying? It doesn’t make any sense. Would you have Chris Hemsworth as Black Panther, leader of Wakanda? Would you? No. You know you wouldn’t. No. So why is this casting choice okay? At some point, the character description does matter. And do you know why it matters with this case? Because the whole Death Eater lore is kind of, I mean, it intimates that it’s Nazi-esque. I mean, it intimates, they use words like mudbloods, and they talk about it’s like very 1930s kind of stuff, very much so. You rob it of that dark storyline, that fear, by ignoring the character’s background and physical description. It was four point. We love gold. Although the URL is DanaLikesGold.com. I’m like, like isn’t strong enough. It’s my best friend. We’re going to go get portraits at JCPenney. Do they still have those? You can get your free 2025 gold and silver kit today. Could qualify for up to $15,000 in bonus silver. Maybe even more gold and silver have stood the test of time. And right now, remember Trump’s first term gold surge 53% silver was 51. So what does that look like 2025 and beyond now that he’s back in office protect your wealth with gold and silver today you can request their free 2025 gold and silver kit, learn how to diversify and safeguard your savings with time tested. safe haven assets. Experience matters when protecting your wealth and Goldco is the company that I trust. They’ve secured their financial future with gold and silver. They’ve helped so many people do this and they’ve been with this program since the beginning. They know what they’re doing. Visit danalikesgold.com. Join the thousands of people who’ve called Goldco the number one rated gold company. And you can get a free copy of their 2025 Gold and Silver Kit and also qualify for up to $15,000 in bonus silver or possibly even more. That’s danalikesgold.com.
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And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
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I actually saw this, I think, in a documentary a while ago. But now they’re saying that it looks like Noah’s Ark has been found. A boat-shaped mound. I mean, it could also be like a filled-up crevasse. They said it was found in Turkey. It was underwater 5,000 years ago, the same period as the biblical flood. A team of researchers found it. They said it’s 18 miles south of Mount Ararat. Yeah, 18 miles. It’s the fossilized remains of a wooden vessel is what they’re saying. It’s called, I can’t pronounce this, the Drubner Farmation. That’s exactly what it’s called. Sounds exactly right. 538 feet of geological structure made of iron ore called limonite. And it’s so that’s what they’re saying. They think it could be a Noah’s Ark, which is totally believable. Very fascinating looking thing. Secret Service shot an armed man in a confrontation near the White House in a classic case of F.A.F.O. The police had reported that it was a suicidal individual. It sounded like suicide by cop is what it sounded like. Possibly traveling to D.C. from Indiana. They took him to a hospital. Condition was unknown at that time. A U.S. run system alerts the world to famines and it’s gone dark. They said after Trump. Slashed foreign aid. You really need a giant US run system that alerts you about famine and other foreign countries. Seriously. I mean, we kind of know where the… And it’s not an issue of famine. It’s an issue of dictatorial control that eliminates access to food. The book, The Myth of World Hunger, is fascinating. Wrote in college. Still relevant today. Also, the… Oh, they’re trying to do measles cases. Oh, measles case jumped 35% a week. Found in 12 states. Everybody freak out because it’s measles. Measles, measles. Everyone freak out. You know, just… Every single week it’s something. What was it last week? It was measles last week, too.
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Bird flu.
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The week before that, bird flu. That’s right. Everybody’s going to die of bird flu. Now they’re saying U.S. measles. It’s jumped by over a third. This is kind of the same fear-mongering that we saw with Rona. However, like I’ve said, I don’t think all vaccines are bad. I just don’t like experimental government injections that are really therapeutics and they’re cosplaying. They’re trans vaccines. They’re trans scenes, Cain.
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Oh, there it is.
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We just created something. Yeah. So I just, you know, I mean, use common sense. But I don’t believe that the government knows better than you. I thought it was your body or choice. Or is that only when it has to do with not wanting to be responsible for an unplanned pregnancy? Okay. One of the, oh, this is heartbreaking. One of the last U.S. survivors of Pearl Harbor has passed away at age 102 years old. Jesse Mahaffey, one of the last survivors of the USS Oklahoma. He passed away March 1st in Alexandria, Louisiana, at age 102. He was only one of two survivors of the Oklahoma known to be living. According to the president of the California Chapter of Sons and Daughters of Pearl Harbor survivors, by that same tally, only 14 who survived the 1941 attack are still alive. Fourteen. Fourteen. That’s just I just want to extend their lives as long as possible, because that’s when that generation, that greatest generation and those veterans, when they’re gone, you never obviously, you know, you never get them back. But what a piece of living history and just a. great ingredient in our uh human dna here in the u.s we got a lot more on the way stick with us we got caltech it’s the pr57 which i cannot wait to get this i’ve i know i’ve not fired it but i uh have held it uh i mean i’ve have held it and i’ve taken it apart and all that fun stuff but uh It’s the PR57. It’s a 5.7. And it’s the lightest 5.7 that’s on the market. And in fact, it’s 40% lighter than the next lightest 5.7. Low recoil, built to perform. And the MSRP is only $399. And I think this is the first one that rolled off their Wyoming expansion facility. Everything is made in Florida, but now they got the Wyoming facility as well. And it’s just a unique, it’s awesome, really innovative. Rotary barrel makes it super light. The unique top loading design replaces the traditional mag with a stripper clip. I know, it’s slimmer carry profile, 20 plus one capacity. It’s the PR57 rotary barrel pistol chambered in 5.7 at Caltech. K-E-L-T-E-C weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. I told Kane over the week, or actually on break, and I had this realization, and this is part of it, because there are people who read this stuff or they see that soundbite and they’re like, oh, that’s right. It’s totally right. This is Trump’s economy. I’m already seeing it from people. It’s like you can’t even do math. And this is when I realized, you know what? I really do believe that the internet is the greatest mistake that humanity ever perpetuated against itself. I’m not kidding. I think it is the worst mistake. And I say this as someone who actually leveraged it to have the career that I have now. And I’ve definitely used it for a lot of good. Way more good than bad. Some bad, but more good than the bad. Very enjoyable bad, but way more good. Lots of the good. I fully recognize that. I would probably not be sitting here behind a mic hanging out with you on a Monday afternoon had I not had the internet.
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I tried arguing with you about it.
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You did. And I’m like, no, no, no. I still, even knowing that, even being fully aware that that’s my origin, I still think that it’s the greatest mistake that humankind’s ever perpetuated against itself.
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And then I said, what would make the internet good for you?
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And I said, take the people out. No people.
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But that is the internet.
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Yeah, that’s it.
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So you know, internet is bad.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Yeah. Well, I think you got to look at, what am I thinking of? The sum total of it. Okay. You got to look at the sum total. Think about how they, I really feel like there are more dumber, dumb people now than there were.
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That I agree with.
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Or, or, or hear me out. It’s just that with the internet, you can see it more.
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Actually, maybe that’s it.
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I don’t know. I mean, I know that there were dumb people back in the day, whatever the day was.
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You and I, and I would imagine most of our audience, grew up without the internet. We know what life is like without the internet.
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But then I got email in high school.
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Yeah, see?
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I used to enter chat rooms playing, like, Slayer. Like, they’d code it in there, and it’d go… So stupid. So cringed.
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But we understand that life can go on without the internet, which is why we can recognize the internet for what it is.
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Right. And it’s why it aggravates us. We were a weird generation, because we were, like, right in the middle of it. We had a childhood free of it, but then when we got to be teenagers, we had it.
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What was your first computer?
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IBM something. I don’t know. It was secondhand something. And I played a lot of games on it.
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I had a friend that had an Apple.
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Of course, I did homework. Yeah.
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But we got like a VIC-20 and then the Commodore 64.
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I don’t even know what mine was.
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Do you remember the Commodore 64?
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I do remember that.
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Had that.
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Mine was so old. And it was like a great value version of whatever you just said. And I don’t even know what it was. Don’t even know. But it had a dot matrix printer and DOS and everything else. It was wild. Wild. The screen was green. But I felt so fancy because it was mine, you know, even though it was like fourth hand. I don’t even care. It was mine.
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The first computer I used in school was a Kaypro. And it looked like a suitcase.
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Sounds like a K-pop band.
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The handle was actually the bottom of the keyboard. And the keyboard would attach to the face of this, like… Sounds like a caboodle. And you would take the keyboard off, and then there would be a tiny little green screen there with the floppy disks right there. Gosh, floppy disks.
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My kids don’t even know what those are. They’re like, what are these weird things? Remember the floppy disk and the sleeves? Gosh, those are the days. And then got into high school and Apple started being everywhere. Right. And then when I got into college, it was that the big thing in college was the different colors of the Apple computers where you could get like the orange and the blue and the green and that you could. Yeah, that’s. We had some of those in college and the newspaper staff. But but yeah. So anyway, long story short, Internet, horrible, great, worst thing ever to happen to humans. Horrible, horrible. So mean to us. And we’re mean to ourselves with it. But then I completely understand that there are some great things. But I think in some total, I would forego the great to get over the bad. And again, I say this as somebody who knows I am sitting behind the mic because of the Internet. I mean, that’s how I got – I had the internet. We squatted literally in an old abandoned building off of Washington Avenue in downtown St. Louis and did like a webzine. And it was – and then got started. I mean, that’s seriously – yeah, so – Long story short, you know, ignore the squatting part that had nothing to do with the Internet. But I just I look at this stuff because I, you know, Hakeem Jeffries puts this out and there are people who are like, well, it’s Hakeem Jeffries. And their reasoning is Hakeem Jeffries is a Democrat and he’s a Democrat with influence in the Democrat Party and he’s elected. So what he says must be true. It’s like believe by association. It’s the weirdest thing. You’re confirming your bias just by association alone. I mean, I don’t know. I the whole thing is I still maintain that the Internet is making everybody absolutely stupid. OK, so a few other things. And I think that’s also extending to some of the we’re going to have to do some house cleaning. We got to do some house cleaning.
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Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
Absurd Truth: Chipotle ICE Meltdown!