SPEAKER 01 : 0:00

Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.

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It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.

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So, you know that we’ve got a story about the villages. A husband was arrested after he called her his Bible thumper wife, poured out his rum. This guy, I tell you, this is probably the most normal thing you’re going to hear about today. I’m kidding. So what ended up happening is Ronald Wayne foot it, F-O-O-T-I-T, foot it. of Lake Panaskoffi is facing a battery charge. He was arrested after he was taken into custody. He looks like a thumb. He was mad that his wife poured his rum down the sink when she found him drinking at 2 a.m. And then after she poured out the rum, he was like, oh yeah? And then he popped open a beer. Well, then a struggle ensued over keys and iPad and a phone. She did not want him to drive because he was drunk. And so he’s six foot tall and weighs 300 pounds. He pushed his wife onto a bed. She called 911. When they arrived, they found that foot had bloodshot eyes. He literally smelled like a bottle. And the pandemic, the paramedic, sorry, claimed that the woman, he was a retired paramedic. And he goes, she attacked me. He because I called her a bobble thumper because she poured out his rum. So he was arrested on a charge of domestic battery. He was booked in a Sumter County detention center. He was initially booked without bond, so I don’t know if he bonded out or not, but that’s, you know. But, yeah, he got mad. She was looking out for his well-being. She was being a good woman, looking out for his well-being, and he wasn’t having none of it. So that’s I mean, I don’t know. But that’s poured out. I wonder how much if it was like a lot of rum or not a lot of rum. I don’t know. Let’s see here. We have this other story in here that this this is kind of an old story, though. But it seems like it’s an old story. I don’t know this. It’s about a Florida man named Sean. Irby, Irby, Irby. That’s yeah, that’s that or that. It could be that. I don’t know how to do this one because we’ve had a story like this before. This was in department stores across Miami. This Florida man is facing criminal charges because he would approach juvenile women from behind and then use a medical syringe to squirt some mystery liquid on them and then record it on his cell phone. Yeah. And apparently there he fled before employees could intervene. Other shoppers alerted the victim. Surveillance footage captured one incident and it showed that there was a stain on the back of her shorts. And then at a Marshall’s two months later, a similar incident was reported and the same thing. And it was the same guy. And so she identified him in a lineup, and investigators started putting all these different cases together. And they finally arrested him, charged him with multiple offenses, felony battery on a child, two misdemeanor battery counts, tampering with evidence. He’s out on bomb, but he’s under house arrest, and he can’t go into stores or be around any of the victims. And he said that the liquid was Cetaphil, and that he had deleted the videos from his phone. Yeah, I don’t think so. That’s like a lotion. It’s like a lotion for sensitive skin. Like if you have eczema on that, that’s very particular though, right? I don’t know. I feel like some of the dads need to just beat him within an inch of his life on the street. That’s just me thinking out loud. The P15, which stands for 15 pews. Literally, that’s the name. And with Kel-Tec, this is such a great, great, great striker fire pistol. You have two versions right off the bat. So you’ve got your metal version, which has this really pretty walnut wood panel on it, then the grip. It’s just really nice, classy, James Bond kind of gun. And then you’ve got what I call strictly business. You’ve got your polymer gator grip texture. You’ve got all of that with the polymer version. And they’re just great. They send with two standard capacity magazines. One’s a 15 round with minimal pinky extension. The other holds 12 rounds. It’s flush-fit double-stack mags. So if you want just a little more concealability, you got that with this. Tritium and fiber-optic front sight, fully adjustable fiber-optic 2-dot rear. Like I said, striker fire, reliability, sweet trigger pull, 1.27 inches wide approximately with a 4-inch barrel. Lifetime warranty. This is compact and ideal for concealed carry self-defense. And it’s from the inventors of the micro-compact pistol category. It’s game-changing innovation and performance with Kel-Tec’s P15. the ultimate concealed carry 9mm. Lightest, thinnest on the market. Innovation, performance, Kel-Tec. Learn more at keltecweapons.com. That’s K-E-L-T-E-C weapons.com. It’s the P-15. Tell them Dana sent you. They just issued a – the House speaker finally put out a statement saying that you can’t go in the women’s bathrooms, blah, blah, blah. Just do it. Just issue the damn statement and then move on to other stuff. Why are we wasting four days on this? And I’m not saying it’s not a big thing, but do we have to take like three to four – like a whole week to release a statement? If he were to come out guns blazing, balls to the wall – like rhetorically speaking, no, all the puns intended, then wouldn’t – like why are – he should have done this hardcore in the beginning, but he didn’t. And then now he’s spending the next couple of days trying to like build up his rep as like being hardcore about this issue. We saw you. You didn’t say nothing, that first answer. We saw you. Don’t think that we didn’t. So I’m just wondering. And it didn’t help. And it’s fun to dunk on the libs, but I want to make sure that our own side is not nominating themselves to get dunked on. And here’s what I’m talking about. So yesterday, Marjorie Taylor Greene, she was mad because the Gates report they want to release. They’re trying to tell the House Ethics Committee to release this report. The Senate wants to read it. And apparently somebody got access to it. They’ve been leaking stuff. I don’t know. And Marjorie Taylor Greene goes, for my Republican colleagues in the House and Senate, if we’re going to release the ethics reports and rip apart our own that Trump has appointed, then put it all out there for the American people to see. All the ethics reports and claims, including the one I filed, all of your sexual harassment and assault claims that were secretly settled, paying off victims of taxpayer money, all of it. And she’s like, you know, if we’re going to dance, let’s dance in the sunlight. I’ll make sure we do. OK, well, then do it. Come on, tough girl, release it. Don’t threaten us with a good time. Put it all out there. Why in the hell would you not? This is our taxpayer dollar. Our dollars. This is our money. Then release it. All of it. This whole, like, don’t you come after my sexual deviant or I’ll go after yours. That doesn’t work. That’s a really bad strategy. Okay, let’s not do it. Let’s just release all of it. Why would we, there’s zero reason why any of this should be kept private. Why should anybody be protected is like the big question. I mean, remember, there was an $18.2 million congressional slush fund for hashtag me too claims. Or as we like to say it, the pound me too, Cain. Well, that’s what it was, that sign.

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That was off air conversation that we had.

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The hashtag was originally the pound sign, Cain. Off air conversation. It’s a matter with you. Adam Mangieski was the one who did this with his OpenTheBooks.com, and they said that they had 291 cases of workplace disputes for Congress since 1997. They paid out $18.2 million, and that was just in March of 2021. So why is this an if and not a when? Like, why would she not release all – like, why keep any of it private? Right. So you’re saying, well, I’ll keep it private if you keep that private. So how are you any better? You’re not. That is not the flex you think it is. Girls, what are you doing? I liked it when she was, you know, all about the bathroom stuff. And when she put the Hunter Biden photos up there, this one was a miss. Just saying. So now I want all of this stuff, all of it. Throw it all out there. I want to know what kind of deviancy is happening in the halls of Congress. Don’t you agree? We should get to know this. Nobody’s talking about it. None of the media. Gosh, everyone in the conservative media talks about the same dumb stuff. Somebody goes, and then they all go, it’s all the same thing. I can’t handle it. It’s like reading the same stupid story repurposed 5,000 ways across the whole slate of websites. It’s just mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. It’s all it is. Come on, people. Do better. I mean, where where nobody’s now everyone’s like, oh, maybe that wasn’t good. Now no one’s asking about you volunteered it. I want it now. I think that would I think that would that would be a good thing to do. Now, Trump apparently is trying to find some workarounds for Gates. I don’t know. Is he, though? All I’m seeing is so so-and-so said Trump called. So-and-so said Trump did this. That means nothing. He’s got Truth Social. He can go out there and post it up on Truth Social. The fact that he’s not doing it and that all of this stuff is, well, Trump said, so-and-so said Trump said. So-and-so said that they heard that Trump called. So-and-so said that Trump said that they called or that so-and-so else said that Trump called. No, no, no. Why are we even entertaining that? If he’s wanting it, then he puts it out on Truth Social. That’s it. Then he puts it on True Social. That’s all there is to it. So, you know, that’s it. Now, what is the number five? What is this one?

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This is the press asking Trump if he’s reconsidering Matt Gaetz, and he has one word to answer. Okay, go ahead.

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Mr. President, are you reconsidering the nomination of Matt Gaetz? No. Well, there it is. But can I just be honest? You know, and this is why… I’m into the, and I’ve never ever said, oh, this is 40 chess. I’ve never said that. Cain, have I said that? No. Have I made fun of people who do?

SPEAKER 03 : 10:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER 02 : 10:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER 03 : 10:39

Yeah, you have.

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I actually think this might be 40 chess. I’m not going to lie. So does that sound like Trump is vociferously pushing something?

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No.

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No. No. If Trump wants something, he posts about it nonstop. You’ll know about it. You will know. He will post about it nonstop. He won’t let it go. He’ll find a way to work it into average everyday conversations. He’ll give it a nickname. Yeah, he’ll give it a nickname. And if you don’t like it, you also get a nickname. So that’s why I’m like, hmm. I’m not taking very seriously all of these stories where they’re like, well, Trump said – and I read this story. I kid you not. Where is this at? I thought I saved it, but I think they actually took it down. Where is this story at? There’s a story where they were saying that, oh, well, so-and-so said that Trump called and was pushing people to confirm Gates. I don’t believe that because Trump would literally be beating all the senators over the head on Truth Social. They would he would be cutting videos. He’s done stuff like that. He’s gone out and has like very strongly defended or pushed for people. That hasn’t happened here. And again, going back to Lorraine’s letterhead theory. It wasn’t on the letterhead came. So the letterhead theory is that the picks that Trump knows are going to get through and that he’s really like, you know, stamping Trump. are on letterhead. The ones he might be like a little or not confident that they’re going to get through, no letterhead. They just get a true social statement. Kind of interesting, right?

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And now all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.

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This is a really cool headline. It features the ancient Greek writing, quote, the God-loving Akeptus has offered the table to God, Jesus Christ, as a memorial. It’s a 581-square-foot mosaic, and it decorated the world’s first prayer hall in 230 A.D. And really fascinating, fascinating thing. Also, SpaceX president says we could easily see 400 Starship launches within the next four years. Four years. Four years. The president of SpaceX, Gwen Shotwell, of course, that’s a perfect name, aired some company insights at a financial summit and said she could easily see 400 of them blasting off for the next four years. The FDA is going to investigate forever chemicals found in seafood. I thought this was something they were already doing. They’re trying to figure out how PFAS affects seafood, the environment, and processing water. Can I just venture a guess and suggest not well? The same report finds that America is catching and eating a little less fish. The volume and value of America’s commercial fishing industry has fallen, according to newly released federal figures, though members of the industry say that the decline was to be expected following a recent spike in supply. They said that the catch at U.S. ports in the 50 states fell significantly. 2.6% to 8.4 billion pounds in 2022. The same catch. It was about, I mean, it’s like almost 6 billion at the docks in 2022, but they’ve seen a drop of as much as 11%. So wild. We need to eat more fish because fish is healthy for you. A man camping in the Amazon rainforest wakes up to find literally 10 million ants tearing his tent apart because he’s fighting with nature. Nature is done with you. I guess they thought it was a giant leaf. There were a bunch of leaf cutter ants and they were ripping apart his tent. Conservationist Paul Rosalie was resting in the largest rainforest in the world when these little insects woke him up at 2 in the morning. He was trying to sleep, but they were tearing through the fabric, trying to dismantle everything, carry him away like he was a Gulliver. You know? Let’s see. This is sad. A NASA lander may have actually killed life on Mars, a scientist claims. And colleagues took his theory surprisingly well. They said six years after Apollo 11 touched on the moon, two other landing crafts, Viking 1 and 2, were sent to the red planet’s surface. They were trying to see whether or not the soil could actually produce something living. And one astrobiologist says that the craft may have killed potential life by putting water on it. He says the salts with the ability to absorb moisture from the Martian atmosphere might normally provide all the necessary water to microbes there, but they might have been too sensitive to handle the direct addition of more liquid. Do you remember the case of the Susan Smith? This was like 30 years ago. I was really young when this happened, but I remember this case. I think I was like I was a teenager when this happened. She was a South Carolina woman and she strapped her kids – I think it was like a two-year-old or a three-year-old and a 14-month-old – strapped her kids into her car and then let it roll into a lake near where she lived and her kids drowned. Then she lied to the authorities and said it was a black man that stole her car and took her kids. And so for all – for like she lied to them and so for days she was like on television pleading for them to this imaginary suspect to bring the kids home and then uh police finally confronted her because some of her story wasn’t adding up and then in that case and and she finally admitted to killing them so she was sentenced well she came up for parole for the first time today and was denied And I think it’s good that she was denied because she’s crazy trifling. I can’t say it on air. The whole reason she killed her kids is because she was having an affair on her husband. And the guy with whom she was having an affair told her that he couldn’t continue because of her kids. So she kills her kids. And she’s been – I read an article not long ago where they were noting that she’s been entertaining men writing letters to her. And they said that she hasn’t really changed, that she was telling one man, yeah, when I get out, we can – talking about the money that she could get. from selling her story or doing this or that. And she has it in her mind that she’s going to become this millionaire because people will be fascinated by her grossness. And then her and one of these men writing letters to her while she’s in jail, then they can go and live a carefree life. So she was denied parole. And she apparently, even her ex-husband, the father of the kids, was like, no, do not let this. She’s a monster. Do not let her out. She apparently has never demonstrated remorse, like actual remorse, none of it. And the husband has moved on, but he still really is grappling with losing his two sons. And he has a new wife, and the new wife was telling the court that some days, you know, it still hits him, you know, that he doesn’t have his two sons here. And nobody wants this woman to get out. So she’s still – she’s in jail. She’s still in jail where she needs to be. I don’t even know – honestly, I don’t even know why she’s still alive. I have a very hard, absolutely no frills – His response to this sort of heinousness, I don’t know why, like this Jose Obara, this DA in Georgia already took the death penalty off the table. So taxpayers already that paid and facilitated for the murder of Lake and Riley by flying this violent gang member from New York to Athens, Athens, Georgia, they’re going to be paying for him for the rest of his life now. I mean, this chick, this Susan Smith chick, she killed her two sons, and now taxpayers have to pay to keep her. And she knew exactly what she was doing. She lied about, oh, I was going to commit suicide and stay in there with them. But I got out at the last minute. No, you didn’t. You killed them because you wanted to go on. She’s like a Casey Anthony. Except Casey Anthony didn’t get caught. I mean, convicted, I should say. Well, she kind of did. But this is wild. Spent some time. Was released. This is crazy. But I just don’t know. Our society indulges this stuff because, I don’t know, we think that we lock people up and that can reform them like this. I think certain people cannot be reformed. And it’s not for a lack of belief in grace. I think God can forgive them, but society is different. And forgiveness doesn’t mean absence of penalty either, by the way. It doesn’t mean – and I’m not saying that comes into this chick’s case at all. I just don’t know how the husband would ever be able to forgive something like that. But grace doesn’t mean that there isn’t room for – actual accountability i don’t know why she’s she should have been put to death i think when you’re killing kids it’s a death that’s a capital punishment offense this jose abara he’s going to be living his life in prison unless some prisoners decide to do a good deed and take him off the taxpayer toll it’s true well it’s absolutely true This is that that’s justice. It’s not justice.

SPEAKER 01 : 20:08

Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.