Join us as we dissect the lunacy of modern-day tribalisms and ideological clashes, from bands longing for long-lost relevance to Hunter Biden’s jaw-dropping security expenditures. Dana’s sharp commentary extends to international affairs and domestic policies, painting a vivid picture of today’s political landscape. Additionally, tune in to hear about the brand new innovations from Kel-Tec and why their firearm line-up remains both affordable and ingenious for today’s responsible firearm owner.
Illegal border crossings plummet dramatically in Trump’s first full month on the job. Another study proves a higher minimum wage is bad for businesses, customers, and employees. And Andrew Cuomo is officially running for mayor of New York City. I’m Greg Karumbas. Join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the Three Martini Lunch podcast. We’ll give you the good, bad, and crazy news of the day, and hopefully a lot of laughs too. Follow the Three Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SPEAKER 03 :
Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.
SPEAKER 01 :
Can we talk about the band of audible aides that is mad that Trump used their song in a video? Yes, Dana, we can. I don’t even want to say this band’s name. They’re horrible. This band, I am really picky about my music. As you guys know, I am very picky about my music. So this band was a holy terror back in the late 90s. Can you remember? They were a terror. They terrorized the airwaves for an inordinate amount of time.
SPEAKER 05 :
That’s true. That one song?
SPEAKER 01 :
Yeah, they’re a one-hit wonder. It’s a 90s band called Semisonic. It is a band composed of flaccid, stringy-haired, one-hit wonders, and whose song is about closing time at the bar. And I’m not playing it because it is Audible AIDS, and I care about your health. So the White House posted a video showing the 200 or so trend to Aragua and MS-13 members that boarded two planes before they were being flown back to El Salvador in the dead of Saturday night. And they they used that band song closing time. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. And they played it. And I’m like, oh, that’s funny. You know, that band was they sucked out loud so hard. Oh, man. It almost like made the earth like go into itself. It was so bad anyway. So the band got really excited because they haven’t been relevant since 1998. And they got really excited. And they saw this as a great PR opportunity to whine about their music being featured in a video posted on social media by the White House. And so no one said anything. And then Simisonic gets out there, quote, we did not authorize or condone the White House’s use of our song closing time in any way. And no, they didn’t ask. The song is about joy and possibilities and hope. And they have missed the point entirely. Oh, really? The song? I mean, congratulations on your appropriated snobbery. Your song with your genius lyrics about joy. It’s a song about the lights coming up, the tabs closing out, the stools flipping over, and last call and beer goggles. That’s what the song is about. Banger lyrics like closing time, time for you to go out to the places you will be from. Oh my gosh, bing, bing, someone call the Pulitzer Committee because these people are going to places from whence they came. What? Amazing. I mean, we have among us, ladies and gentlemen, an undiscovered bard who has revolutionized rhyme and meter. Perhaps one day they can share the grave with Shakespeare when they shuffle off of this mortal coil. I mean, don’t forget the melodramatic chorus of What’s-His-Face McLeague Singer when he brays like a donkey. I know who I want to take me home 11 trillion times. And by the end of the first chorus, everybody was pleading with anybody in the song’s bar to please take him for the love of all things holy home so he can shut up. Please. This song was a plague to my coming of age phase. It was a terror. They’re domestic terrorists. and it was everywhere and bars finally did actually take to playing it at closing time because it was a great way to drive everybody out um i don’t know i mean i suppose you can pretend there’s a deeper meaning to the song other than yo the bar’s closing gtfo because that’s exactly what the song is about like you know gtfo out of my bar you know that’s that’s the whole song um But I don’t even think they own the licensing to their song. I think Warner Brothers owns it. They own all the licensing to it. So these guys don’t even own their own, you know, their own music. And so many of these groups, they license their stuff through ASCAP, BMI, and then they complain about about its usage after they cash the checks. So sorry if we think it’s shallow and non-essential. I mean, they could say, oh, we don’t endorse Trump’s views, but it is closing time for trend to Aragua and MS-13. But they’re instead they’re sad and angry that these violent repeat offending illegal aliens are being sent back to or being sent back to El Salvador or prison. I mean, they’re sad, I guess, that they can’t freely run our streets. I mean, that’s the problem with the left. Their tribalism is so great. So insane that they refuse to acknowledge the merit of something that we literally all agreed on a decade ago. Right. We all agreed. It’s bad. You can’t have like criminal, illegal aliens coming in, rapists and murderers. We can’t. But because Trump is in office. No, they can’t agree with you anymore because Trump. That’s not tribalism. It’s lunacy. Golly, this band. Yeah, I never want to hear this song again. I never want to talk about them again. But they’re very excited. They became relevant for half a hot second. And now they’re gone. Gold prices have surged over 40% since January 2024, consistently reaching new highs. According to Goldman Sachs research, the upward trend is expected to persist due to strong demand from central banks. It’s stuff like this that’s made me take action and why I’ve bought precious metals like gold and silver. I’ve partnered with a great company that makes it super easy to buy. Easy, transparent, and simple. And that company is Goldco. They’re a huge supporter of this show, and they’re the best at what they do. And right now, you can get a free 2025 gold and silver kit jam-packed with critical information about buying precious metals. It was a huge help, not just for me, but to all of you if you do this. 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SPEAKER 02 :
I would say if there are 18 with Hunter Biden, that will be something I’ll look at this afternoon. Okay. I just heard about it for the first time. So you have 18 secret service going. Where is he exactly? In South Africa. In South Africa. In South Africa, you know, is… on a watch list you know that because what they’re doing to people is brutal and i’ve stopped having money go to south africa you know that billions of dollars so he’s in south africa that’s very interesting all right i’m going to take a look at that thank you so why does he have a detail in south africa why does hunter biden have a detail in south africa
SPEAKER 01 :
Well, why is he in? Did they say like where? Where he is at specifically? Because you know, so DRC, while a separate entity, you know, is in the area nearby. And with his Seneca Rosemont firm, they actually helped China acquire all of this cobalt. Guys, remember that story? It was a huge story. And I’m just wondering if he’s doing business like more of the same there. Their gravy train is gone. I mean, you guys, he’s broke. He’s too broke to continue defending himself. His argument is that the court cases should be dropped because he’s too broke to defend himself. Not because there’s an absence of evidence, just because he’s broke. The guy who was fleecing people through his dad’s office, right? And then he was surprised that nobody wanted to buy his little spit paintings anymore. It’s crazy because like the moment his dad left office, nobody wanted his work anymore. Wild, isn’t it? Nobody wanted it. Not valuable anymore. You don’t think it was. Okay. Was it artistic? Would you hang it in your house? Would you tell your guests Hunter Biden spit his saliva was on this?
SPEAKER 05 :
No. I wouldn’t spend any money on it.
SPEAKER 01 :
But it’s like hazardous to your health to spend, you know, considering. He’s like a cocaine factory, like a Hoover for like blow. It’s true. So we don’t know what he’s doing there, but they had crazy amounts. I mean, he and Ashley Biden, the two drug addict kids that they got, they both were apparently receiving Secret Service detail. Now, you remember his house that he had when he was in Malibu. He was in Venice Beach because I have friends who live in Venice Beach. They’re like the only conservatives in Venice Beach, I think. But God love them. They try not telling you their name. But they he lived like right around the corner from them. And he rented this house and they were always like they they they didn’t understand why he was renting this house there in Venice Beach because he had no real reason to be there. I think it’s just where they thought the money went. And Ashley Biden, as you know, she used the FBI to go and fetch her diary after she left it in the mattress of a literal flophouse like it was a drug flophouse and it had all that stuff in it. And then they denied that it was hers and they sent the FBI to raid people and get it. So. When Hunter Biden was in Malibu, when he left in his speech and went to Malibu, he leased that. It was like $16,000 a month or something crazy. I think it was crazier than that. And the house next door for Secret Service. Taxpayers paid to lease that house next door for Secret Service. Again, he didn’t need to live there. He just wanted to live there because he thought that’s where all the money people live. Right. So then it gets burned down in the wildfires. He can’t afford to litigate. His sugar daddy’s broke because his sugar daddy basically boosted his art career and paid all of his legal fees. That was the guy that was seen hitting the bong on the apartment of a Miami sky rise. And then or maybe it was in L.A. And then now he’s too broke to continue defending himself. That’s not my problem. So why the hell is he in South Africa? Why are we paying for this drug addict secret service? Do you realize the hazardous positions that we put our secret service in by telling them to go and protect these drug addicts? I mean, you guys heard the story, right, of Hunter Biden speeding in a car down a desert highway, high as a kite, with his brother Beau’s security badge in the car. I mean, I know everybody heard it. And then he, like, wrecked it and abandoned it. Or what about the time that he threw the gun in the trash can and legit Secret Service and FBI had to intervene and Secret Service had to withdraw? They had to retrieve the gun from the trash can. It was literally thrown in a trash can across the street from a school. So who’s going to go fetch Hunter Biden’s gun out of trash cans if they don’t have Secret Service protection? Who’s going to go and fetch Ashley Biden’s drug diary in a flop house? I mean, they treated their Secret Service like babysitters. Joe Biden having Secret Service for his kids. Those were his kids, babysitters, grown ass kids. They’re older than I am. Grown kids that need babysitters for Secret Service. It’s just wild. So Trump said, no, we’re done. He blasted Biden’s son for going to South Africa and taking his detail. Now, his wife is originally from South Africa. Maybe you could say they’re visiting family. I don’t know. Do you really think they are? I don’t know. I’ve got a lot of questions whenever it concerns with Hunter Biden. At least Ashley Biden is working now. She’s working in Philly and living in Philly. And so Hunter Biden, he’s staying at a beachfront villa. Would you expect anything less? It’s $500 a night. His beachfront villa is $500 a night. So the taxpayer could pay up to actually over half a million dollars. Actually, yeah, over half a million dollars. Because his detail has 18 agents. So do the math. You’re looking at over half a million dollars annually for that. And the Secret Service is stretched so thin right now. So they and Trump extended. I get Trump having Secret Service for his kids because he’s in the White House. So I don’t know that this isn’t unusual for this to happen. But Trump also removed Secret Service protection for John Bolton and Fauci. So I’m just curious, like, what is he doing there? I think that when you have Secret Service protection, when the taxpayers paying for your protection, you don’t get the luxury of privacy. So whenever you do something, I want to know what you do, because I’m paying for your drug out of last. And so is everyone else here. We want to know what you’re doing. As we move, because we’ve got headlines on the way, ladies and gentlemen. And, of course, our program in part is brought to you by our good friends over at Kel-Tec. They make shooty sticks. Woo! Kel-Tec has a brand new firearm. 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SPEAKER 05 :
And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
SPEAKER 01 :
So Gavin Newsom’s favorability has plummeted after the governor was accused of pandering. I find this also interesting, but very on brand for Democrats because the rule is that you can’t find common ground with anyone. That’s not what he’s doing here. He’s using the right to rehabilitate himself. So don’t be fooled. But the left looks at anything like this, any kind of finding common ground or being courteous at all to the other side is a betrayal. So now he’s found himself. It’s that sort of Damocles, you know, I mean, he’s found himself now in this position of having really bad polling because of it. It’s fascinating to me. Also, a French politician. We’re going to talk more about this. says that they want the Statue of Liberty back. Okay, well, you can just give us back all of the lives that we lost liberating your country, including members of our own family here at Lash HQ who suffered horrific wounds liberating your country. So it’s the moment that you can compensate all of us for that, then you can have your damn statue back. Double barrel, single middle finger. There you go. Also… That actually really does make me mad. We’re coming back to that. That’s actually our topic coming up in the next segment. Sleeping poorly makes people more likely to believe conspiracy theories. I don’t believe this because explain Cain to me.
SPEAKER 05 :
I also don’t sleep well. Shut up. So maybe this conspiracy theory about conspiracy theories might be somewhat true.
SPEAKER 01 :
I don’t know. I feel like this is… I feel… It’s like they also wear shoes, too, so shoes could contribute to conspiracy theories.
SPEAKER 05 :
I also wear shoes. That’s weird.
SPEAKER 01 :
Oh, my gosh. Do you drink water, too? Poor sleep quality, they say, significantly increases your susceptibility to conspiracy theories, creating a feedback loop where sleep issues and conspiracy beliefs reinforce each other. Interesting. Also… The cartels, this… Okay, now they got cattle gangs. We’re going to have to bring cowboys back in a major way. The Mexican cartels are smuggling drugs inside of cows. And it’s the Spain process, and that’s when they do it. Stick with us. A lot more in store. They’re raging at Musk. And by the way, I wanted to… Did you know, Cain, this is going to be interesting. They caught a dude on camera, Cain, a Tesla, at the Dallas airport.
SPEAKER 05 :
They’ve actually caught several people doing that.
SPEAKER 01 :
This is at the Dallas… It’s the airport I fly out of.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, me too.
SPEAKER 01 :
All I’m going to say… is if I ever caught anybody… I don’t have a Tesla because I have a thing with EVs. Not because I don’t like Tesla. It’s just EVs in general. I love gas guzzling vehicles. I love gas. Yay! But if I found someone keying my car, God help that person. It will require an archangel to come down and restrain me. I mean… You know, that’s all I’m going to say. That’s all I’m going to say. I would lose my mind on somebody. It would be like… What’s the guy’s name from Walking Dead with the bat covered in barbed wire? I’d stop watching it if they killed Carl because it was just against canon. Negan, that’s right. I’d be like Negan with Lucille. It’d be crazy. We’d be at the ball game in the parking lot. So… You know, that is if I wasn’t armed. So I’m just saying, which I always am. But why do, why are people like this? And of course they said they got, they’re always these like ugly leftists too. So they’ve got these people at Dallas, like this one guy, Keane, a car. And of course he’s this like this, you know, absolute total doucher. He’s totally a progressive. He’s exactly the type of dude that you would think, you know, is going to key a car comes by and he walks by the car, totally keys it. And the century thing, that’s like the, uh, little secure. I do like that. The little security coverage for the car captured him face and everything doing it. How pathetic is your life that you’re so weak and beta and unable to articulate a legitimate defense of your belief system that you just throw all that to the wind and you decide King Kars is the acceptable substitute for intellectual discourse? I mean, that’s the left in a nutshell, right? But this guy, and it’s not, I mean, do they not realize that these cars have cameras? That they’re equipped with cameras, security cameras that capture all this stuff? Dude, this guy’s in so much trouble. There’s lots of crimes here. I mean, what happened if there would have been somebody sitting in the car? I mean, I’m just, what would happen? So this, yeah, this was just literally a day ago. And it was Sunday at the Dallas airport, or two days ago. And there’s video, they released, the people released the video footage. The guy, Jeff Nygan, is the car owner. And it shows this guy in a, this, you know, schlubby looking dude in an unbuttoned, sloppy looking plaid shirt. He looks disheveled in his sloppy pants. I’m just so mean right now. I can’t stand these people. I need to go in a whole fashion rant. When Juan shows you the video, you’re going to be like, she’s right though. This guy clearly is single because no self-respecting woman would let her man out of the house looking like this. There’s no way. That’s part of your job, ladies. You don’t let your man go out looking like this. Oh, my gosh. He needs a haircut, everything. Anyway, so he comes out, and it was at DFW Terminal A17. That’s the real nice terminal, too. A is the one that they just redid, and they got a real nice parking garage. It’s real easy to park because they got the lights that come on to let you know if there’s free spaces. And so all of the Teslas, they have cameras that are all over the outside of the vehicle. And so that’s, When you park, you can turn the cameras on. You can monitor your vehicle, you know, remotely, like literally anywhere. In fact, like some people, they can be, you know, across the country and they can monitor their vehicle from across the country, like hundreds of miles away. And that’s actually standard. That’s not a it’s not a perk. I sound like an ad now, but it’s actually standard package on Tesla’s. I didn’t know that they come with all of them. Oh, my gosh. I mean, he’s an older dude. He is an older dude who did this and keyed this person’s car. And I guess they just didn’t think that they would be caught. Juan’s showing you on the simulcast now. And there he goes, keying the vehicle right there. Just walks right by it. And I love that he thinks he’s doing this so surreptitiously. And the cameras. I mean, he walks right to the camera. Walks right to it. It’s me. So they’re going to go. And they’re after this guy. The Internet’s already got a hold of him. They’re going to make him famous. I think that there needs to be serious repercussions for this. I think this is domestic terrorism. It’s not just keying a car. It is a pattern of going after Teslas and particularly using Tesla as an avatar or some sort of representation universally of an ideology and targeting that ideology. And they want people to be scared to drive Teslas. Again, I don’t own an EV, but these people are going to push me to get one. So this is what I would do. So I would have sidebar. I would have, if I would, if I would do, I want to do this on my own rig right now, but I don’t understand how to do it. My husband said no. And I don’t know enough about mechanical engineering to do it myself yet.
SPEAKER 05 :
Your own century mode?
SPEAKER 01 :
Oh no, not just that. I want both of the doors to open and I want 50 cows to come out either side, right? Like total. 50 cows? Yeah.
SPEAKER 05 :
Good Lord.
SPEAKER 01 :
too big 180 hits never no i again i’m a maximalist i appreciate tradition and maximalism yay so like the doors could fling open and then like just a rack with a 50 cal and a belt that feeds all the way into the car and you have no idea how long that but you have no clue just out on either side and you know 180 that’s what i want on my vehicle i don’t need i don’t need it for a grocery getter i can put them in the front seat i don’t care i
SPEAKER 05 :
I didn’t even know that’s what I wanted until you just said it.
SPEAKER 01 :
I know. See, I’m like coming up with ideas that we all want. Like I should be in charge of the ministry of things that I don’t want to check. Ministry of things that Americans didn’t know they needed. Right. Can you imagine? So if somebody keys my car, I mean, amazing. It’d be like an anime. And it could play like the Transformers, more than meets the eye, as it happened. Anyway, that’s what I would have. So nobody would key my car. And I would apply a sticker to my car, like warning, this car will blank you up.
SPEAKER 05 :
So you wouldn’t start with like bear spray and then move up to like rubber bullets and then 50 cal?
SPEAKER 01 :
No. The warning is the sticker on the car that says touching this car will get you blanked up.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh.
SPEAKER 01 :
That’s it. If you’re too stupid, then I’m doing the world a favor. Right? That’s how I’m looking at it. So, it is domestic terrorism, though. That’s exactly what this is. It is domestic terrorism. This is what the left does. They always devolve into these violent, whinging brats. Juan goes, but wait a minute. I thought that Tesla owners were left-leaning. Right? Remember, like, was it ten years ago? Two years ago. Two years ago. They used it as a way to virtue signal. And they got CB1-apped.
SPEAKER 1 :
Think about it.
SPEAKER 01 :
So they all bought these electric vehicles. Like, I love virtue signaling about my socialist tendencies. Look at me. I’m driving a Tesla. It means I’m a socialist. I love government. And they’re very excited about it. And then all of a sudden, Elon Musk comes out MAGA. And now they’ve got this giant representation of MAGA that they’re forced to drive. Oh, my gosh. Just savor the moment for a minute. But they got CB1 app. It’s like all the people that downloaded the CB1 app. app that came in the country illegally, and now it’s a self-deportation app. Ta-da! You didn’t even have to re-download it. Magic! So they got a CB1 app.
SPEAKER 03 :
Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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