SPEAKER 04 : 0:00

Welcome to The Good News with Angie Austin. Now, with The Good News, here’s Angie.

SPEAKER 01 : 0:08

Hey there, friend. Angie Austin here with The Good News. Vonna Lau is joining us again, and now I have a copy of her book, Glad I Didn’t Know, Lessons Learned Through Life’s Challenges and Unexpected Blessings. Welcome back, Vonna.

SPEAKER 03 : 0:22

It’s good to be here. Thanks, Angie.

SPEAKER 01 : 0:23

Hey, so I’m kind of giggling because I’m going through like a bunch of hoops today because we’re traveling to Boston for one of my daughter’s volleyball tournaments. And you said, oh, I miss that. And so I kind of am giggling. So I want to feel why you would miss it. So tell me about your experience because Southern California, where you live, it’s a pretty competitive club volleyball environment.

SPEAKER 03 : 0:46

It certainly is. And I miss it because we don’t get to do it anymore. But it’s kind of like, you know, you miss having little kids, but you wouldn’t want to do it all over again. I would say it’s the same thing. Those were sweet times. And yeah, we had two middles. So we enjoyed the club scene and it was it was a lot of fun. But it was a lot of sitting around and a lot of gym time for sure.

SPEAKER 01 : 1:10

You know, we’re missing a middle on our team, so I wish we had one of your daughters. But we’re down to seven players with injuries and girls quitting, which when they were younger, they just didn’t quit like that. But she’s playing up on an 18s team. So anyway, they’re down to seven girls, maybe six. So I said to them today… You know, a club, I was like, what do we do if we all get to Boston and all these families are investing all this money and they’ve already paid all the club fees and we’re going to Vegas and we’re going to Louisville, Kentucky? I’m like, what happens if we only end up with five players? Like, is there a backup plan for this? This seems kind of like not that responsible to me to only have… you know you can’t have any injuries basically and uh so anyway that and then you know you’ve got tsa pre-check now in modern times and then um different airlines you have different baggage requirements and i found out i can’t do a carry-on but i can do a checked baggage because i usually fly this one specific airline but oh my goodness and then my daughter Just making sure, you know, that they have to have the black jersey, the white jersey, the red jersey. They have to have their wrist guards, their whatever, their ankle guards or whatever, their knee pads. So it’s like all of that. But now I’ve kind of gone, Vonna, hands off now. Like, it’s on you. You’re old enough that you need to remember all these things. I’m not involved with your uniform anymore.

SPEAKER 03 : 2:28

Of course, if she forgets it, mom’s checkbook is the one that’s going to have to buy some replacement item. So I remember one particular parent that… And it wasn’t us that ended up buying court shoes at a tournament, and you were…

SPEAKER 01 : 2:42

limited in selection so they overpaid for some court shoes so sometimes it pays to just double check those things that you might end up shelling out the money for yeah double check that double check that bag oh that’s funny she’s a lifeguard now i’ll bet her dad would make her pay for the shoes but i’ve seen the prices on things that you can buy at the tournaments it’s crazy i’m just i’m looking forward to one thing bonnie yes of course i’m looking forward to watching my daughter but most of all i’m looking forward to a lobster roll in boston

SPEAKER 03 : 3:12

And clam chowder, you’ve got it made.

SPEAKER 01 : 3:15

Yes, definitely. All right, if you’re just joining us, we’re talking about Vonna’s book, Glad I Didn’t Know, Lessons Learned Through Life’s Challenges and Unexpected Blessings. So give us an overview again.

SPEAKER 03 : 3:25

Happy to do that. This book really started off, I had written all the chapters for it. And each chapter is short, easy read. And it’s a story of something that you’re glad you didn’t know, that the person whose story it is was glad they didn’t know they were going to encounter that challenge or that unexpected blessing tells what happened and then summarizes what they’re glad they didn’t know and the lessons that they learned through that particular experience. And then it has three questions for the reader to apply that to themselves. And when I had written all the chapters, then I realized it would be so easy for someone to say, well, that’s how God worked in their life. and not really personalize it. And so I invited 16 other people in so that no one can say, well, that’s how it was for that person. They just understand that’s how God works. And so the 16 people that joined me were from 22 to 88 in age, men, women, Americans, non-Americans, and everyone tells their own story of what they’re glad they didn’t know. And there’s such a variety there. I’ve had people say, wow, this chapter really stood out to me, but I know that if I read it in six months again, it’d probably be a different chapter because we go through different seasons in life.

SPEAKER 01 : 4:50

You know, when we talked last time, it really struck me about how you talk about families and dysfunction. And you suggest that all families have dysfunction. And so often I look at other families and I, like my husband, his family is kind of that leave it to beaver family. His parents have been married for like 60 some odd years. And they, you know, But there’s no way that they would ever get a divorce. I mean, obviously, they’re in their 80s now, but just, you know, it could put the kids through a private Catholic school and paid for that, then built them a pool, you know, got the dog, mom stayed home, mom cooked all the meals, mom packed lunches, you know, like things that… I didn’t have any of that. There was no one to pack a lunch for me. I remember once my dad did make me a lunch in middle school, and he made me an onion sandwich. And I was like, I’m a 13-year-old girl. Who thinks a 13-year-old girl would take an onion sandwich to school, onions and mayonnaise, and that I would eat this in front of my friends?

SPEAKER 02 : 5:49

Well, at least he skipped the Limburger cheese. No. It’s actually been worse.

SPEAKER 01 : 5:54

Can you imagine? But, you know, when I think about, you know, dysfunction, you know, my dad was an alcoholic. You know, I didn’t see him for like 30 some odd years after I was about 12. One of my brothers was murdered. The other one’s a drug addict and he’s in an institution. And my mom dropped out of school because she was pregnant in 10th grade. I’m like… For those old enough to remember, I’m like a Jerry Springer episode, you know? And so for me to educate myself and, you know, work full time, go to school full time, graduate with honors, get a college degree, it’s like unheard of from my background, really. And so when you say all families have dysfunction, when I look at my husband’s family and then i think for a second i’m like wait there’s some weird things that grandma does my mother-in-law like real controlling stuff like still wants to buy my husband’s underwear when he’s 50 you know what i mean like just little things where you’re like wait a second there’s some quirky behavior there too with you know an italian mom you know wanting to really run the show at my house your house everyone’s house you know so It might not be the dysfunction I had, but it’s definitely a unique quality that I’m not accustomed to, to have someone micromanage my husband from so far away, which obviously she can’t, but there’s always been an attempt, let’s put it that way. Once she called me, Vaughn, it was so funny. She goes, you have a pen? I said, yeah, I got one right here. She goes, I want to talk to you about packing. I said, oh, okay, for the trip out to your place? Yes. So for Mark, here’s what you’re going to pack for Mark. And I burst out laughing. I go, you think I pack for him? And she goes, well, he needs a nice pair of slacks. Slacks. It’s just a funny word to me. Dress shoes, you know. Are you bringing your pocketbook? You know, that kind of thing. Like, I’m like, Grandma, I don’t pack for him. Like, but that’s really funny. You know, good one. But you’ll have to call him with these notes for packing his suitcase. But yes, I mean, it might be a different kind of dysfunction. But yes, I think every family does have its quirks that others might view as dysfunction. Would you agree? So what do you mean when you say you suggest all families have dysfunction?

SPEAKER 03 : 7:48

I think it does. It looks different. You’ve just described, you know, the way that it looks in your family. And for us, you know, I was an only child. My parents divorced and It was a volatile situation. And so I felt like as a kid, I was the only one going through that and I needed to kind of hide it from everybody. But it does look different. I remember an older couple in our church that I just adored. And similar to what you just said, they were in their 80s, had been married forever. But I remember when we were getting married that she said to me, one of the things that she regretted significantly in their marriage was that when they argued, they went into their bedroom, they closed the door, they had their disagreement, they worked through it, and they came out. And she said both of their daughters divorced when they got married. And she realized that they had never taught their girls that conflict was normal in a marriage relationship. They’d never modeled how to resolve that. And she really felt like that was a contributing factor to what happened with their girls, because when they got into relationships and they had disagreement, it was like, well, mom and dad never had this. Well, yeah, they did. You just didn’t know it. And so it can take on so many different forms, but whatever it is personally in your situation, others are probably going through something similar. And if it’s not the exact same thing, they certainly have their own situations. And I think that, should encourage us to understand we just need to learn what God has for us in those situations and be obedient and faithful because God’s faithful.

SPEAKER 01 : 9:40

You know, you talk a little bit about fear. And can you stick around in the next segment? Because I have a feeling we’re going to run out of time here. Absolutely. Okay, great. You talk about fear. And when I was reading up a little bit more, now I have the book this time. So I’ve got a little more background on, you know, some of your thoughts in the book. You say that Jesus repeated the phrase, fear not many times. So just like we were talking about controlling a minute ago, and my husband, I know when he’s stressed, I have to give him like a really long leash because he, a lot of grace. I have to give him a lot of grace because he really wants, the other day I told him he micromanaged my juice. Like I like to have grapefruit juice to add a splash to my fresca because it gives it a tartness. Well, I don’t use a cup. I use like, you know, a quarter of a cup, something like that. So there’s a little bit of juice still in there, but that might be three glasses for me, you know, three little splashes. And he’s like, you need to finish the juice. You cannot leave an almost empty juice container in the fridge. And I looked at the kids and I burst out laughing because they’re always saying he micromanages them. And I’m like, dad is micromanaging my grapefruit juice. And so why do we tend to worry about the future over which we have so little control? And often that fear and anxiety lends us to trying to control others to manage our anxiety, which only puts our anxiety really on them.

SPEAKER 03 : 11:01

Well, and within that question, I think it’s part of the answer, and that is we want control. If we’re reliant on the Lord or we’re reliant on those around us, it takes it out of our hands, and then we don’t have control. I just asked a group yesterday, I said, how many of you are far more comfortable driving than you are riding? And every hand in the audience went up. And why is that? It’s because we want to have control. And I really believe that that’s part of why we as a society look for someone to blame or something to blame when there is a tragedy or when something happens. Because then we still feel like there’s control. If I can blame something, then we fix that and then I don’t have to be fearful anymore. of what that situation is. So I tend to think many of us are probably control freaks and a lot of the fears that we have are when we realize that it’s outside of our control. And we need to be able to turn that over.

SPEAKER 01 : 12:12

And how have you learned to turn that over? You said that you were an only child and that divorce your parents went through. And I can understand that being the only kid, it’s a different saga than what I went through with four kids. So how did you learn to turn over your fears?

SPEAKER 03 : 12:29

Well, fortunately, through that situation, and ultimately, I came into a relationship with Jesus. And And my controlling side of things, James 4 verses 13 through 15 have probably become my life verses. And I think that it really relates to that control because those say, listen, you say today or tomorrow, we’re going to go into this city or that and spend a year there and carry on business and make money. You don’t even know what’s going to happen tomorrow. You know, what’s your life? It’s a mess that appears for a little while and then vanishes. But what you really ought to say is if it’s the Lord’s will, will live and do this or that. And that really has become so real to me. I plan. I’m a planner. And I think you still have to do that because you need to be moving in a direction for the Lord to be able to shift the direction a little bit. But at the same time, I don’t necessarily know what today is going to hold. I know what I have planned. But I think, I mean, you’re going through some things today as you plan to go for this volleyball trip that you’ve encountered things you didn’t anticipate when your day started.

SPEAKER 01 : 13:36

Right. And they always take that.

SPEAKER 03 : 13:38

And I’m like, that’s so perfect.

SPEAKER 01 : 13:40

And they always they always take like longer than you think. Oh, you’re like, oh, I just have to add this, you know, pre-checked number. This will just take a minute or let’s take a break and we’ll be right back with Bono Lowe.

SPEAKER 05 : 13:53

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SPEAKER 01 : 14:52

Hey, we’re back with the good news. Vonna Lau is joining us and we’re continuing our discussion with her book, about her book, Glad I Didn’t Know, Lessons Learned Through Life’s Challenges and Unexpected Blessings. I want to focus a little on that. And I was giggling because you were talking about how I’m traveling tonight and we’re taking a red eye, which I vowed I’d never do again. But it’s just, you’re trying to not take the kids out of school too much for these volleyball tournaments and basketball tournaments. And you don’t want them to miss too much because then they get behind and then they’re like, well, you took me out of school for sports, remember? So anyway, we’re doing a red eye into Boston and it’s like freezing cold. You know, we’re leaving at midnight. You can’t check into the hotel when you get in at 5 a.m. You know, all that stuff. So I’m just laughing because every little thing you think will take five minutes takes, you know, 50 minutes or more. So when you talk about unexpected blessings. in the book and you have 16 people giving their stories about, um, you know, life’s challenges and things they went through. Can you think of any unexpected blessings, whether it be for yourself or through some of the stories people told in your book that, you know, you think we might get a kick out of or be inspired by?

SPEAKER 03 : 15:57

Well, one of them is actually mine and I talk about it in the book further, but just to, just to start that conversation, uh, I grew up in rural South Dakota, which some people laugh at and say that’s redundant. But it was a, you know, a good small town to grow up in. But we didn’t go anywhere. You know, we went on one four day vacation to Denver. My mom bought property from my grandparents and lived at the end of their driveway. So that was a really rural community and attitude. And yet I fast forward and I serve on the board of world vision and I am surrounded in that boardroom with at different times, former governors, fortune 500 CEOs, more PhDs than I think I had in my college classes. And I look around the room and I’m like, what am I doing here? And so I, I see that as one of the unexpected blessings that I’m glad I didn’t know. And the reason that I say that is because if I had known 10 or 15 years ago, that I was going to be on the board, or even that at this time I chair that board, that I was going to chair that board, I would have thought, oh, I need this education. I need this work experience. I need to figure out how to network with these people to get there. And that’s not what I was supposed to do. I was just supposed to be obedient in each step. And the Lord cleared the path and opened the door for that to happen. And He did it in a way that It’s far better than I ever could have. And I’d have tried to orchestrate the results and I’d have messed it up. But now I have this amazing privilege of serving with great people and in an organization that does work around the world, impacting people’s lives. So I still stand back and I’m stunned by that at times.

SPEAKER 01 : 17:51

You know, when you talk about these twists and turns in our lives and these painful experiences and how God works in those, and I don’t think much about, you know, my background. I guess I talk about it on the radio because it just relates sometimes to, you know, the stories we’re telling but like in day-to-day life like my kids didn’t even know my son was eight when he asked if I had a dad and I’m like yes I do you know but he I never talked about him because I didn’t have good things to say so I didn’t really want to like there was nothing to talk about you know I wasn’t gonna tell my kid negative stories you know so um anyway then he ended up meeting him later and he was a totally different guy um you know once he quit drinking and he came back in our lives when my kids were like eight six and five or something But anyway, these painful experiences, I think back to how the perseverance that, like, I learned. I remember when I was 15, I needed braces, but my dad’s like, well, I’m not doing that. And, you know, because I still was on, like, his insurance or my mom’s. And my mom worked in a factory and had a 10th grade education. So I figured out that our insurance would cover it. So I was 15. I got a bus to town and then went to the orthodontist office by myself. And they’re like, oh, well, you do have insurance coverage. We’re going to have to call your parents and see if you’re okay to do this. and then i remember when i was 16 one of my brothers that it was in the military it’s kind of a yucky story but he um kicked me in the face with combat boots on because he’d been in the marines he got out for some kind of a mental you know um he had some mental issues let’s put it that way so anyway um nobody took me to get medical care and then the police came and they’re like well you we have to charge him because you can’t just say well we’re going to sweep this under the rug when somebody kicks a 16 year old girl in the face You know, and I was covered in blood running down the street, cars are stopping and they’re like, nah, nah, nah. My mom’s like, let’s just let’s just we don’t want to press charge. Let’s just drop this. And I’m like, no. So I don’t get any medical care. And then I’m like, wait a second. I have some issues because of this. So I ended up needing three surgeries. Well, they denied me. Right. So I wrote to the insurance company and they denied me. And I’m like, oh, no, I will not be denied. So then I got 16, a copy of the police report and pictures of me covered in blood that the police had taken. And immediately I got okayed for the surgery, all of them. And so I just think about how many 15, 16-year-old kids do that. But the only reason that I was like that is because of the circumstances I was in. that I was forced to if I wanted to succeed, to take those painful experiences and turn them into like a better life. But I had to have a lot of grit to get things done and to be kind of almost like an adult, you know?

SPEAKER 03 : 20:27

Oh, absolutely. And I don’t know about you, but for me, it has done the same thing. And it’s given me a drive.

SPEAKER 01 : 20:34

Yes.

SPEAKER 03 : 20:35

And a tenacity to go through things. And the piece of that that I have to be careful of is that I have to be compassionate with other people because I expect them to be the same way. So funny to have the same drive and to to face things. And when when they quit or when they let what I would see as small hurdles get in the way of accomplishing something, I’m like, what is wrong with you? Like, are you lazy? Are you? And so that’s my battle is to realize I did. I used to say I grew up fast.

SPEAKER 01 : 21:12

Yeah. And now when you say, are you, are you talking about your kids when you’re saying this, that you, you are like, Hey guys, you know, like this is not a big hurdle for you to overcome to do such and such. Are you that way with your kids?

SPEAKER 03 : 21:27

You know, some of it’s that some of it is coworkers, colleagues, you know, peer or people that work with or for me. Um, I’m just like at work, I, is this a work ethic issue? Like just, get it done. Um, so I have to be careful there and certainly with our kids as well. Um, we’re, we expect a lot from our kids because I think they will rise to the occasion when you set expectations high. Uh, but at the same time, I have to remember, and I’ve told them over the years, like you have a different life. And I think you just said that you’d done the same thing with your kids. You know, you have a different life than, than I had. And I’m grateful for that. Uh, So setting those expectations, but setting them realistically and having some compassion that they haven’t encountered the same thing, so they don’t view it the same way that I would.

SPEAKER 01 : 22:20

You know, I just recently, when the kids, their job, they can’t, when they’re doing sports, you know, they can’t do a traditional job because they’re, you know, traveling and they’re doing sports at night. And one of my kids just got a scholarship to attend college down in Tennessee. So I just said, look, you don’t really, can’t really work right now. You know, that’s your job. Your sport is your job. But we’ve made their other job. We pay for all their gas and then, you know, obviously all their fees and they’re spending money and, you know, things they need, makeup or perfume and I said, your job is driving your sister around or if your brother needs a ride, right? So that’s your job. So the other day, you know, she didn’t want to pick up her sister or blah, blah, blah from practice. And she’s like, why don’t you let me get a job? You know, so I’d have spending money. I’m like, no, you have a job. All of your gas is paid for. You have a free car. You have free insurance. You have clothes. You have all these sports. You have spending money. You go to Starbucks. I’m like, your job is to drive your sister. That is your job. And it’s super easy. Like that is an easy job. Like, you know, once or twice a day you pick her up or whatever. And so it came out through the family grapevine that because I wouldn’t get the sister, that mom is lazy. So then ever since then, because, you know, I worked seven days a week all through high school and college and I graduate with honors. And so I do the family text. I’m like, now I’m just kind of going back through things, but I think I’m the only one in the family that graduated with honors and worked full time at the same time. And so then every night for like a week at 10 o’clock, I would text the family thread and say, just a reminder, this is when mom got home from work on school nights. And this is when I would start my homework. I’d get home about 10, 15. So just a reminder from your lazy mom, you know, like, because I could, they think it was so long ago, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Like, I don’t know, you know, what they’re going through. And I’m like, no, actually, I really do. Yeah.

SPEAKER 03 : 24:09

Yeah, I like that approach. The other one that I’ve used is, OK, let’s let’s figure out how much all of these things would cost you. And then let’s figure out how much you would make per hour and how many hours you’d have to work to get the equivalent of what we are providing.

SPEAKER 01 : 24:25

Yes. And that I mean, that that’s actually a good idea, because that would be a real eye opener when you figure out all of these fees and the equipment and that whatever. I mean, you would have to have a kid their age, like a full time minimum wage job to really pay for the car, the gas, the insurance, that 10 grand for volleyball, the travel expenses. You know what I mean? Like, it’s insane.

SPEAKER 03 : 24:47

Oh, I do. Our rule in our house was you’re spoiled. And I know that. You are blessed to have these things. And as long as you appreciate that, it continues. But as soon as you stop appreciating it, it’s gone.

SPEAKER 01 : 25:04

Yes, it’s gone. It’s cut off. And we love to put the phones in the safe. That’s one of my husband’s favorite ones. All right. So let’s talk a little bit. We’ve got just a few more minutes left, about three minutes. And the book, Glad I Didn’t Know, Lessons Learned Through Life’s Challenges and Unexpected Blessings. What do you want people to get out of this? And when you speak and when you sign books and when you get feedback from people, what do you want them to get out of it? And what are they really, you know, what are they getting out of it? What are people telling you? What is their feedback?

SPEAKER 03 : 25:32

Well, I want them to be able to pause and reflect on their own glad-I-didn’t-know stories. We all have them. So I want them to think about some of the challenges that they’ve been through and what good came out of that and the lessons they learned and what some of those unexpected blessings have been in their life. And I want them to be encouraged to see how God is at work. And it has been such a blessing to hear from people that have read this book because they As I said earlier, someone will say, chapter 27 was my chapter. Or someone will say, wow, I was going through this difficulty at work and I read this chapter and it put things in perspective and I think I know what I’m supposed to do next. Or I was just speaking yesterday and someone said, I know why I’m here today. Like, I needed to hear this story. So because the chapters are all short, people are using it for you know, sitting on the nightstand to read a chapter before bed. People have done it for their individual devotions, couples’ devotions. One person was reading it with her 12-year-old daughter, and she said, well, the stories are all stories written by adults. She said, I’m amazed at the insightful questions my 12-year-old is asking. So people are using it in small group settings. I even have a finance department at an organization that everybody got a copy of it. They read it. It was in a ministry. And then they chose to take turns each week sharing their own glad I didn’t know story. And the team really bonded because they got to know each other better as a result of doing that. So people are using it in some great ways. And been really fun to see how the Lord’s using it in individual life.

SPEAKER 01 : 27:17

Oh, I like that. For team building, a little different, but one of my friends works in prisons, and it’s a three-day workshop, and so she gets the inmates who might despise each other to bond over common stories and commonalities of a love for a mother or the pain of losing a father or not having a dad in their lives or whatever it may be to see that they have more in common than they have differences. And so I like the idea of sharing something kind of more personal like that in order to, you know, feel more camaraderie with a team, whether it be in prison or, you know, your accounting firm or whatever. Again, the book is Glad I Didn’t Know. Vonna, where’s the best place for us to find you? And Vonna is V-O-N-N-A and then Lau, L-A-U-E. Where do we find you?

SPEAKER 03 : 28:06

Absolutely. So you can go to gladididntknow.com. It just doesn’t have the apostrophe in it. GladIDidntKnow.com or GladIDidntKnow at gmail.com. Reach me either of those ways.

SPEAKER 01 : 28:19

Excellent.

SPEAKER 03 : 28:19

Thank you, Vonna. Thank you.

SPEAKER 04 : 28:23

Thank you for listening to The Good News with Angie Austin on AM670 KLTT.