SPEAKER 01 : 0:00

This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Picture this. You’re on an important virtual interview answering that make or break question, and suddenly your screen freezes. Not the impression you want. Good internet has never been more important. I’m constantly doing podcast interviews, video calls, and important work on my computer, so I have to have a solid connection. That’s why you can’t take slow for an answer. And with Optimum Fiber, you won’t have to. It is the fastest, most reliable fiber internet in the New York tri-state with 99.9% network reliability so you can stream, work, and game seamlessly. Plus, get a five-year price lock and a $400 prepaid card. Don’t take slow for an answer. Call 888-4-OPTIMUM. Visit your local Optimum store or visit Optimum.com today. Terms apply. See Optimum.com for details.

SPEAKER 03 : 0:52

Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Caltech.

SPEAKER 05 : 0:58

It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.

SPEAKER 02 : 1:08

The dog fighting thing makes me so sad. I can’t even deal with it. This headline’s going to be a little hard. I’ll make it up to you, though. A Florida man was arrested after a drug bust uncovered a dog fighting operation, and he also had a nine-foot alligator, because why the hell not? What? I’m really hardcore on this stuff, so I may not be your cup of tea. I just feel like if you’re running a dogfighting operation, feel like I want to make you take part in a felon fighting operation and then sell tickets to that. Just saying. A Florida man was arrested in Jacksonville. Apparently, they uncovered animal neglect, a dogfighting ring, and a nine-foot gator. Can I just say… I’m like, kill him now. I told you guys, if you’re mean to women and babies and kids and old people and animals… Get you off the earth. A one-way ticket to hell. I’m just saying that’s the suspect, 49-year-old Markey Williams. He faces multiple charges. So apparently he was already a felon and he was already in illegal possession of a number of weapons. But these dogs, he also had raccoons and turtles. They were injured, malnourished. They had no access to water. They were in horrible condition. They were neglected. He was making them fight and kill each other. Yeah, I want this guy dead. That’s me. My punishment for him would be like, I’m going to take you right out back and firing squad. That’s it. We’re going to make a mess for the medic and interesting for the morgue. That’s what we’re doing. Actually, we’re not going to have a medic. It’s just going to be fun times for the morgue. That’s I told you guys, it may not be your cup of tea, but he’s got a lot of felony charges. So he’s in custody at Duval County Jail. They just strengthen the law on that as well. I got to tell you, the people who do this stuff to animals, they especially like dogs. Y’all, I’m not this is not propaganda. These people have a history. I did this. I read this whole white paper on this. Actually, a number of things. And I watch this documentary and all that. It’s sad. It’s like they typically are really abusive to kids, too. And they’re nuts. They’re just they’re evil. Let’s see here. A man sues the state over tax funds for Confederate monuments. I don’t know. This is again in Jacksonville. What’s happening here? It’s a case that might have national implications on Confederate monuments. It’s underway. It goes back to 2021. A guy sued the state of Florida. He felt taxpayers should not be forced to fund Confederate monuments on city property. And he said that naming them after Confederate figures violates his civil rights. I think that’s dumb. Now, I don’t think if your city does not have the funds to do it, I don’t think they should do it. And I also think this is where private donations and all that come into play. But the naming thing, violating his rights. Sit down and be quiet. He’s violating my rights because we all have to deal with this stupidity. We have to coexist with him on this rock. And so my rights are violated, Kane. I don’t know about yours. Mine. I feel so like my rights violated. Let’s see this. OK, this Florida man was he was arrested because he stabbed a shark that stole his fish. I can’t get too mad at the guy. 26-year-old Zane Garrett, they said he’s animal cruelty. He stabbed a shark’s head multiple times. Yes, he should not have done that. But he said it stole his fish. He goes, Bud broke my rod, and it stole his fish, and so he stabbed the thing. He didn’t actually get his fish back. And he got in trouble with Florida Fish and Wildlife. Hey, folks. So I want to share something important that every American should be aware of. We’re seeing a lot of economic uncertainty right now. You have the national debt rising, global trade tensions impacting markets and tariffs with higher prices on the stuff that everybody uses every day. It’s not about panic. It’s about preparation. So this is why I partnered with Gold Co., the top rated precious metals company, to help you take a step towards protecting your financial future. smart investors look to hard assets like gold and silver to help weather the storm it’s a strategy that’s been used for generations and right now you can get a free 2025 gold and silver kit that breaks it all down for you and if you qualify you could receive unlimited bonus silver real silver matched to your account with no taxes or penalties it’s a smart move that could help you feel more secure with what lies ahead visit danalikesgold.com to get started that’s danalikesgold.com and move forward with confidence I want to switch it up here a little bit. I got to tell you about something that’s happening in my town square. You guys remember the dude who, and this was, let me get the date on this. This was in May when it happened. This, so very end of May, there was a guy who was arrested for trespassing at Mar-a-Lago, right? 23-year-old Anthony Reyes. He told police that he wanted to spread the gospel to Trump and marry Kai, his 18-year-old granddaughter. Secret Service found him on the property and said that he had jumped over the wall to get there. He was not permitted to enter, etc. He had been previously arrested and accused of trespassing on the property on New Year’s Eve. Apparently, I think they got a PO against him. And he’s here in my town. In my town square. He’s been arrested twice in my town square. Last night, a very good friend of ours has a daughter and the daughter and the daughter’s friend. They were in. So our square is like an open air mall. Right. And it’s super safe. You’ve got the town hall that’s right there. You’ve got the post office. You have like the Apple store, the Tesla building, which I’m going to get to in a minute. A Starbucks. You know, you really don’t have. A lot of stuff. In recent years, there was a little bit of increase in stuff because of the border. And you had, and this is a picture Juan showing you one. I’ve got two documents on him. This was his most recent, this guy’s most recent arrest for assault. He got charged with assault. And the picture on the right is one that the friend of my good friend’s teenage daughter took yesterday evening. They were trying to get a picture of him because they wanted to tell police. He was so aggressive that they ran away from him and ran into a Starbucks. To get away from him. He was saying, you must be my bank loan because my interest is out of control or something like that. And then he I’ve been hearing from parents all over this town because I said something in our Facebook group and parents have been saying, oh, my gosh, they’re all realizing this is who their daughters have been telling them about. I can’t tell. I can’t count on both hands how many different sets of parents. have reached out to me publicly and privately sharing stories about how this guy has been harassing their teenage daughters, young minor girls under the age of 18. Some of them are 14. And what they do is sometimes the parents, like say mom and dad will have a dinner. And I wait, this happens all the time. I have boys, so I don’t have girls. But it’s not so much a big thing with the boys. It’s the girls, the girls want to go and shop because they have those little boutiques. And it’s a good fun thing for teenage girls to do my gosh, right? Like, I don’t believe in Tupperware kids, you know, keeping your kids, you know, restricted. And the square used to be, you never worried about it, right? They could walk all over the square. There’s different, so many different stores, a Lululemon forum and all that stuff. Anyway, I’ve been hearing from all these parents, you know, they go to dinner, the girls walk around during dinner and they maybe get their own food and then they leave with their parents at the end of the night. One of a parent told me that just a couple of weeks ago, they had a run in with this guy. They were on their way to take something back in a Sephora. And this guy said, if you have three minutes, I’ll take you to heaven is how he propositioned her. And she was 14 and they ran into the Sephora. I mean, and he’s out there walking around. He’s been arrested twice for trespassing in Amaralago and he’s been arrested twice here. Now, the teenage girls yesterday evening called police and they were our police department. Southlake Police is aware of this guy. And they said, was he in dark clothing? And, you know, they were aware of him. Here’s my thing. This is Texas. And this is the most conservative, largest urban conservative county in the United States. There’s two bad things that are going to happen if law and order didn’t prevail here. Something bad is going to happen to a teenage girl or this dude is going to get shot because he’s going to mess around and some daddy is going to see him and he’s going to take care of him. And then I’m going to have to defend that dad. This is how you get vigilantism. This guy has been running around and all these moms and dads online are now realizing, oh, my gosh. And they’ve all been taking pictures of him, too. They told their kids, take a photo. And apparently the police, they’re well aware of him. So I’m trying to find out his legal status. I want to double check and make sure. But always, always, always make sure you’re talking to your kids. And if your kids see anything like this, because now there’s concern, is he in human trafficking? What is he in? I’m going to update you about this story because I don’t want this guy in my town. Our friends over at Caltech, the PR-57, P-R-57. 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Learn more at Kel-TecWeapons.com. Innovation, performance, Kel-Tec. Tell them Dana sent you.

SPEAKER 05 : 11:38

And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.

SPEAKER 02 : 11:43

All right. So first up. This a judge has dismissed this. I can’t stand the stupid story. You have two egotistical fecal birds that are fighting over. You have you have Blake Lively, who apparently is a nightmare, a living sentient nightmare. And Justin Baldoni, who’s a brat, and he filed a defamation suit against Blake Lively. I don’t know. It got kicked out. Uh, now apparently they’re filing to reinstate it. I don’t know. It’s just, I don’t care what happens to these two entitled bratty people, right? I mean, I, I do think that she’s a handful and I think that he’s kind of a beta. So I don’t know. Is that mean? Cause I don’t care. Uh, people. Oh, OK. These people can go die in an AIDS fire. Those born between 1970 and 1985 are apparently ditching Gen X and millennial titles for Generation Goonie. No, no, sir. There are no some of those in the 80s and the mid 80s are a little. No, no, we are. I think. We’re baby Gen X. It’s not Gen Goonie. Thank you. No. Step all the way off the plank. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. No. Who’s trying to make this happen?

SPEAKER 05 : 12:59

I don’t know.

SPEAKER 02 : 13:01

Deport them. I don’t care if they were born here. Don’t care. Let’s see. Oh, look at this. Two people were rescued from a San Francisco cliff after they dropped their phones. Gosh dang it. You’re robbing Darwin again. Let’s see. Tourists were caught on a cliffside. I don’t know. Maybe when you don’t hang over a cliff at a place called Dead Man’s Point with your little cell phone trying to take your little photos. Nobody cares. You’re 100 followers on Instagram. Don’t care. They drop their phones and then they try to go down to get them and they got stuck. So the San Francisco Fire Department, Cliff Rescue Unit and Heavy Rescue 1 had to save them. And everyone’s like, please be aware of the multitude of posted signage all around the place called Dead Man’s Point. Okay, just be aware. Can we ask why Josh Hawley is proposing to raise the national federal minimum wage? Because he tweeted about that earlier today. And that is a new plan that he is promoting. He wants to actually raise the minimum wage. According to multiple, well, according to his own Twitter timeline, I’ve tweeted about it if you want to go and look. He’s proposing an increase because I think it’s what? He wants to raise it, what, it’s the Higher Wages for American Workers Act. It would raise the federal standards starting in 2026. And then it’s not it doesn’t end there. He wants to further increase it after that. He. says that we’re in the midst where he’s talking about affordability and inflation, etc. He says for decades, working Americans have seen their wages flatline. And one major culprit of this is the failure of the federal minimum wage to keep up with the economic reality, blah, blah, blah. Bipartisan legislation would ensure that workers across America benefit from higher wages. Well, you don’t do that in an environment where you refuse to cut spending. You refuse to cut regulation. You refuse to cut government bloat. You refuse to cut overhead. This is unbelievable. This is not a conservative position. This is not a conservative proposal. It is not a conservative bill. This is Marxist nonsense. And it’s a disappointment that it comes from a senator that hails from my home state. I’m telling you, we call balls and strikes on this program and there are no sacred cows because these people work for us. So I was I’m not shocked because he’s promoted something like this before. He retweeted the CBS News article about himself where he gave CBS this interview. This is I mean, like I said, it is a progressive nightmare. Why are we doing this right now? Why are we doing this at all? Why is a Republican promoting it? I mean, this is… It’s not a concern. Why should there be a single minimum wage law for every aspect, every part of the country going from Los Angeles to, you know, Tupelo, Mississippi? Why? It doesn’t make any sense at all whatsoever. If you’re trying to remedy what you think is unfair competition or practices… Then if you are not accompanying it with any kind of stiffer with any kind of enforcement at any of that, if this is like something about it, it doesn’t make any sense. I don’t know why we have Republicans that are flirting with this big government Democrat nonsense. Why stop at $15 an hour? If you really want to solve the problem, you’ll give them $10,000 an hour. I mean, it’s an arbitrary number. The market sets the wage. And you’re also, imagine, you know, wages as a ladder. You’re sawing off the first several rungs of the ladder to individuals who are trying to get a foot, trying to get an entry-level position so that they can start working and accumulating wealth. You are penalizing these people for an optic. There’s another thing that makes me mad. Like how in the hell is this being considered as a legitimate proposal? I don’t get it. And we got this on top of it, a proposal coming out of the White House where they’re wanting to pay $1,000 for babies. A mega baby account, $1,000 contribution placed in an index fund tied to the stock market managed by the child’s legal guardians given to citizens born after December 31st, 2024 and before January 1st, 2029. Do I really want to do this? Audio sound bite four. Go ahead. Let’s just let’s do this. Oh, my God.

SPEAKER 04 : 18:06

Here’s how the accounts work for every U.S. citizen born after December 31st, 2024, before January 1st, 2029. The federal government will make a one time contribution of one thousand dollars. into a tax-deferred account that will track the overall stock market. In other words, it’ll be pegged to an index that we’ll pick. Right, Michael? We’ll pick it. We’ll pick a good one. Maybe you should be the index. I’d like to have that. These kids would be very wealthy if that were the case. That would be a good idea. I think we might do that, Michael Dell. These accounts will be private property controlled by the child’s guardians. And in many cases, those guardians will be the parents. We think probably the parents will be the guardians. They’ll be open for additional private contributions each year from family, friends, parents, employers, churches, private foundations.

SPEAKER 02 : 19:00

Why does the government have to do this? Why is this the government’s job? Where’s the money coming from? I mean, are we not taxed to absolute flipping death already? Where’s this money coming from? Why is the government doing this? Why can’t individuals do it for themselves and their own families? Why is the Republican Party becoming obsessed with Bush era policies? We were in the streets for this in 2008. This is some too big to fail B.S., So we got Josh Hawley wanting to raise the damn federal wage, minimum wage. We have other Republicans wanting to expand government health care. We got other Republicans out there who are talking about paying people to have babies because apparently they’re ignorant to the fact that welfare in this country has been a failure. And now we have this. I don’t have to agree with everything that somebody promotes. I am very nervous about these Bush level spending proposals, Bush era spending proposals that are being repackaged and represented by today’s GOP. Because one of the reasons that we are in this position where it concerns deficit and spending is because of those big government old Republican Bush level type proposals. This is this is no, I did not vote for that. I voted for lower taxes. I voted for secure borders. I voted for fair trade policies. I did not vote to give everybody $1,000. They had a baby. And for the government to set up something that people should set up themselves. What is happening? This is uniparty stuff. This is uniparty stuff. Raising the debt ceiling, I mean, for crying out loud. I’m not happy with any of this, y’all. Not happy with it. A lot of the states already, and Lorraine noted this, I mean, most states individually by themselves, a lot of them already increased minimum wage. This is not an enumerated power under the authority of the federal government. It is not.

SPEAKER 05 : 21:17

Also, we’ve seen real wage growth, thanks to the lowering of inflation, actually turn a positive number since Trump has been in office. So now we actually have wage growth we can look at right now. So, yeah, I don’t know what Holly’s doing.

SPEAKER 02 : 21:32

Yeah. I don’t either. I don’t either. I do not either. I’m just, to me… I feel like they’re going to flirt with these policies that people have lived through and recognize and they’re not going to like it. And then we’re going to jeopardize midterms and then it’s going to be even worse. It’s going to be even worse. My gosh. We got members of members of government lionizing, you know, Japanese at the I mean, trying to kind of retcon history a little bit here as it concerns World War Two in the Pacific. We got Josh Hawley talking about raising the federal minimum wage, just completely disregarding the enumerated authority of the government, enumerated powers and the state’s authority under the 10th Amendment. I mean, what’s happening? I mean, Republicans used to act like Republican. Well, for a little bit, they did. This is why I am a conservative, because Republicans are too progressive for me. They’re too progressive for me. And I’m not about to pretend for clicks that any of this nonsense is in any way constitutional, conservative or is going to help safeguard your what you work for and your family.

SPEAKER 03 : 22:46

Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

SPEAKER 01 : 23:02

This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Picture this. You’re on an important virtual interview answering that make or break question and suddenly your screen freezes. Not the impression you want. Good internet has never been more important. I’m constantly doing podcast interviews, video calls, and important work on my computer. So I have to have a solid connection. That’s why you can’t take slow for an answer. And with Optimum Fiber, you won’t have to. It is the fastest, most reliable fiber internet in the New York Tri-State with 99.9% network reliability so you can stream, work, and game seamlessly. Plus, get a five-year price lock and a $400 prepaid card. Don’t take slow for an answer. Call 888-4-OPTIMUM. Visit your local Optimum store or visit Optimum.com today. Terms apply. See Optimum.com for details.