In this riotously absurd episode, Dana Lash unpacks the most bizarre happenings from the Sunshine State. From an electric vehicle enthusiast creatively charging his car by driving through a restaurant to a woman’s unconventional hiding spot for illegal substances, brace yourself for the unpacking of reality in the most jaw-dropping way. But Florida isn’t alone in its oddities; we also delve into other headlines grabbed from cities and courts that highlight a world where everyday logic seems to silence itself in the face of utter absurdity.
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We share real stories with the suspense of true crime, but we’ll leave you with a sense of light and hope.
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dana lashes absurd truth podcast sponsored by caltech it’s his life mission to make bad decisions it’s time for florida man a florida man who drove through a restaurant to charge his ev got a different type of charge It’s a restaurant. It’s a surveillance warrant. They said that the guy drove through a restaurant. He was trying to charge his electric car at the bar. Evan Bobel. He’s 23. He’s a grown man. 23-year-old grown man. He drove it right through the Harry and the Natives restaurant in Hobie Sound in the middle of the night and moved tables aside to try to get to a charger. They were able to nab him. They got his bonds at $12,500. Wow. There are other things. I just can’t believe that someone just, and he wasn’t, apparently he wasn’t drunk. What?
SPEAKER 08 :
Wait.
SPEAKER 02 :
It’s what the story says.
SPEAKER 08 :
I’m just looking at the ingredients of the story. Yeah. Florida man. He drives through a restaurant. He doesn’t drive up to it and then break into the window. No, he drives through it. Moves a bunch of tables and furniture to get to a charger. And he’s not drunk?
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Yeah.
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Wait. True. I gotta admit, doesn’t make any sense.
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I know, I know. Also, this doesn’t make sense because it’s gross. A Florida woman hid several syringes in a bag of fentanyl. How do I say this? No. On her person. Okay. In her person. That’s the only way I can say it. Yeah, I need to… Oh, gosh, come on. Why is this working? Okay. Okay. A long crime. She was arrested. She had… That is a terrifying thing. Several syringes. Would you hide a syringe there? No! Jessica Reno, 34. She’s accused of lots of stuff. Possession of fentanyl, all kinds of stuff. They pulled her over because she had a mismatched license plate. And she also had the driver’s side seatbelt caught in the door dangling outside of the door while she was driving. So that was kind of like a tip-off to police. They said that, yes, you know, they pulled her over and they made contact and she was on the phone and she wouldn’t pull over and they finally got her over. Her driver’s license was suspended and then she had lots of drugs and then she was like, nothing’s mine. And then she was booked into the local jail. And then that’s when the other fentanyl and the syringes and all that were found. I’m going to pass out and fall out of my chair. I can’t even imagine. And the best way that I can put it was, oh my gosh, they just put it out there. Oh my gosh. I can’t read this. I cannot read this.
SPEAKER 08 :
It’s news.
SPEAKER 02 :
Oh my gosh. You know what? You read this. You read this for the people. This is what people do. Oh my gosh. You read it. Go, Cain. Come on. Go ahead. Read it, Cain. Go ahead.
SPEAKER 08 :
The booking deputies discovered a black sock tucked into the area of Jessica’s lady cavity. The affidavit goes on. Within the black sock, deputies located six cap syringes and a bag of white powdery substance while inquiring about the substance.
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And she knew what it was, but apparently she was like, oh, I forgot it was there.
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It’s none of its mind, but it’s fentanyl.
SPEAKER 02 :
She literally, in her interview, she literally said that she forgot that she had those things. On her person. Yeah. She said she forgot. Okay. You don’t forget purchasing fentanyl, wrapping it in some syringes in a black sock and putting it in your she cave. I don’t know how else to put it. You just do not forget that. So the police, shockingly, did not buy her story. So she, yeah, got to stay in jail. That’s correct.
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Such a believable story, though.
SPEAKER 02 :
I have now seen everything, and that’s it, guys. Bye. We’re done. Earth is done. Earth is done. Not just the show, but Earth in general is all finished. Let’s see. A guy found an alligator in his swimming pool trying to beat the heat. Okay, this is what you have to worry about with Florida. Like imagine you’re like, oh my gosh, it’s going to be a great day. It’s like a nice weekend and everybody’s got a pool in Florida. The pools have pools in Florida. So you’re like, you go and you take your coffee and you’re going to go outside and sit by the pool and you’re thinking about maybe just like sitting on the edge, drinking your coffee, putting your legs in and then oh my gosh, there’s a literal alligator in your pool. I see these stories once a week in the summer in Florida. This is like the fourth time I’ve seen a story like this. And this one was in Pont Verde Beach where they had Edward McClammo woke up doing exactly what I was telling you. Like, gonna go out, enjoy the day. Nice weekend day. And he sees an alligator in his pool. It’s a rather large one. They had to call Florida Fish and Wildlife to come track it and get it out. And they did. They were able to relocate it, but… Recently, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis legalized gold and silver as acceptable currency, meaning that Floridians can now make transactions in gold and silver, thus creating an alternative to the U.S. dollar. So I guess all the inflation and national debt that’s spiraling out of control, not to mention the recent credit downgrade for the United States. has finally opened up all lawmakers’ eyes. The writing has been on the wall for a long time, and it’s time to protect yourself against the declining value of the dollar. And that’s exactly why I partnered with GoldCo, the top-rated precious metals company, to help you take a step towards protecting your financial future. And right now, you can get a free 2025 gold and silver kit that breaks it all down for you. And if you qualify, you could receive unlimited bonus silver, real silver, matched to your account, with no taxes or penalties. It’s a smart move that could help you feel more secure in what lies ahead. Visit danielikesgold.com to get started. That’s danielikesgold.com and move forward with confidence.
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President Trump keeps Iran guessing about possible U.S. military action. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. The Supreme Court scores a win for kids and common sense by upholding Tennessee’s ban on trans treatments for kids. And even after last year’s election, some Democrats want citizenship for every illegal. Man, they’re slow learners. I’m Greg Karambas, inviting you to join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the 3 Martini Lunch podcast. We’ll give you the good, bad, and crazy news of the day and hopefully a lot of laughs too. Follow the 3 Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Grocery prices are out of control. The cost of eggs and milk has skyrocketed. Some stores are even using dynamic pricing, jacking up the cost over the course of a day depending on what they can get away with. It doesn’t need to be this way. I’m Zahran Mandani, and as mayor, I will create a network of city-owned grocery stores. It’s like a public option for produce. We will redirect city funds from corporate supermarkets to city-owned grocery stores, whose mission is lower prices, not price gouging. These stores will operate without a profit motive or having to pay property taxes or rent, and we’ll pass on those savings to you.
SPEAKER 02 :
This is actually one of the stupidest things that I’ve ever heard in my entire life. This guy who’s an absolute nepo baby who’s never had a job in the private sector. And you ought to go read. Seriously, go read up about this dude. Literally never worked in the private sector. He has no job experience. I’m not making this up. He has no job experience. And he’s like, I have a great idea about grocery stores, guys. Because they’re having their primary right now. They’re ranked voting in New York about who their mayor is going to be. And you got Cuomo’s back. And he’s running against this guy whose name I’m saying the way I want to. And it’s Ma’am Dammy. And I’m not going to be corrected on it. Because if a guy can pretend that his weenus is not a weenus, then I can say this dude’s name however I want. And everybody’s got a choke on it. So that’s how we’re doing it. Welcome back. It’s just violence today. You’re right. Dana Lash with you. The chat’s at Rumble, so you can try to go complain to them if you don’t like it, but I don’t think they’re going to receive it well because we all pretty much are on the same wavelength every day. So, yeah, he’s got this brilliant idea. You know how much you guys love the DMV, how the DMV is so amazing? We’re going to do that to grocery stores. You know how much you love the Subway and how clean and fresh smelling it is? We’re going to do that to grocery stores. Say hello to my newest Mam Dami product. It’s some soda, and it’s called Hobo. I muted my last word. No, no, I didn’t. I want the FCC to make a case about me mouthing something. Just bring it. We got to get out of jail free card, though, anyway. So that’s, I mean, it’s true. Think about it. I don’t know if you’ve ever ridden the subway in New York. It’s like, um, stepping into a Petri dish inside of the devil’s anus. I don’t know how else to say it. It’s, I’ve never smelled anything so nasty before. Um, There’s nothing that’s nothing that will prepare you for it. And I had I had this one. I remarked about this one time and I had a listener love this listener. They’re like, yeah, they’re they were a hunter. And they’re like, I don’t know. I came across like this old carcass, you know, this one day in the woods, like talking about an animal carcass. And, you know, it was getting scavenged on. It smelled really bad. It was still pretty fresh. I’m like, oh, that’s adorable. Now times that by eleven million and put it on steroids and then add some hobo urine on it. And there you go. And some like homeless vomit. And then there you go. Then that’s then we’re talking about the same thing. No, that’s one of the things he wants to do. We’re just going to have free things for everybody. Here’s your city-owned grocery stores. Think about it, though. Wouldn’t you love to shop at a grocery store that is run with the same efficiency as the DMV? Doesn’t that sound amazing? I’m sure everything is going to be up-to-date and clean. Or like the Subway. Wouldn’t you like to go and purchase the things you’re going to put in your mouth from the same people who run the Subway? Yay. I love that for you. That sounds so great. I mean, you know, it’s okay if you’re getting free stuff. Now, I mean, you know, the quality of the stuff is going to be questionable. But hey, that’s literally what he’s doing. This is one of the stupidest things ever. And then he says, and everyone is guaranteed dignity. What? How do you do that? I don’t think there’s any dignity in like shopping at a government run. grocery store like he’s proposing i uh just dignity distributor what are you going to hand like how do you how do you guarantee someone dignity you give do you send them a certificate like here’s your dignity is that what you do do you give that to them in that way i’m so confused I don’t even know. But yeah, that’s and he’s a socialist. Ma’am, Danny, Danny, whatever. He is a socialist who is a nepo baby who literally never worked a day in his life. So you can’t get mad at him for not knowing how stores work. Makes you wonder how he thinks other things work, right? I mean, just look at his history. He literally of a nepo baby, a filmmaker and a very fancy professor at Columbia. And he’s never. Yeah, he literally never worked up in the private sector ever. But he is a fan of hip hop and he has composed some rap music. Well, let’s give this guy the keys to the world.
SPEAKER 08 :
Why didn’t you say so?
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah. And he’s been involved in politics basically since he was a zygote. Yeah. He’s one of those people who’s like, I’m going to graduate and go and be a politician. And I just want to beat them and their parents. Like, how dare you fail America like that? You’re just going to like send somebody serving in office is like a consequence of being successful in public life. It’s like, oh, my gosh, I guess I have to do this. It’s like glorified jury duty. But everybody’s turned it into a grift. So now people think that they can do it as an actual career choice. It’s one of the biggest failings of this country I’ve ever seen. So, yeah, he thinks that… I mean, think about this for a moment. Just think about, you know, how grocery stores work and how basic systems work. This is the stuff that he’s talking about. Who pays for that? He also wants to spend $65 million on gender treatments. What the hell does that mean? I guess you get to treat your gender. I don’t know. Like, what does that mean? You’re going to put a Band-Aid on your woo-woo? I don’t know. Like… Well, I don’t know. What is it? You get to affirm something?
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Treat me to a spa?
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He’s for getting rid of police officers. And he likes the government-run grocery. I mean, this guy, it’s like a toddler giving a list of things that they want to do if they’re ever president someday.
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And I would like free vending machines in all the hallways. And I would like free chocolate milk for all of the students.
SPEAKER 02 :
Yeah, that’s… And he… He likes the idea of, yeah, he wants to lower, he actually said that he wants to lower prices by making them owned by the government. Why? By the way, when he did that video, why was he holding his lavalier? So for those of you not in the biz, a lavalier is the microphone that you clip to your lapel, right? Or your shirt collar. So when I do Fox, I have like a lavalier mic that’s like on my shirt collar or on my lapel if I’m wearing a jacket or something. And he’s holding it. I mean, it literally has a clip. He literally could have clipped it to his shirt and not held it like a D-bag. But he chose to hold the lavalier mic like a D-bag. So the fact that he doesn’t even know how a lavalier mic works makes me never, ever want to see him in elected office ever because it is a major pet peeve of mine. I cannot stand when people, then don’t get a lavalier mic, you absolute lunchboxes. Just don’t get one. I mean, you know, government owned stores have worked really great. I mean, bread lines are so in vogue right now. Soup kitchens and bread lines. Those are government run stores. Does he know? He doesn’t know what those are because he’s an epo baby of rich parents and he never worked a day in his life. He literally has no idea. It’s almost like he never went to school and learned history. Where do these where do these people come from? They’re like Martians. They’re from outer space. Hello, fellow humans. I don’t know how your services work. I would like to propose a government run grocery store for you. So he’s running against Cuomo. And I don’t even want to say the words that I’m thinking right now. You know where I’m going. I can’t. I cannot bring myself to say it. I never. Oh, gosh. I’m going to choke to death. I’ve never seen anybody make Cuomo look… I can’t. It’s really hard for me. It’s very difficult. He’s leading. He’s leading in the polls right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh, ma’am dammy. He’s leading in the polls. It’s ma’am dammy. He’s leading in the polls right now.
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I can’t imagine that’s going to stay that way, right?
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Oh, I don’t know. I mean, it is New York. I think if they vote for that, then just cut them off the rest of the continental U.S. Just cut Manhattan off. Just I mean, it’s already an island. So just push it out there a little bit. You know, I think we’re done after that. I mean, I don’t know how much how much worse can it be? How would you willingly vote for your choices between the guy who killed all the old people in nursing homes during covid and the guy who literally never held a private sector job and has no idea how grocery stores work? oh my gosh, and wants to get rid of police. Oh my gosh. How is this your choice? How is this your choice? What in the world? This is crazy. That’s, I mean, it literally is like the South Park thing. I don’t want to say it because it’s crass, but you guys know that South Park song. It was back in the day. He’s actually been fundraising against Cuomo very successfully. What is happening with the Democrat Party? They’re dead. That party’s gone. There are no actual… How do I say it? There’s no such thing as a Kennedy Democrat anymore. That’s gone. I don’t even think that there’s any moderate Democrats anymore. They’re all socialists. For this guy to be leading in Manhattan is insane to me. That place… Good night. What do they think is going to happen? You know what? He should. It’s almost like Ma’am Danny. He got his idea from Russia and China and, you know, Soviet bloc. I just. Yeah, that’s communism. And they’re going to run at a net loss because and everything is going to be subsidized by the taxpayer. And that’s communism. And how do you reconcile that with being in existence with grocery stores that are private sector and that are for profit? I mean, this is almost… I mean, has he been to Cuba? Cuba does the same thing. Look how successful they aren’t. Cuba does the exact same thing. Venezuela does the exact same thing. He’s one of those people who’s like, but guys, real communism’s never been tried. Oh my gosh, it has and it’s failed. It’s killed more people than anything else in the world. Just… Democrats are not sending their best, and they’re starting with Manhattan. Our partners that help bring you the program, it’s Kel-Tec PR57. It’s their newish firearm they came out with at the beginning of this year, chambered in 5.7, and it’s the lightest 5.7 that is on the market, and it’s made by Kel-Tec based in Florida as well. And it’s very innovative in the design. It’s like super light. It’s like lighter and smaller than all the other 5.7s that are on the market. So that obviously, you know, there’s MSRP makes it super affordable at $399 as well. But it has this unique rotary barrel pistol that contributes to the size of this. And then, of course, also you have the very unique top-loading design that replaces traditional magazines with stripper clips for a slimmer carry profile. and a 20-plus-1 capacity. It’s inspired by real-world data and defensive needs. Made in America, it’s from Kel-Tec. Learn more at keltecweapons.com. Innovation, performance, Kel-Tec. That’s K-E-L-T-E-C-weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you.
SPEAKER 08 :
And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
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Virginia Beach Parks are dispensing more than just sodas and snacks. They’re also dispensing kayaks. They have a kayak. Basically, it’s a kayak vending machine in a way. You’ve got to shut the door after you get the kayak out, but you pay a fee and you can rent the kayak. They have 12 kayaks available for rent. For instance, at one park, another park, they have eight. It includes typically a single rider kayak, life jacket, and paddle for $25 up to two hours. This is kind of a neat thing you can get a season pass as well and you just pay it’s like a little kayak kiosk to sound like myro rose it’s a little kayak kiosk and you can pay and you can get your little kayak out and then you can go for like two hours or an hour uh and then uh that’s kind of a neat idea and then you just return it so hopefully everybody returns it properly tylene seizes over two tons of meth Oh my gosh, worth almost $91 million. I did not realize meth was like that pricey, but okay. Over two metric tons of crystal meth was seized from a tourist boat in eastern Thailand. They’re going to die if they capture those people, because if you look sideways the wrong way, then you’re dead. They were trying to smuggle it out of the country, apparently. They arrested eight guys for attempting to smuggle it. And they did they apparently it’s obviously there’s a ring there that they’re the Thailand Department of Special Investigation is looking at. They were packed in plastic bags designed as cornflower packages. Each of them contained one kilogram. And they also seized a van and a truck involved in the smuggling. So they’re totally going to kill those people. that’s what your punishment is death y’all look serious i’m not i’m not exaggerating so you go look it’s pretty crazy police shoot a giant catfish which injured five people in a lake what in the world This comes by way of the Straits Times. It is in Munich. It is an aggressive catfish that measures over two meters cane and it weighs around 90 kilograms. It injured at least five of the swimmers at Lake Brombach in southern German state of Bavaria. According to the police, this is what they said on Saturday. They said that the police had to shoot the huge fish with its surface weapon. It also sounds like it’s potentially good eating. I’m just saying fried catfish is delish. We have a lot more on the way. Stick with us. So in I guess it’s in Venice this week leading to this weekend, Jeff Bezos is getting married to Lauren Sanchez. Which normally wouldn’t really be like anything that I’d want to, you know, we’d be interested in. Except the protests in Venice are apparently kicking off. So you have Venetians that are upset over tourism. And they’re upset over tourism. And I get it when it concerns giant tour boat or giant cruise ships that come in and would damage infrastructure. So they don’t even allow those in the lagoon like that anymore. But… Apparently his big Maggie at the Coru is, I think more like pretty far off, but they’re just mad that he’s there and they’re mad that they’re coming in and they’re like, he’s taking over the city. I don’t like being put in the position of, you know, defending people over there, just whatever they’re doing in their private lives, but he’s renting a place and giving it money to rent it. And then hiring a bunch of Venetians and for catering for flowers or for entertainment, for linens for the event. Dolce and Gabbana, I think are providing like all of the brides outfits for the entire week and then their stylists and then like all of can you imagine like all of the money that is going to be going towards these smaller shops from all of these like uber rich millionaires coming in to spend money? I mean, it is like a boon. It’s like what happens when you have a major sports event in a city and everybody comes in and they spend money on food and liquor and then they spend money on like, you know, souvenirs and whatever. I mean, it’s the same with this. And so they’re just mad and they’re like, oh, if you can rent that. Yeah, this is one of the things that they put in. This was in St. Mark’s Square, I believe, where they put the sign in for Bezos. Just like they’re just mad at him because he’s rich. That’s it. It’s just a bunch of dumb, lazy Marxists who are mad because he’s rich. You know that he started his business out of his parents’ garage? like renting out records and then later like videos and then books and then all this other stuff, and it grew from that. He used to himself drive around deliveries around his neighborhood. That’s how he got started. He quite literally built it from the ground up. You don’t have to co-sign every belief that he has. I can’t even believe I have to explain this, but we got some drive-bys out there that are on the struggle bus. you don’t have to endorse every opinion that he has just to be like, well, he did build his own business from the ground up. He didn’t inherit anything He didn’t inherit a chunk of money. He didn’t even inherit an infrastructure. He built it from his parents garage literally and made just happened to make a lot of really good business decisions. So people are just mad at him because he’s rich, which I find just so lame. That’s just so lame. They’re just mad because he’s rich and they’re mad because it’s not them. That’s all it is. They’re mad because it’s not them. So they’re protesting him and they’re like, oh, he’s coming. It’s actually a relatively my own wedding. And it’s only because I have a million followers. cousins and my husband’s family is huge and my family was huge we had like 250 people and it was limited to just our closest friends only and our like you know my like cousins and aunts and uncles and that i’m not kidding you that’s how many people we had at our wedding and we limited to just that they have 200 people at their wedding so it’s not even big it’s not even large right it’s just you know like a It’s 200 people that they have. They’re going to the hotels. They’ve rented out restaurants. They’re catering all this stuff. They’re paying for it. Like if you had 200 people come in, they’re going to spend more than probably three times that amount of people that would come in. in the span of a month, you’re going to have a more highly concentrated, higher dollar value type of tourist that comes in. Wouldn’t that be what they want? Wouldn’t they want that because they’re always complaining about like oversaturation of tourists? You would think. They’ve been going after every aspect of it. I hate this whole thing of demonizing people just because they’re rich. God bless them. You know why? Because it just shows that it still can be done if people choose to do it. That’s just it. There’s a difference. Sometimes it’s not even about talent. Sometimes it’s just about drive. Sometimes there will be people who are less intelligent than you and less talented than you, but they are going to be more successful than you because they are more driven than you. That happens a lot in life, more often than not. There are all kinds of great thinkers and writers and business ideas and everything else out there, but the ones that do it are the ones that are driven and are dedicated to that vision. So I don’t know. It just seems petty that people are mad at him over this. It’s so weird to me.
SPEAKER 03 :
Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Absurd Truth: Chipotle ICE Meltdown!