Join Dana Lash as she unveils the freshest and most outrageous stories of the week. Whether it’s a Florida man drawing public attention for throwing food at neighbors or another getting caught in a bizarre love triangle of bigamy, the humorous yet perplexing sagas are sure to entertain. Dana provides not just a recount of events but an analysis of what they indicate about societal behaviors. Alongside curious tales from Florida, the podcast shines a light on financial news, discussing the staggeringly low 401k balances among millennials and promoting proactive financial planning with insights from trusted financial advisors. With
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Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.
SPEAKER 08 :
It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
SPEAKER 05 :
I’m trying to make this one make sense. So this was in Port Charlotte. A Florida man. Now let’s just listen to this one sentence. Listen to this first sentence. A Florida man known to throw cans of food and other items around a Florida neighborhood, as one would do, and at others, was arrested after a neighbor said he threw canned corn through her window and broke it. per the arrest affidavit. This happened on April 25th. The woman called Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office to report vandalism. She said she was outside. She heard the sound of glass breaking. She turned around and found one of her neighbors, 38-year-old Earls Ernest Sandville, running from another neighbor’s front yard back towards his home. The left front window was found broken at the top, like somebody threw something through the glass. The witness got a key from another neighbor in the neighborhood who watches the owner’s house when she’s away. Went into the home to see what happened and that’s when they found a can of Del Monte corn inside The guy apparently is not literally known in the area He goes to the food banks gets food and then goes and throws it around at people and cars and houses Because they need food. He has also thrown bottles of urine and chunks of raw meat Oh Yeah, so they’re pressing charges because they go, he’s always just throwing things at people. So why is he like, how long has this been going on? Apparently a really long time. So now they’re actually going to finally do something and press charges against this guy. I mean, that’s kind of crazy that it goes on that long. Come on. A Florida man frustrated with the McDonald’s drive-thru just tried stealing the cash register. Okay, well, there’s other things you can do to express your discontentment. But this one, Cape Coral, the guy tried to steal a cash drawer at the McD’s because he was frustrated in the drive through. It was four in the morning. Police responded to a robbery in progress. And they said he got into an argument with an employee, tried stealing the register and took off in his car. They caught up with him. He was taken into custody. They also put his photo all over social media. Like what? Like control thyself. Florida man is arrested for having three wives in three different counties. Yeah, it is not an okay thing to do, feller. They say the women said that there weren’t adequate safeguards to prevent it. I don’t know, maybe being a little bit curious about what the hell he’s doing when he’s not with you. That’s probably one safeguard, you know, just like your woman’s innate suspicion. Do you really need the government to go, well, since you broads are too stupid to realize that he’s got three wives in three counties, we’re going to have to expand ourselves and make a law. Come on now. They’re saying there’s no safeguards. He took each one of us to a county to get married, said one of the wives. They’re looking. I mean, how does that happen? How does something like that happen? He married apparently one of them within the same year or two of them in the same year and in 2022. And I just how would you not know? They met him on a dating app. And I just don’t understand how you wouldn’t know. He was arrested for felony bigamy. And after the first wife figured out that there were two others. That’s kind of… Let’s see. Birthday suit bandit. Naked Florida man caught trying to break into a lady’s home. And then I got another story. I’ll save this for you for Monday. But a Florida man is accused of touching realtors’ feet during open house showings. That’s nasty. It’ll be nasty and a freak elsewhere. Our partners that help bring you the program, it’s the folks over at Kel-Tec, the PR57, chambered in 5-7. And it’s one of the lightest and thinnest 5-7s that are out there. And with Kel-Tec, a Florida-based company, their stuff is made in the U.S. of A. And the PR57 It’s, I mean, like I said, 40% lighter with made possible by the rotary barrel that they use. It’s rotary barrel pistol. And then also the top loading design that replaces traditional magazines with stripper clips for a slimmer carry profile and a 20 plus one capacity. Inspired by real-world data and defensive needs. And the MSRP is only $399, making it very affordable. Quickest and easiest field strip available. And it’s made in America with American labor and American parts. And super new, great standard set and lightweight design. It’s the new, well, somewhat new, came out first of the year. PR-57 chambered in 5.7, the rotary barrel pistol from Kel-Tec. Learn more at keltecweapons.com. Innovation, performance, Kel-Tec. That’s K-E-L-T-E-C weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you.
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SPEAKER 05 :
Everybody on the Internet was sending me the other story of the guy who. I can’t believe it’s 2025 and this is a headline that I have. This is the stupidest time in the world. A guy stuck his hand down his pants and defecated in his hand and then. smeared it on a Tesla. Now, that was just the Florida man. I had a different Florida man story where a guy threw, I don’t know whose it was, or dog poop at a Tesla. This guy literally caught it from his own backside. And there’s video because of the sentry. mode on Tesla’s. They have cameras all around it. So they got a photo of the guy. I don’t know if that’s assault or what that is. That’s nasty. I know.
SPEAKER 08 :
Assault is right.
SPEAKER 05 :
I’ve been mad before in my life. You know, I’ve gotten mad. You’ve been mad, Cain, right? I sure have. We’ve been righteously indignant on a number of occasions, justifiably. And sometimes I’m mad just because, like I stub my toe and I’m like, oh, and I get mad at the inanimate object in my way because, you know, genius. And I’ve, you know, always, you know, you get mad and you, I don’t know. I’ve never been so mad where I thought, I’m so mad. I’m going to go touch some poop. Just never, ever thought I would be that angry over. And that’s why I really don’t understand these people. That anger. Did he wash his hands after? I don’t know. Why am I even asking these questions? I mean, part of my brain was separated from the rest of my brain and just sort of floated out and was like, but hey, are his britches dirty now? Did he have a spare pair of pants? Did he need a spare pair of pants? Does it matter? All these questions. I think I would have to get a new vehicle if somebody did that to mine, though. If somebody smeared it with feces, I’d have to get a whole new car. What? It’s totaled.
SPEAKER 08 :
What are you talking about?
SPEAKER 05 :
Totaled.
SPEAKER 08 :
You just washed your car.
SPEAKER 05 :
No. You didn’t touch it with your hands. I don’t care. It touched my car. I touched my car with my hands. Birds poop on your car all the time. It’s like second degree nasty.
SPEAKER 08 :
But birds poop on your car all the time. And you probably run over poop before. You didn’t even know it. And you just went to the car wash and washed it right off and you still have the same car.
SPEAKER 05 :
But that was an animal. This is a dude. This is dude poo. And I think that I couldn’t drive it anymore. dude poo yeah i and i’m sure everyone in the chat would be like uh-huh it sounds right i mean look it’s one thing if a bird duties on your car but a grown man is i know my car is totaled so at that point you’re selling it wait a minute are you i’m gonna file with my insurance and be like it’s destroyed your insurance will never take that i’ll never take it it’s destroyed
SPEAKER 08 :
When you go to resell the car, though, do you disclose that?
SPEAKER 05 :
Do you have to? Like, if somebody is killed in your house for haunted purposes or whatever, you have to disclose it?
SPEAKER 08 :
Yeah, that’s by law.
SPEAKER 05 :
If somebody gets murked in your house, do you have to do that with this?
SPEAKER 08 :
When you put the ad out, do you have to say, dude poo? Dude poo.
SPEAKER 05 :
Part of me is fascinated by this because I have, in many instances, the humor of a 12-year-old boy. And then the other part of me is repulsed by this because I cannot believe people are doing this. I legit, I could not drive my car. It is so, I get real weird about germs to the point where I am ridiculously extra. Sidebar. So ridiculous. So you’ve been in medieval times, right? Oh, yeah. Okay. I look at medieval times. I’ve taken my kids there. They loved it. Take the fam when they visit. They think it’s great. But I treat it like a picnic because it kind of is. So you go in and you eat everything with your hands. There’s like no silverware. So when I go into medieval times, I have silverware and I have napkins and I have wet ones and I’m like ready to rock. And my husband was sitting by me the last time we were there. We took family in. It’s because they don’t have anything like this in St. Louis. And my husband was simultaneously impressed and horrified. And he looked at me like take out like all of my little accoutrements. Like here’s my silverware and my napkins and my wet ones. And he just could not believe I had all that stuffed in a little tiny bag that I have. And that I had all of it. It’s like a Harry Potter bag. And that I had all of this in there. And I was passing it around. And other people at the medieval times were like, I’m like, yeah, I’m not going to have dirty, greasy hands because, ew, not doing that. Not doing it. See, I mean, I love, I liked it, but I was also like, there’s no point. I don’t want the grease aspect of the experience. Can I have the experience sans grease? That would be great. So long story short. I couldn’t drive that car. I couldn’t do it. Is that too… Steve, would you… I couldn’t drive the car. If someone smeared dude poo on your car, could you drive it? Because they hated you because you had a Tesla?
SPEAKER 08 :
On the outside of the car.
SPEAKER 06 :
If you could just drive through one of those car washes, you don’t have to touch your car. Just let it do it itself.
SPEAKER 05 :
Oh, I don’t like those. Where the cookie monsters shake furiously.
SPEAKER 06 :
Are you worried it’s going to scratch it?
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah. Yeah. I’m one of those people with cars too. I’m like, no, my car’s got to be babied. I’m like a dude about my car.
SPEAKER 06 :
If you pay a detailer, they’ll, yeah, a detailer will do it for you. You don’t have to touch it.
SPEAKER 05 :
You could take, what do you tell the detailer?
SPEAKER 08 :
That it’s dude poo and they’ll clean it right off.
SPEAKER 05 :
You ain’t got to tell them. Or they would be like, that is a biohazard, ma’am.
SPEAKER 08 :
Do you know why the dude will clean the dude poo off? Because you’re paying him to do it. He might have seen worse.
SPEAKER 05 :
But how much more? It’s not more.
SPEAKER 08 :
You’re just taking the car in to get washed in detail.
SPEAKER 05 :
Could you get it off the flamethrower?
SPEAKER 08 :
I would even assert that you don’t even have to legally disclose there’s dude poo on the car.
SPEAKER 05 :
There is a thought. If I was in the car and somebody did that, I may get so enraged that I would do it right back. What?
SPEAKER 08 :
Wait. Don’t. No. No.
SPEAKER 05 :
I don’t know, man. I don’t know. I’m just saying. These people are messed up.
SPEAKER 08 :
Don’t go low.
SPEAKER 05 :
I could never match that energy. I don’t think I could, but I’d be real mad. I’d probably run him over, and then I’d say, my car is totaled. Ah! And fall out of my car like LeBron.
SPEAKER 08 :
Now I got your poo and your blood on my car.
SPEAKER 05 :
I know. You got my car all gross. I can’t with you. Oh my gosh. I just, these, I don’t know. I haven’t seen like a peep from like the folks that I know on social media that were complaining about all of the, you know, their private information and all of this stuff all the way up to the fact. I haven’t seen, they haven’t said anything about this. They haven’t said anything about it. So I’m thinking, you know, if they keep doing this, I might consider a Tesla. And you know how I am about EVs. They’re of the devil. That’d be a big step. Yeah. It’s like, you know, they’re weird. And I don’t want anything that’s self-driving that locks me in and drives me to my death. I don’t want anything like that. I just want, you know. I don’t know. Just because if it’s a status symbol of rebellion, I’m all about that. That’s my love language.
SPEAKER 08 :
That’ll put a target on your back for those leftist terrorists.
SPEAKER 05 :
I already have one. But maybe some of us train. And some of us are like, boy, when do we get to use all these skills that we never get to use but we hone but never get to use? They have all these fancy guns and night optics and all this other stuff. And, I mean, it’s great to do drills at home. But at some point we’re like, we’re just sorry, Wick, the dog.
SPEAKER 08 :
Yeah, you know what? I think I’m for you getting a Tesla now.
SPEAKER 05 :
I’m not saying that I would actively go out and look for trouble, but I would not say that it would be unwelcome should it find me.
SPEAKER 08 :
Right, trouble would be looking for you.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, and then trouble would have to worry about getting away from me. Because like I said, you guys know it. It’s like the, there’s the, I don’t know who made the joke, but there’s the joke out there where it’s, you know, you never want to, there’s certain people’s homes you never want to break into because they live for the moment when they literally have to, you know, shh, shh. you know you can’t you you gotta be real careful out there i’m just saying but at some point these people are going to mess around with the wrong person and then they’re going to scream and cry injustice and all this other nonsense and i i don’t know i don’t know but i thought if i did get one i would like there to be like a rack of guns that came out both sides of the back passenger but dana where will your guests sit i don’t care they can like right on the top i don’t care we’ll strap them up there like a mitt romney dog i don’t care you just put them up there um anyway like slightly joking but just to be real obnoxious and is there anything i can do to make because aren’t the cyber trucks quiet is there anything i can do to make it loud I like loud cars. Like, my car sounds like, that’s what my car, it sounds like a giant dude is going to get out of the car. And instead, it’s just me and I can’t park. So, unless it’s parallel or back and in. I’ve been talking way too much about the car thing, but it fascinates me endlessly, I have to say. But the FBI is investigating all of this stuff. They’re investigating all the incidents and Bondi has threatened severe consequences for all of this. This on top of the swatting. So, I mean, can you imagine? Well, it’s summer. Is this just because it’s getting summer and it’s like summer violence again and they got to get something to get mad about?
SPEAKER 08 :
Typically, all that stuff dies down when it’s way too cold outside.
SPEAKER 05 :
Yeah, and now it’s getting warm. So they’re like, oh, we don’t have to be lazy anymore. Because their passion is… The life of their passion is determined by the temperature. Right? Yeah. I mean, I… So you’re going to start seeing this more and more. We have the summer of discontent. Recently, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis legalized gold and silver as acceptable currency, meaning that Floridians cannot make transactions in gold and silver, thus creating an alternative to the U.S. dollar. So I guess all the inflation and national debt that’s spiraling out of control, not to mention the recent credit downgrade for the United States, has finally opened up all lawmakers’ eyes. The writing has been on the wall for a long time, and it’s time to protect yourself against the declining value of the dollar. And that’s exactly why I partnered with Goldco, the top rated precious metals company. to help you take a step towards protecting your financial future. And right now you can get a free 2025 gold and silver kit that breaks it all down for you. And if you qualify, you could receive unlimited bonus silver, real silver, matched to your account with no taxes or penalties. It’s a smart move that could help you feel more secure in what lies ahead. Visit danalikesgold.com to get started. That’s danalikesgold.com and move forward with confidence.
SPEAKER 08 :
And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
SPEAKER 05 :
So, apparently, they’re doing another Spaceballs. A theatrical release that’s going to be in, what, 2027, I think it was. Variety decided to do a pop-up ad that all of a sudden, out of nowhere, to block this. So, I’m going to have to reopen it. Mel Brooks is apparently going to return in it. And I don’t know how I feel about it. Because Josh Gad’s in it. And I’m not a Josh Gad fan. Do you like Josh Gad? He was the guy who played the snowman in… frozen it was his voice but mel brooks is returning as yogurt and uh i don’t know like i said i don’t know how i feel about it i was a fan of the first and i’m gonna reserve i guess my criticisms uh yeah but still uh cardio before after weights new research might finally have the answer they’re saying that it actually might be better to do it after you do your weights Yeah, do cardio after. They said that people who did cardio after they lifted weights, they had better results than if you did cardio before you lifted weights. And that they felt more focused and they felt better throughout the day. I thought that was kind of interesting. No, no, no. I don’t like cardio. I think your cardio should be, you know, like whatever is in… In between your sets, right? In India, at least one passenger survived the crash of an Air India airliner carrying 242 passengers and crew. It was en route to the UK from India. There’s like one survivor, they said. There’s one guy that walked away from it. That is crazy. But they said that it crashed shortly after takeoff, carrying 242 passengers and crew. That’s insane. Also, let’s see here, because Safari is the worst browser on guides. Green Earth. The let’s see. They said U.S. the protests in L.A. CNN was complaining about the smell of weed in the air. Let’s see. Also, the NPR newsroom was awash in sex, drugs and rock and roll, complete with a staff cocaine dealer. Is Hunter Biden involved in this? Yeah, I’m really I don’t know about that. I really don’t know about that. That seems a little weird. I got a crazy story that we’re going to get into the JFK stuff. I know you’re like, what’s crazier than the JFK story? Have you guys seen this movie? See if this sounds familiar. Scientists, these scientists, right, they’re trapped in Antarctica. And they’ve been begging for help. They’re a bunch of South African scientists. And they’re begging for help. They say that they are trapped in this isolated base camp on a cliff in Antarctica. They’re on the edge of a cliff. And they got a team member who went crazy. They got violent. Now they’re accusing him of assault, threatening violence against colleagues. I’ve seen this movie. Kurt Russell was in this movie. Like early Kurt Russell, remember? They were in Antarctica and there was an alien that came in and it was infecting people and people were getting real violent. I think I also saw this in True Detective, the latest one with Jodie Foster. But this is real. This one’s real. Like, so imagine you’re this is what was happening. Apparently, you know, as we were going through winter, this is what they were dealing with. These scientists were on the edge of a cliff in Antarctica, the overwintering team. They say it’s obviously a remote and extreme environment. They were going to be 15 months at this base. They knew they were going to be in isolation. But then now this one guy who’s there with them is being accused of being mentally unstable. They usually undergo all of these psychometric tests to ensure that they can withstand the stress of this isolation. And it’s the Department of Forestry, Fisheries, and the Environment. They manage the South African National Antarctic Program. And now they’re going to retest them. But this base is cut off from the world for the next 10 months because of the winter. And they said that they’re accusing the team of the team member of physical and sexual assault, that he’s dangerous. No one feels safe in his presence. They say his behavior is deeply disturbing. All of this. I mean, his I don’t know if you guys see where the if you’ve seen where the base camp is. I mean, it’s literally like the set of a horror film. It is legit on the edge of a cliff. Great place to put it. And they said that they had raised concerns about this team member’s behavior before. And now the only way that they can leave is like a medical evac, emergency evac through a German base that’s almost 200 miles away. Oh, my gosh. This is just like they said they had all this. They said that the powers that be had a lot of time to remedy the situation. Juan is showing you the base right now. It’s like the shining part, too. On the edge of a cliff. They’re all trapped there and a dude there is going bonkers. Violent. He’s sexually assaulting everybody. Beating everybody. He’s crazy. And they said he’s mentally unstable. And so they’re trying to figure out what to do. They said that they’re monitoring the situation and they’ve launched an investigation. I mean, I got to tell you, it sounds a little bit like heaven. Getting away from everything, being cut off for 10 months. I like that. I really like that. I don’t like the snow, though. Stick me on an uninhabited island. I’ll make my shelter. I’ll fish. I’ll do what I got to do. I’ll be fine. I don’t like the snow so much. I’m not into that. It’s dry. It’s nasty. It’s cold. But… That’s a horror film. I wouldn’t go on. I wouldn’t be isolated with other people, you know, maybe like my family, but that’s it. I wouldn’t want to be isolated with a bunch of people because even like, you know, the closest to you, they get annoying after a while. Like, no, I’m not a people person after all. But that’s a you think that they would have gone through all of the evaluations before they sent everybody. I mean, they said they did, but apparently they really need to reevaluate their evaluations. What do you do with a guy who’s I mean, you’re down there. How do you sleep at night? You got to lock him in his room. What do you do? They got to get him out of there. How are you going to get work done if you’re trapped on the edge of a cliff and a shining like base in Antarctica? Can you? I don’t know. It’s it’s sort of sounds. It is. It’s a movie. They’re going to make a movie about this. But I saw that with a thing. That’s a great that’s a great alien movie. But that’s been going on the whole time. Like we’ve been living our lives up here watching astronauts come in. In the meantime, sheer horror in Antarctica with these scientists. I bet they’re peeking around. I don’t mean to make light of it. But Jiminy Christmas, you sign up what you think is going to be like this work event of a lifetime and you go down there with a crazy person.
SPEAKER 06 :
Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
