In a world full of chaos and humor, we take a deep dive into the seemingly endless antics of Florida residents, exploring bizarre incidents involving Vienna sausages and much more. This episode also brings to light the ongoing protests and the Florida governor’s controversial stance on self-defense measures. Tune in to unravel the absurd truth and enjoy the peculiar tales that make Florida one of the most unpredictable places in America.
Is gambling ruining Major League Baseball? And can the sport recover from the heavy pressure of market forces? Find out on Liberty Nation Radio.
SPEAKER 10 :
Author, columnist, managing editor of LibertyNation.com. Podcast host and conservative policy advocate. We dismiss history at our peril. Liberty Nation with Mark Angelides.
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Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.
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It’s his life mission to make bad decisions. It’s time for Florida Man.
SPEAKER 07 :
No, no, no, no. No, not this. Unfortunately, yes.
SPEAKER 08 :
No. It’s a smoking gun. A seven-year-old Florida man peed on spam and Vienna sausages. It’s not the headline you were anticipating, is it? No. Cops charged that a witness spotted Patrick Mitchell relieving himself in aisle 18 at the Sam’s Club in Lady Lake in Orlando. The witness used her cell phone to take a picture of the defendant, reported the incident to the store employees per the probable cause affidavit. Sam’s Club’s managers reviewed the surveillance footage, spotted the dude walking up to the pallets and placing both hands in front of him below the belt line, and he stood there for several seconds. They said the, quote, behavior was consistent with urination. Yeah. They confirmed that there was urine on two pallets containing 188 bulk units of Vienna sausages and 345 units of eight count canned spam classic. They said the whole thing had to be discarded because they were contaminated with grody bodily fluids from this old weirdo. I and he apparently was a member and he’s been arrested before for disorderly conduct and mischief. And oh, you know where he lives at, Steve, don’t you? Yeah, if you had to guess where Mitchell lives, it’s… Is it right with the village? That’s right. The friendliest hometown in Florida. So he and his wife live in the villages. I don’t understand what would motivate someone. I feel like that’s a part of the story that really needs to be explored. But, okay. Here we have another machete. A Florida man was stabbed with a machete and driven to the hospital by the guy who stabbed him with it. Angel Ramos… Arce, Arce, Arce, I don’t know, got into a verbal altercation with the guy in a Circle K. And apparently they got an argument and a machete was produced. Someone got stabbed and then the guy drove him to the hospital. But then he ran away, apparently. So they’re asking for people to try to track him down. I’m sorry. I cannot believe the number of people who own a machete in Florida. And all my Florida friends are like, well, that’s because, you know, it’s a swamp and there’s I’m like, you don’t live in the jungle. I see your house on Facebook. You live in a subdivision. You’ve got a nice small lawn and beautiful landscaping. For crying out loud, you’ve got an enclosed pool. There’s windows all over it. Why do you need a machete? I mean, I’m all for having machetes, but I’m just, I don’t believe y’all are out there whacking, you know, jungle planes every day.
SPEAKER 11 :
But iguanas are literally falling out of trees and landing on you.
SPEAKER 08 :
Do you just like bat them away with a machete?
SPEAKER 11 :
I feel like you’re in somewhat of a video game. It’s like Dark Tide. But it’s just with a machete and you’re just protecting yourself all day long.
SPEAKER 08 :
You’re just out there waylaying stuff, you know.
SPEAKER 11 :
You’re just surviving.
SPEAKER 08 :
Me and my friends, we’re just waylaying things. Uh, let’s see. I got a couple of other. Oh, I’m not gonna. Nope, definitely not. Okay, well, let’s let me do this one real quick. This Florida woman. Her last name is fail. Not making this up. And she’s smiling all pretty in her mugshot. 21-year-old Miami woman. She’s facing multiple felony charges because she smashed a bunch of vehicles with a baseball bat. She made her own Beyonce Lemonade video. She struck her boyfriend. She apparently left a nonverbal child alone in a parked car and went to go beat up everybody’s stuff. She also got charged with a count of child neglect for leaving the child in the car. Apparently, all the people whose cars she destroyed were relatives of her boyfriend. Antonisha Fail. Oh, my gosh. What a last name. One of the victims had a nephew that alerted police. And she, like, busted off all the side mirrors. I mean, everything. She’s on ring camera video footage doing it. So, basically, she got dumped and she went on a tear. Our partners that helped bring the show, make it possible, All Family Pharmacy. Great partners. Great company. I love this website. I’ve used this website quite a lot. And we’re seeing prescription costs lower. So we’re not going to pay. We’re basically not going to provide welfare for all these other countries by paying double and triple what they’re paying. It’s all about fair prices and fair access, right? So right now, All Family Pharmacy is offering a summer sale 20% off of your entire order. This gives you a lot of breathing room. You can visit allfamilypharmacy.com slash Dana. And on top of it, You got 20% off. Code Dana 20 is the way you get it. 20% off your entire order. Right now through June, they’re offering that 20% off site-wide. No insurance required. They got licensed doctors in all 50 states and fast shipping right to your front door. Everything that you need, your everyday meds, antibiotics, emergency kits, ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, whatever you need, they got it. Visit allfamilypharmacy.com slash Dana for 20% off using promo code Dana. Don’t wait for permission to protect yourself and your family. Visit allfamilypharmacy.com slash Dana and use coupon code Dana20 to save 20%.
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This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Picture this. You’re on an important virtual interview answering that make or break question and suddenly your screen freezes. Not the impression you want. Good internet has never been more important. I’m constantly doing podcast interviews, video calls, and important work on my computer. So I have to have a solid connection. That’s why you can’t take slow for an answer. And with Optimum Fiber, you won’t have to. It is the fastest, most reliable fiber internet in the New York Tri-State with 99.9% network reliability so you can stream, work, and game seamlessly. Plus, get a five-year price lock and a $400 prepaid card. Don’t take slow for an answer. Call 888-4-OPTIMUM. Visit your local Optimum store or visit Optimum.com today. Terms apply. See Optimum.com for details.
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So we have the no kings.
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rallies or protest riots that are scheduled for June 14th and they’re trying to do them in a number of different states. They’re trying to do it in Fort Worth here in Texas. They announced that they were going to do some in Florida. This is what the Florida governor had to say about protesting people blocking roads. Listen.
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And we also have a policy that if you’re driving on one of those streets and a mob comes and surrounds your vehicle and threatens you, you have a right to flee for your safety. And so you drive off and you hit one of these people. That’s their fault for impinging on you. You don’t have to sit there and just be a sitting duck and let the mob grab you out of your car and drag you through the streets. You have a right to defend yourself.
SPEAKER 08 :
Amen. That’s true. How many of these have you seen? I mean, we’ve seen a lot of this stuff over the years where people have been blocked in traffic and they can’t get out and then people start beating up their cars and they’re just trying to leave and either get home or get to their work or whatever it is. But these are coming up. I thought it was on Monday. It’s coming up on Saturday. It’s these nationwide riots, the No Kings rallies. I’m so tired of this nonsense. They… have this all scheduled they keep saying it’s going to be peaceful you know what this means it means news crews are going to be working overtime on saturday everything’s going to get watched and they like hillary clinton was promoting it and she’s also promoting her little fundraising pack everybody’s trying to grift off this thing she goes the right to peacefully protest is fundamental no president can nullify it it’s in the constitution well wait a minute though Is assault and arson, is that considered, is that in the Constitution? Hang on, let me control F it. Let me just see. In the Constitution, do-do-do-do, of the United States, we’re gonna Google, Google, goodly Google, do-do-do-do, we’re Googling right now. Okay, let’s control F, arson. Oh, it’s so weird. I’m not finding it in here. You know what? Maybe I used the wrong word. Let’s not control a fire. Let’s control a fire. No. Fires? Even though fire would have picked up the fires? Nope. Let’s see. Destruction. Nope. What about assault? Nope. Nope. What about throwing chunks? Let me put in throwing chunks of concrete at police. Let me see. You probably hear me type it. Throwing chunks of concrete at police. Oh, no. That’s also not in here. I’m having problems. Maybe there’s something wrong with my browser. Not finding any of this in the Constitution, but Hillary, that elderly white woman who fell down in the street and lost her Tory Burch slipper and then said everyone was racist for not voting for her in 2016, she maintains, Cain, that this stuff is in the… This is peaceful protest. I have no idea. It’s in the… But I’m not finding the arson… You know what? Let’s look at looting. Looting. Nope. Stealing? Nope. Taking. Nope. None of it’s in there. But I’m control F-ing it. I’m looking for this, Cain, and it’s not coming up. None of these things are coming up in this. So what is happening?
SPEAKER 11 :
What the control F?
SPEAKER 08 :
I don’t even know. Oh, my gosh. I’m looking. I don’t see it in here at all. I don’t see it. Now, petition, the First Amendment says, Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof or abridging the freedom of speech or of the press or of the right of the people to peaceably to assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances. What do they mean, petitioning the government for a redress of grievances? What does that mean? Does that mean, would you consider taking a giant chunk of concrete and throwing it at a cop? Is that?
SPEAKER 11 :
That seems several stages past petitioning.
SPEAKER 08 :
Now, the phrase, let’s say the petition, the government address of grievances. I mean, really, what that means is you are making a request by which you want to correct or somehow remedy a an injustice, a perceived wrong or a perceived injustice. And you’re doing it through legal recourse. Huh? That kind of sounds, Cain, like that does not include taking giant chunks of concrete and throwing them down on cop cars from highway overpasses.
SPEAKER 11 :
I didn’t hear that.
SPEAKER 08 :
That kind of sounds like that does not include burning down businesses or looting businesses. In fact, I would think that that would actually be an infringement upon someone else’s right to be safe and secure on their own. So what is she talking about here? Goodness gracious. Did she fall down again? I don’t know. Our partners that help bring you the program, it’s the folks over at Kel-Tec, the PR57, chambered in 5.7, and it’s one of the lightest and thinnest 5.7s that are out there. And with Kel-Tec, a Florida-based company, their stuff is made in the U.S. of A. And the PR57, it’s… I mean, like I said, 40% lighter, made possible by the rotary barrel that they use. It’s a rotary barrel pistol. And then also the top-loading design that replaces traditional magazines with stripper clips for a slimmer carry profile and a 20-plus-1 capacity, inspired by real-world data and defensive needs. And the MSRP is only $399, making it very affordable, quickest and easiest field strip available. And it’s made in America with American labor and American parts. And super new, great standard set and lightweight design. It’s the new, well, somewhat new, came out first of the year, PR-57 chambered N-57, the rotary barrel pistol from Kel-Tec. Learn more at keltecweapons.com. Innovation, performance, Kel-Tec. That’s K-E-L-T-E-C weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you.
SPEAKER 06 :
This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Picture this, you’re on an important virtual interview answering that make or break question and suddenly your screen freezes. Not the impression you want. Good internet has never been more important. I’m constantly doing podcast interviews, video calls, and important work on my computer. So I have to have a solid connection. That’s why you can’t take slow for an answer. And with Optimum Fiber, you won’t have to. It is the fastest, most reliable fiber internet in the New York Tri-State with 99.9% network reliability so you can stream, work, and game seamlessly. Plus, get a five-year price lock and a $400 prepaid card. Don’t take slow for an answer. Call 888-4-OPTIMUM. Visit your local Optimum store or visit Optimum.com today. Terms apply. See Optimum.com for details.
SPEAKER 02 :
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And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It’s time for Dana’s Quick Five.
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Panic in Ohio. That almost sounds like an album name. As a huge nitric acid spill grounds flights and sparks mass evacuations and creates an ominous dust cloud. So, at first when I read this, I just don’t know why I thought citric acid and I was like, this? Is that a big deal? And then, no. I’m like, wait a minute. What’s happening? Thousands of gallons of it. It was leaked from a tank at the Austin Powder Red Diamond plant. And they produce super fun industrial explosives that they use for construction and mining. Like, fun stuff, right? Stuff that goes biggity boom. Unclear how the leak started, but it happened. And that is… I mean, it really… I mean, it’s a… What did they say? It was 185 miles from the train derailment in East Palestine. That poor area. God love them. They’re just dealing with some times right now, are they not? 200-pound wild pigs overtake California parks. These feral hogs, I’m telling you what, nobody, people who are… I’ll say it like my family would. Y’all some city folk. Y’all don’t know how these wild hogs, these feral hogs take over. They do so much damage and they are so dangerous. I mean, once you get these these hogs going, I mean, they just destroy areas there. And they’re so dangerous that nothing scares me more than a wild hog, like maybe a bear. But that’s it. Like wolf does not scare me like a wild hog does. wild hogs terrify me maybe it has to do with what was it old yeller maybe I don’t know old yeller I can’t even talk about that but yeah they said that locals up there they’re warning everyone and they said wild pigs live in 56 out of 58 counties in California And these are hybrids. They’re part wild boar, part domesticated. I mean, really, that doesn’t mean anything. They go wild. It doesn’t matter. They’re not part domestic, part wild. They go wild. If you just stop feeding them grain and then you let them run out, they get all wild looking. So that’s weird to me. But they tear up all kinds of stuff. And people who have never dealt with it are freaking out in California. Can you imagine the Californians? What is this? Like these adorable little pegs. What is happening? Food shortages at one of America’s biggest grocery chains after a huge tech outage hits the supply chain. Hmm. Oh, my gosh. Kane just handed me a roll of tinfoil. It’s the Whole Foods. They’ve issued a warning following a cyber attack on its main supplier. It’s called United Natural Foods. They were forced to shut down this stuff. And so that’s, you know, that’s unfortunate. Also, let’s see. Giant invasive lizards found loose in Bay Park area. And apparently it is the white tegu, a predatory species from South America that can grow five feet. Holy. And it eats small animals and birds, bird eggs. This thing eats like a like a goat, like the animal, not the greatest of all time. Santa Clara County, they’re looking for the I mean, it’s not going to be hard to miss. They’re huge. It was identified as the Argentine black and white tegu. And it’s super predatory and it eats everything. They said they’re not going to harm people. Sure. Sure, they won’t. They look really weird. They look like crusty white things out. Looks like Joe Biden out in the wild. I want to switch gears here. Because you guys know we have we have our rescue pup, Wick, who’s going to be a year old soon. I’m interested in your feedback. So we’re trying to make sense of his behavior. I think we have it figured out, but I’ve just never seen a dog do this like this. And we’ve had Frenchies before and I’ve had a German Shepherd before. Wick is he’s like a combo of like a Belgian Malinois and a Rhodesian Ridgeback. And he’s he’s a mutt. And we got him at the shelter when he was a puppy. And so he’s super sweet. And we’ve been training him. He’s a combination of working breeds. So he’s kind of a handful. But he’s been so good at training. I think he’s like the smartest dog I’ve ever owned. And so he has these things, these beef cheeks, right? And I get them at the store. It’s beef collagen that’s rolled in like a round. It looks like a dried out like pork roll. And it’s rolled up and then like the dried out cheek meat covers it. And he gets those and he chews on them. Lately, he has been taking his beef cheeks and he drops it in your lap and then stares at you. And at first we thought he wants to play fetch or something with this oddly, but that’s not what he wants. He wants you to eat it. Wick expects you. He’s sharing. I was reading about this. Certain dogs, like sometimes breeds will, you know, sometimes dogs will in their little pack, they’ll share their toys and their treats. And he’s sharing these. But the problem is, is he won’t leave you alone until he’s thoroughly convinced that you are enjoying it. So we literally have to pick this thing up. And we have to kind of obscure the fact that it’s not exactly touching our mouth because that’s gross. And then we scratch where he can’t see and we have to make like noises to make it seem like we’re eating this thing. And then his tail starts wagging and he gets super happy and he’ll just sit there and watch you enjoy it or he’ll lay right by you and watch you enjoy it for a few minutes. And then if you put it down, he nudges it back to you and then sits down and waits for you. Now, if you don’t do it, he looks at you like he’s disappointed. His tail won’t wag and he like stares at you and he’ll sigh. like waiting for you to eat it. And he will not leave you alone. This will go on until he is thoroughly convinced that you have shared it with him and you have enjoyed it. He’s not going to leave you alone. Everybody gets a turn at the beef cheek. He’s not going to leave. And then when you’ve convinced him, he’ll take it and he’ll go chew on it in his place, his little bed. He’ll go and he’ll chew on it. I’ve never had a dog do that. Now, Cain was like, oh, he hates Cain. Hates cane. Wick does not like cane. Does he like Juan? I think he’s warming up to Juan.
SPEAKER 11 :
He barks just like that at Juan, too. It’s just that he doesn’t see us during the day. We should have him as a studio dog. He should be in here in the morning hanging out while we’re setting up. Are you kidding me? I think he would be.
SPEAKER 08 :
He’s still got that puppy energy.
SPEAKER 11 :
I think he’d eventually chill out.
SPEAKER 08 :
That is a great idea with all the equipment and the cords and the cameras, the multiple thousand dollar cameras.
SPEAKER 11 :
He won’t chew on anything.
SPEAKER 08 :
No, but he will get rambunctious and he will totally knock something down. Because he’s a big dog. But you just want him to share his bee cheek with you. Kind of. That’s all it is.
SPEAKER 11 :
Actually, that is most of it.
SPEAKER 08 :
It is hysterical. Have you ever had a dog that did that? That would share, but like, not only like, I mean, it’s one thing if you’re playing with it, but they expect, he’d like want you to know.
SPEAKER 11 :
I’ve had a black lab. It was great at retrieving too. You know what I mean? Like it would go and bring you things, but this seems a little bit different than just bringing you things. It’s like insisting that you enjoy the food and, you know, kind of sad that you’re not until you start enjoying it.
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And the reason I bring it up is, are we right in doing that? Or is he looking at us like, you stupid morons. What are you doing? Or is he looking at it like, this is the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. I just wanted them to hold it.
SPEAKER 11 :
Maybe he’s being grateful. He’s taking biblical passages.
SPEAKER 08 :
Oh my gosh. Out of the Bible from Psalms. But he does, I mean, and he will go. Ephesians. He’ll give it to like Chris. And then when, you know, he’s, and Chris is really good at convincing him. And then he takes it and he chews on it a bit. And then he goes and brings it to one of my kids. And they have to go through the whole thing. And he’s like, okay, yeah, that’s right.
SPEAKER 11 :
He’s sharing to be grateful.
SPEAKER 08 :
He’s, it’s super sweet. It’s super sweet. But I just, I guess the reason I’m asking the radio audience is, A, is that the right reaction to have?
SPEAKER 1 :
Yeah.
SPEAKER 08 :
is he like, you guys are nuts. What are you doing now? I’ve had like Rocco would bury his stuff. Like if we were anywhere, if we were sitting anywhere, if we ever had a blanket or anything, he would, he would immediately give you one of his toys and he would bury it on you. Or he would sit by you to chew it just cause he didn’t want Louie to have it. Um, and Louie would do the same thing. He, But I’ve never had it to where he expects you to actually enjoy it and he will sit there and watch you and then he’ll literally walk to the side of you to make sure that your mouth is like if you have to convince him. It is the craziest thing I’ve ever experienced with a dog. So I’m just I guess I’m like, is this are we is this the right reaction? This is why we need to chat today. Is this the right reaction? Yeah. Are we or are we like not supposed to do that? I don’t know. Like I’ve never had a dog do this. Like here, chew this with me. I don’t know.
SPEAKER 09 :
Thanks for tuning in to today’s edition of Dana Lash’s Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven’t already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SPEAKER 06 :
This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Picture this. You’re on an important virtual interview answering that make or break question and suddenly your screen freezes. Not the impression you want. Good internet has never been more important. I’m constantly doing podcast interviews, video calls, and important work on my computer. So I have to have a solid connection. That’s why you can’t take slow for an answer. And with Optimum Fiber, you won’t have to. It is the fastest, most reliable fiber internet in the New York Tri-State with 99.9% network reliability so you can stream, work, and game seamlessly. Plus, get a five-year price lock and a $400 prepaid card. Don’t take slow for an answer. Call 888-4-OPTIMUM. Visit your local Optimum store or visit Optimum.com today. Terms apply. See Optimum.com for details.
SPEAKER 09 :
There are some ugly numbers when it comes to 401k balances. The Watchdog on Wall Street podcast with Chris Markowski. Every day, Chris helps unpack the connection between politics and the economy and how it affects your wallet. Studies show people in their 30s have a staggeringly low amount of money in their 401ks. Even when companies match, they’re wasting free money. Millennials have to put more money away. Whether it’s happening in D.C. or down on Wall Street, it’s affecting you financially. Be informed. Check out the Watchdog on Wall Street podcast with Chris Markowski on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
